The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Esoteric_

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

She also had a number of negative comments towards religious people, now while I’m an atheist myself her comments along the line of “In the past i’ve wasted 5 dates going out with a guy to find out he believes in god” were also quite nasty.

That's a pretty nasty point of view. I'm not a religious person, but ffs, it's not a waste to find out somebody's religious. Religious doesn't mean freak, it means a different set of beliefs! :eek:

Sounds like a moody, prejudiced 16 year old tbh. I couldn't imagine acting that way and I'm only a young'un. :pac:

cyrusdvirus

Daveysil15 wrote: »

That's probably the biggest turn off in a profile. That and the, "Plenty Of Freaks" and other derogatory headlines.



That match thing on OKC is the greatest load of crap. I've deleted my OKC profile as I was getting nothing from it. At least on POF I have some chance. Another thing that was off-putting about OKC was they way on some profiles it would say "Replies very selectively." Again a waste of time contacting anyone like that.

I have no problem writing to someone I find attractive, whether or not they have the replies very selectively thing up or not.

I just know that my hopes of a reply are lessened, but there still might be something she likes in my profile or pics.

Again, nothing ventured, nothing gained

Daveysil15

sharper wrote: »

Generally I like the okc question system. Yes there's a lot of silly questions in there but also a lot that aren't silly. Since they added the ability to make questions public you can very quickly see if someone has a series of incompatible views.

Yes but the problem is that you can't build attraction this way, at least not in my mind anyway. I couldn't care less what a girls political stance is, or wheather or not she likes dogs. These things are frivilous and are hardly deal-breakers.

You see I've had a few so called perfect matches suggetsed to me on OKC, but I didn't find any of them in the least bit physically attractive, so I think its pointless.

cyrusdvirus

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Yes but the problem is that you can't build attraction this way, at least not in my mind anyway. I couldn't care less what a girls political stance is, or wheather or not she likes dogs. These things are frivilous and are hardly deal-breakers.

You see I've had a few so called perfect matches suggetsed to me on OKC, but I didn't find any of them in the least bit physically attractive, so I think its pointless.

Actually, a woman's political stance COULD be a deal breaker in a relationship. A far right wing woman, who believes that all whites are better than all other races, that people with a certain hair colour are better than all others would be a deal breaker for me.

Same as a woman who believes that the ira should start blowing up any English citizen again would be out of the question for me.

sharper

Daveysil15 wrote: »

These things are frivilous and are hardly deal-breakers.

What about her position on gay marriage? Or gays in general? Or whether she believes in sex only after marriage? Wants children/doesn't want children? Thinks the Earth is 6000 years old?

Of course you're not going to be attracted to someone's answer to a question but they will tell you if there's a serious disagreement in your viewpoints.

Daveysil15

cyrusdvirus wrote: »

Actually, a woman's political stance COULD be a deal breaker in a relationship. A far right wing woman, who believes that all whites are better than all other races, that people with a certain hair colour are better than all others would be a deal breaker for me.

Same as a woman who believes that the ira should start blowing up any English citizen again would be out of the question for me.

Those are extreme examples and you wouldn’t be able to ascertain anything like that unless she explicitly stated it in her profile. You just don’t know if you’re going to click with a person until you meet them.

If you meet someone IRL you’re not going to be running these silly questions through your mind. Someone could seem like a perfect match on paper but when you meet them there may be no chemistry at all. Sometimes opposites attract anyway.

sharper

Here's an example from a 58% match with me on okc

Q: Have you ever had a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex?

A: Yes, and I enjoyed myself.

Q: Would you consider being in a relationship with someone who has had homosexual sex?

A: No

Q: Would you date someone who is bisexual?

A: No

I've not had a same-sex encounter but that attitude would seriously bother me, with a huge dose of hypocrisy to boot!

Daveysil15

Those questions are a bit too personal for my liking and wouldn't bother answering them. Best to leave some things to the imagination. I don't want to know a person's life story before I even meet them.

sharper

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Those questions are a bit too personal for my liking and wouldn't bother answering them.

All answered and public on mine If you're not using the match system then you probably won't get any value out of it.

I think "getting to know" someone is distinct from learning about their views and the facts of their life. The former can only be done in person, the latter just as easily from a text dump. Both are important to me.

Daveysil15

sharper wrote: »

All answered and public on mine If you're not using the match system then you probably won't get any value out of it.

I think "getting to know" someone is distinct from learning about their views and the facts of their life. The former can only be done in person, the latter just as easily from a text dump. Both are important to me.

Well would you tell a person on a first date how many sexual partners you've had? You can get to know a person a bit before hand sure, but they don't need to know every sleazy detail. Maybe save that for the second or third date when you trust them a bit more.

sharper

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Well would you tell a person on a first date how many sexual partners you've had? You can get to know a person a bit before hand sure, but they don't need to know every sleazy detail. Maybe save that for the second or third date when you trust them a bit more.

