The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

manafana

got my first email from a female today, pictures not easiest to tell but profile is at least a bit interesting so think i will reply

yeahimhere

Think I got my first ignored email! Not that I know how men feel, if the ratio is higher, but it's pretty disheartening the first time it happens.

Odd because he emailed me first - obviously didn't like my pictures / something I said then! He ticked a lot of the boxes too which is a shame.

Edit: (actually I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, I've ignored emails so enough of the pity party!)

Still talking to that other guy though who can't meet up until Sat week. We've a lot in common and conversation is very flowing. I'm 50/50 on whether I'd be attracted to him though from his pictures, so would've been nice to meet sooner and see. I'm not sure if I'm alone in this, but I find once there's one guy I've started to get interested in I don't really contact anyone else until it fizzles out. So all my eggs in the one basket at the moment for a little while!

lg01

sharper wrote: »

You're probably better off with somewhere like fetlife than the mainstream dating sites. The ratio of men:women is not that different to couples:single women interested in threesomes so you're going to find it hard, especially since you're only seeing each other casually so as someone else mentioned the risk of disease is higher.

Thanks, might try that. Any others? I heard of benaughty.com but its full of scammers. Aluldtfriendfinder is probably 90% guys I hear. Any other better sites to try?

smallgarden

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Yeah, I agree. I'd say though having "Looking for a relationship" down will limit the amount of messages/replies you get. Some people will just see that as overly serious and afraid that it will mean commitment from day 1. I would say a lot of the "wants to date but nothing serious" crowd want to date, see how things go and are then open to a relationship possibly. Then of course a lot of them probably do just want casual dating (and then there's a huge group that just want NSA :pac: )

I suppose it's good to be honest though!

ive contacted them outlining this to them so hopefully theyll listen and might change it

ViveLaVie

Jogathon wrote: »

He sounds like a complete loser. No money, no car and pissed on a Tuesday afternoon. Right plonker.

Lots of people don't have either cars or disposable cash. There is a recession on. I wouldn't call someone a loser for that.

smileyj1987

ViveLaVie wrote: »

Lots of people don't have either cars or disposable cash. There is a recession on. I wouldn't call someone a loser for that.

Exactly I agree with you 100% , If I divulged all my financial informantion on POF or OKC I could have a girlfriend in about 2 weeks . But I would rather not do that because I want somebody I can trust and who likes me for the person I am rather then what I have !

goodgolfer64

smileyj1987 wrote: »

Exactly I agree with you 100% , If I divulged all my financial informantion on POF or OKC I could have a girlfriend in about 2 weeks . But I would rather not do that because I want somebody I can trust and who likes me for the person I am rather then what I have !

tell the truth its cause your from Cavan really!!!!!

stargazer 68

Morning folks!

Logged onto POF last night and checked out the 'new users' as you do

Anyone lots of 'intimate encounters' there - nothing unusual in that. One guy though had that he was married with 2 kids and was looking for extra marital fun etc. Now not my thing but each to their own. HOWEVER- this guy had his pic up (definitely him because you would have used a better looking fake pic Im sure) with his 2 kids in it too!!!

Now is that just odd to me or have I been off the radar too long?? :eek:

miamee

ViveLaVie wrote: »

Lots of people don't have either cars or disposable cash. There is a recession on. I wouldn't call someone a loser for that.

It's one thing having no money or car due to a recession...however agreeing to go on a first date and expecting the other person to pick you up, drive you around and more than likely pay for everything (including petrol) cos you've spent what little cash you had on getting drunk on a Tuesday afternoon is definitely loser/sponger/couldn't stand on his own two feet territory.

miamee

Dovies wrote: »

Morning folks!

Logged onto POF last night and checked out the 'new users' as you do

Anyone lots of 'intimate encounters' there - nothing unusual in that. One guy though had that he was married with 2 kids and was looking for extra marital fun etc. Now not my thing but each to their own. HOWEVER- this guy had his pic up (definitely him because you would have used a better looking fake pic Im sure) with his 2 kids in it too!!!

