The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

knucklehead6

I find it good.

The only thing I don't like is the random and arbitrary questions, that some of them seem to have an unnecessary weighting and can make someone that you might match with into an 'enemy'... :rolleyes:


i liek the fact that it remembers the last date you contacted a user too, prevents any accidental mailbacks!!

miamee

I haven't used OKC for over a month but found that it was all the same faces all the time. Then I widened my search to "everywhere" inspired by a story I heard of an Irish lad who met his (now) wife on OKC even though she lived in Florida. To be honest the amount of great matches living thousands of miles away was just depressing so if and when I go back on it, I'll be amending my search back to relatively local and going on dates with those 'same faces'

knucklehead6

miamee wrote: »

I haven't used OKC for over a month but found that it was all the same faces all the time. Then I widened my search to "everywhere" inspired by a story I heard of an Irish lad who met his (now) wife on OKC even though she lived in Florida. To be honest the amount of great matches living thousands of miles away was just depressing so if and when I go back on it, I'll be amending my search back to relatively local and going on dates with those 'same faces'

i have it to within 50KM, (I live just outside Dublin so that's plenty) so yes, i am seeing a lot of the same faces, but also a number of new faces each time i log in. I limit my searches to who is online at the moment, as it is a right pain seeing a profile of someone who is perfect, having a message just flow onto the screen for her, and then seeing that she last logged on in Feb 2010!!!

stargazer 68

Hmm well if and when I decide to get back on the horse, so to speak, I might give OKC another go

boidey

Online dating. A cautionary tale.

miamee

boidey wrote: »

Online dating. A cautionary tale.

Hardly. Who falls for this kind of bull? Two paragraphs in and even MY alarm bells are ringing and I never spoke to this guy. She should have run a mile. This is why it is very important to always listen to your instinct and not go against your better judgement.

stargazer 68

miamee wrote: »

Hardly. Who falls for this kind of bull? Two paragraphs in and even MY alarm bells are ringing and I never spoke to this guy. She should have run a mile. This is why it is very important to always listen to your instinct and not go against your better judgement.

I never understand how people fall for this type of stuff. And the ones who send money etc!

knucklehead6

miamee wrote: »

Hardly. Who falls for this kind of bull? Two paragraphs in and even MY alarm bells are ringing and I never spoke to this guy. She should have run a mile. This is why it is very important to always listen to your instinct and not go against your better judgement.

i didn't open it yet, but i assume from your tone that it's the essentially about the type of "married 3 kids 5 mortgages afraid of bank mgr" chap we were talking about earl;ier on?

miamee

knucklehead6 wrote: »

i didn't open it yet, but i assume from your tone that it's the essentially about the type of "married 3 kids 5 mortgages afraid of bank mgr" chap we were talking about earl;ier on?

Kinda - some guy pretending to be someone else, using this other guys pics and life story, and kept cancelling dates with the girl. Hello! If someone cancels on you 3 times, that is the end of it in my book. Turns out he had pretended to be a woman on POF a few years previously and was chatting to this guy (which was how he had all the pics). I'm only about half way through the (long) story!

stargazer 68

miamee wrote: »

Kinda - some guy pretending to be someone else, using this other guys pics and life story, and kept cancelling dates with the girl. Hello! If someone cancels on you 3 times, that is the end of it in my book. Turns out he had pretended to be a woman on POF a few years previously and was chatting to this guy (which was how he had all the pics). I'm only about half way through the (long) story!

I never even got to the end of the story!

knucklehead6

There's a certain part of me that says if anyone is dumb enough to fall for that sorta crap, then they deserve it.

And another part that says maybe, just maybe, if you were lonely enough, you might.... and there but for the grace of god go I...

miamee

knucklehead6 wrote: »

There's a certain part of me that says if anyone is dumb enough to fall for that sorta crap, then they deserve it.

And another part that says maybe, just maybe, if you were lonely enough, you might.... and there but for the grace of god go I...

