The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

kiddums

MagicMarker wrote: »

kiddums wrote: »

So after about a week on okc and pof, and a few messages sent, I have 0 replies and 0 profile views.
Not looking to hopeful.

Are you sure your profiles aren't hidden?

I think it's literally impossible not to at least get profile views.

How do I check that? I do know I've hidden my photos.

I'd forgotten about hidden users. I'm mostly on the app.

I just noticed that I need to upload more photos to reach 60% profile completion on okc, what does that actually mean? and what else is needed for 100%?

Galvasean

kiddums wrote: »

I just noticed that I need to upload more photos to reach 60% profile completion on okc, what does that actually mean? and what else is needed for 100%?

You need to answer personality/compatibility questions to get up to 100%. Don't worry though, as your profile will still be there even if it's not 100%. Completing it is recommended but not entirely essential.

Zhora

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Congrats, all the best with it!

Hey Armaghmagic,

What happened to end it if you were seeing someone for a few months, just curious as I don't seem to be getting beyond a few months myself with the online dating.

Armaghmagic

Zhora wrote: »

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Congrats, all the best with it!

Hey Armaghmagic,

What happened to end it if you were seeing someone for a few months, just curious as I don't seem to be getting beyond a few months myself with the online dating.

To be honest, I just wasn't feeling it. Getting to a point where if I don't see it lasting then I am not going to force it. Any reason you think that you are not getting beyond a few months?

Zhora

I guess like you I think he wasn't feeling it and there is nothing you can do about that. I wonder, though if online dating creates unrealistic expectations. Anyone agree?

I mean a few months isn't long enough to get to know someone. And I know guys say if the attraction is not there in the beginning then there is no point but I have seen someone before where I became attracted to the person the more I got to know them.

Piliger

Zhora wrote: »

I guess like you I think he wasn't feeling it and there is nothing you can do about that. I wonder, though if online dating creates unrealistic expectations. Anyone agree?

I don't agree with the idea that internet dating is any different than normal dating except it all happens quicker. Everyone has unrealistic expectations in my experience . In real life it all happens so slowly that no one knows about it or discusses it ... unlike here

I mean a few months isn't long enough to get to know someone. And I know guys say if the attraction is not there in the beginning then there is no point but I have seen someone before where I became attracted to the person the more I got to know them.

I agree. I guess OD is better in some areas and real life is better in others.

A_Sober_Paddy

Just logged into my POF and saw that I had 2 messages...score for me:D

But tonight was the first time I've been on there in months, so replied to one so we'll see:p

Colours

Zhora wrote: »

I wonder, though if online dating creates unrealistic expectations. Anyone agree?

I'd be inclined to agree as it gives the impression that there's a huge pool of potential partners available out there exlusively for you who all fit the criteria you've keyed in, so that if one doesn't impress you in some arbitrary way - like for example his message was boring/had a typo/wasn't long enough - then they're simply written off. And this back-out plan remains a perfectly legitimate option throughout the OD experience - until, that is, two people decide they want to make a go of it with eachother at which point they should both close their accounts.

In my opinion OD does bestow on its users a more virtual and less human dimension which creates a kind of fantasy world. But all of this stops becoming an issue once two users decided to meet up in person when reality once again kicks in!

What are people's views about what should be done with the profile after you've met someone say for a fourth date and you both like eachother? Do you think you should immediately shut down your account? Or should you keep it "dormant" in case things go pear shaped ten years down the line!! I'd be of the view that once both of you have decided to make a go of it with eachother then there is no justification for keeping your profiles active and not doing this implies that your commitment to the other person is only luke warm.

I encountered this kind of thing quite a bit on AF where couples who had made commitments to eachother - some were even engaged - remained active on the dating site. They claimed it was because they'd made lots of friends on the site and it was the only way they could keep in touch but I didn't really think that excuse held any water and just found it bizarre.

Armaghmagic

First of all, excellent post Colours.

