The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

HellFireClub

YumCha wrote: »

I was just borrowing your own turn of phrase - I didn't say anything about whether it was a long queue or not!

You're entitled to your opinion for sure (as much as I obviously disagree with it), but especially given the topic of the thread I think we'd all do well to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I agree, you being the author, the balance of probabilities should fall in your favour.

riveratom

YumCha wrote: »

I was just borrowing your own turn of phrase - I didn't say anything about whether it was a long queue or not!

You're entitled to your opinion for sure (as much as I obviously disagree with it), but especially given the topic of the thread I think we'd all do well to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I quite like your approach. You obviously know what you want, and I love a girl who knows what she wants

Dolly Daydreams

Anyhooooo.... Dates this weekend people?

Piliger

I messaged a new lady this evening. In three minutes she replied "I'd be too high maintenance for you!"

Duh .... bullet dodged.

HellFireClub

I'm having a very different experience on POF than I had a few weeks ago, loads of mails & they all seem really nice, was hoping for a nice date this evening in town over a few drinks but I got a date with the SkyBox instead, my own fault for not asking, sure maybe tomorrow evening!

HellFireClub

Piliger wrote: »

I messaged a new lady this evening. In three minutes she replied "I'd be too high maintenance for you!"

Duh .... bullet dodged.

That's a bit of a weird comment to make to you?!? Did you say on your profile that you don't do high maintenance or something?!?

gaelicred

Ive never had an online date what should i look out for if i went down that road.And what are the best sites to use thanks in advance

That_Guy

Brief update.

Have been going out with my girlfriend I met on POF for 2 months now. Things going really well.

KTRIC

Sick of not getting replies from the women I like and getting messages from the ones I dont

HellFireClub

KTRIC wrote: »

Sick of not getting replies from the women I like and getting messages from the ones I dont

I was ready to throw my laptop out the friggin window two weeks ago over the exact same thing, I've kept the same pics, changed my username and my profile wording and I'm having the opposite experience this time round, kinda scratching my head on it to be honest.

It is very easy though to get completely despondent & frustrated with it in a relatively short space of time, if you run into a day or two of nobody replying to you.

Galvasean

Piliger wrote: »

I messaged a new lady this evening. In three minutes she replied "I'd be too high maintenance for you!"

Duh .... bullet dodged.

Since when did being high maintenance become a desirable trait? I've actually seen a few girls describe themselves as such (and I don't think they were messing either).
I must find this POF profile with the narcissistic quiz... I'll show them what a real narcissist is all about!

HellFireClub

Galvasean wrote: »

Since when did being high maintenance become a desirable trait? I've actually seen a few girls describe themselves as such (and I don't think they were messing either).
I must find this POF profile with the narcissistic quiz... I'll show them what a real narcissist is all about!

Lol best let sleeping dogs lie there on that one! I'm going to see my sense of humour therapist first thing Monday morning, I hate it when I don't get good jokes! :cool::rolleyes::cool:

KTRIC

Galvasean wrote: »

Since when did being high maintenance become a desirable trait? I've actually seen a few girls describe themselves as such (and I don't think they were messing either).
I must find this POF profile with the narcissistic quiz... I'll show them what a real narcissist is all about!

Not in my books anyway. I was chatting to a lovely "looking" girl, who described herself as high maintenance. THe conversation was completely one sided though. Grew very stale very quickly as it appeared she was also very self centered.

HellFireClub

KTRIC wrote: »

Not in my books anyway. I was chatting to a lovely "looking" girl, who described herself as high maintenance. THe conversation was completely one sided though. Grew very stale very quickly as it appeared she was also very self centered.

It's mad isn't it?!? There is an awfully thin line I think, between presenting as a person who is quietly confident, intelligent, respectful and polite, and then a person who is self obsessed, narcissistic in nature, self centred, selfish, indifferent, etc. And this cane be evident before even a message gets sent, just by reading a profile. Others of course will argue that the problem can be one of perception, different levels of toleration, different positions of humour, etc...

Chloris

I've read a good bit of this thread and it's so nice to hear about connections being made on these dating sites. The world can be a lonely place and the internet holds so much potential to bring people together. I met my boyfriend seven years ago on the message board for a pirate radio station in Cork we both listened to. Now we've come halfway through secondary school together and out the other end of college; life is very exciting for us right now as we attempt to build up careers and settle down. I hope everybody here gets as lucky as we've been. We're all relatively cool in our own way so I'm sure there's someone out there who will understand and appreciate each of us.