Now is that just odd to me or have I been off the radar too long?? :eek:

No, that is very odd/stupid. Poor kids

KTRIC

miamee wrote: »

It's one thing having no money or car due to a recession...however agreeing to go on a first date and expecting the other person to pick you up, drive you around and more than likely pay for everything (including petrol) cos you've spent what little cash you had on getting drunk on a Tuesday afternoon is definitely loser/sponger/couldn't stand on his own two feet territory.

I don't have a car, don't really like them but do have an expensive enough bike. Do people actually look down on someone on online dating if they don't have a car ??

ViveLaVie

miamee wrote: »

It's one thing having no money or car due to a recession...however agreeing to go on a first date and expecting the other person to pick you up, drive you around and more than likely pay for everything (including petrol) cos you've spent what little cash you had on getting drunk on a Tuesday afternoon is definitely loser/sponger/couldn't stand on his own two feet territory.

I never said anything about that. Jogathan qualified him as a loser based on the fact that he had neither money nor a car and that he was drunk on a Tuesday. I didn't query the last qualifier but I do have a problem with calling someone a loser because they don't drive and don't have much cash. While you have expanded that to him expecting you to pay for the date (which you don't know would have happened for sure) and drive him around (you initially said your issue was with not feeling safe and not that he didn't have transport), that isn't what Jogathan actually said.

miamee

KTRIC wrote: »

I don't have a car, don't really like them but do have an expensive enough bike. Do people actually look down on someone on online dating if they don't have a car ??

No, I don't look down on anyone! But depending on where both people live it can make things awkward, e.g. if there was no other way to get to each other except for one person to do all the driving. Or if the person without the car was the one suggesting going for drives, like in the original post that started this topic.

Basically, I like someone to be independent so they are not relying on me or anyone else to ferry them around. If they get around by bus, train, walking, bicycle, motorcycle, car, van, lorry or otherwise I don't really mind so long as they do it themselves

miamee

ViveLaVie wrote: »

I never said anything about that. Jogathan qualified him as a loser based on the fact that he had neither money nor a car and that he was drunk on a Tuesday. I didn't query the last qualifier but I do have a problem with calling someone a loser because they don't drive and don't have much cash. While you have expanded that to him expecting you to pay for the date (which you don't know would have happened for sure) and drive him around (you initially said your issue was with not feeling safe and not that he didn't have transport), that isn't what Jogathan actually said.

Actually, that was the original poster (andreac), not me. Am just commenting on the situation with the same info as you
I suppose thinking he would expect andreac to pay is unfair, he possibly thought of a drive as a 'free' thing to do, as in won't cost any money and they could have had a chat. It's still not a very good first date idea for a range of reasons.

andreac

I wouldnt class anyone who doesnt have much money or a car a loser, but the way he was coming across was very strange. Saying he was smashed but could go out on Monday during the day for drinks. I only ever go for something cheap like coffee on a first date, so all he would have needed was a few euro at most. I wouldnt expect anyone to even pay for that on a first date.

Then it was the suggestion of 1.Me picking him up and 2. Going for a drive, seriously, even to suggest such a thing for a first date with a complete stranger is odd isnt it?

I just replied and said to let me know when hes sorted and he can meet as i wouldnt feel comfortable going off for a drive with a stranger. Still havent heard back from him....

Jogathon

Hey guys, bit of an over-reaction here. This guy has cancelled dates because he has cash-flow problems. If I ever have cash-flow problems I don't organise to meet someone, then cancel at the last minute. It's the unreliability that's the problem with this guy. If you can't afford it - then don't bloody organise it!!! And why advertise cash-flow problems to a complete stranger? IT's not the lack of money that makes him a loser in my opinion, but the way that he seems to deal with it. He sounds like a person who has issues with money because of drink. That's why I would steer well clear of him.

ViveLaVie

miamee wrote: »

Actually, that was the original poster (andreac), not me. Am just commenting on the situation with the same info as you
I suppose thinking he would expect andreac to pay is unfair, he possibly thought of a drive as a 'free' thing to do, as in won't cost any money and they could have had a chat. It's still not a very good first date idea for a range of reasons.

