The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Daveysil15

Larianne wrote: »

It shouldn't have to be like that. If it ends up being like that then the person you're mailing ain't all that interested.

The story of my life. :rolleyes::o

smileyj1987

I just got a mail it looked good and then I went on her profile and says here Ex is stalking her . Block and delete me thinks :cool: .
I also came across a profile with a list of 9 things she wants in man and you have to all of them or she is not interested . Included in the list are a car and good paying job to me that translates as you can drive me everywhere and you better have loads of money because I am a princess !

miamee

Looks like the way people use OD is as varied as their tastes in men/women

sharper

The Dagda wrote: »

We're talking about short messages, not text speak, or "any" messages. Why are you confusing the issue?

You're focusing on one aspect of the message and then beating someone up over saying they'd reply to a short message but that it depends on the message. The content of the message matters and someone can rightly say they'd reply to a short one, if otherwise interested, but also that the message determines if they'll reply or not.

I tend to ignore "How are you?" messages but I have replied to some of them. I'm probably a lot more interested in people that have good writing skills than most and I see no contradiction in that.

We're all adults here and we know how the world works. If you're fantastic looking you can probably get away with "how are you". If you're great looking and have a great profile then the same is true.

Most of us here are likely average looking people with average profiles. We all need a slightly interesting initial message to make us stand out. Most of the women here would be thinking from the perspective of yet another "how are you?" from yet another average looking person with an average profile.

mood

smileyj1987 wrote: »

I just got a mail it looked good and then I went on her profile and says here Ex is stalking her . Block and delete me thinks :cool: .
I also came across a profile with a list of 9 things she wants in man and you have to all of them or she is not interested . Included in the list are a car and good paying job to me that translates as you can drive me everywhere and you better have loads of money because I am a princess !

The only good reason for wanting someone to have a car is if you live in a location that doesn't have any public transport or very poor transport. Maybe she doesn't want to driving a boyfriend around!

Daveysil15

smileyj1987 wrote: »

I just got a mail it looked good and then I went on her profile and says here Ex is stalking her . Block and delete me thinks :cool: .
I also came across a profile with a list of 9 things she wants in man and you have to all of them or she is not interested . Included in the list are a car and good paying job to me that translates as you can drive me everywhere and you better have loads of money because I am a princess !

I've come across my fair share of them - incredibly picky! Best not to bother with them.

knucklehead6

Everyone is different and will have different preferences.
Some women will want you to have a car as they can't drive, so it makes taking a trip easier.
Some women will want you to have a job as it means a certain level of security. Who wants to invest time and energy into a relationship that is doomed from the outset.
Some women will want you to be within a certain age bracket.

It's different strokes for different folks.

knucklehead6

sharper wrote: »

Most of us here are likely average looking people with average profiles. We all need a slightly interesting initial message to make us stand out. Most of the women here would be thinking from the perspective of yet another "how are you?" from yet another average looking person with an average profile.

Speak for yourself. I'm devastatingly handsome, charming, witty and have a great profile!! :-P

Some of the women on this thread have met me and can attest to that! :-D

The Dagda

sharper wrote: »

You're focusing on one aspect of the message and then beating someone up over saying they'd reply to a short message but that it depends on the message. The content of the message matters and someone can rightly say they'd reply to a short one, if otherwise interested, but also that the message determines if they'll reply or not.

I tend to ignore "How are you?" messages but I have replied to some of them. I'm probably a lot more interested in people that have good writing skills than most and I see no contradiction in that.

We're all adults here and we know how the world works. If you're fantastic looking you can probably get away with "how are you". If you're great looking and have a great profile then the same is true.

Most of us here are likely average looking people with average profiles. We all need a slightly interesting initial message to make us stand out. Most of the women here would be thinking from the perspective of yet another "how are you?" from yet another average looking person with an average profile.

Have you read the rest of my post on this issue before jumping to the defence of Larianne? Because i'm agree with a lot of what you said above.

