The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

wobblyknees

Galvasean wrote: »

Update for you guys. Ended up mailing back n' forth for quite some time and it was a pleasant experience overall. The only thing is, after reading back over the conversation this morning, I've noticed the conversation wasn't exactly a two way street. What I mean is it started off with me mailing, making reference to stuff in her profile and us talking about that and that is how it continued. She never made reference to anything in my profile (according to 'viewed me' she didn't even look at it).
I was considering mailing her again today, but for the fact that I'm out of ammo so to speak. We've talked about everything on her profile (there wasn't a hiuge amount TBH). I don't want to be repeating myself, nor do I want to start throwing out generic questions either.
I get the impression if she was genuinely interested, as opposed to just passing the time, she'd have made reference to something in my profile by now. I mean, there's enough stuff on it to warrant conversation...
Opinions?

I think sometimes the online vs face to face experience can be very different. Your gut tells you she should want to ask more questions but maybe its not like that for her online and you should just ask if she'd be interested in meeting up. Failing that, I would actually just ask if she had any questions based on what she has read in your profile. You've nothing to lose.

CastorTroy

Galvasean wrote: »

Update for you guys. Ended up mailing back n' forth for quite some time and it was a pleasant experience overall. The only thing is, after reading back over the conversation this morning, I've noticed the conversation wasn't exactly a two way street. What I mean is it started off with me mailing, making reference to stuff in her profile and us talking about that and that is how it continued. She never made reference to anything in my profile (according to 'viewed me' she didn't even look at it).
I was considering mailing her again today, but for the fact that I'm out of ammo so to speak. We've talked about everything on her profile (there wasn't a hiuge amount TBH). I don't want to be repeating myself, nor do I want to start throwing out generic questions either.
I get the impression if she was genuinely interested, as opposed to just passing the time, she'd have made reference to something in my profile by now. I mean, there's enough stuff on it to warrant conversation...
Opinions?

Can't advise on the conversation part, but maybe she did look at your profile but has the option turned on to not display that she viewed it

Jimmy Bottlehead

Galvasean wrote: »

Update for you guys. Ended up mailing back n' forth for quite some time and it was a pleasant experience overall. The only thing is, after reading back over the conversation this morning, I've noticed the conversation wasn't exactly a two way street. What I mean is it started off with me mailing, making reference to stuff in her profile and us talking about that and that is how it continued. She never made reference to anything in my profile (according to 'viewed me' she didn't even look at it).
I was considering mailing her again today, but for the fact that I'm out of ammo so to speak. We've talked about everything on her profile (there wasn't a hiuge amount TBH). I don't want to be repeating myself, nor do I want to start throwing out generic questions either.
I get the impression if she was genuinely interested, as opposed to just passing the time, she'd have made reference to something in my profile by now. I mean, there's enough stuff on it to warrant conversation...
Opinions?

I usually message saying "Thanks for the chat it's been fun, but I'm getting the impression the interest is one-sided, which is fine Best of luck on here, hope you find somebody nice."

That way if she's not interested you've just taken charge and ended it mercifully for both. If she is interested, but didn't realise she was being boring, she'll reply saying sorry and will be perkier.

Esoteric_

Galvasean wrote: »

Update for you guys. Ended up mailing back n' forth for quite some time and it was a pleasant experience overall. The only thing is, after reading back over the conversation this morning, I've noticed the conversation wasn't exactly a two way street. What I mean is it started off with me mailing, making reference to stuff in her profile and us talking about that and that is how it continued. She never made reference to anything in my profile (according to 'viewed me' she didn't even look at it).
I was considering mailing her again today, but for the fact that I'm out of ammo so to speak. We've talked about everything on her profile (there wasn't a hiuge amount TBH). I don't want to be repeating myself, nor do I want to start throwing out generic questions either.
I get the impression if she was genuinely interested, as opposed to just passing the time, she'd have made reference to something in my profile by now. I mean, there's enough stuff on it to warrant conversation...
Opinions?

