The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

starlit

I think a lot is down to how your profile appears does it match the status on your POF file if they conflict or not balanced out enough it might confuse people.

If you aren't stating something exactly then they know what they are looking for. Keep a status casual but if you are looking for something - 'dating' would be a better option, if you say 'nothing serious' no-one will chat to you, same applies for 'looking for relationship' could mean the opposite could scare someone off, by having too high an expectation.

Keeping it simple, going with the flow and keeping a date low key. No pressure or expectation, the date flow more naturally and well sex shouldn't' have to come into it!? I think a first date is about getting to know someone to be honest and take it from there if ye gel and are compatible woohoo go for it!

chocolatrose

Galvasean wrote: »

Hmm, could my 'looking for relationship' status be working against me? I change from 'nothing serious' to 'looking for relationship' the odd time (damn you lack of middle ground!!!!), but am currently on 'relationship' and on a 'dry spell'.
Are girls really that put off by guys who say they are 'looking for a relationship' due to the amount of fakers?
To me the 'nothing serious' option sounds a little bit NSAish though.
What is a boy to do...

Haha you're not alone in that conundrum..I keep switching back and forth too. I did have up looking for a relationship but then I thought some lads might see that as too needy so I changed to date but nothing serious..now I have a feeling I'm attracting more lads looking for nsa and they think I'm up for it because of the no seriousness involved part..hmmmm

No I definitely don't think girls will read into your relationship status preference that deeply..you'll be fine..you can usually tell for the most part the really honest ones from everything else in their profile and how they come across in chatting after awhile..you'd have to be fair paranoid girl to get that bad but I have only been on awhile, maybe pof will eventually drive me paranoid...ohhh nooo!!:D

chocolatrose

srm23 wrote: »

well i find on pof if you chat to any half normal girl she'd run a mile if sex on first date is brought up, so i plan having chat & few drinks then going for it.

You sound clued in alright, fair play haha:rolleyes:

Galvasean

doovdela wrote: »

if you say 'nothing serious' no-one will chat to you, same applies for 'looking for relationship' could mean the opposite could scare someone off, by having too high an expectation.

Considering there is no straight up 'dating' option on POF, (the two closest options are "I want to date but nothing serious", and "I want a relationship") which would be considered the lesser of two evils?

starlit

When on POF I just changed the status at a time that I just was either interested in dating at the time and the next time after that nothing serious/friends/chat. That was how I felt at the time when I changed statuses. How I was perceived was different between the two statuses but didn't stop being asked out but never went on a date off POF when I were on it.

Galvasean

chocolatrose wrote: »

maybe pof will eventually drive me paranoid...ohhh nooo!!:D

It will destroy us all one day... but,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEYBNvYtwCo

starlit

Galvasean wrote: »

Considering there is no straight up 'dating' option on POF, (the two closest options are "I want to date but nothing serious", and "I want a relationship") which would be considered the lesser of two evils?

Its hard to strike the right balance. I have only gone for either 'dating' or 'nothing serious/friends/chat' options as that is how I felt at the time when I had those statuses. Then again its tricky to pick the correct option to suit you at this moment in time.

The 'relationship' option would be a little intimidating and if I were to choose for you myself the 'nothing serious' might be a more suitable option but are you contacted more by one option over the other? Are you getting the attention from women you want to attract??

chocolatrose

doovdela wrote: »

Its hard to strike the right balance. I have only gone for either 'dating' or 'nothing serious/friends/chat' options as that is how I felt at the time when I had those statuses. Then again its tricky to pick the correct option to suit you at this moment in time.

The 'relationship' option would be a little intimidating and if I were to choose for you myself the 'nothing serious' might be a more suitable option but are you contacted more by one option over the other? Are you getting the attention from women you want to attract??

But the dating option include 'nothing serious' as opposed to just dating...and the other option is straight up looking for a relationship

Think pof need to change the dating option status to get rid of the nothing serious out of it..maybe that would solve the problem as they all ready have the nsa type status covered with 'not seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment'

Panthro

srm23 wrote: »

have a date lined up for this weekend off pof, she's decent looking but not sure if much will come from it, I'm thinking of trying "The Naked Man" on her as I've always wanted to try it, what you think?

srm23 Infracted for going against Rule 3 of the Thread:

(3) This thread IS NOT for a place to pick up
Do not come in here to pick up a boardsie, your posts will be deleted. If in the Mods view, this is why you have come to our forum, then you will end up banned, possibly permanently.
Similarly, this is not a thread in which to learn the art of "Picking up" someone. It is against the Charter of the forum, therefore it carries a Permanent Ban.

