The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Panthro

Mod warning to budgese & dub5:

Some posts have been edited/removed.

This thread is for Online Dating Experiences ONLY.

It is NOT a general discussion/advise thread about dating.

Please stick to the thread topic in future.

Snoopy1

HellFireClub wrote: »

Just deleted my POF account, I've been on the site before and it was always a bit flaky but by Jesus it's worse now than it's ever been I think.

I genuinely do not understand how so many women can put up profile's that shíte on incessantly about them being "genuine", "looking for a relationship" and "sick of the pub/club" scene, who are "trying something new", "looking to meet someone considerate, honest and genuine", yet the vast vast majority of the same said users refuse to reply to mails from exactly the type of people that they claim to be trying to connect with on POF.

And I know, the obvious response to all of the above, in relation to those now reading this, can only be, "well you are probably unattractive", or "your profile is causing a problem", or "you're just not their type", well I genuinely don't think I'm unattractive at all, and my profile came across, in my opinion, as funny, intelligent, conversational, interesting and substantive, (like myself). It seems to me that in terms of single Irish women today, this website is the special reserve of the flakiest and most stuck up prima donna's that are to be found in Ireland.

Anyway, lesson seriously learnt and DEFINITELY won't be going back, an absolutely horrible experience.

I had all that on my profile. And it was totally honest.
I replied to anyone that interested me. Maybe you should tone down the arrogance a bit in your profile, because thats how you come accross.
Im certainly not flakey and stuck up, but yet your judging everyone the same.

HellFireClub

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I had all that on my profile. And it was totally honest.
I replied to anyone that interested me. Maybe you should tone down the arrogance a bit in your profile, because thats how you come accross.
Im certainly not flakey and stuck up, but yet your judging everyone the same.

Sorry, you never saw my profile so you really can't speak for what was in my profile and it's not arrogant to be able to say about yourself that in terms of your own personality, you are an interesting, considerate, respectable, engaging and substantive person, that's just knowing who and what you are and having the ability to express that.

My experience with this site (and note I'm certainly not the only person to post on here with this experience), has been that the vast majority of women using this site are simply not relationship material, they're time wasters who are spoofing genuine users of the site as to why they are on the website and what they are looking for.

If you think you are the exception to the experience that I've had, then I won't be getting into an argument with you on it, but please don't come on here quoting a profile that you have not even seen or read.

HellFireClub

Anyway, going to try match.com, hopefully it being a paid site, it'll rake out the many time wasters...

mood

HellFireClub wrote: »

My experience with this site (and note I'm certainly not the only person to post on here with this experience), has been that the vast majority of women using this site are simply not relationship material, they're time wasters who are spoofing genuine users of the site as to why they are on the website and what they are looking for.

That is a massive generalisation. I could have written the same about men but I wouldn't. I have meet nice guys via dating site but we were just not right for each other for various reasons. Just because none lead to a long term relationship doesn't mean that they or I are not relationship material.

Snoopy1

Dont judge everybody by the same opinion.
I was on pof for a relationship. I could say the same for a lot of the guys who post up profiles, they are not interested in anything but one night stands, but theres good and bad to everything, including online dating. There are plenty of success stories from the site.

HellFireClub

mood wrote: »

That is a massive generalisation. I could have written the same about men but I wouldn't. I have meet nice guys via dating site but we were just not right for each other for various reasons. Just because none lead to a long term relationship doesn't mean that they or I are not relationship material.

It's not a generalisation at all, not when it's on the back of endless mails sent out and f*ck all replies. Again, I'm sure the attitude on thread will be, "sure you must be ugly", "you're arrogant", "you're boring", etc, etc, and to say that you are not ugly, boring or arrogant, is of course, surprise surprise, arrogant!

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Dont judge everybody by the same opinion.
I was on pof for a relationship. I could say the same for a lot of the guys who post up profiles, they are not interested in anything but one night stands, but theres good and bad to everything, including online dating. There are plenty of success stories from the site.

