The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

riveratom

andreac wrote: »

There are a few sites like that, where you have to pay to send mails, or read mails or send personal info. I dont see the point in them when there are free ones, Smooch, POF, OKC.

The paying ones (CupidRocks, Match etc) will tend to attract a greater number of people who are serious about looking for a relationship and finding someone. They can help to deter people who may only be passing the time or who have no real interest. Plus you will get far fewer dodgy / pointless messages!

stargazer 68

riveratom wrote: »

The paying ones (CupidRocks, Match etc) will tend to attract a greater number of people who are serious about looking for a relationship and finding someone. They can help to deter people who may only be passing the time or who have no real interest. Plus you will get far fewer dodgy / pointless messages!

Unfortunately thats not always the case! Logic would say it is but I think you will find a few people on here to disagree with that!

riveratom

Dovies wrote: »

Unfortunately thats not always the case! Logic would say it is but I think you will find a few people on here to disagree with that!

Of course it won't hold true all the time, that's why I said 'will tend to'

That said, I'm pretty sure if you did an analysis of the volume of rubbish messages on free sites vs paid, the free ones would win hands down.

fat__tony

I can vouch for match, I've met a lot of decent and serious people on there.

Blows POF out of the water in every way.

Granted you have to pay for it but it eliminates a significant no of timewasters.

mood

I just saw a profile of a 50 year man who put up a photo that looked 15-20 years old judging by the fact it was scanned in (no digital cameras or mobile back then), the hair and clothes were form a different decade etc. He was receding back then so it probably totally bald now. Does he honestly think that if some woman does agree to meet him she won't notice!

Armaghmagic

Time for a Friday rant.....

Would any lady/man with a good success rate, please take a look at my profile on POF and explain where I am going wrong as any messages I send are not being replied to. Even if you could let me know what a good starting message is that would be helpful. I don't think I am (overly) ugly or uninteresting yet still I am having no joy. And it is annoying when people (which has happened) have apologised for not replying as they are finding it hard to get through all the messages they are receiving.

I have expanded my search to include ages 20-30 (i am 25) and sending more messages out but nothing is happening. I even send messages when the person is showing up as online. Perhaps it is the wrong website to use for my age I don't know.

Its sunny, its the end of the working week......but yet I am down in the dumps which isn't right surely!!

kiddums

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Time for a Friday rant.....

Would any lady/man with a good success rate, please take a look at my profile on POF and explain where I am going wrong as any messages I send are not being replied to. Even if you could let me know what a good starting message is that would be helpful. I don't think I am (overly) ugly or uninteresting yet still I am having no joy. And it is annoying when people (which has happened) have apologised for not replying as they are finding it hard to get through all the messages they are receiving.

I have expanded my search to include ages 20-30 (i am 25) and sending more messages out but nothing is happening. I even send messages when the person is showing up as online. Perhaps it is the wrong website to use for my age I don't know.

Its sunny, its the end of the working week......but yet I am down in the dumps which isn't right surely!!

I literally could have written that word for word myself. Tho at least you get the odd reply by the sounds of things.

Armaghmagic

Very very odd reply Kiddums!

HellFireClub

I've just read a profile on POF that must have been authored by Ireland's worst narcissist. I seriously wonder how on earth some people have ended up with the notion in their head that they can set down the exact details, down nearly to the colour of someone's shoelaces, of the person who they think will or might be good enough to be their next partner.

Colours

HellFireClub wrote: »

I've just read a profile on POF that must have been authored by Ireland's worst narcissist. I seriously wonder how on earth some people have ended up with the notion in their head that they can set down the exact details, down nearly to the colour of someone's shoelaces, of the person who they think will or might be good enough to be their next partner.

But doesn't that turn you off anyway HellFire? It certainly would me anyways. I am repelled by any hint of pretentiousness which might exude from someone's profile. Being dictatorial and overly exacting about what traits someone else must have before you'll deign to interact with them fits flushly into that category. An off-shoot of this is the notorious "No picture no reply" which on reading immediately spins me into a 180 degree about turn in the opposite direction (and yes I have a pic up myself)!

Panthro

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Time for a Friday rant.....

Would any lady/man with a good success rate, please take a look at my profile on POF and explain where I am going wrong as any messages I send are not being replied to. Even if you could let me know what a good starting message is that would be helpful. I don't think I am (overly) ugly or uninteresting yet still I am having no joy. And it is annoying when people (which has happened) have apologised for not replying as they are finding it hard to get through all the messages they are receiving.