I will skip to the end part which has effected me in the past.....I guess there are 3 stages to the OD, same as any other form of dating:

1. The first meet (Where I believe its perfectly acceptable to keep your account active)

2. Continued dating (where the account should be disarmed but not deleted - in case things go pear shaped)

3. Relationship Status (where the account should be deleted - as fair enough with 2. You are not receiving any messages as your profile cannot be seen, but you are still getting monthly matches,etc)

Oh and what is AF?

ladylost

Colours wrote: »

What are people's views about what should be done with the profile after you've met someone say for a fourth date and you both like eachother? Do you think you should immediately shut down your account? Or should you keep it "dormant" in case things go pear shaped ten years down the line!! I'd be of the view that once both of you have decided to make a go of it with eachother then there is no justification for keeping your profiles active and not doing this implies that your commitment to the other person is only luke warm.

I encountered this kind of thing quite a bit on AF where couples who had made commitments to eachother - some were even engaged - remained active on the dating site. They claimed it was because they'd made lots of friends on the site and it was the only way they could keep in touch but I didn't really think that excuse held any water and just found it bizarre.

I think if two people decide they want to make a go of it they should disable/hide/delete their profile. However I found the guys in my situation were less inclined to do this. Meant the end of the road for us as far as I was concerned. If I'm going out with someone I expect them to make that committment. It would be after more than 4 dates though. Depends on the person. I can't understand why anyone would keep a live OD profile when seeing someone unless they are on the lookout for what they consider a better option.

Samich

AF - Another Friend?

Colours

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Oh and what is AF?

Thanks Armagh :-) As Samich correctly volunteered, by AF I was referring to anotherfriend.com. I wouldn't recommend this site because you have to pay something like €25 per month to be able to interact with the other users and then they make it unecessarily difficult for you to terminate your direct debit with them after you've decided to bail out. And anyway there's no special feature on AF which the likes of POF doesn't already provide free of charge.

Semele

ladylost wrote: »

I think if two people decide they want to make a go of it they should disable/hide/delete their profile. However I found the guys in my situation were less inclined to do this.

I met a guy back last September on OKC, after a few other dates that hadn't gone anywhere, and ended up dating him. Now I was a bit unsure at first, but he was really into me (in retrospect he was into the idea of a relationship, with anyone!) and he was the one pushing for next dates etc. We'd been seeing each other for a few weeks when he made a big deal of telling me that he'd deleted his profile as he wanted to give us a real go and he hadn't been using it since we'd met anyway. I accordingly suspended mine, or whatever the temporary option is called. Didn't fully delete it but had no intention of ever using it while we were seeing each other, however long that would be.

Fast-forward 3 months, he tells me he loves me- I'm still not quite there but really like him now and am totally into the relationship, we go our separate ways for Xmas...and a week later my friend tells me that she has seen him on OKC again, under a different username! I checked it out- exactly the same profile, just a different name and he was only looking for friends:rolleyes: I didn't mention this on the phone while we were apart, just to see if he'd ever bring it up (no reason why not, if it's innocent!). Nothing. He came back after Xmas, acted weird as hell on our first date, picked an argument and then accused me of dumping him! I have never heard from him since, despite the fact that he was in love with me 2 weeks previous! Had a look at his new profile a few days later again and he had changed to looking for a relationship.

No real point to this, except a sorry tale from my experience that illustrates that closing your account doesn't necessarily mean anything and that I was pretty damn glad I had my profile ready to go again at the click of a button! Take everything with a heavy pinch of salt...

fat__tony

Semele wrote: »

I met a guy back last September on OKC, after a few other dates that hadn't gone anywhere, and ended up dating him. Now I was a bit unsure at first, but he was really into me (in retrospect he was into the idea of a relationship, with anyone!) and he was the one pushing for next dates etc. We'd been seeing each other for a few weeks when he made a big deal of telling me that he'd deleted his profile as he wanted to give us a real go and he hadn't been using it since we'd met anyway. I accordingly suspended mine, or whatever the temporary option is called. Didn't fully delete it but had no intention of ever using it while we were seeing each other, however long that would be.

Fast-forward 3 months, he tells me he loves me- I'm still not quite there but really like him now and am totally into the relationship, we go our separate ways for Xmas...and a week later my friend tells me that she has seen him on OKC again, under a different username! I checked it out- exactly the same profile, just a different name and he was only looking for friends:rolleyes: I didn't mention this on the phone while we were apart, just to see if he'd ever bring it up (no reason why not, if it's innocent!). Nothing. He came back after Xmas, acted weird as hell on our first date, picked an argument and then accused me of dumping him! I have never heard from him since, despite the fact that he was in love with me 2 weeks previous! Had a look at his new profile a few days later again and he had changed to looking for a relationship.