Apologies miamee, I mixed you up with the OP. I agree it's not a good idea for a first date and it seems this guy is unreliable, I was just commenting on Jogathan's initial post.

andreac wrote: »

I wouldnt class anyone who doesnt have much money or a car a loser, but the way he was coming across was very strange. Saying he was smashed but could go out on Monday during the day for drinks. I only ever go for something cheap like coffee on a first date, so all he would have needed was a few euro at most. I wouldnt expect anyone to even pay for that on a first date.

Then it was the suggestion of 1.Me picking him up and 2. Going for a drive, seriously, even to suggest such a thing for a first date with a complete stranger is odd isnt it?

I just replied and said to let me know when hes sorted and he can meet as i wouldnt feel comfortable going off for a drive with a stranger. Still havent heard back from him....

Yes that is odd and it is certainly something I would never do. I just wouldn't feel safe in a car with a guy I didn't know. As I said to miamee above, it was the phrasing of Jogathan's comment on the situation that I took issue with, not your reluctance with the guy which I believe to be wise.

Jogathon wrote: »

Hey guys, bit of an over-reaction here. This guy has cancelled dates because he has cash-flow problems. If I ever have cash-flow problems I don't organise to meet someone, then cancel at the last minute. It's the unreliability that's the problem with this guy. If you can't afford it - then don't bloody organise it!!! And why advertise cash-flow problems to a complete stranger? IT's not the lack of money that makes him a loser in my opinion, but the way that he seems to deal with it. He sounds like a person who has issues with money because of drink. That's why I would steer well clear of him.

That's fair enough Jogathan but it isn't what you said initially. You actually said that he was a loser because he didn't have money, didn't have a car and was drunk on a Tuesday. While I won't comment on the last reason, I had an issue with your post initially because it read to me like you were saying that anybody who didn't have cash and a car was a loser. If you didn't mean it to come across that way, then that is fair enough but unfortunately with the phrasing the way it was, it did read like that to me.

I agree that in this particular situation, the guy sounds unreliable and potentially dangerous - I definitely think it is weird to suggest that andreac collect him. I certainly wouldn't, for safety reasons. Maybe he is harmless and just a bit of a naive messer, but I wouldn't take the chance.

My issue stemmed from the implication that, in general, anyone without money or a car was a loser. Jogathan has cleared that up now and said that he meant this specific guy is unreliable.

Galvasean

KTRIC wrote: »

Do people actually look down on someone on online dating if they don't have a car ??

Some do unfortunately. I've seen quite a few profiles stating things like "I love when a man can drive me places" and such. That said, I don't think I'd be too bothered mailing such a profile anyhow. If something as arbritaqry as their partner having a car is a high priority for them, then they don't sound like the kind of person I'd enjoy spending much time with.
Personally, I don't have a car myself. I live pretty close to the city in an area that is well serviced by public transport so I don't really need one.

Honey-ec

KTRIC wrote: »

I don't have a car, don't really like them but do have an expensive enough bike. Do people actually look down on someone on online dating if they don't have a car ??

I wouldn't "look down on" someone for not having a car, but I do find adults who can't drive a bit odd, yeah. If you live in the middle of the city and just have no need for a car, then fine, but grown people who never learned to drive? I just find that weird. It's like learning to swim. You should know how to do it, even you never actually need to.

It's nothing to do with money/prestige and it's definitely not a gender thing for me. Everyone should know how to drive, end of.

Tchaikovsky

KTRIC wrote: »

Do people actually look down on someone on online dating if they don't have a car ??

I would have thought that that's more of an American thing.

But then again, alot of people do get their 'culture' from the States.

Shapey Fiend

Driving is this country costs a fortune. I don't find it unusual that someone wouldn't know how to drive, even in a rural area. Petrol, tax and insurance cost thousands a year and some people would rather spend the money elsewhere if possible. I've my own place but i'm insured on the parents car and can borrow it if necessary. Many of my friends parents weren't cool about letting them learn on their cars so they never had the opportunity to do it cheaply.

JamesBond2010

Been a while since i was on this Can i ask the ladies why would ye/you block someone on POF?.If ur talking away& u send the Photo & then they block you.Is it Because you Know them ??

andreac

JamesBond2010 wrote: »

Been a while since i was on this Can i ask the ladies why would ye/you block someone on POF?.If ur talking away& u send the Photo & then they block you.Is it Because you Know them ??

