The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

sharper

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Ah mood......you're ruining my dreams of setting up house and home with her and sharper!!

Oh knucklehead, why deny it! Let's just setup house anyway!

("Online dating drives men to gayness, says new report")

mood

sharper wrote: »

Oh knucklehead, why deny it! Let's just setup house anyway!

("Online dating drives men to gayness, says new report")

Thats so funny and ridiculas!

knucklehead6

sharper wrote: »

Oh knucklehead, why deny it! Let's just setup house anyway!

("Online dating drives men to gayness, says new report")

i just want to confirm that i thanked that cos it made me laugh, nothing else!!

Daveysil15

With regards to the "txt speak" I normally don't like it - I'm no grammer nazi but I do prefer people to use proper English. However I was chatting to a girl on POF today who used a lot of it (more than I'd like) but she has agreed to go on a date with me. It was a little off-putting at first, but she seems nice so I'm going to give it a shot. I'm certainly not going to rule her out because of it. We haven't set a day yet, but we'll probably meet sometime during the week.

Panthro

The Dagda wrote: »

I've made my f**king point repeatedly. Just read my posts on the subject. I've been consistent in my points, unlike you who's contradicted yourself and then changed your argument to suit contradictory opinions.

Cut out that tone round these parts please and thank you.

Esoteric_

The Dagda wrote: »

Why do you need "acknowledgement that they read your profile"? What's that got to do with a relationship? If you're interested engage with them, if you're not, don't.

Blaming the quality of their messages is just an excuse. I hope anyway. If people are really dismissing potential dates simply on the quality of their messages, it's sad.

Because somebody reading your profile and taking the time to reference it shows an obvious interest in getting to know you, I'd have thought that that was obvious.

When I was using OD, I dismissed people on the quality (or lack thereof) of their messages. I got so many messages that I couldn't go on dates or message everyone, and I easily got 20+ 'hey, how are you?' messages per day. Sorry, but I'm not gonna have a stilted, awkward conversation with that many people (and EVERY time I've replied to 'hey, how are you?' it's been awkward and stilted).

At the end of the day, I'd rather go on a date with someone who shows an interest in ME, which reading my profile goes a long way towards showing.

Meauldsegosha

Just got a message on PoF which was :-)
This is despite me having my pics to private. Who would respond to a message like that.

Denerick

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Because somebody reading your profile and taking the time to reference it shows an obvious interest in getting to know you, I'd have thought that that was obvious.

When I was using OD, I dismissed people on the quality (or lack thereof) of their messages. I got so many messages that I couldn't go on dates or message everyone, and I easily got 20+ 'hey, how are you?' messages per day. Sorry, but I'm not gonna have a stilted, awkward conversation with that many people (and EVERY time I've replied to 'hey, how are you?' it's been awkward and stilted).

At the end of the day, I'd rather go on a date with someone who shows an interest in ME, which reading my profile goes a long way towards showing.

Out of curiosity, which kind of messages do you respond to? I find it very hard to do the whole initial first contact thing. If we have something in common its fine but otherwise it just seems to be very close to psychological torture trying to think of the best initial approach...

knucklehead6

Denerick wrote: »

Out of curiosity, which kind of messages do you respond to? I find it very hard to do the whole initial first contact thing. If we have something in common its fine but otherwise it just seems to be very close to psychological torture trying to think of the best initial approach...

I feel that if I have to 'work' on an initial contact mail, then that will come across in it. If there is nothing about the persons profile that makes you sit up and go "ok, I can use that" then I leave it and come back later.

Later I MIGHT have something, but I might not. I try to avoid forcing a mail out as it just seems contrived.

Daveysil15

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Because somebody reading your profile and taking the time to reference it shows an obvious interest in getting to know you, I'd have thought that that was obvious.

When I was using OD, I dismissed people on the quality (or lack thereof) of their messages. I got so many messages that I couldn't go on dates or message everyone, and I easily got 20+ 'hey, how are you?' messages per day. Sorry, but I'm not gonna have a stilted, awkward conversation with that many people (and EVERY time I've replied to 'hey, how are you?' it's been awkward and stilted).

At the end of the day, I'd rather go on a date with someone who shows an interest in ME, which reading my profile goes a long way towards showing.

Would it be awkward and stilted if you referenced something from their profile after they contacted you? I know the "hey, how are you?" messages are lazy and all, but if your reply is the same then its not going to go anywhere. If you got 20+ messages a day that were original and referenced something from your profile, how would you choose then? A person who sends a short message could still be interested in you and may even be compatible.

Esoteric_

Denerick wrote: »

Out of curiosity, which kind of messages do you respond to? I find it very hard to do the whole initial first contact thing. If we have something in common its fine but otherwise it just seems to be very close to psychological torture trying to think of the best initial approach...