No real point to this, except a sorry tale from my experience that illustrates that closing your account doesn't necessarily mean anything and that I was pretty damn glad I had my profile ready to go again at the click of a button! Take everything with a heavy pinch of salt...

He sounds like a total immature asshole.

You dodged a bullet there for sure.

Zhora

Semele wrote: »

I met a guy back last September on OKC, after a few other dates that hadn't gone anywhere, and ended up dating him. Now I was a bit unsure at first, but he was really into me (in retrospect he was into the idea of a relationship, with anyone!) and he was the one pushing for next dates etc. We'd been seeing each other for a few weeks when he made a big deal of telling me that he'd deleted his profile as he wanted to give us a real go and he hadn't been using it since we'd met anyway. I accordingly suspended mine, or whatever the temporary option is called. Didn't fully delete it but had no intention of ever using it while we were seeing each other, however long that would be.

Fast-forward 3 months, he tells me he loves me- I'm still not quite there but really like him now and am totally into the relationship, we go our separate ways for Xmas...and a week later my friend tells me that she has seen him on OKC again, under a different username! I checked it out- exactly the same profile, just a different name and he was only looking for friends:rolleyes: I didn't mention this on the phone while we were apart, just to see if he'd ever bring it up (no reason why not, if it's innocent!). Nothing. He came back after Xmas, acted weird as hell on our first date, picked an argument and then accused me of dumping him! I have never heard from him since, despite the fact that he was in love with me 2 weeks previous! Had a look at his new profile a few days later again and he had changed to looking for a relationship.

No real point to this, except a sorry tale from my experience that illustrates that closing your account doesn't necessarily mean anything and that I was pretty damn glad I had my profile ready to go again at the click of a button! Take everything with a heavy pinch of salt...

That just goes back to my point about the unrealistic fantasy that some people have about the people they are meeting online. There are so many who are into the idea of a relationship and the buzz of meeting someone new that when the newness wears off they go back online searching.

Semele, it happened to me too.

With all the online social networking and online dating, we may appear to be really connected to others but from what I've been reading from other' experiences, it seems we are even more disconnected than ever!

Thank God for boards though! So many nice people on here, thanks to all for sharing!

miaowsky

So ehh yeah I got stood up today. To say my ego is bruised would severely underestimate the situation.

Piliger

ladylost wrote: »

I think if two people decide they want to make a go of it they should disable/hide/delete their profile. However I found the guys in my situation were less inclined to do this.

Sadly I have found the women to be the worst. I myself always suspend my account, or make it invisible after a second date. I think it's a matter of respect.

Hardonraging

miaowsky wrote: »

So ehh yeah I got stood up today. To say my ego is bruised would severely underestimate the situation.

Well that just plain sux :mad:

Knock it up to Exp chick and move on

Armaghmagic

miaowsky wrote: »

So ehh yeah I got stood up today. To say my ego is bruised would severely underestimate the situation.

Sorry to hear that......his loss!

ladylost

Piliger wrote: »

Sadly I have found the women to be the worst. I myself always suspend my account, or make it invisible after a second date. I think it's a matter of respect.

Yeah I'm sure ladies do this as well.. my only experience is with guys which is why I said guys.
To be honest I wouldn't be making myself invisible that early, after 2 dates. Firstly because I've been on up to 5 dates before a guy says I'm not for him and two because I'm afraid I'll frighten the guy off if I make myself invisible hat soon as he may think I'm putting all my eggs in one basket so to speak and feel pressured. I suppose it depends on the people involved really.

ladylost

Semele wrote: »

I met a guy back last September on OKC, after a few other dates that hadn't gone anywhere, and ended up dating him. Now I was a bit unsure at first, but he was really into me (in retrospect he was into the idea of a relationship, with anyone!) and he was the one pushing for next dates etc. We'd been seeing each other for a few weeks when he made a big deal of telling me that he'd deleted his profile as he wanted to give us a real go and he hadn't been using it since we'd met anyway. I accordingly suspended mine, or whatever the temporary option is called. Didn't fully delete it but had no intention of ever using it while we were seeing each other, however long that would be.