Pepe LeFrits

HellFireClub wrote: »

I fupping HATE narcissists, its the one trait in people that I can't stand... :mad::mad::mad:

Me too. It might not bother me so much as a trait if they ever turned out to be as good looking as I am, but they never do.

JennyBurke101

I am looking for some advice here....I was recently talking to a guy on OkCupid....he sent me an instant message and didn't have a pic up...I had just had the worst date ever (was talking to a guy for weeks online and we met up but just didn't gel at all) so was feeling really low! He seemed nice and friendly but I told him I wasn't looking for anything at the moment, as I was still just a little bit raw after how terrible things had gone like 2 hours previously (explained all that to him -as I really wasn't playing the "I am not looking for anything" i.e. I am brushing you off card)...we where getting on ok on chat but I just knew he wasn't my type personality wise, he said he wasn't looking for anything either he just wanted to chat online to people when bored...so I was happy enough with that, so we used to speak every so often 2-3 times a week (him always saying hi), I mean I would actually talk about other guys I was talking to, we where like online friends and he was saying how things where going for him on the site!

Then suddenly the other night he asked did I want to meet up, I was shocked and kinda just brushed it off...then he started to talk about this girl ...who he wasn't sure if she was interested or not ...I really don't want to sound vain or bad but I am 99.9% sure he was talking about me! So I basically in a nice way said "this girl" didn't sound interested in him ....I knew that was kinda bad but I didn't want to lead him on...so things went back to normal ....then last night he said hi ....and I am not going to lie, he was starting to say hi an awful lot...like when I signed in just to check mail, he would be like "Hi" ...and I was just starting to find it hard to keep up that level of IMing ...so last night he just turned around after I took awhile to reply and said that he was a big boy and could handle if I wasn't interested in meeting up ...and basically said I either meet up with him or we don't talk anymore at all!!!

I actually feel pretty bad over it- I just stopped messaging him as I was so annoyed, I am just wondering was I in the wrong in that situation? I mean as far as I was aware we where online friends, he said that is all he was looking for and we spoke about other people we where talking to and how it was going...I really am not a girl who messes with guys heads or anything like that and have never been accused of it either, I am just really shocked at all of this...as we did talk a fair bit but as far as I was aware it was on a friendly basis and it just turned so horrible last night! I feel awful encase it was me leading him on but I am really not sure I thought it was very clear we where just friends...like I had a really bad anxiety attack last week and was so down over it...I wasn't even a joy to talk to, he was actually really sweet about it but I just don't know who is in the wrong here!!! If its me I feel I should say sorry but I hand on heart swear I never thought I was leading him on especially since there was never any flirty talk or anything between us and we where discussing talking to other people!!!!

HellFireClub

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

...

Sure what have you got to loose by meeting him for a coffee, maybe you'll find a spark that you didn't ever expect to find, maybe you won't, but you'll be no worse off after it I imagine.

Maybe you just got off on the wrong foot with him after the disastrous date you had been on, just before you started talking to this guy?

missrandomer

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

...so last night he just turned around after I took awhile to reply and said that he was a big boy and could handle if I wasn't interested in meeting up ...and basically said I either meet up with him or we don't talk anymore at all!!!

I actually feel pretty bad over it- I just stopped messaging him as I was so annoyed, I am just wondering was I in the wrong in that situation? I mean as far as I was aware we where online friends, he said that is all he was looking for and we spoke about other people we where talking to and how it was going...I really am not a girl who messes with guys heads or anything like that and have never been accused of it either, I am just really shocked at all of this...as we did talk a fair bit but as far as I was aware it was on a friendly basis and it just turned so horrible last night! I feel awful encase it was me leading him on but I am really not sure I thought it was very clear we where just friends...like I had a really bad anxiety attack last week and was so down over it...I wasn't even a joy to talk to, he was actually really sweet about it but I just don't know who is in the wrong here!!! If its me I feel I should say sorry but I hand on heart swear I never thought I was leading him on especially since there was never any flirty talk or anything between us and we where discussing talking to other people!!!!

In my opinion you didnt do anything wrong. He knew from the start that you werent interested in taking things further. As you say he had already said that he wanted someone to talk to when he was bored and it was just online friends. So it was really that clear.