Your IQ shouldn't fall as your loneliness rises though, harsh as that may sound. When you are single then the only one really looking out for you is you IMO - so do it properly!
(Not you personally, just people in general )

riveratom

miamee wrote: »

Your IQ shouldn't fall as your loneliness rises though, harsh as that may sound. When you are single then the only one really looking out for you is you IMO - so do it properly!
(Not you personally, just people in general )

When you have enough material to write yourself an entire blog on how you've been duped (and even went along for long after you should have, even when you suspected something was up, like this girl), then yes - you should ask questions of yourself

knucklehead6

I dunno. I'd have a certain amount of sympathy in this case. We don't know how good a liar this guy is.


For example....
Lets say i've been on a dating site for a year or more and haven't even had a sniff of a date.
Then, If i got chatting to someone from, lets say Galway, and things were going great, mailing, texting and calling. Where i was talking to someone on the phone every day for 2 or 3 weeks and i had no real friends to confide in or to talk to and i was THAT lonely that her phone call at the end of the day was almost the highlight of my day.
Lets say everything seemed to be lining up brilliantly, then she said she'd come up the next weekend...
If she called me during the week to say the boiler in her house was broken and the money she had set aside for the train fare had to go to repair that, but she'd still love to see me, love to come to Dublin, and could i possibly send her €60 (or whatever it is) for a train ticket....

There are people out there who would do that. it may seem incredulous to you and me, but there are people who ARE that lonely, and that the possibility of having someone to share things with will blind them to normal rational thinking.. And there are people who prey on that type of person.

stargazer 68

knucklehead6 wrote: »

There are people out there who would do that. it may seem incredulous to you and me, but there are people who ARE that lonely, and that the possibility of having someone to share things with will blind them to normal rational thinking.. And there are people who prey on that type of person.

Absolutely true. And while we all say we would never be so stupid to fall for such a thing there is a possibility that we would. Not a huge con like lots of cash etc but smaller things

knucklehead6

Dovies wrote: »

Absolutely true. And while we all say we would never be so stupid to fall for such a thing there is a possibility that we would. Not a huge con like lots of cash etc but smaller things

That's why i said €60. It's a 'reasonable' amount of money to be asked for.... especially if some poor lonely sod thinks that they are not losing money, but giving a loan that will be returned.... with interest!!

miamee

knucklehead6 wrote: »

I dunno. I'd have a certain amount of sympathy in this case. We don't know how good a liar this guy is.


For example....
Lets say i've been on a dating site for a year or more and haven't even had a sniff of a date.
Then, If i got chatting to someone from, lets say Galway, and things were going great, mailing, texting and calling. Where i was talking to someone on the phone every day for 2 or 3 weeks and i had no real friends to confide in or to talk to and i was THAT lonely that her phone call at the end of the day was almost the highlight of my day.
Lets say everything seemed to be lining up brilliantly, then she said she'd come up the next weekend...
If she called me during the week to say the boiler in her house was broken and the money she had set aside for the train fare had to go to repair that, but she'd still love to see me, love to come to Dublin, and could i possibly send her €60 (or whatever it is) for a train ticket....

There are people out there who would do that. it may seem incredulous to you and me, but there are people who ARE that lonely, and that the possibility of having someone to share things with will blind them to normal rational thinking.. And there are people who prey on that type of person.

No I completely understand that. And I do give people the benefit of the doubt in real life, sometimes more than I should.

But in your example, if you then arranged to meet her another time and she said that she couldn't meet you last minute because her brother, a policeman, had been having an affair with his colleague's wife, colleague had found out, fight ensued, colleague in hospital and brother arrested...and then another time you arranged to meet her, she broke her leg that day and another time a kid at her school had confided she was being sexually abused so she had spent the day with social services and the police...these were actually excuses he gave to one of the 3 or 4 women in the article.