Fast-forward 3 months, he tells me he loves me- I'm still not quite there but really like him now and am totally into the relationship, we go our separate ways for Xmas...and a week later my friend tells me that she has seen him on OKC again, under a different username! I checked it out- exactly the same profile, just a different name and he was only looking for friends:rolleyes: I didn't mention this on the phone while we were apart, just to see if he'd ever bring it up (no reason why not, if it's innocent!). Nothing. He came back after Xmas, acted weird as hell on our first date, picked an argument and then accused me of dumping him! I have never heard from him since, despite the fact that he was in love with me 2 weeks previous! Had a look at his new profile a few days later again and he had changed to looking for a relationship.

No real point to this, except a sorry tale from my experience that illustrates that closing your account doesn't necessarily mean anything and that I was pretty damn glad I had my profile ready to go again at the click of a button! Take everything with a heavy pinch of salt...

I had a similar sorry story myself earlier this year. Think I posted here before about it. He had the cheek to use photos I took of him as well on his profile and didn't waste time putting them up either. I definitely dodged a bullet there too :eek:

ladylost

miaowsky wrote: »

So ehh yeah I got stood up today. To say my ego is bruised would severely underestimate the situation.

that's just bad form and ignorant. You have to wonder about some people! Chin up. What's for you won't go by you

Piliger

miaowsky wrote: »

So ehh yeah I got stood up today. To say my ego is bruised would severely underestimate the situation.

Really sorry .... ghastly. But let's be clear here miaowsky ... it says NOTHING about you. It reflects NOTHING about you !

This appalling insult says and reflects EVERYTHING about this other person, their lack of respect, their total selfishness and lack of consideration.

Shake it off miaowsky. It's a pain in the ass ... and now you move forward, thankful you didn't get involved with someone like that.

best of luck.

Larianne

I had a great date on Friday. Just waiting on him to get his ass into gear and ask me out again.

Larianne

miaowsky wrote: »

So ehh yeah I got stood up today. To say my ego is bruised would severely underestimate the situation.

Have you heard from him? Could he have been hungover? That's pretty disgraceful behaviour with any excuse. Sorry to hear that. Piliger's right though. It's nothing to do with you.

seachto7

Larianne wrote: »

I had a great date on Friday. Just waiting on him to get his ass into gear and ask me out again.

Just a question, and nothing personal. If he didn't ask you, would you bite the bullet and ask him?

Vodkat

I met that guy on Saturday night, no spark really. Really nice guy and goodlooking too but I wasnt feeling it. He messaged me today but I told him that I didnt think we hit it off well enough for a second date. Meeting another guy for lunch tomorrow. I feel like a serial dater already. Im so used of dating guys ive met through someone else! I'm beginning to enjoy being single now

Galvasean

miaowsky wrote: »

So ehh yeah I got stood up today. To say my ego is bruised would severely underestimate the situation.

That's effing horrible. Happened to me once. Luckily I was in Bruxel's so hung about for a pint or two and listened to some good music. Really though, it takes a horrible human being to do something like that. I mean if you decide (even at late notice) that you can't / won't make it at least have the common curtsey to let the other person know. What a dickhead he must have been. All I can say is you probably dodged a bullet. Anyone who stands someone up like that is clearly an ass and not worthy of your time anyway.

fat__tony

Ladies and gents, I need your advice.

I'm in the enviable position of having two girls who I both really like and they both feel the same way about me.

I've been on a single date with each one so far. I'm thinking of going as far as the 3rd or 4th date with both of them to get to know them better.

Is this frowned upon? Should I decide sooner rather than later?

I'm very undecided between both of them.

Any tips would be appreciated.

Hardonraging

fat__tony wrote: »

Ladies and gents, I need your advice.

I'm in the enviable position of having two girls who I both really like and they both feel the same way about me.

I've been on a single date with each one so far. I'm thinking of going as far as the 3rd or 4th date with both of them to get to know them better.

Is this frowned upon? Should I decide sooner rather than later?

I'm very undecided between both of them.

Any tips would be appreciated.

You really need to take it to the 3rd of 4th date, assuming you've had contact between those date's to get any idea of who they are..