It happens again and you face a permanent ban from the Forum.

Esoteric_

I took a month or so off from OD because I got sick of it after only a month of doing it. :pac: Might give it a shot again, because although I'm getting dates offline quite easily, the guys I've gone on dates with are either creepy, boring or just not my type. I know that happens online too, but might do no harm to widen the potential pool of men by going back online too. :pac:

The real problem I have is that out of the men who have asked me out (a fair few), about two thirds of them were boardsies! While I have nothing against boardsies and would happily date one, it creeps me out when they're NOT tGC regs but quote back things I've said in here to me. :eek::eek::eek: At least be subtle about your stalking skillz! :pac:

G-Money

I think I've said it before but I get turned off quite often by the "looking to date but nothing serious" status I see on girls profiles. In my head I think they're just looking to date someone and ditch them as soon as they get bored/or they think someone better comes along. Or they're more concerned with trying to live some sort of Sex and the City lifestyle. That might not be true, but that's the impression it gives to me.

Having said that, my own status says "Looking for a relationship" and sometimes I think I'm the only guy on there with that. I've thought about changing my status to the "not looking for anything serious" but then I feel I will only attract the SATC types above I do admit that saying you want a relationship could put people off. I usually say on my profile as well that I'm not looking to run off and get married but at the same time, not looking something casual.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be meeting a girl on Friday night, so let's see how that goes.

VinLieger

G-Money wrote: »

I think I've said it before but I get turned off quite often by the "looking to date but nothing serious" status I see on girls profiles. In my head I think they're just looking to date someone and ditch them as soon as they get bored/or they think someone better comes along. Or they're more concerned with trying to live some sort of Sex and the City lifestyle. That might not be true, but that's the impression it gives to me.

Having said that, my own status says "Looking for a relationship" and sometimes I think I'm the only guy on there with that. I've thought about changing my status to the "not looking for anything serious" but then I feel I will only attract the SATC types above I do admit that saying you want a relationship could put people off. I usually say on my profile as well that I'm not looking to run off and get married but at the same time, not looking something casual.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be meeting a girl on Friday night, so let's see how that goes.

Im the same, used to swap between "nothing serious" and "looking for" but have left it on looking for a relationship for a while now, and when i use the search function i usually set that as a limit as well due to too many useless messages with girls who list as nothing serious and seem to be just on it for an ego boost

wobblyknees

So there has been lots of friendly chat firstly via POF, then FB and now text for a couple of weeks. We have finally arranged to meet this weekend. Interested to see how this pans out, she has a very good sense of humour and seems pretty laid back and down to earth. Watch this space.

Honey-ec

G-Money wrote: »

I think I've said it before but I get turned off quite often by the "looking to date but nothing serious" status I see on girls profiles. In my head I think they're just looking to date someone and ditch them as soon as they get bored/or they think someone better comes along. Or they're more concerned with trying to live some sort of Sex and the City lifestyle. That might not be true, but that's the impression it gives to me.

You're letting yourself be put off lots of potentially lovely women, in that case. I have "Wants to date but nothing serious" as my status because I'm not actively looking for a relationship at the moment, I was married up until last year, ffs. But I'm certainly not looking to date & ditch either.

As I saw on a guy's profile before, if there was a "Wants to date, but open to being smitten" option, I'd choose that one.

Micky 32

My experience over the years Dating sites are rarely successful. 99% of the women who join , their expectations are way to high. They are living in dreamland. For example, an average looking woman joins. She feels all powerful getting all these emails from hot looking men ( mostly from pervs, married men and men looking for one nighters but she is naive and doesn't realise that yet). So an average looking man contacts her, and she's like no thanks because "i" can get an above average man judging from the attention she's getting hence she thinks she can do better so Mr Average's email mostly gets ignored!

So Miss average meets Mr above average and she then complains he was only after one thing....