I have expanded my search to include ages 20-30 (i am 25) and sending more messages out but nothing is happening. I even send messages when the person is showing up as online. Perhaps it is the wrong website to use for my age I don't know.

Its sunny, its the end of the working week......but yet I am down in the dumps which isn't right surely!!

(4) Your Online Dating Profile
Please do not ask for other boardsies to view your Online Dating Profile on thread. They clog up the thread and cause off topic discussion.
If you do wish for a certain poster to view your Online Dating Profile, please use the PM function and ask the poster you wish to view your profile if they would mind obliging.

READ THE RULES. No more warnings.

HellFireClub

Colours wrote: »

But doesn't that turn you off anyway HellFire? It certainly would me anyways. I am repelled by any hint of pretentiousness which might exude from someone's profile. Being dictatorial and overly exacting about what traits someone else must have before you'll deign to interact with them fits flushly into that category. An off-shoot of this is the notorious "No picture no reply" which on reading immediately spins me into a 180 degree about turn in the opposite direction (and yes I have a pic up myself)!

I fupping HATE narcissists, its the one trait in people that I can't stand... :mad::mad::mad:

smallgarden

came close to meeting up wth guy from pof until he was almost suggesting where i live and what i wear and we hadnt even met yet,dont like being told what to do by someone i dont even know!

on no picture no reply topic.i can understand liking someone for personality but id prefer to see what they look like.if im really not attracted to someone i wouldnt meet up with someone.i dont have high tastes anyways.i hate talking to someone,who then sends send picture and if dont find attractive you then have to send awkward im not interested message

HellFireClub

Colours wrote: »

But doesn't that turn you off anyway HellFire? It certainly would me anyways. I am repelled by any hint of pretentiousness which might exude from someone's profile. Being dictatorial and overly exacting about what traits someone else must have before you'll deign to interact with them fits flushly into that category. An off-shoot of this is the notorious "No picture no reply" which on reading immediately spins me into a 180 degree about turn in the opposite direction (and yes I have a pic up myself)!

In fairness, I have a pic up, and I can understand why some people, (teachers, etc), don't want to put up a pic publicly on their profile, but I'm lost as to why someone mails another user (when they can see the pic of the person they are mailing), and doesn't attach a pic to the initial mail.

Panthro

Isn't there a setting on POF that you can have on so that a person can't send you a mail unless they have a pic attached?
I'm nearly positive there is.

Chitza

Hi everyone,

I think this must be my first post ever on boards and I'll honor the OD thread with it.

So I'm pretty new to OD, only got a profile up on POF last week and had my first date today. Nice conversation, nice guy but from my side just no physical attraction at all. He texted me saying he really enjoyed himself and would like to go for a second date. I don't want to crush him or hurt his feelings and feel a bit bad now. What do you think, will I just send him a message today and tell him that while it was a nice date and all, I felt no physical attraction?

Thanks for advice!

smallgarden

i sometimes go on 2nd date if im iffy about someone after first date but normally my first instinct has been right,its definitely much nicer to hear from person than no word from them at all

Hardonraging

Chitza wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I think this must be my first post ever on boards and I'll honor the OD thread with it.

So I'm pretty new to OD, only got a profile up on POF last week and had my first date today. Nice conversation, nice guy but from my side just no physical attraction at all. He texted me saying he really enjoyed himself and would like to go for a second date. I don't want to crush him or hurt his feelings and feel a bit bad now. What do you think, will I just send him a message today and tell him that while it was a nice date and all, I felt no physical attraction?

Thanks for advice!

Be straight with him, but try not to crush him, " you had a nice time, but dont feel it will go anywhere, hope he find the person he is looking for etc.. "

Chitza

Thanks, that sounds good.

njs030

Does anyone know how the distances on the pof mobile users thing works? I have the nearest city as my city but I live a good bit away from there, so is the distances shown from the city or from me? Just wondering!
It's quite annoying when the mobile user says someone's online but they're not on the search bit-must be just the connection to the network I guess!

Galvasean

HellFireClub wrote: »

I've just read a profile on POF that must have been authored by Ireland's worst narcissist. I seriously wonder how on earth some people have ended up with the notion in their head that they can set down the exact details, down nearly to the colour of someone's shoelaces, of the person who they think will or might be good enough to be their next partner.

