The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Sarah**

Sometimes, when you least expect it, you click with someone and it's those times that make the rest bearable. They may be few and far between and your confidence may receive a kickin' in the meantime but that odd time you find a geuine person.

Try not to tar everyone with the same brush. Look at the amount of people on this thread who are all of the same thought process with knockbacks, short messages and general anxiety about OD.... Surely that in itself demonstrates that there is a good chunk of genuine articles... they're just hiding!

Keep an open mind and remember it's their loss if they dont reply/show up/text back... etc.

HellFireClub

Larianne wrote: »

How do you know? How do you know they ain't thinking the exact same thing?!

You definitely need patience and an outlook of 'sure see what happens' for online dating.

It just seems to me that the more a person is my exact type, the less likely they are to reply, or if they do reply, they don't seem to be anywhere near as conversational or engaging as I think I am. I am being patient, if someone contacts me I'll always reply, but I just couldn't be bothered anymore putting my hand out to be slapped with the site having such an obviously poor "first contact" response rate.

Larianne

Sarah** wrote: »

Keep an open mind and remember it's their loss if they dont reply/show up/text back... etc.

This is how I see it. And if I don't get a reply off someone I've mailed, that's fair enough. They might not like the look of me or the fact I'm a student. I'm not going to be attractive/interesting to every single person I meet online or in RL.

Sarah** wrote: »

Keep an open mind and remember it's their loss if they dont reply/show up/text back... etc.

Now if they don't show up, that's not acceptable! :eek:

HellFireClub - I wasn't stating you need patience specifically, just in a general sense to online dating.

HellFireClub

Larianne wrote: »

HellFireClub - I wasn't stating you need patience specifically, just in a general sense to online dating.

I hear ya, I think I just go about things differently than most, I'll reply to the vast majority of people who mail me (the exceptions being stupid/ridiculous profiles or mails), I view the site more as a bit of a banter forum really than strictly an internet "dating" site, where I could get yapping to people who may just be never anything more than online acquaintances, but I'll still yap to them and see what they do, etc. Weirdly, this is how I get through work as well, selling is a large part of what I do and laughing, joking and having banter with people is largely how I sell. I suppose internet dating is really about selling, even if the customers are more reluctant than I'm used to dealing with!

Just been asked out, very randomly, by a guy I hadn't heard from in two weeks; I can't even remember his username! Gonna go have a few drinks in a while, he's foreign but his English seems fluent (that never turned me off anyway, dated a foreign guy for six months a few years back). I'm in my jeans and runners, reckon I'm gonna just throw on some eyeliner and go for it, I don't dress up for midweek drinks down the local! Wish me luck

ETA: Oh my God, I'm such a headcase, he rang to say he'll be there soon, I asked "How will I recognise you?" and he said (though he sounded amused) "Eh well I'll be the brown guy, you know?" I'm such an idiot LOL.

Hardonraging

Deleted User wrote: »

Just been asked out, very randomly, by a guy I hadn't heard from in two weeks; I can't even remember his username! Gonna go have a few drinks in a while, he's foreign but his English seems fluent (that never turned me off anyway, dated a foreign guy for six months a few years back). I'm in my jeans and runners, reckon I'm gonna just throw on some eyeliner and go for it, I don't dress up for midweek drinks down the local! Wish me luck

ETA: Oh my God, I'm such a headcase, he rang to say he'll be there soon, I asked "How will I recognise you?" and he said (though he sounded amused) "Eh well I'll be the brown guy, you know?" I'm such an idiot LOL.

Best reply ever !!

Hope you have a good night !! you dont always have to get dressed up, sometimes a little casual can really ease the tension ..

HellFireClub

Am curious about how other internet daters feel about smokers or dates with smokers? It's a complete show stopper for me whether it be online or offline dating, I wouldn't usually rule something out completely but I just find smoking such a turn off, there would be no point in me trying to make anything work with a girl that smoked. It's obviously costing me a fair bit of opportunity, I've noticed from users that I check out after they have viewed my profile, that a lot of women on the site seem to be smokers. Bum deal really.