I'd say there are actually very few success stories associated with this site. And people are entitled to review their success (or otherwise as the case is here), and come to a conclusion that the site doesn't work because the vast majority of the users of the site are loo laa's. I'm not saying it's everyone, but I am saying it's the vast majority, based on nothing other than my own recent experience.

mood

HellFireClub wrote: »

It's not a generalisation at all, not when it's on the back of endless mails sent out and f*ck all replies. Again, I'm sure the attitude on thread will be, "sure you must be ugly", "you're arrogant", "you're boring", etc, etc, and to say that you are not ugly, boring or arrogant, is of course, surprise surprise, arrogant!

I believe it is a generalisation. Just because you didn't have success doesn't mean other don't.

Maybe try a different site. I used a paid site and I believe it cuts out a lot of the time wasters.

HellFireClub

mood wrote: »

Maybe try a different site. I used a paid site and I believe it cuts out a lot of the time wasters.

That's what I'm doing now, am already noticing a huge difference in the general attitude on the site.

ladylost

HellFireClub wrote: »

That's what I'm doing now, am already noticing a huge difference in the general attitude on the site.

If your posts today sum up your general attitude to women then good luck using any site because with that attitude you are unlikely to attract many. Don't forget you are still single yourself. I hope you have a good reason for being single as you assume that any woman in their 30's who is single is not relationship material!! Maybe that goes for you too!

Liam McPoyle

HFC,with all due respect you are talking out of yer back side.

Of all the women I've chatted to or met/gone on dates with over the last number number of years from PoF I can only recall one that I would consider to be a messer and I've met a number of women and chatted to countless others.

Maybe you were messaging women that were out of your league,maybe you aren't as attractive as you think.Of your posts in tGC you come across as quiet pompous and a bit arrogant too so maybe that's the reason.

The common denominator in this is you so to tar damn near every female user on PoF because you havnt had any success is incredibly narcissistic.

HellFireClub

ladylost wrote: »

If your posts today sum up your general attitude to women then good luck using any site because with that attitude you are unlikely to attract many. Don't forget you are still single yourself. I hope you have a good reason for being single as you assume that any woman I their 30ms who is single is not relationship material!! Maybe that goes for you too!

I've spent 15 of the last 18 years of my life in 2 long term relationships, one for 5 years and another for 10 years, this is very much at odds with what I noticed in relation to many female users of the site (I can't speak for male users because I obviously haven't been checking out their profiles), but I have noticed that many female users of the site my own age (mid 30's), seem to have down as "1 year" as their longest relationship, something which I personally find bizarre.

As I also said, I've noticed the same old female faces on the site since when I first started using it 3 years ago, so again, I have to ask myself how come the same people who I saw on the site 2 and 3 years ago, despite having their inboxes bombarded with e-mails looking for dates on a daily basis, (leaving me completely out of the equation here for a minute) haven't apparently been able to find a partner, but instead are now cribbing and moaning via their profile headline, asking: "Are there ANY decent men left out there?!?"

I just add all of this up and come to the conclusions that I have, based on what I've observed on the site. I have no wider attitude problem with women as you've stated, none whatsoever.

Raven_Melody

HellFireClub wrote: »

mood wrote: »

Maybe try a different site. I used a paid site and I believe it cuts out a lot of the time wasters.

That's what I'm doing now, am already noticing a huge difference in the general attitude on the site.

From reading your posts, I think your own attitude is more the issue at hand to be honest.

Please don't take this as a swipe, I know you've probably had a lot of let downs and you're venting based on that. But here's the thing, ot doesn't matter a d.amn what boxes you tick if the person isn't attracted to you. You take a chance sending the first mail and that's just the way the cookie crumbles. It doesn't mean you're unattractive and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them for not being interested.

HellFireClub

Necronos wrote: »

HFC,with all due respect you are talking out of yer back side.

Of all the women I've chatted to or met/gone on dates with over the last number number of years from PoF I can only recall one that I would consider to be a messer and I've met a number of women and chatted to countless others.

Maybe you were messaging women that were out of your league,maybe you aren't as attractive as you think.Of your posts in tGC you come across as quiet pompous and a bit arrogant too so maybe that's the reason.

The common denominator in this is you so to tar damn near every female user on PoF because you havnt had any success is incredibly narcissistic.

I knew this was eventually going to descend into me -vs- every other woman on the site, and I was going to eventually be represented as someone who has notions of himself. Nothing could be further from the truth, I stand by what I've said, and contrary to what you've alleged, I know I've no arrogant notions of myself or think I'm better or worse looking than I am, but I certainly don't believe that any person is out of anyone's league, that's just 6th class schoolyard nonsense to put that to any person, male or female.