Something tells me I know the exact profile you are talking about. She disappears and reappears sporadically. I'd say she's a right hard one to get along with for any guy 'lucky' enough to end up on a date with her.

HellFireClub

Galvasean wrote: »

Something tells me I know the exact profile you are talking about. She disappears and reappears sporadically. I'd say she's a right hard one to get along with for any guy 'lucky' enough to end up on a date with her.

I've just read another profile with a highly narcissistic personality behind it, the girl In question has been kind enough to put a quiz at the end of her profile where you can take the quiz and see how likely you are to get a date with her, depending on what you put in a message if you decide to mail her, and what you might say back if she says she isn't interested in you!!!

The irony of it all is that looking at her profile in its totality (pics & what she has stated about herself), I certainly wouldn't be sending her that first mail and I wouldn't imagine that other users of the site would be queuing up for that magic first date as she describes it. Childish doesn't even half cover it...

Colours

The turn around time for my current OD squeeze to respond to my messages averages out at 2 days. Don't know whether I'm being unecessarily needy and insecure but wouldn't that seem to indicate that there's something holding him back from interacting more freely with me? His messages to me when they do come are warm and friendly and interesting. I've had 2 dates with him so far which both went well and ended in lots of kissing and nice vibes. It's the fact that I like him that's making me hesitate and over analyse like this and could very well be the trigger that sends him running for the hills if I were to make an issue of it.

Although having a few potential love interests on the go at the same time runs contrary to my natural inclinations - prefering to focus energies into the one guy to see if it has potential- I've started messaging other guys in the meantime and I guess will fire ahead with pursuing dates with others if the opportunity presents itself. Messaging with other guys serves to contrast this different style of messaging, in that they tend to reply within a couple of hours on the same day!

On another point, I don't think getout.ie has been mentioned yet? I was on it as a non-paying member for a few months and attended a few singles events but drifted out of it as they were charging ridiculous amounts of money for most of their events as well as to utilise any of the standard facilities like being able to read messages from others and reply to them etc so I gave up. Maybe if the charge was something like a tenner a month then I might be up for it but they were asking for something like thirty euro for the privilege.

Final point is on the "no pic no reply" catch phrase. I accept that this is a pet peeve of mine and that there is a very reasonable rationale to wanting to know what someone looks like if you're interacting with them on OD. What annoys me is the self righteous way in which it is plonked onto people's profiles in such an abrupt and discourteous manner. It's the same stern and forboding tone that emits from signs like "no time wasters" or "trespassers will be prosecuted". Would a please and thanks be out of the question here? Or better still, re-phrase it as a preference rather than a blunt demand. So basically what I'm saying that that it's the blunt and self righteous tone that I pick up from this demand that repels me from wanting to find out more about this person.

riveratom

Colours wrote: »

The turn around time for my current OD squeeze to respond to my messages averages out at 2 days. Don't know whether I'm being unecessarily needy and insecure but wouldn't that seem to indicate that there's something holding him back from interacting more freely with me? His messages to me when they do come are warm and friendly and interesting. I've had 2 dates with him so far which both went well and ended in lots of kissing and nice vibes. It's the fact that I like him that's making me hesitate and over analyse like this and could very well be the trigger that sends him running for the hills if I were to make an issue of it.

Although having a few potential love interests on the go at the same time runs contrary to my natural inclinations - prefering to focus energies into the one guy to see if it has potential- I've started messaging other guys in the meantime and I guess will fire ahead with pursuing dates with others if the opportunity presents itself. Messaging with other guys serves to contrast this different style of messaging, in that they tend to reply within a couple of hours on the same day!

On another point, I don't think getout.ie has been mentioned yet? I was on it as a non-paying member for a few months and attended a few singles events but drifted out of it as they were charging ridiculous amounts of money for most of their events as well as to utilise any of the standard facilities like being able to read messages from others and reply to them etc so I gave up. Maybe if the charge was something like a tenner a month then I might be up for it but they were asking for something like thirty euro for the privilege.

Final point is on the "no pic no reply" catch phrase. I accept that this is a pet peeve of mine and that there is a very reasonable rationale to wanting to know what someone looks like if you're interacting with them on OD. What annoys me is the self righteous way in which it is plonked onto people's profiles in such an abrupt and discourteous manner. It's the same stern and forboding tone that emits from signs like "no time wasters" or "trespassers will be prosecuted". Would a please and thanks be out of the question here? Or better still, re-phrase it as a preference rather than a blunt demand. So basically what I'm saying that that it's the blunt and self righteous tone that I pick up from this demand that repels me from wanting to find out more about this person.

