The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Mr_Spaceman

Denerick wrote: »

Hello everyone. I recently started using an online dating site and I've really hit it off with a girl. We've been exchanging messages for a couple of weeks now, big novel-length emails. We share the same interests and passions etc. Just wondering when is the right time to ask her to meet up? Too soon and I end up with egg on my face, freaking her out? Too late and she gets disinterested? Or perhaps worst of all, leave it so late that I become permanantly frozen in the friend-zone time/space continuum?

I don't mean to be blunt here but - man up, get her digits and get her out.

She wants to be out having fun. If she doesn't get it with you she will with someone else. Soon.

Stop being a pen pal and start living.

mood

Denerick wrote: »

Hello everyone. I recently started using an online dating site and I've really hit it off with a girl. We've been exchanging messages for a couple of weeks now, big novel-length emails. We share the same interests and passions etc. Just wondering when is the right time to ask her to meet up? Too soon and I end up with egg on my face, freaking her out? Too late and she gets disinterested? Or perhaps worst of all, leave it so late that I become permanantly frozen in the friend-zone time/space continuum?

It's not too early to ask to meet. Just ask. But trust me you don't know if you will hit it off or not until you meet in person.

Denerick

mood wrote: »

It's not too early to ask to meet. Just ask. But trust me you don't know if you will hit it off or not until you meet in person.

Considering I'm new to this whole online dating lark, what is the average time somebody waits/is expected before a real life meetup?

Denerick

Denerick wrote: »

Considering I'm new to this whole online dating lark, what is the average time somebody waits/is expected before a real life meetup?

I once asked after about three mails and we met. There is no set time, everyone is different and everyone reacts differently.

Denerick

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I don't mean to be blunt here but - man up, get her digits and get her out.

She wants to be out having fun. If she doesn't get it with you she will with someone else. Soon.

Stop being a pen pal and start living.

Ah, this is my worry. I'll ask to meet up within the week. This is my first time meeting an online date.

Mr_Spaceman

Yes, ask her out as soon as possible.

You're already writing novel-sized emails, which can easily lead into the friend zone, if you're not careful.

Also, you both run the risk of building up expectations of each other which you need to calm down by meeting.

mood

Denerick wrote: »

Considering I'm new to this whole online dating lark, what is the average time somebody waits/is expected before a real life meetup?

In my experience anything form one week onwards is fine... but that is with quite a bit of emailing. The more you are emailing the quicker you get an idea of what the person is like. I once meet a guy I was emailing occasionally over two months and I regretted agreeing to meet him as I really didn't get a feeling we had any connection and we really hadn't emailed enough. The date was terrible!

Denerick

mood wrote: »

In my experience anything form one week onwards is fine... but that is with quite a bit of emailing. The more you are emailing the quicker you get an idea of what the person is like. I once meet a guy I was emailing occasionally over two months and I regretted agreeing to meet him as I really didn't get a feeling we had any connection and we really hadn't emailed enough. The date was terrible!

So you think I should wait a little longer? I've probably exaggerated the time in which this has happened. Only starting emailing each other last week. Though the mails.are.long.

I'm thinking something casual, a little coffee place I know some saturday mid morning, around 12 or so. If theres nothing there we'll call it quits on amicable terms and get on with the rest of our day... But is this too rational? Should I not be going down the whole tux and fancy restaurant route followed by a cruise down the liffey?

One week? If I am getting enough of an attraction/inclination of chemistry after a day, I generally ask, "so how long would you rather wait until you want to meet somebody?"

Mr_Spaceman

Denerick wrote: »

So you think I should wait a little longer? I've probably exaggerated the time in which this has happened. Only starting emailing each other last week. Though the mails.are.long.

I'm thinking something casual, a little coffee place I know some saturday mid morning, around 12 or so. If theres nothing there we'll call it quits on amicable terms and get on with the rest of our day... But is this too rational? Should I not be going down the whole tux and fancy restaurant route followed by a cruise down the liffey?

A coffee is perfect. She'll thank you for it.