Personally speaking, if I haven't got much interest in a guy, I won't ask many questions. I don't ask many anyway (mainly out of shyness!), but I'd make sure to ask at least a few if I thought somebody was nice and I wanted to see how things went. If they said something like 'Oh, I see you like XXXXX music,' I'd usually reply with 'Yeah, I love XXXXX, what sort of music do you like? Seen anyone good live?' You know, something to keep the conversation going. It's impossible to have a one sided conversation.

If you want to try again with her, I'm afraid you'll probably have to ask generic questions, see if she replies and just try to make a conversation out of what she says.

Some people aren't great at talking/asking questions at first, but at the same time, it's online dating, you kind of have to be able to converse!

Siuin

Galvasean wrote: »

Guys can have friends that are girls. Assuming he is a player just because you saw him with a girl isn't a good attitude to have.

riveratom wrote: »

You could be extremely put off by a guy in a picture with a close female friend or his sister. In which case you've just overlooked a guy who could be a great match for you for no reason whatsoever?

That is shooting yourself in the foot in a big way, and could have the guy wondering why he's getting radio silence for no apparent reason.

Hasn't failed me yet I have a very good intuition for these things, and chances are that if a picture of him draped across another girl (not a friendly buddy pose) is the message he wants to put out to the world, we're not on the same page.

riveratom

Galvasean wrote: »

Update for you guys. Ended up mailing back n' forth for quite some time and it was a pleasant experience overall. The only thing is, after reading back over the conversation this morning, I've noticed the conversation wasn't exactly a two way street. What I mean is it started off with me mailing, making reference to stuff in her profile and us talking about that and that is how it continued. She never made reference to anything in my profile (according to 'viewed me' she didn't even look at it).
I was considering mailing her again today, but for the fact that I'm out of ammo so to speak. We've talked about everything on her profile (there wasn't a hiuge amount TBH). I don't want to be repeating myself, nor do I want to start throwing out generic questions either.
I get the impression if she was genuinely interested, as opposed to just passing the time, she'd have made reference to something in my profile by now. I mean, there's enough stuff on it to warrant conversation...
Opinions?

I wouldn't read too much into it, if someone is potentially interested, they will usually keep mailing. What I would do is email but don't ask any questions. Then just leave it at that and see what they come back with, and if they respond again after that. In other words, don't keep asking questions

If it fizzles out, then it's prob not going anywhere and I'd move on. Conversations should flow even when questions aren't being asked on either side.

Also, if you are doing all the asking, she just might not think to ask you stuff! That actually happened to me - as in I was the one doing all the talking and answering. Then, I realised I hadn't asked her what she did, what her job was etc! It wasn't intentional, it's just I had been yapping away about my own stuff before I realised I should be asking her some questions too

riveratom

Siuin wrote: »

Hasn't failed me yet I have a very good intuition for these things, and chances are that if a picture of him draped across another girl (not a friendly buddy pose) is the message he wants to put out to the world, we're not on the same page.

You don't know that, because you have no way of definitively knowing if he is a player, since you haven't emailed him to find out

That's kinda different to what you said before though, if he is draped across someone that would be a lot different to someone just standing beside a girl at a wedding or something.

Siuin

riveratom wrote: »

You don't know that, because you have no way of definitively knowing if he is a player, since you haven't emailed him to find out

That's kinda different to what you said before though, if he is draped across someone that would be a lot different to someone just standing beside a girl at a wedding or something.

It's just the message he's putting out there: "Hey, look at me, I'm a ladies man!" I find it pretty immature and really unappealing. And the simple fact is when I log in and there's a dozen other messages, he's making it very easy for me to just delete his and move on to someone who doesn't give that impression!

Honey-ec

So, an update on "butterflies" guy. I just went "Oh screw it," and rang him last night, I'm a divil for having to take things in hand. Anyway, I wasnt really expecting him to answer, but he did. He ended up going on the p*ss on Sunday night as well (as in, as well as me, I went out with my bro) and was just heading back into his bar for a few beers last night when I rang (he was on 10am til 10pm last night, I rang at about 11). We just had a laugh about how neither of us seems to know when to stop, and I let him go.

He rang me then at about 4.30 this morning when he got in, rather tipsy. I was awake anyway, randomly, thanks to majorly freaky zombie apocalypse dreams (all of which involved me actually wondering who was cutting the grass).