I've never said anything about my own self on this thread other than that I didn't consider myself to be an ugly person (and I don't!), and that I'm an interesting, engaging, genuine, considerate and hardworking person. The fact that you think the whole thing comes down to "looks" and whether someone is in your league or not, with respect to their appearance, I genuinely think is absolutely ridiculous and I think it actually goes to the very centre of the actual problem with POF, in terms of the typical mindset of the users of the site.

Galvasean

As a very regular reader of this thread I don't think it is fair to say HFC is pompous, arrogant, narcissistic or has a bad attitude. He comes across as being pi$$ed of to high heaven right now and was having a vent (been there, done that myself). If you look at his posts in this thread before today he has been quite a calm and reasonable poster.
The bull-plop that comes with the territory in OD can be very frustrating from time to time. I don't think it is helpful to call people arrogant when they are just having a bit of a vent. It happens to the best of us (and by 'us' I mean 'me') from time to time.

spiritcrusher

Just back using OD after a few months of a break from it. Dunno how long it'll last though, there really isn't a huge amount to choose from in the Galway area and the counties nearby. Strange how there seems to be so many on it from say Limerick which has a similar population and hardly any from Galway.

HellFireClub

Raven_Melody wrote: »

From reading your posts, I think your own attitude is more the issue at hand to be honest.

Please don't take this as a swipe, I know you've probably had a lot of let downs and you're venting based on that. But here's the thing, ot doesn't matter a d.amn what boxes you tick if the person isn't attracted to you. You take a chance sending the first mail and that's just the way the cookie crumbles. It doesn't mean you're unattractive and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them for not being interested.

I don't take it as a swipe, and I know I gave it a good genuine and positive shot with no attitude problems, but I stand by what I said and I mention again the same users on the site for the last 3 years and many many of those profiles can't get a relationship to work for more than 1 year and these are women in their 30's. You might draw a different conclusion than I have from those observations, but I'd respectfully argue that mine are no less valid than yours...

HellFireClub

Galvasean wrote: »

As a very regular reader of this thread I don't think it is fair to say HFC is pompous, arrogant, narcissistic or has a bad attitude. He comes across as being pi$$ed of to high heaven right now and was having a vent (been there, done that myself). If you look at his posts in this thread before today he has been quite a calm and reasonable poster.
The bull-plop that comes with the territory in OD can be very frustrating from time to time. I don't think it is helpful to call people arrogant when they are just having a bit of a vent. It happens to the best of us (and by 'us' I mean 'me') from time to time.

I hear ya, I fully accept that I am venting to some extent, I accept that, but it's really annoying from a male perspective, (as we have to make the first contact and initiate the whole thing from the get-go, pretty much 100% of the time), and I often think that women don't really understand how tricky that can actually be (because they don't really have to do it, it get's left to us and I've no complaints in that regard), but it is really deflating to be reading a profile, and thinking, "Jesus, this is my kinda gal, I so get this stuff she's into and she is the type I would go for", only to send off a mail and never hear as much as a word back, and then to read on the profile headline in big f*ck off capital letters, "GENUINE GUYS ONLY NO WEIRDO'S"?!?...

Maybe it's partially me, insofar as that I'm genuinely prepared to put serious work into a relationship, if the opportunity should present itself again, so maybe that could account for some of the frustration that I accept could be getting perceived here as arrogance...

Piliger

The problem here HFC, is that us men don't see MEN's profiles, and us MEN don't see the kinds of messages that WOMEN get ....

This makes it very difficult to gain perspective on their points of view. I myself feel like you often enough. So many women with annoying profiles full of all of this guff about honesty and truth .... jeeez for the love of god. Don't contact me if you as any of the following a..b..c..d..e..f..g..h..i..j !!!!!! Sometimes you wonder if this person wants to meet ANYone. Then there is the huge chunk of women who say don't message me without a photo, yet the other sizeable brigade refuse to post a photo ... ffs.