Low key and relaxed keeps the pressure low.

Don't forget to do it soon, because you have to remember she could well be emailing/dating someone else in a matter of days.

mood

Denerick wrote: »

So you think I should wait a little longer? I've probably exaggerated the time in which this has happened. Only starting emailing each other last week. Though the mails.are.long.

I'm thinking something casual, a little coffee place I know some saturday mid morning, around 12 or so. If theres nothing there we'll call it quits on amicable terms and get on with the rest of our day... But is this too rational? Should I not be going down the whole tux and fancy restaurant route followed by a cruise down the liffey?

Your really over thinking this. Just ask her if she wants to meet. A drink or coffee is fine. Dinner would be OTT.

Mr_Spaceman

Got a brief message from a girl earlier.

She wanted to work the chat thingy but couldn't.

I said no worries.

Her reply? "R U a perv"

I explained, actually no - and that she should be a bit more careful about what's she's suggesting.

Most OKC users seem to have a bit more up top but she was a bit thick. I shouldn't really have engaged with her. Blocked now as I can't be arsed with pests.

The fun!

mood

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Got a brief message from a girl earlier.

She wanted to work the chat thingy but couldn't.

I said no worries.

Her reply? "R U a perv"

I explained, actually no - and that she should be a bit more careful about what's she's suggesting.

Most OKC users seem to have a bit more up top but she was a bit thick. I shouldn't really have engaged with her. Blocked now as I can't be arsed with pests.

The fun!

Did she really think that IF you were a perv you would say 'Well, yes I am'. :rolleyes:

yeahimhere

Decided to try POF as OKCupid was a little slow. Wow there's so many people on it, it's a little overwhelming!

I literally had nothing in the about me section on my profile, just had my basic details and received 10 emails in an hour. lol was loving the "your profile sounds really interesting" emails proving it was just a bulk mail to any new account.

mood

yeahimhere wrote: »

Decided to try POF as OKCupid was a little slow. Wow there's so many people on it, it's a little overwhelming!

I literally had nothing in the about me section on my profile, just had my basic details and received 10 emails in an hour. lol was loving the "your profile sounds really interesting" emails proving it was just a bulk mail to any new account.

A lot of men don't READ profiles. They simple look at the photos.

yeahimhere

mood wrote: »

A lot of men don't READ profiles. They simple look at the photos.

I didn't have any photos up at the time either

mood

yeahimhere wrote: »

I didn't have any photos up at the time either

Fresh meat. They all pounce!!!

smileyj1987

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Got a brief message from a girl earlier.

She wanted to work the chat thingy but couldn't.

I said no worries.

Her reply? "R U a perv"

I explained, actually no - and that she should be a bit more careful about what's she's suggesting.

Most OKC users seem to have a bit more up top but she was a bit thick. I shouldn't really have engaged with her. Blocked now as I can't be arsed with pests.

The fun!

You should have told yes and then said that you where 65 and very lonely . You wouldn't of have to block her then

Denerick

mood wrote: »

A lot of men don't READ profiles. They simple look at the photos.

I think you're making regular contact with the wrong kind of men so. A lot of men are little more evolved than primates, but many are looking for a little more than a collection of facial bones, breasts, and genital organs.

mood

Denerick wrote: »

I think you're making regular contact with the wrong kind of men so. A lot of men are little more evolved than primates, but many are looking for a little more than a collection of facial bones, breasts, and genital organs.

I don't make contact with them. They have made contact with me and I ignored them. I know a lot of men on dating site are fine but a lot aren't.

Daveysil15

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

So many people's profiles are fcuking negative - it's no this, no that, I'm not interested in this and that.

FFS - and you wonder 'where have the good men gone' ? *
To look elsewhere!

For the ladies on here - do men generally provide the same, incessant depressing tick list of negative vibes, because I'm losing the will to live here.

I know what you mean. I saw one girls profile on POF who had a huge list of things she doesn't want. Then under that she had a huge list of things she does want. What's funny is that some of them were contradicting each other. Like first she said she likes guys with muscles and 6 packs, yet she doesn't want to see any topless photos of guys.

mood wrote: »

A lot of men don't READ profiles. They simple look at the photos.