I would only block someone if they were hassling me or were rude, ignorant etc.
Its better to have a photo from the word go, on the very first mail. Saves the awkwardness then after, if you or they get a photo and they arent interested.

Esoteric_

I'd also only block someone if they were harassing me or being rude, if I know them, I laugh about it. :pac:

I don't get the whole 'looking down on someone with no car' thing. Maybe it's because I don't have a car, but I wouldn't care if someone I met didn't have one either. I wouldn't feel comfortable accepting lifts from someone anyway, 'cause it's a waste of their petrol money while I could easily get a bus since I live near the city anyway. Guess it's one of those other silly things that some people look down on others for.

I had a few people look down on me for quitting my last job, too. They'd ask what I was doing, I'd say I've recently left my job to go back to education and they'd start calling me a bum. Sorry but I'm paying a bloody fortune for college and living at home so that I can afford it without scrounging, so STFU and accept that some people don't want to work in retail for the rest of their lives. :pac:

Daveysil15

miamee wrote: »

go on a first date and expect to pick her up, drive her around, and more than likely pay for everything.

FYP. That sounds like an average date to me.

Honey-ec wrote: »

It's nothing to do with money/prestige and it's definitely not a gender thing for me. Everyone should know how to drive, end of.

There's a difference between not knowing how to drive and not been able to afford to drive, which I think was the case with the dude in question.

mood

ViveLaVie wrote: »

Lots of people don't have either cars or disposable cash. There is a recession on. I wouldn't call someone a loser for that.

I would call him a plonker for all the canceling and expecting a women to get into a car with him and go for a 'drive' when they never have meet. Either he has no cop on or is potentially dangerous.

mood

KTRIC wrote: »

I don't have a car, don't really like them but do have an expensive enough bike. Do people actually look down on someone on online dating if they don't have a car ??

I doubt it. But unless both people live very close to each other or in a city with good public transport it can be a big problem not having a car. Someone not willing to learn to drive/buy a car in the future would be a problem for me. I don't want to be someone's personal driver and it is vital if you want a family.

mood

Shapey Fiend wrote: »

Driving is this country costs a fortune. I don't find it unusual that someone wouldn't know how to drive, even in a rural area. Petrol, tax and insurance cost thousands a year and some people would rather spend the money elsewhere if possible. I've my own place but i'm insured on the parents car and can borrow it if necessary. Many of my friends parents weren't cool about letting them learn on their cars so they never had the opportunity to do it cheaply.

When I didn't drive I spent more money on taxis that I do on my car now. I lived somewhere with no public transport. I could get lifts from friends and family but that was putting costs onto them and that is very unfair.

Esoteric_

mood wrote: »

When I didn't drive I spent more money on taxis that I do on my car now. I lived somewhere with no public transport. I could get lifts from friends and family but that was putting costs onto them and that is very unfair.

I'd imagine that living in a rural area, it'd be pretty much required that you be able to drive, because of taxi prices and such.

I live about 15 minutes from the city (Dublin), with a bus route 5 minutes from my house that runs every ten minutes. When it comes to taxis after nights out, they're about 18-20 euro, usually once a fortnight or so. For me, it's a lot cheaper to just use public transport. I have my provisional license but have never sat behind the wheel of a car. :pac: At the moment, there is simply no need for me to. If the need arose, I would learn to drive, though.

mood

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I'd imagine that living in a rural area, it'd be pretty much required that you be able to drive, because of taxi prices and such.

I live about 15 minutes from the city (Dublin), with a bus route 5 minutes from my house that runs every ten minutes. When it comes to taxis after nights out, they're about 18-20 euro, usually once a fortnight or so. For me, it's a lot cheaper to just use public transport. I have my provisional license but have never sat behind the wheel of a car. :pac: At the moment, there is simply no need for me to. If the need arose, I would learn to drive, though.

I agree you don't need a car and in you situation I wouldn't either. But your situation is different from someone expecting everyone to drive them around etc.