HellFireClub

HellFireClub wrote: »

Am curious about how other internet daters feel about smokers or dates with smokers? It's a complete show stopper for me whether it be online or offline dating, I wouldn't usually rule something out completely but I just find smoking such a turn off, there would be no point in me trying to make anything work with a girl that smoked. It's obviously costing me a fair bit of opportunity, I've noticed from users that I check out after they have viewed my profile, that a lot of women on the site seem to be smokers. Bum deal really.

I'm the exact same. I can't stand it.

Hardonraging

HellFireClub wrote: »

Am curious about how other internet daters feel about smokers or dates with smokers? It's a complete show stopper for me whether it be online or offline dating, I wouldn't usually rule something out completely but I just find smoking such a turn off, there would be no point in me trying to make anything work with a girl that smoked. It's obviously costing me a fair bit of opportunity, I've noticed from users that I check out after they have viewed my profile, that a lot of women on the site seem to be smokers. Bum deal really.

Personally, I perfer a none smoker, the main reason being i'm an Ex smoker, who never intends on taking up the habit again, My Ex partner was also a smoker, and it was near impossible to quite while she was still smoking ..

I've been out with people who smoke, and i've been driving with smokers before and it's not something that really bothers me, but my theory is it's easier not to have to deal with it on a long term perspective..

That was really nice actually, we had two drinks and a great chat then I showed him to the bus stop and waved him off! (Yes, the "I'm the brown guy" comment did tell me right away this guy has a sense of humour!)

I'm a smoker and very conscious of it while dating. I have it on my profile too, so I don't expect guys to freak out if they "find out". I don't smoke a lot, but when I'm drinking I do. It's amazing how many "non smokers" I've met up with who whip out the cigarettes though! Why lie about it?

Monkeybonkers

HellFireClub wrote: »

normally it's a more fair assumption to say that if the person is in their 30's, that they are not actually single at all...

Well that's me screwed so (or not screwed if that's what people assume).

Seriously though, do people assume that you're lying if you tell them you're in your thirties and single?

HellFireClub

Monkeybonkers wrote: »

Well that's me screwed so (or not screwed if that's what people assume).

Seriously though, do people assume that you're lying if you tell them you're in your thirties and single?

Well I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that if (like myself), you're in your mid 30's and you're out and about socialising, that the majority of people also out and about, who would be in or around the same age, are well settled down and probably have started a family, etc...

I look at my own fairly wide circle of friends and with the exception of one mate (who we think is gay but choosing not to come out), I'm the only person in that same circle who is single.

EDIT: I don't mean it's a working assumption (on my part anyway), that if you tell someone you're in your 30's and single that you are assumed to be lying about that. It would probably be more accurate to say that because of the assumption that you are not single at 30, that you would be a lot less likely to be approached by someone else who is also single.

Sarah**

I smoke occasionally - I generally wont have one from one end of the week to another and then if I am having a drink I will. I think when dating a non-smoker, you are more conscious of it and reduce your smoking (Maybe that's me as I'm not a heavy smoker).

A girl I know is a non-smoker and her boyfriend is. She is constantly ranting about it and how kissing him is awful as she can't stand him smelling and tasting of smoke. I guess this has me extra cautious about it.

If someone was really anti smoking and had a complete aversion, I can see it being a deal breaker. For me, if he isn't overly against it and I made the effort to reduce and not smoke around him, then why not?!

Larianne

Tip for people using the sites: don't start off a mail conversation asking about how the site is going etc, how many dates have you been on. Its uncomfortable and boring. Look at the profile and pick topics from that.

HellFireClub

Sarah** wrote: »

I smoke occasionally - I generally wont have one from one end of the week to another and then if I am having a drink I will. I think when dating a non-smoker, you are more conscious of it and reduce your smoking (Maybe that's me as I'm not a heavy smoker).

