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The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

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    #1532
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Honey-ec wrote: »
    I don't really get this, I have to admit. If someone you know sees you on it, it's because they're on it too, so what's the big deal?

    I don't really get the not wanting to be seen element either TBH. An awful lot of people use OD and the social stigma attached to it is all but gone as it becomes more mainstream with each passing day (making the whole experience worse overall IMO thanks to countless rubbish profiles, but that's a totally different point!).
    Plus, when everybody has their pics up you don't accidentally mail your cousin! :pac:


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    #1533
    SpaceRocket
    Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭SpaceRocket


    ladylost wrote: »
    Got a message from a guy the other night asking me for a pic so thought it was a bit shallow asking for pic without any other effort at conversation or comment on my profile but sent him pics.

    I wouldn't have paid that any attention. The fact he hasn't even noticed anything on your profile to comment upon would likely indicate that he wasn't really interested in your profile in the first place. Very similar to those 'hiya how was your weekend' messages. Time wasters. Don't let them get you down :)


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    #1534
    Hardonraging
    Registered Users Posts: 2,641 ✭✭✭Hardonraging


    Honey-ec wrote: »
    Imo there's a big difference between not responding to someone in the first place, and messaging someone for a while and then suddenly just ignoring them.

    Regarding the pics, I don't reply to anyone who doesn't have one/send it with the first message. I've been caught out once or twice before with getting chatting to someone with no pic, they send it on after a couple of days and you don't fancy them in the least and believe me, it's awkward avenue.

    If the woman has a picture, i'll attach one in the first msg ..
    Honey-ec wrote: »
    I don't really get this, I have to admit. If someone you know sees you on it, it's because they're on it too, so what's the big deal?

    A very fair point, assuming there not just snoping ..
    Galvasean wrote: »
    For me personally such a situation would be just too awkward. In such a case it's obvious that its the image they don't like. At least when it's my profile, message and pictures being judged so it's easier to fob off. If I sent someone a picture and they replied, "Oh right, well, I don't fancy you" my confidence would be absolutely crushed. :o

    I cant say i'd address any one in that manor ... seems a bit childish imo


    chocolatrose wrote: »
    I don't really understand why some people would see keeping yourself a mystery an option. I get why you might not want photo's up because of people you know finding you on there but it really does make things awkward if you start chatting with someone only later to exchange photo's and realise then that attraction isn't there because at the end of the day attraction has to be there. There is no point denying it so it just makes things run a whole lot smoother when everyone know from the get go what you are getting in the looks stakes. That isn't being shallow because attractiveness is subjective but it does matter.


    The mystery comment was more of a turn of phrase than anything, but as i mentioned above, if the woman has a picture, i'll send a picture, if not, i'll ask to swap ..


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    #1535
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Seriously, when are POF introducing the easy to use 'hide user' feature that they have on OKC. Sick to my teeth of having to see all of those faces I mailed (to no reply) or dated (spectacularly) many moons ago smiling back at me every time I log in :o


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    #1536
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Hardonraging wrote: »
    A very fair point, assuming there not just snoping ..

    Well if they are using an online dating site purely to try find gossip or scandal then their opinions shouldn't count for much to us. I would consider that to be quite a sad pursuit.
    Hardonraging wrote: »
    I cant say i'd address any one in that manor ... seems a bit childish imo

    Oh of course, but regardless of how nice people try to dress it up in an attempt to be nice about it the core message is the same. They are telling you that they don't find you physically attractive.


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    #1537
    chocolatrose
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭chocolatrose


    I mean the main reason I like people to have a photo up before we get chatting is mainly because I am not a fan of crushing people's confidence. That isn't why I'm there. To get chatting with someone great and having the laugh only for it to fall flat when photo's are exchanged makes me feel really uncomfortable because it is very obvious to the other person then why the interest is lost and I don't like the idea that I may be making someone feel insecure about their looks as a result. That's just something that doesn't sit too well with me. At least when everything is open to be judged from the start the person can put it down to a whole host of reasons why they might not be suitable in the eyes of the other person, and in my opinion will be able to move on faster from the rejection.