Anyway, I dunno, I still kind of can't quite shake the feeling that something has changed. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Siuin

Honey-ec wrote: »

He rang me then at about 4.30 this morning

I'd drop him like a hot potato.

Esoteric_

Siuin wrote: »

I'd drop him like a hot potato.

Just to give a different perspective - I wouldn't drop somebody for that.

The guy I'm going on a date with (at some point, dunno when he's free :pac: ) texted me several times while drunk, from 3am-5.30am.

On another occasion, he drunk texted AND called me at similar times.

I found it funny more than anything else, and I've drunk texted him at similar times too.

At least it means he's thinking about you even while drunk. :pac:

Honey-ec, you reached out and called him, so let him do a bit of chasing now. If he doesn't do it, I guess that's your answer.

Siuin

LyndaMcL wrote: »

The guy I'm going on a date with (at some point, dunno when he's free :pac: ) texted me several times while drunk, from 3am-5.30am.

On another occasion, he drunk texted AND called me at similar times

Nuh-uh I wouldn't be having any of that!
Then again, everyone has their limits :P

Esoteric_

Siuin wrote: »

Nuh-uh I wouldn't be having any of that!
Then again, everyone has their limits :P

Yeah, it's all personal preference. I slagged him off a lot for it, and he was really embarrassed but tbh I found it funny more than anything else. That was probably just because I'm usually awake anyway (I only sleep 3 or 4 hours a night at most) so I didn't get narky being woken up. :pac:

Honey-ec

Siuin wrote: »

I'd drop him like a hot potato.

No offence, Siuin, but tolerance doesn't exactly seem to be your strong point.

I've done the drunk-dialling thing before myself, I certainly don't think it's a red-card offence.

Meauldsegosha

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

I usually message saying "Thanks for the chat it's been fun, but I'm getting the impression the interest is one-sided, which is fine Best of luck on here, hope you find somebody nice."

Is there copyright on that or can I use it?

Siuin

Honey-ec wrote: »

No offence, Siuin, but tolerance doesn't exactly seem to be your strong point.

I've done the drunk-dialling thing before myself, I certainly don't think it's a red-card offence.

There's nothing wrong with my tolerance levels, I just have my standards and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't drink and find drunk dialling a little immature, but that's just my own personal opinion. It may not be a red card offence for you, but it certainly is for me.

But at least we won't be competing for the same guys :P

Starokan

Honey-ec wrote: »

So, an update on "butterflies" guy. I just went "Oh screw it," and rang him last night, I'm a divil for having to take things in hand. Anyway, I wasnt really expecting him to answer, but he did. He ended up going on the p*ss on Sunday night as well (as in, as well as me, I went out with my bro) and was just heading back into his bar for a few beers last night when I rang (he was on 10am til 10pm last night, I rang at about 11). We just had a laugh about how neither of us seems to know when to stop, and I let him go.

He rang me then at about 4.30 this morning when he got in, rather tipsy. I was awake anyway, randomly, thanks to majorly freaky zombie apocalypse dreams (all of which involved me actually wondering who was cutting the grass).

Anyway, I dunno, I still kind of can't quite shake the feeling that something has changed. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

I hate the not knowing feeling, I'm in a bit of a similar situation right now, my instinct tells me that things have changed and that perhaps I'm more into her than vice versa, So i'm taking a back seat and not initiating contact, if i dont hear anything I have my answer.

Maybe a similar approach might work here

Honey-ec

Siuin wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with my tolerance levels, I just have my standards and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't drink and find drunk dialling a little immature, but that's just my own personal opinion. It may not be a red card offence for you, but it certainly is for me.

But at least we won't be competing for guys then :P

Standards can be unrealistic, though. It just struck me that you've said you'd red-card guys for two very minor issues - the joint photo thing and the drunk-dialling.

It just kind of reminds me of my sister, who's perpetually single and can't figure out why, but then in the next sentence will rattle off all the things she'll write off a man based on;:

Height - must be over 6'2"
Build - must not be thinner than her, but also mustn't be overweight
Age - must be over 35 (she's 33)
Salary - must earn more than 45k a year
Accent - must not be a "Howeyeh"
Car - must drive and must not be a "girls" car
Etc. etc.