So what happens to mr average on these sites? He ends up with the women who have no regard for their appearance or look after themselves by being over weight etc. You will find you will get dates with them alright because the above average hot guys won't write to them ;-) I have been on dating sites so long i know which ones will reply and ones who won't, so predictable..

I like how woman bang on about how it's about personality more so etc etc but that is a load of bull. You can write the most beautiful email but if she doesn't like the photo there will be no reply...

Also gotta love the " Love to laugh", " walks on the beach " " you get what you see, no games" blah blah

I won't mention the other women i have met on POF, where they seem ok and you think hmmm maybe this is it until the scars show from their divorce from the abuse they have had over the years by their exes!

So anyone thinking of joining these sites, be prepared, it will be tough! Of course i'm sure somewhere there's is that shiny needle in the haystack and you might be lucky enough to find it.

G-Money

Honey-ec wrote: »

You're letting yourself be put off lots of potentially lovely women, in that case. I have "Wants to date but nothing serious" as my status because I'm not actively looking for a relationship at the moment, I was married up until last year, ffs. But I'm certainly not looking to date & ditch either.

I have contacted girls with that status, but in my head I usually don't have many expectations of it going anywhere. Some of them will add something to their profile to say if they're open to things going further. But if I see they've added something specifically which is just a re-hash of the "not looking for anything serious" I avoid them.

Although I think the site is partly to blame. Having the option of either "Looking to date but nothing serious" or "looking for a relationship" doesn't leave much middle ground. If they added something like "Looking to date but open to more" it would make things better.

Piliger

Indeed. These sites create problems that don't need to be created. They only allow two distinctions between kinds of relationships. Serious, leading to marriage - or Casual. This is not how life works in reality. Anyone going on dates thinking about marriage all the time needs to have their head examined. But 'casual' is not the sole alternative.

wobblyknees

Am I allowed to ask for suggestions here as to what to be 'organising' for a first meeting?

That_Guy

wobblyknees wrote: »

Am I allowed to ask for suggestions here as to what to be 'organising' for a first meeting?

What are her interests? Find some common ground and do that.

If the weather isn't particularly great, Accents Lounge (right beside Break For The Border) does really nice hot chocolate/coffee and is really relaxed. They've even got Connect 4 and Jenga in there. Nice ice breakers.

That's assuming you're in Dublin though.

wobblyknees

That_Guy wrote: »

What are her interests? Find some common ground and do that.

If the weather isn't particularly great, Accents Lounge (right beside Break For The Border) does really nice hot chocolate/coffee and is really relaxed. They've even got Connect 4 and Jenga in there. Nice ice breakers.

That's assuming you're in Dublin though.

Yes, in Dublin. Still figuring that kind of thing out. She is very easy going which doesn't help!

That_Guy

wobblyknees wrote: »

Yes, in Dublin. Still figuring that kind of thing out. She is very easy going which doesn't help!

Assess the weather. If it's nice, a take away from a coffee place and a stroll around St. Stephens green park or if it's bad maybe a game or two of pool in the Hideout.

Just a few suggestions for an informal first date with no pressure on either side.

smallgarden

Micky 32 wrote: »

My experience over the years Dating sites are rarely successful. 99% of the women who join , their expectations are way to high. They are living in dreamland. For example, an average looking woman joins. She feels all powerful getting all these emails from hot looking men ( mostly from pervs, married men and men looking for one nighters but she is naive and doesn't realise that yet). So an average looking man contacts her, and she's like no thanks because "i" can get an above average man judging from the attention she's getting hence she thinks she can do better so Mr Average's email mostly gets ignored!

So Miss average meets Mr above average and she then complains he was only after one thing....

So what happens to mr average on these sites? He ends up with the women who have no regard for their appearance or look after themselves by being over weight etc. You will find you will get dates with them alright because the above average hot guys won't write to them ;-) I have been on dating sites so long i know which ones will reply and ones who won't, so predictable..

I like how woman bang on about how it's about personality more so etc etc but that is a load of bull. You can write the most beautiful email but if she doesn't like the photo there will be no reply...
.