None of them actually ever met him despite spending all day texting and several hours a night on the phone with this guy.

I think I am just kinda exasperated that stories like this put OD back into the "scary thing to do" category and make it less acceptable or part of the norm when really this is one unique case out of millions.

knucklehead6

miamee wrote: »

No I completely understand that. And I do give people the benefit of the doubt in real life, sometimes more than I should.

But in your example, if you then arranged to meet her another time and she said that she couldn't meet you last minute because her brother, a policeman, had been having an affair with his colleague's wife, colleague had found out, fight ensued, colleague in hospital and brother arrested...and then another time you arranged to meet her, she broke her leg that day and another time a kid at her school had confided she was being sexually abused so she had spent the day with social services and the police...these were actually excuses he gave to one of the 3 or 4 women in the article.

None of them actually ever met him despite spending all day texting and several hours a night on the phone with this guy.

I think I am just kinda exasperated that stories like this put OD back into the "scary thing to do" category and make it less acceptable or part of the norm when really this is one unique case out of millions.

But the sensationalism of it is what sells newspapers. And that's why it gets reported.

Boy meets girl on dating site, they get married and live happily ever after just doesn't have the same ring to it!!

miamee

knucklehead6 wrote: »

But the sensationalism of it is what sells newspapers. And that's why it gets reported.

Boy meets girl on dating site, they get married and live happily ever after just doesn't have the same ring to it!!

I'd sooner read that story to be honest
But you're right - nothing to get indignant about in a happy ever after story!

knucklehead6

miamee wrote: »

I'd sooner read that story to be honest
But you're right - nothing to get indignant about in a happy ever after story!

we all would... we have a vested interest in

1. Seeing that it CAN happen
2. proving to people who don't do dating sites that it can happen
3. removing some of the social stigma that still surrounds dating sites.

Instead we get stories like the one linked on the previous page which reinforce the negative stereotypes!

mood

That girl who wrote the blog kept ignoring things that would be major red flags for me and most people. You really have to have you wits about you when internet dating and she and the other girls simply didn't.

knucklehead6

mood wrote: »

That girl who wrote the blog kept ignoring things that would be major red flags for me and most people. You really have to have you wits about you when internet dating and she and the other girls simply didn't.

I haven't read the article, but going by what's been said here it's just a re-hash of oh so many articles we've seen over the years warning men and women as the the perceived perils of online dating.

If you go into it with your eyes open, and your wits about you, you will be fine. Yes, you can meet people who are not for you, yes some of them will not accept your decision, and make you uncomfortable. But there is nothing to stop that happening in 3D world either.

The problem is that some people can be caught on a 'down' day, a day where they feel so desperate for some human contact from someone who comes across as if they get them, as if they understand how they feel, it can lead to people like the guy mentioned.
As i said, there are people out there who prey on the people like that. There are confidence tricksters in every walk of life, unfortunately the internet has opened up a whole raft of new potential targets for them.

mood

knucklehead6 wrote: »

I haven't read the article, but going by what's been said here it's just a re-hash of oh so many articles we've seen over the years warning men and women as the the perceived perils of online dating.

If you go into it with your eyes open, and your wits about you, you will be fine. Yes, you can meet people who are not for you, yes some of them will not accept your decision, and make you uncomfortable. But there is nothing to stop that happening in 3D world either.

The problem is that some people can be caught on a 'down' day, a day where they feel so desperate for some human contact from someone who comes across as if they get them, as if they understand how they feel, it can lead to people like the guy mentioned.
As i said, there are people out there who prey on the people like that. There are confidence tricksters in every walk of life, unfortunately the internet has opened up a whole raft of new potential targets for them.

That's basically what I said!