A girl I know is a non-smoker and her boyfriend is. She is constantly ranting about it and how kissing him is awful as she can't stand him smelling and tasting of smoke. I guess this has me extra cautious about it.

If someone was really anti smoking and had a complete aversion, I can see it being a deal breaker. For me, if he isn't overly against it and I made the effort to reduce and not smoke around him, then why not?!

It's a weird one, I don't have a problem with someone smoking in itself, it's only when I'd be kissing and I'd get this horrible metallic taste, it just ruins the whole moment, or the smell of it off clothes sometimes, I did try tolerating it before and just saying nothing but it just annoyed me a little bit more and more, so I suppose I had to put it down as a bit of a show stopper for me.

Galvasean

Larianne wrote: »

Tip for people using the sites: don't start off a mail conversation asking about how the site is going etc, how many dates have you been on. Its uncomfortable and boring. Look at the profile and pick topics from that.

I've lost count of how many girls asked me how long I've been using OD and if I've had any success from it. Seriously, why ask questions you don't want to know the answer to?

Larianne

Galvasean wrote: »

I've lost count of how many girls asked me how long I've been using OD and if I've had any success from it. Seriously, why ask questions you don't want to know the answer to?

That and "How long are you single?". :rolleyes:

smileyj1987

Just back from a date and I have to say it was an experience . We went out for dinner and while on the way back to the car we where holding hands and then some man comes up and says to her " I don't think your boyfriend would be too happy to see you with another would he " to say I was mortified wasn't even the easiest way to describe it . It went fairly quiet for a few minutes when we got into the car . She tried to tell me she was only on POF for a laugh but after getting to know me she wanted me badly. But I can't see myself texting or phoning her again . Ah well it could be worse . At least I hadn't fully fell for her or I would have probably kept seeing her .
Plenty more fish out there :)

Mr_Spaceman

HellFireClub wrote: »

I think the POF thing you have to be in it really for the long haul and maybe extreme patience will win the day if you are prepared to put up with all the messing that may or may not result in a bit of luck coming your way some day (I think I've been on this site 3 times previously, over the last few years and each time I deleted my profile). I don't bother mailing folks on it anymore, because very few reply and the one's that do, don't seem to be even to hold even an online conversation, let alone a face to face one. I'm just leaving my profile there and if someone nice messages me with something more than "hi", I'll definitely reply and see if something could come of it.

It is a bit weird seeing people check out your profile, then you view their profile, you end up thinking, "this person is exactly the type I go for" and then you don't bother mailing them because you just know they will not bother replying. I only reply to people who mail me now, no point in sending out mails because there are too many time wasters on the site, who I half suspect are just on it for the ego-massage they get when they login and see a page full of messages sitting there waiting for them.

You just saved me typing something similar actually.

If it's any consolation you're not the only guy who has the same POF problems.

Perseverance is probably the only way forward, but I can understand why you can't be arsed anymore.

Fecking time wasters taking over OD!

Hope over expectation I guess...

Are there still so many timewasters on the paid sites?

HellFireClub

smileyj1987 wrote: »

Just back from a date and I have to say it was an experience . We went out for dinner and while on the way back to the car we where holding hands and then some man comes up and says to her " I don't think your boyfriend would be too happy to see you with another would he " to say I was mortified wasn't even the easiest way to describe it . It went fairly quiet for a few minutes when we got into the car . She tried to tell me she was only on POF for a laugh but after getting to know me she wanted me badly. But I can't see myself texting or phoning her again . Ah well it could be worse . At least I hadn't fully fell for her or I would have probably kept seeing her .
Plenty more fish out there :)

Was this a first date?!? Sounds like she has a partner or is in some kind of a relationship that is approaching end of life and she is trying to find someone else before she will leave him.

HellFireClub

Karsini wrote: »

Are there still so many timewasters on the paid sites?

