The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

G-Money

I think I'm going to take a break from OD for a while. I think I'm a wee bit burnt out from looking at profiles and whatnot. I'm also thinking of putting some new pictures up which might help things.

I don't know if anyone else is like this or just me, but when you meet someone from OD do you ever feel "neutral" about them? For me, I can either be interested very quickly, uninterested and definitely don't want a 2nd date or "neutral" where I'm not one way or the other and it will depend on the other person and if they like me. If they like me, I can find myself getting interested, if they don't, it doesn't bother me.

I suppose the downside of the "neutral" approach is that if the other person is the same, neither may make a move and both could end up missing out.

Armaghmagic

Fat Tony - I wouldnt frown upon that, better that than going for one without much thought.

Having said that I was in the same situation, went on a few dates with each, then ended up choosing the wrong one as it turned out.

Larianne

seachto7 wrote: »

Just a question, and nothing personal. If he didn't ask you, would you bite the bullet and ask him?

Oh, usually I would have. But knowing he'd probably stalk this thread made me leave it up to him.

That_Guy

Vodkat wrote: »

I met that guy on Saturday night,

I'm great aren't I?

no spark really.

Well I did mention that I'm an electrician... in training.

Really nice guy and goodlooking too but I wasnt feeling it.

Well it's nice to be nice and I am a model and.... WASN'T FEELING IT??? Well of all the nerve.

He messaged me today but I told him that I didnt think we hit it off well enough for a second date.

If it's because I hurled a baguette at your head it's only because I was trying to get rid of the monstrous fly that was in your hair.

Meeting another guy for lunch tomorrow.

But you didn't get to see my charm in full swing...

HOW YOU DOIN'?

Yeah, I'm bored.

seachto7

Larianne wrote: »

Oh, usually I would have. But knowing he'd probably stalk this thread made me leave it up to him.

..ah, was just wondering if it were a case that you would strictly wait for him to ask, just to observe protocol!

kiddums

I'm starting to wonder if theres much reward in this OD thing.
I finally get some views and replies on POF, but one of them stops replying when I send her a picture and another stops after asking my name. WTF?
I know I mightn't be their type but we're talking about adults here, can they not just tell me?

Hardonraging

kiddums wrote: »

I'm starting to wonder if theres much reward in this OD thing.
I finally get some views and replies on POF, but one of them stops replying when I send her a picture and another stops after asking my name. WTF?
I know I mightn't be their type but we're talking about adults here, can they not just tell me?

Many lack the manners or balls it takes to let somebody down easily..

Armaghmagic

kiddums wrote: »

I know I mightn't be their type but we're talking about adults here, can they not just tell me?

From chatting to some women on POF they nearly all concur that it is better to ignore if you don't like someone than telling them and having to explain etc!

kiddums

Hardonraging wrote: »

Many lack the manners or balls it takes to let somebody down easily..

Armaghmagic wrote: »

From chatting to some women on POF they nearly all concur that it is better to ignore if you don't like someone than telling them and having to explain etc!

Are they that judgemental tho that my photo or name can put them off?
One of them is still at the top of my profile views and I've seen her online so no reason there.

There's not a whole lot of women in my age range in my area, so I'm wondering if I should carry on.

gem81

I think if someone messages you for the first time & you are not interested its fine to ignore, but if you are chatting with someone & exchange number, pictures anything at all I think it would be better yo be told actually youre not my type or what ever. Its not right to leave someone hanging!!! Kiddums don't let it get to you but I know the feeling, they just seem to disappear!!

Armaghmagic

Agree totally with you gem.....if they don't send a message that's fine to ignore whatever the reason but if conversation starts then some sort of explanation is necessary!

kiddums

gem81 wrote: »

I think if someone messages you for the first time & you are not interested its fine to ignore, but if you are chatting with someone & exchange number, pictures anything at all I think it would be better yo be told actually youre not my type or what ever. Its not right to leave someone hanging!!! Kiddums don't let it get to you but I know the feeling, they just seem to disappear!!