Well, it could be that he is going on multiple dates - or more than one - and is busy as a result or wouldn't feel right replying back to you on days when he is out seeing other people.

Or, it could be that he doesn't want to appear too keen and reckons that 2 days is about the right amount of time to wait, so that he is playing it cool and doesn't look too eager.

I guess it's a 'see what happens' situation. After date 2, and even if they both went very well which it sounds like they did, you probably won't be asking him if he is seeing other people, etc. If it gets to 4-5 dates in, it might get to that stage though, if things are still the same message-wise...

Colours

riveratom wrote: »

Well, it could be that he is going on multiple dates - or more than one - and is busy as a result or wouldn't feel right replying back to you on days when he is out seeing other people.

Or, it could be that he doesn't want to appear too keen and reckons that 2 days is about the right amount of time to wait, so that he is playing it cool and doesn't look too eager.

I guess it's a 'see what happens' situation. After date 2, and even if they both went very well which it sounds like they did, you probably won't be asking him if he is seeing other people, etc. If it gets to 4-5 dates in, it might get to that stage though, if things are still the same message-wise...

Thanks for the balanced comments Riveratom. It's a bit naive of me I guess but I hadn't given much thought to the possibility that he might be seeing other women as well which would certainly explain the pauses. I guess it is a case of playing it by ear and wait and see like you said.

As the saying goes there's plenty of other fish in the ocean so will continue to cast my net on POF!

Armaghmagic

I was sending a large post and then it failed so the shortened version is:

- Does changing your profile photo every few weeks gain results?

- on the no pic no reply thing, I usually send messages if they have no photo as this could be for any reason. But I always request one in the first or second message.

- wonder how many OD relationships went the full distance to where the best man is telling everyone how they met??

YumCha

HellFireClub wrote: »

I've just read another profile with a highly narcissistic personality behind it, the girl In question has been kind enough to put a quiz at the end of her profile where you can take the quiz and see how likely you are to get a date with her, depending on what you put in a message if you decide to mail her, and what you might say back if she says she isn't interested in you!!!

The irony of it all is that looking at her profile in its totality (pics & what she has stated about herself), I certainly wouldn't be sending her that first mail and I wouldn't imagine that other users of the site would be queuing up for that magic first date as she describes it. Childish doesn't even half cover it...

I *think* you're referring to my profile - the only thing I will say is that the guys who are queueing up suit me to a tee - they get my sense of humour and have the ability to recognise that the whole thing is a giant piss-take written in jest.

Also just to add to that I've never gotten a cock pic... so I can only assume that my profile is doing its job just fine (That is not an invitation people! :pac:)

Larianne

YumCha wrote: »

they get my sense of humour and have the ability to recognise that the whole thing is a giant piss-take written in jest.

That's what I was going to suggest, that maybe it was a píss take?

HellFireClub

YumCha wrote: »

I *think* you're referring to my profile - the only thing I will say is that the guys who are queueing up suit me to a tee - they get my sense of humour and have the ability to recognise that the whole thing is a giant piss-take written in jest.

Also just to add to that I've never gotten a cock pic... so I can only assume that my profile is doing its job just fine (That is not an invitation people! :pac:)

Well sure you would say that, wouldn't you?!? I personally don't think that your profile was written in humour or jest, it just has "narcissist" written all over it. Now that you've been called on it (pardon the pun with regard to your love of poker!), and have managed to identify yourself on here, you want to try to represent your profile as a big giant píss take, somehow I seriously don't think so!

Obviously it's against the charter to identify someone's charter on thread, so probably best to just agree to disagree on the subject of your particular profile.

YumCha

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well sure you would say that, wouldn't you?!? I personally don't think that your profile was written in humour or jest, it just has "narcissist" written all over it. Now that you've been called on it (pardon the pun with regard to your love of poker!), and have managed to identify yourself on here, you want to try to represent your profile as a big giant píss take, somehow I seriously don't think so!

Obviously it's against the charter to identify someone's charter on thread, so probably best to just agree to disagree on the subject of your particular profile.

I was just borrowing your own turn of phrase - I didn't say anything about whether it was a long queue or not!

You're entitled to your opinion for sure (as much as I obviously disagree with it), but especially given the topic of the thread I think we'd all do well to give people the benefit of the doubt.