On the other hand I have heard awful stories of abuse and stalking and real unpleasantness aimed at women on these sites, so I try to err on the compassionate side. Yesterday I did sent a kind of a rocket to a lady on OKC who contacted me, but had one of these 'time waster', yada yada yada profiles. I told her how offensive I found it.

Met a girl today for coffee with no photo ... nice chat but never would have met if she had posted a photo. Meeting another tomorrow I think ... again with no photo. Me ? well I'm prepared to meet with no photo because I like people and right now I'm not getting out much these days. But if that weren't the case I don't think I would.

gilmour

Hell - I know were you're coming from regarding bits and pieces of your post, especially about the women that seem unsuitable for a relationship. That bit is very true, there is a ton of people (males too i can bet) on that site who is incapable of holding down a relationship, however leaving that aside you can only really work on your end and question what exactly it is you're looking for and try as best as possible to get your own personality across.

I can only offer my own experience from that site and the opinion i have is that the more serious you take it the highly likely scenario of being frustration will inevitably kick in. A question to ask yourself is why feel the need for a relationship or even a date in the first place? Because if you feel there is a heavy need for someone else in your life you will become frustrated quickly on POF and desperation or anger etc will likely start to creep into how you approach women. It is not a place to find a relationship in my humble opinion, so treat it as a fun alternative to a social scene, and most importantly dont take it so seriously. Dont be afraid to get your personality across by having a laugh and taking the piss out of pompous profiles, i'm not saying to be a total twat but in my experience its better to just have a bit of a laugh with the women on it than to actually feign a real interest in their profiles (which are usually so full of **** that its hard not to take the piss out of).

And if something does come out of any conversations try not to get too emotionally involved or expectant of any potential meet up because there are serial daters out there who go through "dates" quicker than they view profiles, so casual and fun is the only way to go.

Btw i should add that i've had a good amount of "success" (whatever that might be) from there simply by having a laugh and not taking it so seriously, and i'm by no means a looker, just an average joe schmoe.

18AD

So for every ten messages sent I get zero replies. So if I send another hundred messages that means that by this time in a few months I should have *gets calculator* hmm...

HellFireClub

Piliger wrote: »

The problem here HFC, is that us men don't see MEN's profiles, and us MEN don't see the kinds of messages that WOMEN get ....

This makes it very difficult to gain perspective on their points of view. I myself feel like you often enough. So many women with annoying profiles full of all of this guff about honesty and truth .... jeeez for the love of god. Don't contact me if you as any of the following a..b..c..d..e..f..g..h..i..j !!!!!! Sometimes you wonder if this person wants to meet ANYone. Then there is the huge chunk of women who say don't message me without a photo, yet the other sizeable brigade refuse to post a photo ... ffs.

On the other hand I have heard awful stories of abuse and stalking and real unpleasantness aimed at women on these sites, so I try to err on the compassionate side. Yesterday I did sent a kind of a rocket to a lady on OKC who contacted me, but had one of these 'time waster', yada yada yada profiles. I told her how offensive I found it.

Met a girl today for coffee with no photo ... nice chat but never would have met if she had posted a photo. Meeting another tomorrow I think ... again with no photo. Me ? well I'm prepared to meet with no photo because I like people and right now I'm not getting out much these days. But if that weren't the case I don't think I would.

Well I would never meet anyone without a pic, only because I'd be suspicious as to why someone wouldn't be prepared to put up a pic in the ordinary course of events. But POF (or any other site), it isn't meant to be a beauty contest, (although that would appear to be what is has definitely evolved into), sure in that case, why put up a profile and a list of interests at all?!? If the site is meant to be a beauty contest, just take down all the padding and the text boxes and shyte and just put up a place for pics and a "I fancy you therefore I want to meet up with you" button?!?

mood

I think it is ridiculous to assume someone is not relationship material just because their longest relationship only lasted a year. I know people who have not had great relationship success who are very nice, well rounded individuals. I also know many who have had long term relationships who are not nice to say the least.

HellFireClub

gilmour wrote: »

A question to ask yourself is why feel the need for a relationship or even a date in the first place?