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    #1538
    Hardonraging
    Registered Users Posts: 2,641 ✭✭✭Hardonraging


    Galvasean wrote: »
    Well if they are using an online dating site purely to try find gossip or scandal then their opinions shouldn't count for much to us. I would consider that to be quite a sad pursuit.

    You must remember you dont have to use it to find people, profile can be viewed with out being a member, and i do agree it's a sad pursuit.

    Galvasean wrote: »
    Oh of course, but regardless of how nice people try to dress it up in an attempt to be nice about it the core message is the same. They are telling you that they don't find you physically attractive.


    I guess we'll just have to aggree to disagree on this one simple as it's a personal thing, i perfer to be told, it dosent dent my ego, nor upset me, it's a clear msg that i can continue the search ..


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    #1539
    SpaceRocket
    Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭SpaceRocket


    Has anyone else here come to the realisation that they actually have very little idea if they'd be really attracted to someone in real life, from just their photos!? Could be just me....
    I mean every face has something beautiful and unique that much is very clear to me; rather its the 'vibe' the person gives off, the way they speak, the words they use, their quirky mannerisms, attitudes, how i feel around them, etc that would tend to attract me instantly. Its never ever been just cause they have a symmetrical face.
    None of that is available through the medium of this online thing which is a pity...
    Genuinely feel i have very little clue as to whom i'd be attracted to in real life from just photos.


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    #1540
    chocolatrose
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭chocolatrose


    SpaceRocket wrote: »
    Has anyone else here come to the realisation that they actually have very little idea if they'd be really attracted to someone in real life, from just their photos!? Could be just me....
    I mean every face has something beautiful and unique that much is very clear to me; rather its the 'vibe' the person gives off, the way they speak, the words they use, their quirky mannerisms, attitudes, how i feel around them, etc that would tend to attract me instantly. Its never ever been just cause they have a symmetrical face.
    None of that is available through the medium of this online thing which is a pity...
    Genuinely feel i have very little clue as to whom i'd be attracted to in real life from just photos.

    I'm like that too. You can get an idea from a photo whether a date would be worth a shot, as in you think there might be an attraction but you can really only tell in person I believe. I mean I have met people I thought I would be attracted to based on photo's but in person found myself not to be attracted to them for whatever reason so photo's aren't the complete picture, that's for sure. Not even chatting for quite awhile before the meet up can always give you a feel for their personality. Some people can act quite differently in person.


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    #1541
    Varied
    Closed Accounts Posts: 725 ✭✭✭Varied


    SpaceRocket wrote: »
    Has anyone else here come to the realisation that they actually have very little idea if they'd be really attracted to someone in real life, from just their photos!? Could be just me....
    I mean every face has something beautiful and unique that much is very clear to me; rather its the 'vibe' the person gives off, the way they speak, the words they use, their quirky mannerisms, attitudes, how i feel around them, etc that would tend to attract me instantly. Its never ever been just cause they have a symmetrical face.
    None of that is available through the medium of this online thing which is a pity...
    Genuinely feel i have very little clue as to whom i'd be attracted to in real life from just photos.

    This x10.

    I've started this online dating thing a month ago. The dates I've been on while fun, felt very planned and it was as if there was an element of a routine to it ( although by the end it ended up elsewhere :D).

    There is nothing like meeting someone out of the blue and just getting on there and then.


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    #1542
    G-Money
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,199 ✭✭✭G-Money


    Is it really so hard for girls to write more than two lines on their profile and for it to say something other than "I like socialising" :rolleyes:


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    #1543
    CastorTroy
    Registered Users Posts: 29,026 ✭✭✭✭CastorTroy


    Galvasean wrote: »
    Plus, when everybody has their pics up you don't accidentally mail your cousin! :pac:
    Experience speaking? :P


    I was looking for a pic to post on my profile last night and realised I'm more camera shy than I thought. Was lucky to find even 1 photo a year and even then they're bad photos as in group photos taken by my brother or someone where everyone's looking different ways or caught with a strange face made, for some reason. And this is coming from someone who isn't vain.