I think this works both ways. There are plenty of average men who probably have the exact same philosophy. I find with online dating there are so many profiles that I have to be somewhat attracted to the person in the picture.I dont mean he has to be gorgeous but there has to be something. I rule out some people on gut instinct at times,rightly or wrongly,there's just something about the profile that just doesnt sit right. I think the liking someone more for personality than looks applies more if you know the person than online dating when you havent met the person.

Northclare

It works both ways alright.
But as a guy ill admit I'm fussy.
I'll settle for nothing less than what I'm looking for.
Were all entitled to meet our other.
Principles before personality

KTRIC

Just deleted (yes permanently) all four of my accounts this evening. Sick of massaging the womens ego's. I'm sure there's some balanced women out there but I haven't found them yet.

Northclare

Same here deleted them all.
A load of Sith lol

ChannelNo5

Micky 32 wrote: »

My experience over the years Dating sites are rarely successful. 99% of the women who join , their expectations are way to high. They are living in dreamland. For example, an average looking woman joins. She feels all powerful getting all these emails from hot looking men ( mostly from pervs, married men and men looking for one nighters but she is naive and doesn't realise that yet). So an average looking man contacts her, and she's like no thanks because "i" can get an above average man judging from the attention she's getting hence she thinks she can do better so Mr Average's email mostly gets ignored!

So Miss average meets Mr above average and she then complains he was only after one thing....

So what happens to mr average on these sites? He ends up with the women who have no regard for their appearance or look after themselves by being over weight etc. You will find you will get dates with them alright because the above average hot guys won't write to them ;-) I have been on dating sites so long i know which ones will reply and ones who won't, so predictable..

I like how woman bang on about how it's about personality more so etc etc but that is a load of bull. You can write the most beautiful email but if she doesn't like the photo there will be no reply...

Also gotta love the " Love to laugh", " walks on the beach " " you get what you see, no games" blah blah

I won't mention the other women i have met on POF, where they seem ok and you think hmmm maybe this is it until the scars show from their divorce from the abuse they have had over the years by their exes!

So anyone thinking of joining these sites, be prepared, it will be tough! Of course i'm sure somewhere there's is that shiny needle in the haystack and you might be lucky enough to find it.

You just totally contradicted yourself there man! You say that all women are interested in is looks but just before that you say that "Mr average will end up with the women who have no regard for their appearance or look after themselves by being over weight etc. What about her personality? Just because she's overweight doesn't mean she doesn't look after herself or she's not a beautiful person.

I am an average woman. I don't get loads of mails from hot men nor do i want them. My expectations are not unrealistic. What i'd like is an average guy who is not looking for a shág/ego boost/laugh at my expense but that's what i get more often than not. And i am definitely NOT naive. However, i don't tar all men on OL dating with the same brush although that has been my overiding experience. Bitterness is a very unattractive quality and if i thought about men the way you think about women i probably wouldn't have much success either :rolleyes:

Monkeybonkers

Think I'll delete my account on POF too. Nothing has come from it and it doesn't like it's going to.

smallgarden

its horrible to see so many people giving up,my od goes in cycles, go on it for little while,might get few dates but generally get nowhere, go off it for few months and go back on it again.i find on okcupid it tends to be same guys still there but on pof there are so many profiles its difficult to find the needle in the haystack type thing

Northclare

Some craic isn't it

Daveysil15

Micky 32 wrote: »

My experience over the years Dating sites are rarely successful. 99% of the women who join , their expectations are way to high. They are living in dreamland. For example, an average looking woman joins. She feels all powerful getting all these emails from hot looking men ( mostly from pervs, married men and men looking for one nighters but she is naive and doesn't realise that yet). So an average looking man contacts her, and she's like no thanks because "i" can get an above average man judging from the attention she's getting hence she thinks she can do better so Mr Average's email mostly gets ignored!

I agree with this to an extent. Yes a lot of women do get inundated with messages and seem to have more options available to them. A previous female poster said she got 15 dates in one year. That's quite a lot. I don't think there's any men who have had that many dates. I've only had 1 date in 16 months. However I don't think they have high expectations. A lot of women seem to be just dipping their toes or trying it out of boredom. I've spoken to a lot of women on POF who say they're unsure about it and are hesitant to meet anyone. All the pervs looking for NSA doesn't help matters either. It makes it difficult for the nice guys who just want to meet women.