I completely agree. I'm not really needing a full explanation but a reason would be nice.
I'll give it a few more days anyway. POF seems to be working better for me than OKC, still no replies there. Some views from Yanks tho.

riveratom

Hey guys,

Just a quick one to bounce of you all - I had a first date with a girl at the weekend, we were emailing back and forth on one of the sites. We met up the other day, but she looked quite a bit different to her profile pic, and I didn't feel there was much spark, from my take on it anyway.

We don't have each others' numbers or anything, just emailing on the site. I guess I should follow up, I don't mind doing that at all, but would girls prefer not to hear at all, if I'm not going to be following up to take it anywhere. I was just going to email 'nice to meet you, etc'. I got the impression at the end of the date that she might have been waiting for me to ask for her number..

stargazer 68

riveratom wrote: »

, I don't mind doing that at all, but would girls prefer not to hear at all, if I'm not going to be following up to take it anywhere. I was just going to email 'nice to meet you, etc'. I got the impression at the end of the date that she might have been waiting for me to ask for her number..

As you have actually met then yes a message is better than doing nothing at all.

riveratom

Dovies wrote: »

As you have actually met then yes a message is better than doing nothing at all.

Yeah that's what I figure alright. Mentioning that I don't think there was a spark...or not mentioning that and just saying all the best and hope all goes well, etc? Just want to be tactful I suppose

Zhora

riveratom wrote: »

Dovies wrote: »

As you have actually met then yes a message is better than doing nothing at all.

Yeah that's what I figure alright. Mentioning that I don't think there was a spark...or not mentioning that and just saying all the best and hope all goes well, etc? Just want to be tactful I suppose

Well I've not heard a word from a few after a first date, bad form. Only 1 guy actually emailed me and thanked me for meeting but didn't wish to pursue any further. While it stings a little it is way better than the disappearing act.

Now how about seeing someone for a few months, about 4/5 dates, is it ok to ask if you are a couple? Is it bad form to leave you hanging and not let you know either way?

riveratom

Zhora wrote: »

Now how about seeing someone for a few months, about 4/5 dates, is it ok to ask if you are a couple? Is it bad form to leave you hanging and not let you know either way?

4-5 dates in a few months...?

I guess that's always a conversation that (should) come up organically...

HellFireClub

I made a point the other day on this thread that I didn't think that online dating was compatible with romance (as I understand it), and I thought I'd explain what I meant...

One thing I notice again and again on thread, is that everyone is "looking for that evasive chemistry"...

My own experience has been that it is very hard to find chemistry when you are going around looking specifically for it. With such as emphasis on "chemistry", is it not hugely more difficult to find it, in a setting such as an internet date, where the only thing both people seem to be looking for really, is instant and immediate "chemistry"?

I was in relationships where they started out as friendships, and there wouldn't have been "chemistry" really, but a lot of mutual respect and a lot of similar interests, and a lot of wanting to spend time with each other, a lot of laughing and fun times together, but nothing "romantic" in terms of a line never being crossed. But then one day, the line would be crossed and the chemistry would be there in bucketfuls.

But when it comes to internet dating, it seems to me that if the chemistry isn't there immediately on the first date, then the potential for anything to ever happen in terms of a romance, is completely written off?!?

I just had to put this out there, and hopefully have a respectful discussion on this particular aspect of internet dating... For this reason (and none other really I think), I argue that internet dating carries a fatal flaw, and it's that when it comes to romance, it just isn't possible, by virtue of the sheer complexities of what is involved, namely 2 humans looking for love, (if you're even lucky enough to find that on internet dating), to tick all the boxes like that in such a time efficient and in such an almost intransigent manner at times.

We've all heard the stories of people falling completely in love with someone that they genuinely didn't expect to ever end up in a romance with at all. This to my mind, seems to be the way the world turns more than otherwise, I don't think I've ever heard of a serious romance blossoming out of two people working off a checklist and more or less insisting that chemistry exists from the first date. That to my mind, is pretty much perpendicular to what romance is really about, (in my opinion).

kiddums

kiddums wrote: »

I'm starting to wonder if theres much reward in this OD thing.
I finally get some views and replies on POF, but one of them stops replying when I send her a picture and another stops after asking my name. WTF?
I know I mightn't be their type but we're talking about adults here, can they not just tell me?