Larianne was arguing on one hand that it's valid to dismiss people purely because they send "lazy" short messages. She then admitted that she has replied to such messages because she liked the profile.

sharper

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Speak for yourself. I'm devastatingly handsome, charming, witty and have a great profile!! :-P

Some of the women on this thread have met me and can attest to that! :-D

Ahh but I'm here to average you out, sorry about that!

Larianne

The Dagda wrote: »

Have you read the rest of my post on this issue before jumping to the defence of Larianne? Because i'm agree with a lot of what you said above.

Larianne was arguing on one hand that it's valid to dismiss people purely because they send "lazy" short messages. She then admitted that she has replied to such messages because she liked the profile.

I did say I somewhat contradicted myself on that.

I think it's more a case of if you're getting 10 mails a day* and 9 out of the 10 are "Hey how are you?" and one is referencing something in your profile or is witty, you're more likely to focus on that mail. If you are getting one mail a day and it's a "Hey how are you?" you're more than likely going to have a look at that profile anyway and then maybe mail then. Maybe.

In general though, I'd more than likely not mail someone back with a "Hey, how are you?" message. Does that make more sense?

mood

Larianne wrote: »

I did say I somewhat contradicted myself on that.

I think it's more a case of if you're getting 10 mails a day* and 9 out of the 10 are "Hey how are you?" and one is referencing something in your profile or is witty, you're more likely to focus on that mail. If you are getting one mail a day and it's a "Hey how are you?" you're more than likely going to have a look at that profile anyway and then maybe mail then. Maybe.

In general though, I'd more than likely not mail someone back with a "Hey, how are you?" message. Does that make more sense?

It makes sense to me but there are more important thing that would rule someone out for me rather than the length of their email. If you get 10 emails a day chances are over three quarters will be ruled out (by me anyway) because they are outside my specified age bracket, live too far way, are separated or don't want kids or I just don't like how they coma across etc. If I also ruled out guys because of the length of email I would have nobody to reply to.

The Dagda

Larianne wrote: »

I did say I somewhat contradicted myself on that.

I think it's more a case of if you're getting 10 mails a day* and 9 out of the 10 are "Hey how are you?" and one is referencing something in your profile or is witty, you're more likely to focus on that mail. If you are getting one mail a day and it's a "Hey how are you?" you're more than likely going to have a look at that profile anyway and then maybe mail then. Maybe.

In general though, I'd more than likely not mail someone back with a "Hey, how are you?" message. Does that make more sense?

Again this is not the same thing as was being originally discussed. The issue was people dismissing others purely on a short "lazy" message. There was nothing about being "more likely" etc.

Daveysil15

Larianne wrote: »

I did say I somewhat contradicted myself on that.

I think it's more a case of if you're getting 10 mails a day* and 9 out of the 10 are "Hey how are you?" and one is referencing something in your profile or is witty, you're more likely to focus on that mail. If you are getting one mail a day and it's a "Hey how are you?" you're more than likely going to have a look at that profile anyway and then maybe mail then. Maybe.

In general though, I'd more than likely not mail someone back with a "Hey, how are you?" message. Does that make more sense?

That does make sense, although the one guy who was witty or original may be a prick, and there may have been a few nice guys among the "hey how are you?" messages. The more messages someone gets then obviously the more picky they can be and would more likely go for the more original one.

Larianne

The Dagda wrote: »

Again this is not the same thing as was being originally discussed. The issue was people dismissing others purely on a short "lazy" message. There was nothing about being "more likely" etc.

What's your point so? I've given my opinion.

sharper

Daveysil15 wrote: »

That does make sense, although the one guy who was witty or original may be a prick, and there may have been a few nice guys among the "hey how are you?" messages. The more messages someone gets then obviously the more picky they can be and would more likely go for the more original one.

Well like discussed before, online dating has an unfortunate side effect of providing an illusion of choice. It gives the impression you can create a checklist of things you want then compare people to it.