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    #1544
    CastorTroy
    Registered Users Posts: 29,026 ✭✭✭✭CastorTroy


    G-Money wrote: »
    Is it really so hard for girls to write more than two lines on their profile and for it to say something other than "I like socialising" :rolleyes:

    Yeah, I'm not exactly the going out every night type, so when they say something like that it makes them sound like they're constantly hitting the town. I'm not one to stop someone meeting up with friends but would also like them to be sober on occasion. And I don't mean just during the day. :)


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    #1545
    SpaceRocket
    Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭SpaceRocket


    Could the sketch shows have maybe gotten it right with their 'I'm-5ft2-please-someone-date-me' type video profiles...!? :cool:

    It's a pity, and i see no way around it apart from meeting up with every single person who messages with common interests... totally impractical, not to mention majorly time consuming.


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    #1546
    G-Money
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,199 ✭✭✭G-Money


    Some more gripes:

    Don't wear sunglasses or other stuff that covers your face in all of your photos.
    Don't have a pic where you're so far from the camera, I can't tell if it's a real person or mannequin.
    If you are in pictures with other people, put a caption to clearly state which one you are. You don't stand out as much as you think.
    Actually have some pictures of you, not your shadow, or legs or something.


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    #1547
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    G-Money wrote: »
    Is it really so hard for girls to write more than two lines on their profile and for it to say something other than "I like socialising" :rolleyes:

    What is that... an awful lot of profiles list 'socialising' as a hobby.
    I look forward to seeing a account that says, "I don't like socialising. leave me alone." Now that'd be funny.

    Far too many profiles out there with buzz all information. Stating your name and that you don't know what else to say does not a good profile make! :mad:


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    #1548
    chocolatrose
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭chocolatrose


    Hardonraging wrote: »
    I guess we'll just have to aggree to disagree on this one simple as it's a personal thing, i perfer to be told, it dosent dent my ego, nor upset me, it's a clear msg that i can continue the search ..

    I really don't think you should take that as your cue to continue the search..I think the search shouldn't really stop just because you feel it might be going well messaging one person..until you start dating then that's where maybe you can start letting your hopes rise but before that people are very fickle in OD so you can never get your hopes up at that stage.

    G-Money wrote: »
    Is it really so hard for girls to write more than two lines on their profile and for it to say something other than "I like socialising" :rolleyes:

    No it's not hard. It's just those girl's are most likely on there for an ego boost in relation to their looks, not their personality, so they don't feel the need to write anything. That or they are just plain boring and haven't much else to them besides. They are just on for the craic I would say.


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    #1549
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    G-Money wrote: »
    Actually have some pictures of you, not your shadow, or legs or something.

    Or boobs. I saw a new account on POF yesterday that was just a pair of tits in the profile pic. Tenner says she'll give out about creeps/weirdos in a day or two.
    Or cat. Quite a few cats looking to find a man in Dublin by the look of things...


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    #1550
    G-Money
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,199 ✭✭✭G-Money


    I think my favourite thing I've read from a girls profile was the tagline that said

    "If Carlsburg did profiles..."

    I remember thinking to myself when I read that "If Carlsburg did profiles, they'd know how to spell Carlsberg".


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    #1551
    Hardonraging
    Registered Users Posts: 2,641 ✭✭✭Hardonraging


    SpaceRocket wrote: »
    Could the sketch shows have maybe gotten it right with their 'I'm-5ft2-please-someone-date-me' type video profiles...!? :cool:

    It's a pity, and i see no way around it apart from meeting up with every single person who messages with common interests... totally impractical, not to mention majorly time consuming.

    Find somebody who makes you laugh ... that's my secret weapon..


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    #1552
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    chocolatrose wrote: »
    people are very fickle in OD so you can never get your hopes up at that stage.

    In all honesty I don't think you can get your hopes up at any stage (unless you've managed to go solid of course). All it takes is for a butterfly in Argentina to flap its wings for someone to start blanking you for no apparent reason on OD. It's that bloody fragile!


