The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

YumCha

I've another tale of 'When good dates go nowhere' (I always imagine that being said by the same guy who narrates When animals ATTACK! hehe) Was a date I posted about here, hours chatting, he walked me to my taxi, stood in the middle of the street kissing for ages, talked about what we'd do on the next date in detail.

Texted after we got home, and he texted the next day, then responses started getting far and few between. He knew I couldn't meet for a week or so, so when I knew I was going to be free I texted him, he'd respond to texts but dodged anything to do with confirming or organising the actual next date. I tried a couple of times and just gave up.

I was driving myself nuts trying to work out what he meant or what went wrong, but in this case I think the simplest explanation was the right one i.e. he wasn't interested, was too scared to say so, and was being a bit of a dick about it Ultimately, people whose words and actions don't match up are best left alone... and everyone on this thread deserves better than to be messed around!

BoyJohn129

YumCha wrote: »

I've another tale of 'When good dates go nowhere' (I always imagine that being said by the same guy who narrates When animals ATTACK! hehe) Was a date I posted about here, hours chatting, he walked me to my taxi, stood in the middle of the street kissing for ages, talked about what we'd do on the next date in detail.

Texted after we got home, and he texted the next day, then responses started getting far and few between. He knew I couldn't meet for a week or so, so when I knew I was going to be free I texted him, he'd respond to texts but dodged anything to do with confirming or organising the actual next date. I tried a couple of times and just gave up.

I was driving myself nuts trying to work out what he meant or what went wrong, but in this case I think the simplest explanation was the right one i.e. he wasn't interested, was too scared to say so, and was being a bit of a dick about it Ultimately, people whose words and actions don't match up are best left alone... and everyone on this thread deserves better than to be messed around!

Time will tell I guess but I reckon mine could be a similar story.

msg11

I have decided to have a break from the online dating, closed the POF shop up today. Was going around in circles, people just getting your hopes up and not following on with meeting up etc..

I have no given up just taken a break, for the folks thinking of giving up, don't! Keep in there, something will come along!

Esoteric_

msg11 wrote: »

I have no given up just taken a break, for the folks thinking of giving up, don't! Keep in there, something will come along!

Agreed with this for the most part.

I gave up OD completely 2 months ago, and decided that actually, I don't want to date anyone, I want to be single. All profiles deleted.

Bang, I'm going on a date with a boardsie sometime during the week. :pac: Seems to come along at the one time you decide you don't want it, not that I'm complaining. :pac:

msg11

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Agreed with this for the most part.

I gave up OD completely 2 months ago, and decided that actually, I don't want to date anyone, I want to be single. All profiles deleted.

Bang, I'm going on a date with a boardsie sometime during the week. :pac: Seems to come along at the one time you decide you don't want it, not that I'm complaining. :pac:

As they say Lynda, comes when you leased expect it.. Kinda down about it but I have about the rest of my life to find someone !

Best of luck with the date Lynda.

Larianne

Galvasean wrote: »

Recipe for disaster: what if one of you gets delayed (I've been on dates where people got delayed by anything up to [and in one case over] an hour)? You wouldn't know if you were being stood up or not.
Not like it's hard to block someone's number if they turn out to be a weirdo.

Well I'm more peeved that he'd think I was a weirdo even though we've been mailing everyday and I reluctantly allowed him access to my facebook account. Screw that!

BoyJohn129 wrote: »

Nothing too much just sent an innocuous text and haven't got a reply 12 hours later.

Seems to have slightly dropped off the face of the earth for the moment.

It doesn't bode well I'm afraid. And I think 'not a text' type of a person is a lame excuse!

Galvasean wrote: »

It seems to be the case with a lot of people. I've lost count of how many "You're a lovely guy, but there's no spark" texts I've got after one date that lasted under an hour. I honestly think people's expectations can e a bit too high in relation to OD. Very few relationships that come from IRL are a result of 'love at first sight' (that's actually called 'lust' btw), but yet people seem to expect it from OD.
The mind, she boggles!

We used to be lovely people. Then the weight of the world crushed our spirit :pac:

I don't think its anyway different from meeting someone in a bar and having the chat and then after an hour think "Oh no, think person isn't for me" and making your excuses to leave. I think everyone has the right to change their minds.

But being straight up and honest is the way to go. If someone starts hurling abuse etc well then its only making them look like an idiot. (which they usually realise. :pac:)

Galvasean wrote: »

That is a little perplexing. Based on everything you've been saying, it sounds like you both had a great time. I can't imagine someone sticking out a 6/7 hour date when they weren't feeling the chemistry/spark/magic-elusive-feelgood-factor.

Sometimes in that moment the date is great and its a fun night but when you go home and think about it, you realise there's no long term future etc in it. I think if drink is involved, it also adds to it.

And then, of course, there is the whole "will someone better come along" which I think has a HUGE factor in people not giving dates another go.

Oh, there's a POF event on tonight in the Gresham if anyones at a loose end.