You do have to make some type of choice though. Guys have to choose which girls to message, girls have to choose which messages to respond to (not always that direction but on average). After that each have to choose whether to push the boundaries and get a real life meeting going.

Even if you meet someone it really can take years before you properly know them. There's an equally illusionary sense we can size people up just by looking at them, or talking to them for 30 minutes. It creates a very certain feeling concerning them sure, but not a necessarily accurate one.

So in my view the only thing that works is to have a firm idea of what you want from a romantic relationship and keep an open mind as you pursue it. What you're looking for may be behind that "how are you?" or behind that person that was a bit eager about adding you on facebook. So too might be disaster but that's life.

I think the more firm you become about your criteria and the more certain you are that your perfect partner must be "X, Y and Z" the less success you'll have.

Jogathon

I am so glad that I have been reading this. Recently took the plunge into online dating, and I know it's okay to not respond to emails. I think I would have responded to everything just to be polite but that's just wasting my time and the guy's time.

yeahimhere

Jogathon wrote: »

I am so glad that I have been reading this. Recently took the plunge into online dating, and I know it's okay to not respond to emails. I think I would have responded to everything just to be polite but that's just wasting my time and the guy's time.

Especially on POF, there are waay more people on it than OKCupid, so the message rate is a lot higher I've found in my short time on the site! You'd be forever replying to people you weren't interested in.

Eeek, I just found out today that if you add someone to your favourites in POF, they get a notification! I was like a kid in a candy store yesterday adding people to my favourites as a way to come back to later and whittle down who to contact.

I thought it was like OKC and the favourites was your own personal notes on people.

The Dagda

Larianne wrote: »

What's your point so? I've given my opinion.

I've made my f**king point repeatedly. Just read my posts on the subject. I've been consistent in my points, unlike you who's contradicted yourself and then changed your argument to suit contradictory opinions.

riveratom

Ah guys give it up, it's getting pretty tedious at this stage....

knucklehead6

Unsolicited mail from an 18 yr old with bad English asking for my mail address.

Could it POSSIBLY be a spam mail botty type?? :-P

She's only 1/2 my age....

sharper

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Unsolicited mail from an 18 yr old with bad English asking for my mail address.

Was it "I like your photo! I want to talk to you a closer look! You can write your mail?"

knucklehead6

sharper wrote: »

Was it "I like your photo! I want to talk to you a closer look! You can write your mail?"

Back off.... I saw her first!!! :-D

Yep, that's exactly what it was!

Larianne

The Dagda wrote: »

I've made my f**king point repeatedly. Just read my posts on the subject. I've been consistent in my points, unlike you who's contradicted yourself and then changed your argument to suit contradictory opinions.

Less of the hostility man.

So you'd reply to a "Hey, how are you?" mail and for me, it would depend on a few things, but in general, I wouldn't respond to one. Fair enough.

sharper

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Back off.... I saw her first!!! :-D

Yep, that's exactly what it was!

Look, when we're all living together I'll take the basement and you can take the attic. That way we'll all be happy with our 18 year old wife with the poor English skills and the curious interest in email addresses.

knucklehead6

sharper wrote: »

Look, when we're all living together I'll take the basement and you can take the attic. That way we'll all be happy with our 18 year old wife with the poor English skills and the curious interest in email addresses.

Once she keeps the place clean and cooks well I can deal with that!

Agent Smith

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Unsolicited mail from an 18 yr old with bad English asking for my mail address.

Could it POSSIBLY be a spam mail botty type?? :-P

She's only 1/2 my age....

Its a trap :pac:

knucklehead6

Agent Smith wrote: »

Its a trap :pac:

But she seems so sincere??

mood

knucklehead6 wrote: »

But she seems so sincere??

Yes. She honestly and sincerely is looking for money or a EU passport.

knucklehead6

mood wrote: »

Yes. She honestly and sincerely is looking for money or a EU passport.

Ah mood......you're ruining my dreams of setting up house and home with her and sharper!!