No but I don't see why or how meeting someone from online needs to be analogous to a first date. I would think in fact the whole point is that you can learn about people before you meet them.

I don't think people's sex lives are sleazy or that there's anything special about sexual preferences such that I need to trust someone for them to know about it.

cyrusdvirus

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Well would you tell a person on a first date how many sexual partners you've had? You can get to know a person a bit before hand sure, but they don't need to know every sleazy detail. Maybe save that for the second or third date when you trust them a bit more.

The thing with those questions is that they just give an indication. They are by no means a definitive personality profile.

The girl I was seeing was a total enemy according to them, but we still had a laugh for the couple of dates.

Same as if I messaged 90% girlie from earlier, going by her profile, while we were a high match I knew that there'd be no point!

Daveysil15

cyrusdvirus wrote: »

The thing with those questions is that they just give an indication. They are by no means a definitive personality profile.

The girl I was seeing was a total enemy according to them, but we still had a laugh for the couple of dates.

Same as if I messaged 90% girlie from earlier, going by her profile, while we were a high match I knew that there'd be no point!

It seems to me its done for a bit of a laugh more than anything. Who's to say people aren't lying on these things anyway? Most of the matches are probably inaccurate.

cyrusdvirus

Daveysil15 wrote: »

It seems to me its done for a bit of a laugh more than anything. Who's to say people aren't lying on these things anyway? Most of the matches are probably inaccurate.

And what's wrong with doing it for the laugh? You can tell very quickly if someone is having a joke with it. And then that gives you an indication of their sense of humour!

sharper

cyrusdvirus wrote: »

The girl I was seeing was a total enemy according to them, but we still had a laugh for the couple of dates.

Indeed. My only issue with these is it feeds into the "pick and choose" mindset which can be terribly damaging. Unless someone has seriously repugnant views they're worth considering, or at least not being dismissed on how they answered a particular question on a particular day.

DerekDGoldfish

Some of the questions give you an important insight to a potential match, however a recent one was "How do you feel about foreskins?"

Daveysil15

cyrusdvirus wrote: »

And what's wrong with doing it for the laugh? You can tell very quickly if someone is having a joke with it. And then that gives you an indication of their sense of humour!

An indication of their sense of humour yes, not an indication of what they're actually like as a person. There's nothing wrong with having a laugh, but judging a person on these questions IMO is silly as you don't know if they've been answered honestly. I prefer to get to know a person when I meet them and see if there's any chemistry then, rather than judging them on a match that may not be accurate.

sharper

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

Some of the questions give you an important insight to a potential match, however a recent one was "How do you feel about foreskins?"

Some people have surprisingly strong views on them! If it's an American girl she may well be shocked and appalled by what she finds

There is a lot of silliness in them, one I saw recently was "Have you ever, when you are alone, secretly tried to move stuff with your mind?"

sharper

Daveysil15 wrote: »

you don't know if they've been answered honestly.

How do you know they're giving you an honest answer in person?

cyrusdvirus

sharper wrote: »

There is a lot of silliness in them, one I saw recently was "Have you ever, when you are alone, secretly tried to move stuff with your mind?"

I answered that one by saying if anyone had succeeded to give me a shout for Jedi training lessons!!

Daveysil15

sharper wrote: »

How do you know they're giving you an honest answer in person?

You don't but at least you'll know if you're attracted to someone when you meet them in person. Everyone tells white lies now and again, and the question below is just ridiculous...

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

Some of the questions give you an important insight to a potential match, however a recent one was "How do you feel about foreskins?"

WTF???

smallgarden

sharper wrote: »

Some people have surprisingly strong views on them! If it's an American girl she may well be shocked and appalled by what she finds

There is a lot of silliness in them, one I saw recently was "Have you ever, when you are alone, secretly tried to move stuff with your mind?"

i think anyone whos ever watched matilda has!

DerekDGoldfish

I had a look at some of the questions ive answerd the weirdest by far is "How would getting slapped in the face during sex make you feel?" now while some people are into pain the most disturbing thing was one of the answers was "Nostalgic".

Panthro

fat__tony wrote: »

Does the truth hurt?

I hope your girlfriend dumps you.

People like you are a waste of space.

Infracted for insulting another poster. Don't do it again.

angerfist2009 wrote: »

Haha Jesus I love how everyone seems to know so much about my relationship...
I'm going round and round in fecking circles here so I couldn't be arsed anymore.

I'm out before I say something that gets me banned yet again from a fourm on here..........

Oh, you've said enough already, one week's holiday earned. Cut the crap out or else you will be banned for good.

miamee

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

I had a look at some of the questions ive answerd the weirdest by far is "How would getting slapped in the face during sex make you feel?" now while some people are into pain the most disturbing thing was one of the answers was "Nostalgic".

I'm fairly sure that users can set questions, hence the completely ridiculous and pointless ones

Galvasean

cloud_dancer wrote: »

When was the last time you gave the profile a going over and changed pics?