Usually the ones which show an apparent interest in me. I don't need a big essay because I find that a lot of them read as very forced, but just one small reference from my profile would be enough to make me reply.

Something like 'Hey USERNAME, how are you? I'm XXXXX. I see you like XXXXX, me too. What other *movie, band, sport that has been referenced* do you like?' would get me to respond, because it's shown an interest. I'd still reply to long messages, too, but I find that they can sound a bit forced and it makes me feel sorry for the guy if he feels he has to make THAT much effort. :pac:

Tchaikovsky

Of course. I resolve not to date for a while given recent disappointments and 2 girls go and ask me out!


Anyone have any dates over the weekend!?

Esoteric_

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Would it be awkward and stilted if you referenced something from their profile after they contacted you? I know the "hey, how are you?" messages are lazy and all, but if your reply is the same then its not going to go anywhere. If you got 20+ messages a day that were original and referenced something from your profile, how would you choose then? A person who sends a short message could still be interested in you and may even be compatible.

There have been some 'hey how are you messages' that I've responded to because they had interesting profiles. I referenced something in the profile each time, and usually was met with disappointment. An example, I said to some guy 'Blah blah blah, I see you like Pink Floyd, what'd be your favourite song? I love them ' and got back 'nudder brick in d wall, wbu'

yeahimhere

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Would it be awkward and stilted if you referenced something from their profile after they contacted you? I know the "hey, how are you?" messages are lazy and all, but if your reply is the same then its not going to go anywhere. If you got 20+ messages a day that were original and referenced something from your profile, how would you choose then? A person who sends a short message could still be interested in you and may even be compatible.

I've found in general the ones who just write the "hi" messages have nothing really in their profile and have made no effort at all to grasp online dating. It's like they think since it's online, a woman* will just fall in their lap and no conversation is needed and complain when it doesn't happen. These are the men and women that give it a bad name.

*I only have experience with my side, but assuming there's a large portion of women who do this too.

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

Of course. I resolve not to date for a while given recent disappointments and 2 girls go and ask me out!


Anyone have any dates over the weekend!?

None for me, I was busy last week so couldn't really log on. But signed up to POF this weekend and a guy asked if I was interested in doing something in two weeks time. :eek: Interesting to ask someone out so soon yet the date would be so far away? He's busy for the next couple of weeks so that's the next time he's free. Just wondering why ask if he was busy. I know I wouldn't, especially for a first date.

Might be better though, considering I met the last one fairly quick, maybe slower might be better.

Tchaikovsky

LyndaMcL wrote: »

'nudder brick in d wall, wbu'

Legend

Sparky85

Bit of a lurker here for a while.... Need advice please !?
Signed up to OD couple of months ago, met a guy on pof and had 3rd date with him last night. It went well.... Very well ;-)
Thing is I don't know how to start the conversation of "are we moving toward something proper between us?" or "is this just casual thing?" I like him.... We text every couple of days and get on great the few times we've seen each other. We both have on our profiles "wants to date but nothing serious" although admittedly I have that on mine as I didnt like how "is looking for a relationship" sounded when doing up my profile. I don't want to seem pushy or clingy or anything like that because I'm not but I would like to know where I stand..... Any advice ?

Esoteric_

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

Legend

That's an actual quote. My heart bled.

crapmanjoe

Sparky85 wrote: »

Bit of a lurker here for a while.... Need advice please !?
Signed up to OD couple of months ago, met a guy on pof and had 3rd date with him last night. It went well.... Very well ;-)
Thing is I don't know how to start the conversation of "are we moving toward something proper between us?" or "is this just casual thing?" I like him.... We text every couple of days and get on great the few times we've seen each other. We both have on our profiles "wants to date but nothing serious" although admittedly I have that on mine as I didnt like how "is looking for a relationship" sounded when doing up my profile. I don't want to seem pushy or clingy or anything like that because I'm not but I would like to know where I stand..... Any advice ?

I wouldn't push it at this stage but just keep arranging dates etc, I think 3rd date is still to early to define anything

stargazer 68

The 'hey how are you' messages were discussed on another site etc. I think some people just can't be bothered but there were a lot who said they had written so many better first messages that were 'read and deleted' or not read at all that they got fed up doing it!

Galvasean

Dovies wrote: »

The 'hey how are you' messages were discussed on another site etc. I think some people just can't be bothered but there were a lot who said they had written so many better first messages that were 'read and deleted' or not read at all that they got fed up doing it!

There is certainly an element of that too. It can be quite annoying to see a litany of literally dozens of carefully prosed, well thought out messages ignored en masse. The "Why do I bother?" factor comes into it when a good message seems just as likely to go unanswered as a crap one that took 3 seconds to write.

knucklehead6

yeahimhere wrote: »

None for me, I was busy last week so couldn't really log on. But signed up to POF this weekend and a guy asked if I was interested in doing something in two weeks time. :eek: Interesting to ask someone out so soon yet the date would be so far away? He's busy for the next couple of weeks so that's the next time he's free. Just wondering why ask if he was busy. I know I wouldn't, especially for a first date.