Yeah, everyone has preferences and everyone probably has a "wishlist" of things they'd love to find in their ideal partner. But I think being completely closed-minded about (imo) very minor things is probably as immature in its way as the odd drunken phone call, tbh.

knucklehead6

Honey-ec wrote: »

Standards can be unrealistic, though. It just struck me that you've said you'd red-card guys for two very minor issues - the joint photo thing and the drunk-dialling.

It just kind of reminds me of my sister, who's perpetually single and can't figure out why, but then in the next sentence will rattle off all the things she'll write off a man based on;:

Height - must be over 6'2" check
Build - must not be thinner than her, but also mustn't be overweight No idea, but i've seen your pics, so check
Age - must be over 35 (she's 33) check
Salary - must earn more than 45k a year MYOFB!
Accent - must not be a "Howeyeh" Don't think i have one
Car - must drive and must not be a "girls" car Nope,
Etc. etc.

Yeah, everyone has preferences and everyone probably has a "wishlist" of things they'd love to find in their ideal partner. But I think being completely closed-minded about (imo) very minor things is probably as immature in its way as the odd drunken phone call, tbh.

tell her to contact me!! :pac:

Siuin

Honey-ec wrote: »

Standards can be unrealistic, though. It just struck me that you've said you'd red-card guys for two very minor issues - the joint photo thing and the drunk-dialling.

I don't find them realistic in the slightest- I simply wouldn't put up with a guy who draped himself across another woman in a photo or would be immature enough to ring me while he was wasted. As I said, we all have our limits of what we'd put up with. I also wouldn't date a smoker or someone who would take drugs- this hardly makes me picky. The list you provided are mostly of specific physical attributes and superficial things, which is not what I have stated. I look for someone who behaves like an adult and consequently rule out guys who don't fit the bill. Luckily this world is full of billions of men to choose from, so I'm not lowering my standards any time soon

Pepe LeFrits

I don't think late night drunk calling is an encouraging sign, at least as far as a relationship goes.

riveratom

Siuin wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with my tolerance levels, I just have my standards and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't drink and find drunk dialling a little immature, but that's just my own personal opinion. It may not be a red card offence for you, but it certainly is for me.

But at least we won't be competing for the same guys :P

I think it's just that you seem to have these boxes ready to tick, and if a guy isn't ticking one of them, then he's out. Which seems pretty short-sighted if you like other things about him. Not everything is black and white and you have to take everyone on their merits

In saying that, if I drunk-dialed a girl in the early stages of getting to know her (even though I know it's something I would never do), then I would defo be regretting it!

Honey-ec

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

I don't think late night drunk calling is an encouraging sign, at least as far as a relationship goes.

If he was booty-calling me, I'd be inclined to agree with you. But he was in that tipsy chatty mode that I've been in loads of times myself and I really don't see that as a big deal. I used to ring my husband at all hours of the morning when I got in if I was out in Dublin without him; it was only the next morning that I'd go "What in God's name was I ringing him at that hour for?"

Siuin

riveratom wrote: »

I think it's just that you seem to have these boxes ready to tick, and if a guy isn't ticking one of them, then he's out. Which seems pretty short-sighted if you like other things about him. Not everything is black and white and you have to take everyone on their merits

In saying that, if I drunk-dialed a girl in the early stages of getting to know her (even though I know it's something I would never do), then I would defo be regretting it!

Can't say I agree with that. Those boxes are there for a reason- I just don't feel that I would be compatible with a guy who exhibited such behaviour. When there's so much choice out there, why settle? I'm in my early 20s, it's not as if I'm desperate to get married.

True- when people getting to know someone they're interested in they are usually on their best behaviour. If this was him at his best, I'd hate to see him futher down the road.

riveratom

Siuin wrote: »

Can't say I agree with that. Those boxes are there for a reason- I just don't feel that I would be compatible with a guy who exhibited such behaviour. When there's so much choice out there, why settle? I'm in my early 20s, it's not as if I'm desperate to get married.