This crossed my mind earlier, that with a paid site, you'd be more likely to be dealing with people who are actually there for the same reasons that they say they are there, less mind games, etc...

smileyj1987

HellFireClub wrote: »

Was this a first date?!? Sounds like she has a partner or is in some kind of a relationship that is approaching end of life and she is trying to find someone else before she will leave him.

Yup a first date but I would find it hard to trust her if i did get with her I mean if she is using a website for OD then she should be at least single . Ah at this stage the amount of time wasters is really starting to annoy me . If you are using a dating website then at least be single !!!!!

HellFireClub

smileyj1987 wrote: »

Yup a first date but I would find it hard to trust her if i did get with her I mean if she is using a website for OD then she should be at least single . Ah at this stage the amount of time wasters is really starting to annoy me . If you are using a dating website then at least be single !!!!!

I had a similar experience with a girl recently, (it wasn't an online encounter) it's not worth the hassle, I couldn't believe that a girl could be cheating, because it's normally ourselves/lads who are typically associated with this kind of carry on. Same as happened yourself, I got the "I just had to see you and meet you" line, to make a long story short, she wanted out of her current relationship but wouldn't take the jump until she had someone else there lined up, (she didn't admit this exactly but she did fess up to being in a relationship that she was unhappy in, so the rest of it I just put together). Pathethic carry on from a grown adult, you were dead right to knock it on the head, if my experience is anything to go by, you probably haven't heard the last of her.

Larianne

HellFireClub wrote: »

This crossed my mind earlier, that with a paid site, you'd be more likely to be dealing with people who are actually there for the same reasons that they say they are there, less mind games, etc...

I dunno. My friend was on Maybe Friends and still had guys with photos up that were years old etc.

Jeez smileyj, what an awkward situation to be in. Fukin hell, what is with some people!!

HellFireClub

Larianne wrote: »

I dunno. My friend was on Maybe Friends and still had guys with photos up that were years old etc.

Jeez smileyj, what an awkward situation to be in. Fukin hell, what is with some people!!

I think a large part of the problem with POF is that it is trying to be too many things to too many people. When you register, you can choose to be there for:

* Casual Dating, nothing too serious

* Actively seeking a Relationship

* Looking for Long Term

** An intimate encounter

** Hang-Out

** Friends

And so on, I'd love to see a site where there is no toleration (as in you get banned), if you are reported consistently for badgering people for no strings or if you are not actually using the site for it's key purpose (in a situation where the site is a site where paying members are signing up to meet someone for dating). I'd be prepared to pay good money for a site that actually worked, and weeded out the time wasters, the ego-trippers and the ar*eholes who will make a site unusable.

Larianne

Would you go to one of the POF events?

HellFireClub

Larianne wrote: »

Would you go to one of the POF events?

Probably not, it's not really compatible with how I'd go at a date,

smileyj1987

HellFireClub wrote: »

I think a large part of the problem with POF is that it is trying to be too many things to too many people. When you register, you can choose to be there for:

* Casual Dating, nothing too serious

* Actively seeking a Relationship

* Looking for Long Term

** An intimate encounter

** Hang-Out

** Friends

And so on, I'd love to see a site where there is no toleration (as in you get banned), if you are reported consistently for badgering people for no strings or if you are not actually using the site for it's key purpose (in a situation where the site is a site where paying members are signing up to meet someone for dating). I'd be prepared to pay good money for a site that actually worked, and weeded out the time wasters, the ego-trippers and the ar*eholes who will make a site unusable.

I 100% agree with you on paying for a site where you actually meet people who are serious about wanting to meet other people . The amount of people using POF for an ego trip is unreal . They could combat this by a naming and shaming section where in cases you find out the person isn't single but is using the site . It could weed out a few of the time wasters .

I would consider going to a POF event because if it was badly organised or it was full of ego trippers you could leave and just have a night out .

Samich

Well the girl who had agreed to go on a date blanked me for 5 days before texting to say she was at a friends and had no credit. So just the 1 text in 6 days. Looks like that's gone down the potty.

And another nice girl I was talking to rejected me too, so back to square one.