Might be better though, considering I met the last one fairly quick, maybe slower might be better.

How long have you been chatting to this guy? If it was only that day/weekend and he can't meet for another 2 weeks i wouldn't go agreeing to anything.

You could meet someone online (or in 3D world) at anytime over the next 2 weeks and just 'click'

2 weeks is a bloody eternity in OD time.

Esoteric_

Sparky85 wrote: »

Bit of a lurker here for a while.... Need advice please !?
Signed up to OD couple of months ago, met a guy on pof and had 3rd date with him last night. It went well.... Very well ;-)
Thing is I don't know how to start the conversation of "are we moving toward something proper between us?" or "is this just casual thing?" I like him.... We text every couple of days and get on great the few times we've seen each other. We both have on our profiles "wants to date but nothing serious" although admittedly I have that on mine as I didnt like how "is looking for a relationship" sounded when doing up my profile. I don't want to seem pushy or clingy or anything like that because I'm not but I would like to know where I stand..... Any advice ?

I wouldn't ask about where you stand just yet. It's only the third date, and while it'd be nice to know where things are going, I'd generally give it til the 5th or 6th date to ask, because three dates would generally happen over maybe 2-3 weeks, which isn't a long time to know somebody.

knucklehead6

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I wouldn't ask about where you stand just yet. It's only the third date, and while it'd be nice to know where things are going, I'd generally give it til the 5th or 6th date to ask, because three dates would generally happen over maybe 2-3 weeks, which isn't a long time to know somebody.

I was just in the process of writing something similar!!

5 or 6 dates is time enough to start talking about something 'more'

Mr_Spaceman

Galvasean wrote: »

There is certainly an element of that too. It can be quite annoying to see a litany of literally dozens of carefully prosed, well thought out messages ignored en masse. The "Why do I bother?" factor comes into it when a good message seems just as likely to go unanswered as a crap one that took 3 seconds to write.

Perhaps this is where I've been going wrong.

Maybe, for all the intellectual debate on here, instead of my carefully crafted emails which just get ignored en masse, I should just carpet bomb 500 'Hi, how are you' messages.

Out of that lot I'd probably get one or two more replies than I currently receive - none.

Sparky85

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I wouldn't ask about where you stand just yet. It's only the third date, and while it'd be nice to know where things are going, I'd generally give it til the 5th or 6th date to ask, because three dates would generally happen over maybe 2-3 weeks, which isn't a long time to know somebody.

Okay thanks for the advice... I'll leave it for the time being and just see how things progress !

miamee

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Perhaps this is where I've been going wrong.

Maybe, for all the intellectual debate on here, instead of my carefully crafted emails which just get ignored en masse, I should just carpet bomb 500 'Hi, how are you' messages.

Out of that lot I'd probably get one or two more replies than I currently receive - none.

Surely there is a happy medium where you show a modicum of interest in a lady's profile without having to craft a novella in the first message?

I realise it is still time-consuming but two or three lines should be sufficient to say 'hello, I liked this about you/your profile, ask question, hope to hear from you'. That's what I usually try anyway when messaging men. That's not to say it's very successful but I mostly get replies when I show a genuine interest in something on a man's profile. Even if the replies are of the thanks but I've just started seeing someone/decided to delete my profile/dog ate my keyboarggghhh variety.

Snowie

I'm getting sick of hey how are you messages :mad: what because I'm on a dating site there for women don't have to make an effort?
Seriously like do all women have to be so lame?

Or is it just the ones that message me?

Esoteric_

Snowie wrote: »

I'm getting sick of hey how are you messages :mad: what because I'm on a dating site there for women don't have to make an effort?
Seriously like do all women have to be so lame?

Or is it just the ones that message me?

I think men and women both do it, in fairness. Pain in the backside, but it happens.

mood

Snowie wrote: »

I'm getting sick of hey how are you messages :mad: what because I'm on a dating site there for women don't have to make an effort?
Seriously like do all women have to be so lame?

Or is it just the ones that message me?

Count yourself lucky. Some guys here say women never make first contact with them.

Daveysil15

A lot of the "hi, how are you?" messages are probably from guys who started off with good intentions and made an effort with messages at the begining, but when they were getting no replies, resorted to carpet bombing. It's understandable.

However on POF it says that no matter how good your first message is, if your profile is not great it won't matter. I usually make a decent effort with messages, but I've noticed that almost all of the replies I got were from women praising me on my profile, saying it was very witty and funny. So the message probably didn't matter much in most cases. A couple of times I got lazy and sent a few short messages, but still got replies because they liked my profile.