Changed picks only a couple of weeks ago. The new ones are a lot better (if I do say so myself).

cloud_dancer wrote: »

You've had successes with OD in the past. Are you doing things any differently this time?

This:

riveratom wrote: »

You were saying that you changed your height back to 5'8" from to 5'9" and that you are between both heights. Just change it back! You said you're between both so it's fine to have it as the latter. It'd be different if you were 5'7" or 5'8" even.

I'd also shorten the profile and leave em wanting to find out more!

Try the above and I guarantee you'll start getting more messages. If not you can come back and prove me wrong!

Think of it as a public experiment

Taller and shorter? Interesting advice.
Might do the next time I'm logged in.

miamee wrote: »

I'm fairly sure that users can set questions, hence the completely ridiculous and pointless ones

I made a question on OKC once. "Do you believe in dinosaurs?" Answering that one wrong is an absolute deal-breaker for me (of course). Before you think it's an odd/silly/pointless question, you'd be amazed!

Logged into anotherfriend earlier (as I like reading the automated messages from time to time) and found this gem:
"Its really hard to meet new people so why wait, drop me a line and lets start the acquaintance. "

nice_very

hi all, my first post in these threads.. Ive being looking on my various profiles set up over the last half year/year or so, on a regular basis.. and just this weekend, after a week of messages very positive, arranged to meet a girl, I really thought we clicked, she seemed keen, so was I... I was so happy and looking forward to it... I really thought it could be the start of something beautiful... she then sent me a message saying she was getting back with an ex, pity we didnt meet etc.. maybe our paths will cross in the future etc. In you peeps opinion, was it just an escape thing or should I feel not totally unwanted, just second best? It actually made me quite sad, maybe I dont have thick enough skin for this...

Galvasean

nice_very wrote: »

hi all, my first post in these threads.. Ive being looking on my various profiles set up over the last half year/year or so, on a regular basis.. and just this weekend, after a week of messages very positive, arranged to meet a girl, I really thought we clicked, she seemed keen, so was I... I was so happy and looking forward to it... I really thought it could be the start of something beautiful... she then sent me a message saying she was getting back with an ex, pity we didnt meet etc.. maybe our paths will cross in the future etc. In you peeps opinion, was it just an escape thing or should I feel not totally unwanted, just second best? It actually made me quite sad, maybe I dont have thick enough skin for this...

It's natural to feel disappointed. My advice would be to not over-analyze the situation. Maybe she was telling the truth or perhaps she was spoofing. It doesn't really matter as the outcome is the same either way (ie: no date). You're a lot better off not thinking about it like that. Just put it behind you, chalk it up to experience and move on to the next one.
As for your skin, it will thicken, until one day you end up looking like me...

cyrusdvirus

smallgarden wrote: »

i think anyone whos ever watched matilda has!

for a second i thought you were saying anyone who watched Matilda has strong views on foreskins.

@nice_very, all i can say is that the thick skin will develop... maybe not to the level where you resemble Galva's stone man, but it does happen.

Having said that, the first few no replies or even replies that say "not for me thanks" will crush you. Sorry to be the one to say it, but i remember back when i first started OD, finding a profile of a girl who was absolutely perfect.

Gorgeous looking, came across with a sunny disposition, interested in the same things, as well as other things, had her own car, lived close enough. I was going down through her profile and boxes were being ticked all over the place. Her pictures even showed her in a bar i drank in occasionally. So i sent off a message. And even though i thought this girl was perfect for me, and i thought i was perfect for her there was radio silence.

The first few times I sent out a message to someone, i was sending maybe 1 every 2 or 3 days. I'd send one, wait till i got a response (as in it was read, and my profile was viewed) and then send out another to another girl if there was no reply. I learned very quickly that the scattergun approach is best. Find a few girls you like, find something in their profiles that you can reference in the mails, fire off a few messages (1 to each girl, cos there is NOTHING more annoying to a woman than lots of attention from a bloke she doesn't like) ((actually there is.......not enough attention from a guy she DOES like!! )) And wait for the replies.

If no replies, reload, re select targets and fire again.

Occasionally you will get the conversation going, like you did. But remember, she could also be chatting to other guys. her saying she got back with an ex could also mean that another guy got in there before you. It does happen, unfortunately.

Someone was asking about a few pages back if i remember correctly.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Had a first date there last week with a girl who seemed unbelievable - gorgeous, fit, smart, and hilarious... plus a total nerd. Anyways she insisted on a kiss & agreed to a second date.

Sadly, a guy she's liked in her work for ages asked her for a drink two days later & as (in her words) she's a bit hooked on him, she doesn't think it'd be fair to date me at the moment, but if it doesn't work out with him, I should drop her a line. (I said thanks, but that I'd leave the messaging up to her)

Bit of a kick in the nads, but could be worse I guess! Back to the drawing board