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    #1553
    chocolatrose
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭chocolatrose


    Galvasean wrote: »
    In all honesty I don't think you can get your hopes up at any stage (unless you've managed to go solid of course). All it takes is for a butterfly in Argentina to flap its wings for someone to start blanking you for no apparent reason on OD. It's that bloody fragile!

    I was trying not to come across as too cynical but ah what the hell yeah you are right 100%...you just never know until you have reached that stage


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    #1554
    SpaceRocket
    Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭SpaceRocket


    Galvasean wrote: »
    What is that... an awful lot of profiles list 'socialising' as a hobby.

    Far too many profiles out there with buzz all information. Stating your name and that you don't know what else to say does not a good profile make! :mad:

    They're plain and simple attention seeking, probably no intention of actually dating someone from the site.

    Loads of guys profiles like that too. Usually the ones that love themselves, with their 'ripped muscles', wearing no shirt, iphone pointed at mirror etc photos...


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    #1555
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Hey hey, people liked my chaos theory reference! :D


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    #1556
    Northclare
    Closed Accounts Posts: 724 ✭✭✭Northclare


    If someone sent me a mail, giving out about the fact I didn't reply on time.

    I think it would be in my interest not to bother with them.
    The last thing.I need is to be dating someone who is insecure or gets annoyed when I'm not getting back on time.

    My profile states I'm an independent guy...


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    #1557
    ladylost
    Registered Users Posts: 367 ✭✭ladylost


    Honey-ec wrote: »
    I don't really get this, I have to admit. If someone you know sees you on it, it's because they're on it too, so what's the big deal?

    I understand people don't get it and that's fine. I also know if I see them and they see me it's because we're all on there for the same reason. However I am an extremely private person. I don't talk to my work colleagues about my personal life and don't want them knowing anything about it. Each to their own I guess


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    #1558
    SpaceRocket
    Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭SpaceRocket


    There's also the theory that implies everyone is simultaneously messaging and not messaging each other back... maybe thats what the cat photos were about..? :pac:


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    #1559
    ladylost
    Registered Users Posts: 367 ✭✭ladylost


    SpaceRocket wrote: »
    Has anyone else here come to the realisation that they actually have very little idea if they'd be really attracted to someone in real life, from just their photos!? Could be just me....
    I mean every face has something beautiful and unique that much is very clear to me; rather its the 'vibe' the person gives off, the way they speak, the words they use, their quirky mannerisms, attitudes, how i feel around them, etc that would tend to attract me instantly. Its never ever been just cause they have a symmetrical face.
    None of that is available through the medium of this online thing which is a pity...
    Genuinely feel i have very little clue as to whom i'd be attracted to in real life from just photos.

    Completely agree with this. Attraction is a funny thing. I don't even know what my type is anymore. It's more about good company that I can laugh with now rather than what he looks like although there still has to be physical attraction too. I only know when I meet someone and often need to meet more than once.


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    #1560
    SpaceRocket
    Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭SpaceRocket


    ladylost wrote: »
    Completely agree with this. Attraction is a funny thing. I don't even know what my type is anymore. It's more about good company that I can laugh with now rather than what he looks like although there still has to be physical attraction too. I only know when I meet someone and often need to meet more than once.

    Online dating has really opened my eyes in that respect, totally. I've realised I don't have a 'type', looks wise at all. I'm also slow to figure out whether I'm properly attracted to someone or just intrigued by them, can take a couple meetings to figure that out. In saying that though if I do get a hunch that I'm somewhat unsure after the first meeting, I'm usually right.


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    #1561
    Hardonraging
    Registered Users Posts: 2,641 ✭✭✭Hardonraging


    SpaceRocket wrote: »
    They're plain and simple attention seeking, probably no intention of actually dating someone from the site.

    Loads of guys profiles like that too. Usually the ones that love themselves, with their 'ripped muscles', wearing no shirt, iphone pointed at mirror etc photos...


    Roll's t-shirt down ....


    Na i'm way to Classy to have those kind of pics on my pro, even the hidden one's ... what i do need are more hipster style pics tho


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