True- when people getting to know someone they're interested in they are usually on their best behaviour. If this was him at his best, I'd hate to see him futher down the road.

Let's say you met a guy in a bar then. You hit it off and go on a few dates and everything is great and you really like him. You are around at his house one day, and you happen to see some pics around the house of him out with a bunch of friends, and some of the people in the pics are girls he has his arm around and is in playful mode with or what have you.

Would you reject him based on the pics at that point.....?!

riveratom

Honey-ec wrote: »

Standards can be unrealistic, though. It just struck me that you've said you'd red-card guys for two very minor issues - the joint photo thing and the drunk-dialling.

It just kind of reminds me of my sister, who's perpetually single and can't figure out why, but then in the next sentence will rattle off all the things she'll write off a man based on;:

Height - must be over 6'2"
Build - must not be thinner than her, but also mustn't be overweight
Age - must be over 35 (she's 33)
Salary - must earn more than 45k a year
Accent - must not be a "Howeyeh"
Car - must drive and must not be a "girls" car
Etc. etc.

Yeah, everyone has preferences and everyone probably has a "wishlist" of things they'd love to find in their ideal partner. But I think being completely closed-minded about (imo) very minor things is probably as immature in its way as the odd drunken phone call, tbh.

Hope she's not rattling off the same list of demands when she's 43 and single

Siuin

riveratom wrote: »

Let's say you met a guy in a bar then. You hit it off and go on a few dates and everything is great and you really like him. You are around at his house one day, and you happen to see some pics around the house of him out with a bunch of friends, and some of the people in the pics are girls he has his arm around and is in playful mode with or what have you.

Would you reject him based on the pics at that point.....?!

We weren't talking about a random picture lying about his house in a playful mode- we were talking about pictures posted online for a dating website (where you are supposed to be conveying a message about yourself). I don't care about 'friendly' poses, but what I did object to was the notion of a guy posting a picture of him with his arms around a girl in an overly-'friendly' way.

Mince Pie

Siuin wrote: »

We weren't talking about a random picture lying about his house in a playful mode- we were talking about pictures posted online for a dating website (where you are supposed to be conveying a message about yourself). I don't care about 'friendly' poses, but what I did object to was the notion of a guy posting a picture of him with his arms around a girl in an overly-'friendly' way.

To be fair, I know the kind of pictures you mean and I've gone on to ignore as well. The blokes tend to have to hot birds on each arm and a rather smug look on their face. It is off putting.
Not sure about the casual ones. I reckon it shows that they are sociable. Take each picture at its on merit or whathaveye.

Honey-ec

riveratom wrote: »

Hope she's not rattling off the same list of demands when she's 43 and single

She probably will be. She doesn't seem to see any correlation between her ridiculous list of prerequisites and the fact that she's still single.

I had the following conversation with her last week about butterflies guy.

Her: How old is he?
Me: 28
Her: Jeez, you really go for the younger men, don't you? (I'm 30)
Me: Not specifically, no, he messaged me, I liked his profile and he just happens to me younger than me
Her: Gawd, I wouldn't even bother replying to someone who was younger than me
Me: *pointed look*

wobblyknees

Honey-ec wrote: »

So, an update on "butterflies" guy. I just went "Oh screw it," and rang him last night, I'm a divil for having to take things in hand. Anyway, I wasnt really expecting him to answer, but he did. He ended up going on the p*ss on Sunday night as well (as in, as well as me, I went out with my bro) and was just heading back into his bar for a few beers last night when I rang (he was on 10am til 10pm last night, I rang at about 11). We just had a laugh about how neither of us seems to know when to stop, and I let him go.

He rang me then at about 4.30 this morning when he got in, rather tipsy. I was awake anyway, randomly, thanks to majorly freaky zombie apocalypse dreams (all of which involved me actually wondering who was cutting the grass).

Anyway, I dunno, I still kind of can't quite shake the feeling that something has changed. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Am I right in reading that this person went out on the p*ss on Saturday, Sunday and Monday and wasn't really giving you a passing call or text to see how you were?