Esoteric_

msg11 wrote: »

As they say Lynda, comes when you leased expect it.. Kinda down about it but I have about the rest of my life to find someone !

Best of luck with the date Lynda.

Thanks. Yeah, it's disheartening, but at the same time, sometimes a break is the best thing for you. I had a crap time my first time on OD, took a break for a month or so, came back and honestly got loads of dates, my heart just wasn't in it, nothing wrong with the OD side of it. See how you feel in a while and if you feel up to it, go back after a while. Can't hurt to use it as a secondary way of meeting people, if you don't want to focus on it too much.

Galvasean

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

People just overthink and box tick post-date and because there's the sweetshop mentality, end up crossing off a perfectly good person.

Larianne wrote: »

Sometimes in that moment the date is great and its a fun night but when you go home and think about it, you realise there's no long term future etc in it.

Hmmm.....

knucklehead6

Galvasean wrote: »

Hmmm.....

Lari has it right. Are you telling us that you have never gotten carried away on a date? Or that a woman you were dating never got carried away?

I know it's happened to me, where I've been on a date and we both got carried away. I thought everything was going great and that there would be a lot more dates.

Unfortunately she didn't agree!!

Jimmy Bottlehead

Bit of a last minute panic post but I've a second date tonight, and I cannot for the life of me find something to do!

Any recommendations for a fun second date in city centre? Any and all suggestions welcome :-)

Galvasean

It just strikes me as funny that we have two very different interpretations of the same situation.
Between the 'met a nice persson but no spark' and the 'there was chemistry but I think I just got carried away' angles is it any wonder there's so many single people out there?

knucklehead6

Galvasean wrote: »

It just strikes me as funny that we have two very different interpretations of the same situation.
Between the 'met a nice persson but no spark' and the 'there was chemistry but I think I just got carried away' angles is it any wonder there's so many single people out there?

But it's not the same situation.

Met a nice person but no spark is one situation.

Met a nice person, chemistry and sparks flying, we got carried away is a totally different situation.

Last Saturday I had a total no spark date. I knew from the moment we started chatting that I just wasn't attracted to her.

And a while back I had a couple of dates with someone where we both got totally away, and I genuinely thought I was after meeting someone that things were going to happen with.
And in the cold light of day, she didn't think that at all, despite the getting carried away the night before!

Siuin

Decided to deactivate my account because of upcoming exams and also met a really nice guy (at a religious event, of all things :P) My prayers have been answered! *beam of light* lol

Larianne

Galvasean wrote: »

It just strikes me as funny that we have two very different interpretations of the same situation.
Between the 'met a nice persson but no spark' and the 'there was chemistry but I think I just got carried away' angles is it any wonder there's so many single people out there?

I was just offering up reasons as to why 2nd dates might not come about even though the first was great.

I think the "nice person but no spark" is basically saying "I don't fancy you". I think the getting carried away lark has a lot to do with alcohol. The date could have started out well but then the date got a bit too full on/clingy before even getting to date number 2. The kiss at the end of the night could have been crap.

Jimmy Bottlehead - might be too late but the International Comedy club would be good to go to. They've two shows on Saturday nights. Think 8 and 9.30 maybe?? Not sure. Hope it goes well

Galvasean

Larianne wrote: »

Jimmy Bottlehead - might be too late but the International Comedy club would be good to go to. They've two shows on Saturday nights. Think 8 and 9.30 maybe?? Not sure. Hope it goes well

That's a great idea. Inexpensive and lots of fun. Might not want to sit up front if you're on a date though. MCs can smell that sort of thing.... ALTHOUGH, now hear me out, be sure to tell them you met on the internet - test out the 'is it taboo?' hypothesis once and for all! :pac:

Galvasean

What's this? A reply on POF? Followed almost imediately by an unsolicited message?
It's all comin' up Milhouse!

sffc

There's a lovely line in an old Nat King Cole song - " and how many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun? " Lovely description :-)

Mr_Spaceman

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

It's incredibly puzzling.

People just overthink and box tick post-date and because there's the sweetshop mentality, end up crossing off a perfectly good person.

Me, I'm an attractive, intelligent, funny, interesting guy, but I've never gotten past a third date with a girl from online dating. I don't give up because at this stage I just want to prove that it can be done, but my expectations are far lower pre- meet up.

How right you are amigo.

You get to date three and think something great is happening before getting them negative waves and then goodbye.

Because women generally get far more messages than men, if something, however little isn't all perfect (that all encompassing feeling of lust, essentially), there's the temptation to dump the guy and return to the sweetshop where someone else will be waiting.

I can only speak from personal experience (sorry I don't mean to offend here) but the majority of women's OD expectations are just f*cking ridiculous. If you're, say, late thirty-something and not six foot+ tall - no matter any other great things you've got going on - you can, basically, forget it. *



*Well I suppose I would say that, slumped here on a Saturday night having fired out another barrage of messages over the last week with fcuk all response. Sigh...

