The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

cloud_dancer

smallgarden wrote: »

i think the key is to send messages, if no reply,dust yourself off and try someone else, if out in a bar people do the same. i regularly get no replies to emails i send guys. i agree alot with what mood has said already. im average looking and dont get 100s of messages either. i get quite a few views but out of about 30 only 1 or 2 might send me an email at most. id say I go on dates with 2 guys a year from od. recently i've been chatting to guys for about a week back and forth, getting on quite well and then all of a sudden hear nothing back from them

I don't get 100's of messages either! Not to toot my own horn but I'm quite good looking and look after myself well. I'd get chatted up quite a lot on nights out but nights out are rare these days. When you meet someone in a pub you don't know what their intentions are and I find with OD you know that the other person is looking for more than a one night stand (in most cases).

Even when I send the first message I probably get a 50/50 response rate. Sometimes they'll reply once to be polite and then nothing. I get lots of views and meet me things but maybe one or two messages a day. If even that. I've no high maintenance demands or lists of requirements that might put people off. Got loads the first week or two then it went way down. My email filter is quite detailed so maybe that's the the reason. Or more likely men just don't fancy me! It's not as easy as you'd think to find mutual attraction with someone and have compatible personalities and interests. I don't fancy all good looking guys. We just need to keep at it until we strike gold.

I've only been on 2 dates in the past couple of years from OD, both recently with the same guy. So far so good.

cloud_dancer

KTRIC wrote: »

Had a 5th date there and to be honest things are running a bit stale. We are out of things to talk about and it doesn't look like we've a huge amount in common. I think the physical attraction is there but nothing else.

How are things done at this stage when you want to call it time, do you meet, text or call ?

That's a pity. If it was just a few dates with no exclusivity talk yet I'd just send a text. I hate letting people down so it's easier to do it by text.

Mr_Spaceman

KTRIC wrote: »

Had a 5th date there and to be honest things are running a bit stale. We are out of things to talk about and it doesn't look like we've a huge amount in common. I think the physical attraction is there but nothing else.

How are things done at this stage when you want to call it time, do you meet, text or call ?

Sounds like most married couples then. You've got it made!

You must have had plenty to chat about to get to this stage, surely?

Mental Mickey

Prick! wrote: »

I mail a girl a nice message.

Her reply.

"Sorry but no"

At least she had the decency to reply mate?? I often get nothing.

cloud_dancer

riveratom wrote: »

Hey dude,

You were saying that you changed your height back to 5'8" from to 5'9" and that you are between both heights. Just change it back! You said you're between both so it's fine to have it as the latter. It'd be different if you were 5'7" or 5'8" even.

I'd also shorten the profile and leave em wanting to find out more!

Try the above and I guarantee you'll start getting more messages. If not you can come back and prove me wrong!

Think of it as a public experiment

I agree with the height thing. A girl might have an idea in her head that she wants to date guys 5' 10" + but will more than likely overlook one inch.

Short, informative profiles are good. Just enough to give an idea what you are like and your interests.

cloud_dancer

Guys and girls - would you bother sending a message to anyone with "requirements" listed in their profile? Like height, build etc...

Having anything negative in a profile would put me off. Like stating who they don't want contacting them.

Esoteric_

cloud_dancer wrote: »

Guys and girls - would you bother sending a message to anyone with "requirements" listed in their profile? Like height, build etc...

Having anything negative in a profile would put me off. Like stating who they don't want contacting them.

I wouldn't message anyone with 'requirements.' It's like I said in a previous post, everyone has specific things that they like in a partner, that's all well and good. However, most of us aren't arrogant enough to state what we demand in our profiles. I'd imagine that somebody listing their requirements would be a little bit stuck up, for want of a better term.

cyrusdvirus

cloud_dancer wrote: »

Guys and girls - would you bother sending a message to anyone with "requirements" listed in their profile? Like height, build etc...

Having anything negative in a profile would put me off. Like stating who they don't want contacting them.

I was looking at a profile on OKC there earlier on, and she quite explicitly stated that unless you were a greater than 90% match, don't bother contacting her.

The thing is that the %'s are calculated based on your answers to those ridiculous questions.

Even if this girl had been incredibly attractive, and my match was over 90% I would not have contacted her. Basing your choices on arbitrary questions is stupid imo

DerekDGoldfish

I only have one "requirement" listing in my profile, once which is an obvious joke (at least I hope people recognise it as a joke)

KTRIC

cloud_dancer wrote: »

That's a pity. If it was just a few dates with no exclusivity talk yet I'd just send a text. I hate letting people down so it's easier to do it by text.

Yep, no exclusivity talk and nothing other than a couple of snogs. I think she might be feeling it as well to be honest.

smallgarden

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

I only have one "requirement" listing in my profile, once which is an obvious joke (at least I hope people recognise it as a joke)

id get rid of it just in case people dont see it as a joke,i base some of my decisions on gut feeling so if someone has a joke which isnt sitting right with me then id rule them out

DerekDGoldfish

smallgarden wrote: »

id get rid of it just in case people dont see it as a joke,i base some of my decisions on gut feeling so if someone has a joke which isnt sitting right with me then id rule them out

Well without giving away the exact details of it and giving away my profile, its resulted in a few ice breaking messages from girls so I will leave it for the moment.

cyrusdvirus

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

Well without giving away the exact details of it and giving away my profile, its resulted in a few ice breaking messages from girls so I will leave it for the moment.

Your call. But remember that every joke is at someone else's expense. And someone could take offence. Personally, I'd pm one of the women here and ask her to have a look at it. If she gave it the thumbs down, time to get rid.

mood

cyrusdvirus wrote: »

I was looking at a profile on OKC there earlier on, and she quite explicitly stated that unless you were a greater than 90% match, don't bother contacting her.