I reckon that's true and sadly there are probably a lot of good looking girls with crap profiles who are getting lots of messages, and some average or unattractive girls with great profiles and getting nothing.

GoldFour4

Haven't posted in this thread yet but have lurked for a while. I'm kinda uncertain about this whole thing. I don't know whether it's right for people as young as me to be using OD but sure there seems to be loads my age on it ! I don't seem to have much success on it though. And I have no idea whether it's due to a bad profile on my part or just people not liking the look of me !

Anyone willing to have a look and pass on advice ? I'm male btw !

Esoteric_

malistheman wrote: »

Haven't posted in this thread yet but have lurked for a while. I'm kinda uncertain about this whole thing. I don't know whether it's right for people as young as me to be using OD but sure there seems to be loads my age on it ! I don't seem to have much success on it though. And I have no idea whether it's due to a bad profile on my part or just people not liking the look of me !

Anyone willing to have a look and pass on advice ? I'm male btw !

Throw a PM my way with a link if you'd like me to check out your profile, mate.

And you're probably not too young to be using it, a lot of us posting in this thread are quite young!

smileyj1987

malistheman wrote: »

Haven't posted in this thread yet but have lurked for a while. I'm kinda uncertain about this whole thing. I don't know whether it's right for people as young as me to be using OD but sure there seems to be loads my age on it ! I don't seem to have much success on it though. And I have no idea whether it's due to a bad profile on my part or just people not liking the look of me !

Anyone willing to have a look and pass on advice ? I'm male btw !

Ah your as young as you feel ! Don't take it personally when trying to get talking to people on it because you do have to have a thick skin for it . My advice would be to put some effort into your profile and when sending out messages make sure you read the profile to see if there is any intrests that you both share its the easiest way to make conversation . At times you will get no replys but ahwell thats life .

Micky 32

smallgarden wrote: »

i think that's a really derogatory attitude to have towards men. men can feel as used as women can after sex. you may not feel like that as it seems you have a you got sex out of it so what does it matter how you feel type attitude but that's not to say other men feel the same way as you.

I got used once for sex several years ago. I guess it was comfort sex for the woman as her father had just died, That's what i got for being there for her and being supportive, never again, no more Mr nice guy! :rolleyes:

Micky 32

mood wrote: »

A lot of men don't READ profiles. They simple look at the photos.

Same goes for most women too.:rolleyes:

Shapey Fiend

People have been talking about chemistry a lot in this thread. Most of my relationships have started with sex on a first date. If it works you often know at that stage so I wouldn't make an judgement about it.

Funeral objector rejector has the right idea, nevermind the FB stalking. My cousin met a couple of women who created drama over that kind of thing and they turned out to be a pain in the arse. Nip that in the bud.

I finally took some decent photos and colour corrected them. OK Cupid assures me, and I quote..

We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid.

We learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in Quickmatch and Quiver. Did you get a new haircut or something?
Well, it's working!

So if I'm not picking up hot chicks at least I'm algorithmically sexy and they've all just got bad taste. Check the stats.

Daveysil15

LyndaMcL wrote: »

when I was in a new relationship, before, during and after the act, what was on my mind was 'Is he gonna see me as easy?

If that's what was on your mind the whole time, I couldn't imagine it been very enjoyable.

Esoteric_

Daveysil15 wrote: »

If that's what was on your mind the whole time, I couldn't imagine it been very enjoyable.

Well, that's a topic for another thread. :pac:

My point was, it's very possible for people to have sex and think of something other than the sex itself.

Micky 32

Micky 32 wrote: »

Same goes for most women too.:rolleyes:

Too true. On my POF profile I add at the top - "If you want to contact me, please write more than 'Hey how are you?'. I won't reply and you will just be blocked" or something along those lines. It just goes to show that they didn't even make the effort to read my profile. You'd be amazed how many women still do this.