Larianne

Women may get a lot more mails than guys but the quality often isn't great. But I understand what you're saying re: not giving things a go. I think that works with both sexes though.

smileyj1987

Larianne wrote: »

Women may get a lot more mails than guys but the quality often isn't great. But I understand what you're saying re: not giving things a go. I think that works with both sexes though.

I have a friends log in details and she has mine and some of the messages she gets are really appauling usually hi how are you xx or a phone number with somebody offering a booty call or pics of genitalia . So I can see why some women don't really bother replying or delete mails because i would say its a chore going through 40 or 50 crap messages .

Mr_Spaceman

Larianne wrote: »

Women may get a lot more mails than guys but the quality often isn't great. But I understand what you're saying re: not giving things a go. I think that works with both sexes though.

True, and although I realize men are usually spared pics of some random freak's todger, when you receive a lot more mail at least you have a few options, no?

I'm sure most girls' in boxes do have chatty, lucid messages from decent guys amongst the banal 'Hi, how r u?' or general unwanted sex-pesting.

However, nae messages = nae options!

smileyj1987

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

True, and although I realize men are usually spared pics of some random freak's todger, when you receive a lot more mail at least you have a few options, no?

I'm sure most girls' in boxes do have chatty, lucid messages from decent guys amongst the banal 'Hi, how r u?' or general unwanted sex-pesting.

However, nae messages = nae options!

It would agree it does give a few more options but when the options are mostly crap you won't pick one .
Ah I wouldn't worry about having no messages at least you are taking out a sponger / user tonight . I know I would rather not get a message for the next month or a reply to a message because I'm the last option . It would be a waste of my time completely to take somebody out if that was the case .

Blacktie.

Been doing the OD thing a few weeks now. It seems to go the same way as real life for me. A few chats with some people and then just nothing. Disheartening really and I don't just mean the OD side of it but all sides. Gotta sort this out somehow.

smileyj1987

Blacktie. wrote: »

Been doing the OD thing a few weeks now. It seems to go the same way as real life for me. A few chats with some people and then just nothing. Disheartening really and I don't just mean the OD side of it but all sides. Gotta sort this out somehow.

To me its a case with OD that you can get some very picky people , some down right rude people and also you can get time wasters . My only advice would be don't take anything to heart because if you do it will break you .

Blacktie.

smileyj1987 wrote: »

To me its a case with OD that you can get some very picky people , some down right rude people and also you can get time wasters . My only advice would be don't take anything to heart because if you do it will break you .

Yeah I know what you mean. I never really take anything like this to heart or anything I've just had a bad few months with this whole part of my life and it's just getting to me a bit this week.

Mr_Spaceman

Blacktie. wrote: »

Been doing the OD thing a few weeks now. It seems to go the same way as real life for me. A few chats with some people and then just nothing. Disheartening really and I don't just mean the OD side of it but all sides. Gotta sort this out somehow.

Without wanting to echo the kind of guff from glossy mags, the modern generation has been conditioned to a certain extent into thinking they can 'have it all' - including the perfect boy/girlfriend.

Unfortunately, the sweet shop appearance of OD reinforces this. And most people tend to only select things with perfect packaging. Hence the flakiness, the pickiness and the overthinking.

The trouble is, life isn't like that. It's not whistles and bells and, years later, you can wake up and realize, frankly, you have fcuk all.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Strangest second date ever last night with Model Girl... We went for dinner & had an absolute blast chatting for about 3 and a half hours. She suggested a drink after so we found a quiet bar where we were having great craic again, but unfortunately they closed at 1am so we had to leave.

Anyways, walked her down to get a taxi (after offering to walk her home) & we hugged & she headed off, so I figured I was in the friend-zone all along. I got a text a while later saying "Thanks again, safe home!"

At this point I got a bit mad as I at least expected a "You're a lovely guy, BUT..." message after a coffee date and a dinner date, so I texted her to chat about it.

Turns out she thought I didn't fancy her & was gutted I didn't kiss her! And I felt the exact same way! It's ridiculous... but at least it's been cleared up for the third date we both agreed on :-)

Honestly, this dating lark seems to turn me into an idiot!

Larianne

Oh, the awkward goodbyes!! Is is a hug, or a peck on the cheek or a lob the gob. Always appears out of nowhere and you've nothing planned!! Panic!

Whoo for the 3rd date Jimmy

miamee

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

Turns out she thought I didn't fancy her & was gutted I didn't kiss her! And I felt the exact same way! It's ridiculous... but at least it's been cleared up for the third date we both agreed on :-)

Honestly, this dating lark seems to turn me into an idiot!

Oh dear... The tension on date number three now you both have the green light for a kiss is going to be lots of fun :pac:

Galvasean

miamee wrote: »

Oh dear... The tension on date number three now you both have the green light for a kiss is going to be lots of fun :pac:

Tension? Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy.
The only outcome is: nyomnyomnyomnyomnyom!!!!!!