Having a 'down' day is no excuse for being extremely foolish over a period of months. I read bits for the article and she was so stupid. The guy sent her messages that made her very uncomfortable (about anal sex, her menstrual cycle etc) and she chose to stay in contact with him. He stood her up a number of times and she chose to stay in contact with him. He made up some crazy stories and she chose to stay in contact with him. If someone can't/won't keep there eyes open and have some common sense then they shouldn't be internet dating. Ignoring such major red flags could lead you to be in a very dangerous situation.

knucklehead6

mood wrote: »

That's basically what I said!

Having a 'down' day is no excuse for being extremely foolish over a period of months. I read bits for the article and she was so stupid. The guy sent her messages that made her very uncomfortable (about anal sex, her menstrual cycle etc) and she chose to stay in contact with him. He stood her up a number of times and she chose to stay in contact with him. He made up some crazy stories and she chose to stay in contact with him. If someone can't/won't keep there eyes open and have some common sense then they shouldn't be internet dating. Ignoring such major red flags could lead you to be in a very dangerous situation.

I was agreeing with you mood!! Well, about that anyway!! :)


But, we hear about people getting taken in by tricksters all over the place every day. People pulling scams is nothing new. People tugging on someone's heartstrings is nothing new. And people falling for these scams is nothing new either. Normally intelligent and rational people have been scammed. Someone who is lonely and feeling down is more susceptible to it..

mood

knucklehead6 wrote: »

I was agreeing with you mood!! Well, about that anyway!! :)


But, we hear about people getting taken in by tricksters all over the place every day. People pulling scams is nothing new. People tugging on someone's heartstrings is nothing new. And people falling for these scams is nothing new either. Normally intelligent and rational people have been scammed. Someone who is lonely and feeling down is more susceptible to it..

All the more reasons for keeping your eyes open.

Honey-ec

LOL at the girl who was "in a relationship" with Seb between January and November 2010, despite never having met him.

Sorry, but if you've never met someone, you're not going out with them. End of.

mood

Honey-ec wrote: »

LOL at the girl who was "in a relationship" with Seb between January and November 2010, despite never having met him.

Sorry, but if you've never met someone, you're not going out with them. End of.

Exactly. :rolleyes:

knucklehead6

mood wrote: »

All the more reasons for keeping your eyes open.

So you've never gotten carried away with anything in your life and never been even slightly singed, as opposed to the burn that these women got??

Don't get me wrong, i hate the fact that there guys like this. I hate the fact that there are women like this. But there ARE predators out there. And sometimes people can get carried away. And it's hard not to have SOME small degree of sympathy for them.

For instance, I'd have a lot more sympathy for someone who gets caught out on one of these scams, than someone who was caught out on a get rich quick scam.

mood

knucklehead6 wrote: »

So you've never gotten carried away with anything in your life and never been even slightly singed, as opposed to the burn that these women got??

Don't get me wrong, i hate the fact that there guys like this. I hate the fact that there are women like this. But there ARE predators out there. And sometimes people can get carried away. And it's hard not to have SOME small degree of sympathy for them.

For instance, I'd have a lot more sympathy for someone who gets caught out on one of these scams, than someone who was caught out on a get rich quick scam.

There is a big difference between get carried away and ignoring obvious red flags. If you read the blog you will see what I mean. And no I've never been scammed, dated a married man or one in a relationship etc. I'm not skeptic but I'm also not foolish.

I would as well but as everyone has read about scams etc surely it's obvious that you can't take someone word who you have never even meet. You can assume they are honest etc but you don't really know if someone if who the are etc until you have at least meet them IRL.

Galvasean

Honey-ec wrote: »

LOL at the girl who was "in a relationship" with Seb between January and November 2010, despite never having met him.

Sorry, but if you've never met someone, you're not going out with them. End of.

I once knew a girl who never met her boyfriend (outside of Myspace) and they lived on different continents. It all got a bit weird whe invited me over to meet him. At that point I didn't realise he lived in America and they hadn't met in person. I assumed he was actually at the house. There's me and her sitting on a couch talking to this lad via a webcam. I honestly felt like I had died and woken up on Planet Crazy!