I wouldnt feel bad at all, to me that was a bullying tactic, and if he is that quick to use that as his only tool for getting you to meet with him, imagine what he would eventually be like.

I mean in fairness he could have used different wording, such as, i like you, and im starting to get too attached emotionaly by talking so much and maby if you think that we shouldnt meet up then, i may have to ease off on talking to you as im starting to fall for you! its that simple really in my eyes.

If you both want to meet up then, that would have progressed naturally and not controlled as he tried to do.


thats just my opinion. Chin up, things happen for a reason they say.;)

HellFireClub

missrandomer wrote: »

In my opinion you didnt do anything wrong. He knew from the start that you werent interested in taking things further. As you say he had already said that he wanted someone to talk to when he was bored and it was just online friends. So it was really that clear.

I wouldnt feel bad at all, to me that was a bullying tactic, and if he is that quick to use that as his only tool for getting you to meet with him, imagine what he would eventually be like.

I mean in fairness he could have used different wording, such as, i like you, and im starting to get too attached emotionaly by talking so much and maby if you think that we shouldnt meet up then, i may have to ease off on talking to you as im starting to fall for you! its that simple really in my eyes.

If you both want to meet up then, that would have progressed naturally and not controlled as he tried to do.


thats just my opinion. Chin up, things happen for a reason they say.;)

On reflection, I'm inclined to agree with this analysis! If he is getting far too clingy before he has even met you, then I'd argue that there could be problems there at his end, he could be spending too much of his time in the virtual world. I'm all for getting attached to people but for fúcks sake, meet the person first at least, anything shy of that is just not living in the real world I think...

feylya

Given the complete lack of replies to carefully crafted messages to people, I'm half tempted just to write up a reasonably generic message and send it to anyone who is over a 60% match on OKC. See how many people actually reply.

HellFireClub

feylya wrote: »

Given the complete lack of replies to carefully crafted messages to people, I'm half tempted just to write up a reasonably generic message and send it to anyone who is over a 60% match on OKC. See how many people actually reply.

I wouldn't put too much weight behind those "matching" systems on websites. On POF, if you don't select an income from the drop down list, it makes you select an income bracket from the list and it claims that this is the most important criteria for matching people up. I'd certainly disagree with that statement anyway.

Sarah**

Hope everyone is having a date filled weekend! Any nice tales from dates so far this weekend?

Armaghmagic

No dates this weekend but have 2 next Saturday!! Dates are like buses for me.

JennyBurke101

Armaghmagic wrote: »

No dates this weekend but have 2 next Saturday!! Dates are like buses for me.

How do you make time for 2 dates in one day :O what if one runs over?

Armaghmagic

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

Armaghmagic wrote: »

No dates this weekend but have 2 next Saturday!! Dates are like buses for me.

How do you make time for 2 dates in one day :O what if one runs over?

Because the first one is just a coffee date, first date, so it won't be running over.

On another point im just in from an unsuccessful night out on the ladies front. Approached a few and got the look of disgust before I was blanked. Really dented the confidence :-(

Panthro

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Because the first one is just a coffee date, first date, so it won't be running over.

On another point im just in from an unsuccessful night out on the ladies front. Approached a few and got the look of disgust before I was blanked. Really dented the confidence :-(

The very first rule of the thread:

(1) No chit chat
Means NO chit chat that does not relate to Online Dating/Experiences.
ANY post deemed to be off topic will be deleted and you may face a ban or other sanction.

You were previously warned on thread in relation to posting within the rules here

Thankfully, the majority of contributors to this thread are capable of understanding and abiding by a few very simple rules.

Either you are persistently purposely posting outside of the rules or you just don't "get them".

In any case, you've earned yourself an Infraction for your latest offering.

silvervixen84

Haven't posted in here for a while as I was fed up of receiving 'hey baby' and copy & paste messages so took a break from OD.

I decided to check my POF account on Saturday and got a nice message a few mins later, and after swapping a few messages...date secured for Wednesday. Unexpected but looking forward to it!

HellFireClub

Have to say, my experience with POF has gone from zero to hero, the only difference being a small change to my profile and a username change?!?

:cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool:

Armaghmagic

I have done something similar and added some new photos and revamped the description.

On another point one of my dates for Saturday has just informed me that she doesn't want to see me. End of story :-(