The thing is that the %'s are calculated based on your answers to those ridiculous questions.

Even if this girl had been incredibly attractive, and my match was over 90% I would not have contacted her. Basing your choices on arbitrary questions is stupid imo

Anyone with a bit of sense and maturity wouldn't depend on a dating site 'match' ratings. Surely reading a profile and sending a few email back and forth will tell you more about a person.

cloud_dancer

KTRIC wrote: »

Yep, no exclusivity talk and nothing other than a couple of snogs. I think she might be feeling it as well to be honest.

If it hasn't gone further than a couple of snogs a text will be fine.

cyrusdvirus

mood wrote: »

Anyone with a bit of sense and maturity wouldn't depend on a dating site 'match' ratings. Surely reading a profile and sending a few email back and forth will tell you more about a person.

My sentiments exactly. But I couldn't be bothered mailing someone with that demand on her profile.

mood

cyrusdvirus wrote: »

My sentiments exactly. But I couldn't be bothered mailing someone with that demand on her profile.

It's very childish of her so your right.

DerekDGoldfish

mood wrote: »

Anyone with a bit of sense and maturity wouldn't depend on a dating site 'match' ratings. Surely reading a profile and sending a few email back and forth will tell you more about a person.

There is a profile on OKC, who states a number of times on her profile that people with a low match percentage should stop waisting her time, that she has spent ages filling out the questions and doesnt want to be bothered with people who's % match is below 90.

EDIT..Sorry from reading the origonal post its clear we are talking about the same girl

cyrusdvirus

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

There is a profile on OKC, who states a number of times on her profile that people with a low match percentage should stop waisting her time, that she has spent ages filling out the questions and doesnt want to be bothered with people who's % match is below 90.

Ha.

I'd say its the same one so!!

cloud_dancer

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

There is a profile on OKC, who states a number of times on her profile that people with a low match percentage should stop waisting her time, that she has spent ages filling out the questions and doesnt want to be bothered with people who's % match is below 90.

EDIT..Sorry from reading the origonal post its clear we are talking about the same girl

How old is this girl? do you find it's younger girls writh these requirements?

mood

cloud_dancer wrote: »

How old is this girl? do you find it's younger girls writh these requirements?

I'm going to guess it is because it's a very childish, naive thing to do.

DerekDGoldfish

cloud_dancer wrote: »

How old is this girl? do you find it's younger girls writh these requirements?

As far as I remember she is late 20's.

Daveysil15

cloud_dancer wrote: »

Guys and girls - would you bother sending a message to anyone with "requirements" listed in their profile? Like height, build etc...

Having anything negative in a profile would put me off. Like stating who they don't want contacting them.

That's probably the biggest turn off in a profile. That and the, "Plenty Of Freaks" and other derogatory headlines.

cyrusdvirus wrote: »

I was looking at a profile on OKC there earlier on, and she quite explicitly stated that unless you were a greater than 90% match, don't bother contacting her.

The thing is that the %'s are calculated based on your answers to those ridiculous questions.

Even if this girl had been incredibly attractive, and my match was over 90% I would not have contacted her. Basing your choices on arbitrary questions is stupid imo

That match thing on OKC is the greatest load of crap. I've deleted my OKC profile as I was getting nothing from it. At least on POF I have some chance. Another thing that was off-putting about OKC was they way on some profiles it would say "Replies very selectively." Again a waste of time contacting anyone like that.

cyrusdvirus

mood wrote: »

I'm going to guess it is because it's a very childish, naive thing to do.

From what I remember she's in her 30's. There was nothing about her profile that made me want to contact her anyway, it was just the 90% thing that stuck with me.

If there had been something I would've sent a message and damn her demands! Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

cloud_dancer

Daveysil15 wrote: »

That's probably the biggest turn off in a profile. That and the, "Plenty Of Freaks" and other derogatory

Why are these people on the site if they think that way. No one is forcing them. Putting stuff like that on your profile probably attracts weirdos.

I love the "no weirdos please" profiles. Like someone will think to themselves oh I'm a weirdo, I better not contact him/her!

cloud_dancer

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

As far as I remember she is late 20's.

She should really know better. These people have no idea of how negative they come accross.

smallgarden

Daveysil15 wrote: »

"Replies very selectively." Again a waste of time contacting anyone like that.

i wouldnt rule out people who replies selectively, if i get a whole heap of people i wouldnt reply to id prob get that on my profile but i could be not replying to a chest, a non photo, a scary looking person, a person who reminds me of a relative etc

Daveysil15

cloud_dancer wrote: »

Why are these people on the site if they think that way. No one is forcing them. Putting stuff like that on your profile probably attracts weirdos.

I love the "no weirdos please" profiles. Like someone will think to themselves oh I'm a weirdo, I better not contact him/her!

Yeah its a bit stupid. It would be like going into a night club with a t-shirt saying, "I fu*king hate night clubs." People shouldn't be part of something they have a negative opinion of.

sharper

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Another thing that was off-putting about OKC was they way on some profiles it would say "Replies very selectively." Again a waste of time contacting anyone like that.

That feature doesn't work very well. In addition to being extremely unreliable even when it works properly it tags people as "replies selectively" if they take more than 24 hours to reply to a mail.

Generally I like the okc question system. Yes there's a lot of silly questions in there but also a lot that aren't silly. Since they added the ability to make questions public you can very quickly see if someone has a series of incompatible views.

DerekDGoldfish

cloud_dancer wrote: »

She should really know better. These people have no idea of how negative they come accross.

She also had a number of negative comments towards religious people, now while I’m an atheist myself her comments along the line of “In the past i’ve wasted 5 dates going out with a guy to find out he believes in god” were also quite nasty.