Call me a fool, but should I give it another day or so and see if they reply?
Or should I contact them again, in a day or 2?

Like I say, not much choice about here. And I do know that one of them is moving house this week.

gem81

Kiddums you could send a casual message - just saying hi hows things something along those lines - Ask if they are still interested in chatting if not its ok!!
Is the one thats moving the one that you havent heard from since you told her your name? - Just she would be busy packing etc so maybe you will get a response there.
Fingers crossed for you & you get what you want

kiddums

gem81 wrote: »

Kiddums you could send a casual message - just saying hi hows things something along those lines - Ask if they are still interested in chatting if not its ok!!
Is the one thats moving the one that you havent heard from since you told her your name? - Just she would be busy packing etc so maybe you will get a response there.
Fingers crossed for you & you get what you want

That's what I was kinda thinking.
Yea, but she's also the one that's been online since too. Hopefully as I was on the verge of suggesting a meet up when she gets moved.

Fritzl Funderland

anyone know any other free sites apart from POF and OKC?

Armaghmagic

Fritzl Funderland wrote: »

anyone know any other free sites apart from POF and OKC?

Smooch, Badoo and Tagged are the ones I know of.

wobblyknees

Fritzl Funderland wrote: »

anyone know any other free sites apart from POF and OKC?

Try www.thepub.com - Beer can be a bit expensive thoough.

Piliger

Zhora wrote: »

Well I've not heard a word from a few after a first date, bad form. Only 1 guy actually emailed me and thanked me for meeting but didn't wish to pursue any further. While it stings a little it is way better than the disappearing act.

Hi Zhora ... this seems to be the accepted way of things in OD, I am afraid. Silence after a date means ... not interested. Too many people, I'm afraid to say, appears to have the balls of a flea and prefer to stay silent rather than send a nice thank you but no chemistry email or text or message.
I posted last week about a coffee date I had where she texted twice in the next three days that she wanted to meet again ... and then total silence, refusing to even reply to my very short and mannered text.

People :rolleyes:

Piliger

Hardonraging wrote: »

Many lack the manners or balls it takes to let somebody down easily..

Yes indeed.

I call it common courtesy. Unfortunately it seems in short supply nowadays.

Piliger

Larianne wrote: »

I had a great date on Friday. Just waiting on him to get his ass into gear and ask me out again.

Larianne ... life is TOO SHORT to be a wall flower. Rejection is not a nice feeling but it fades fast, regret lasts a lot longer !

Hardonraging

So have we any positive stories from the weekend just gone ?

Zhora

Piliger wrote: »

Hi Zhora ... this seems to be the accepted way of things in OD, I am afraid. Silence after a date means ... not interested. Too many people, I'm afraid to say, appears to have the balls of a flea and prefer to stay silent rather than send a nice thank you but no chemistry email or text or message.
I posted last week about a coffee date I had where she texted twice in the next three days that she wanted to meet again ... and then total silence, refusing to even reply to my very short and mannered text.

People :rolleyes:

Piliger, I don't get the lack of respect either. But I'm surprised that the girl didn't say something back like, thanks but no thanks. I thought it was mainly the guys who did that sort of thing. It saddens me, that we as men and women have become so disrespectful of each other and so distant. Was it like this before the online dating?

Ahem, I'm old enough to remember dating before the internet and to be honest I don't remember it being this difficult to decipher what a guy's intentions were or whether he liked me or not.

blacklilly

I went on a lot of dates...too many while on od, I always text the guy to say thanks for meeting even if I didn't like him, some guys were man enough to say they didn't see it going anywhere and some weren't.
I also had the pleasure of meeting some insecure guys who when told I wasn't into them (in a nice way) didn't take it too well.
When a guy told me he wasn't into me, I just wished him the best of luck, you need to have a thick skin but I still think its better to be honest with people rather than ignore them.