Do you not think that it's something that all creatures, not just humans, actually aspire to? Companionship, wanting to be close to someone, having a family, etc? I think that's a really stupid question to be honest with you and I know it wasn't constructed to get a dig at me 'cos if I read your post correctly, you're in the same situation as me with regard to being single?

gilmour

HellFireClub wrote: »

Do you not think that it's something that all creatures, not just humans, actually aspire to? Companionship, wanting to be close to someone, having a family, etc? I think that's a really stupid question to be honest with you and I know it wasn't constructed to get a dig at me 'cos if I read your post correctly, you're in the same situation as me with regard to being single?

Nothing wrong with aspiring for a companion but how high up that goal might be for you will affect how you approach somebody on a dating site i would imagine and the subsequent frustration that comes with not finding it.

I'm not single by the way, my experience with POF came last year and no i didnt meet my girlfriend on the site either. I did however meet her when i actually didnt feel the need or dependance on a relationship to make my life happier so **** knows how it all works :cool:

HellFireClub

mood wrote: »

I think it is ridiculous to assume someone is not relationship material just because their longest relationship only lasted a year. I know people who have not had great relationship success who are very nice, well rounded individuals. I also know many who have had long term relationships who are not nice to say the least.

It's not an assumption based purely on the "my longest relationship was 1 year long" consideration. It's that, coupled with the fact that based on what I've seen on POF, those same profiles have been hanging around on the site for the best part of the last 3 years, and you'd have to assume that these profiles are receiving very regular mails from guys on the site.

Then you add in the fact that it would appear to me that someone like myself who would appear on the face of it, to tick a few of the fundamental boxes that these same women are looking and asking to be ticked, in terms of being an honest, respectable, relatively successful, humorous, half decent looking individual with a bit of intelligence and decency to him, and can't get a reply off the majority of female users of the site.

It's the totality of that, and not just the longest time that a woman says she has been in a relationship for, that makes me think that most of the women using the site are not relationship material.

HellFireClub

gilmour wrote: »

Nothing wrong with aspiring for a companion but how high up that goal might be for you will affect how you approach somebody on a dating site i would imagine and the subsequent frustration that comes with not finding it.

I'm not single by the way, my experience with POF came last year and no i didnt meet my girlfriend on the site either. I did however meet her when i actually didnt feel the need or dependance on a relationship to make my life happier so **** knows how it all works :cool:

There is nothing wrong with me because I happen to be more comfortable and content with some decent companionship in my life with someone who I'm attracted to and with someone who is attracted to me.

I do hear your concern though, basically the advice being: don't end up sounding desperate, and I agree to some extent with your advice there...

Anyway, I don't want the thread to get completely pulled down into a psychoanalysis about me.

mood

HellFireClub I think you make too many assumptions. I was on a dating site for a few months max. However, it was over a 2-3 year period. To some guy who might have seen me on the site at the start and then on my last stint it possible looked like I was a mender for 2-3 year which is far from the truth. Also, just because you think you are possibly suitable for a particular woman she might not agree for a variety of reasons.

andreac

Had a date today with a guy from POF, we went to watch the Dublin Meath game in a pub halfway between each other.

It went very well, lovely guy, really easy to get on with and we had a great laugh, even a cheeky kiss at the end

Looks like we'll be seeing each other again, so its all good, and he lives close which is great!!

HellFireClub

mood wrote: »

HellFireClub I think you make too many assumptions. I was on a dating site for a few months max. However, it was over a 2-3 year period. To some guy who might have seen me on the site at the start and then on my last stint it possible looked like I was a mender for 2-3 year which is far from the truth. Also, just because you think you are possibly suitable for a particular woman she might not agree for a variety of reasons.

What's a mender?

mood wrote: »

Also, just because you think you are possibly suitable for a particular woman she might not agree for a variety of reasons.

How this can possibly be ascertained to any extent, without having any dialogue whatsoever with a person is a bit of a mystery to me, particularly where two profiles claim to have strong interests in the same thing.

I know what the answer will be, "well she then must not like the look of you", again I'm not going to be accused of being arrogant but I do not believe myself to be an unattractive person, if anything, I get the opposite comments made at me by friends and family which drive me f*cking mad at this stage, "how are you still single, you're a handsome bast*rd", etc.

Sorry if people will think I'm being an arrogant príck saying that, but I'm just trying to belie the notion that emerged earlier that I'm a Quazi Moto type bloke who was trying to mail women who were, "out of your league", whatever that's meant to mean...