Did your school ever have a phantom crapper?

some random drunk

Was having a conversation with a mate the other night about our schooldays and oddball characters we went to school with. The subject of "phantom crappers" came up. For those not familiar with the term, a phantom crapper is anyone who gets their jollies from taking a dump somewhere other than a toilet. Now most often this may be some lad thinking its funny to sh*te in a urinal or something like that.

The one in my school took things a little further. Indeed it started off with a mysterious turd turning up in the urinals. A few fellas found it funny and there was some tutting from the teachers but it was forgotten by the end of the day.
About a week later the crapper struck again. This time leaving a deposit on the floor, in front of the sinks. The vice principal questioned a few lads, but no one knew anything.

The third time it happened, it was a little more sinister. One of my classmates came in from playing football at lunch, to find a fresh turd in his shoe. (just to explain this, in my school people would bring runners with them to play football, change into them and leave their school shoes in the classroom). There was also a note, made from letters cut from magazines, which read "I poo in your shoe!" or something similar.

The school held a big investigation. Everyone was questioned. Speeches and threats of punishment were made. Classrooms were locked at lunchtime. But in the end no one was caught and the mystery of the phantom crapper went unsolved.

My friend told me a similar thing happened at his school, but with no notes or anything, someone just fancied taking a crap in the urinals and once in the communal shower area.

So folks as the thread title asks, did you ever experience a phantom crapper in your school? Know any unhinged or intoxicated individuals who pooed somewhere they shouldn't have? Have any theories about why some lads like to do this? Any thoughts?

TL, DR version: some young fella crapped in various places around my school, any similar stories?

Martyn1989

Yeh we had one at our school, at a mates party we had a towel bandit aswell, its his own fault for leaving no toilet paper in there.

galwayrush

We were all toilet trained when i was in school.

dodderangler

This is south park with the hardly boys all over again
Who took a duke in the urinal

FANTAPANTS

had 1 in the army when we were in kosovo every sunday morning after the canteen full of beer!!!!

Agricola

Yep some lad took a dump in the middle of the boys toilets. When the VP found out he rounded up as many lads as he could and got us all standing in a circle around the offending turd. Then he made threats of violence until someone owned up!

mattjack

Martyn1989 wrote: »

Yeh we had one at our school, at a mates party we had a towel bandit aswell, its his own fault for leaving no toilet paper in there.

:eek: We had one in our school too,....... and and a towel bandit visited too at a house party I was at years ago.......... I found out who the towel bandit was years later.

Monsieur Folie

The Inbetweeners Movie will give a fresh bunch of young lads this idea, the same way South Park did a few years back..

"You sh*t on floor, €50 fine!"

Deus Ex Machina

There was a Pat Mustard style renegade janitor in my school who was fired under mysterious circumstances. Over the course of his last few days he took to taking sweaty hairy dumps all over the school in secret locations. I'd say there's still moldering piles of his faeces in dusty fire escapes and under pianos as he cackles wearing his Aviators.

Tractor_Pat

My school had a phantom crapper who used to drop the brown trout in a tayto packet and leave it on the footpath, just hoping for someone to draw a kick on it.. And boy was he successful.

PogMoThoin

Yep, my secondary school had a story about a phantom crapper who crapped in the woodwork room.

Mr. Rager

Some lad used to take a dump in a bucket and leave it in random places around the school.

Yes, actual "****e in the bucket", not this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL6aDrzs3Fs

klose

The hardly boys, 2 young wippersnappers with a taste for solving mysteries.

The_fever

In our school it got out of hand someone left one in the hand dryer , with the tunnel thing turned up low and behold someone turned it on and got a phantom turd in the eye.

Dr Turk Turkelton

Yep and he took it one step further and shat in the confession box in the church.

Never heard anything about him since but he was a strange individual at the time.

Martyn1989

mattjack wrote: »

:eek: We had one in our school too,....... and and a towel bandit visited too at a house party I was at years ago.......... I found out who the towel bandit was years later.

Oh yeh, does JT mean anything to you?

Fluorescence

Not quite, but someone in my primary school drew pictures on the bathroom wall in poo...

boomkatalog

We had a 6th year boy (or so rumour has it...) take a crap on the floor in the lady teachers bathroom. He also left half a bible covered in ****, having apparently wiped his arse with the rest. Classy guy.

Someone took a shi*e in the leaving cert woodwork project of another lad in my leaving cert year. It wasn't really a phantom crapper though as everyone knew who did it.

Monsieur Folie

whippedcream wrote: »

The hardly boys, 2 young wippersnappers with a taste for solving mysteries.

I've got a big clue!

admiralofthefleet

there was a fella a few years ahead of me who was caught **** in the crappers. he was christened pully after that and used to chase people around the school when they shouted it after them

up for anything

There's probably a reason for phantom crapping. My son won't crap in school because the chance of having the cubicle door kicked open for laughs by a bunch of lads is two to one. They must be the cleanest toilets in town from lack of use.

mattjack

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

there was a fella a few years ahead of me who was caught **** in the crappers. he was christened pully after that and used to chase people around the school when they shouted it after them

Were his initials MC ?

Frynge

Channing Prickly Thinner wrote: »

Someone took a shi*e in the leaving cert woodwork project of another lad in my leaving cert year. It wasn't really a phantom crapper though as everyone knew who did it.

'johnny in the woodwork room with a poo'.....

....maybe it could catch on in cluedo

admiralofthefleet

mattjack wrote: »

Were his initials MC ?

i cant remember but his younger brother joseph was in my year. it was a school in the raheny area

antodeco

I never once did a brown bomber in school. My main inability was due to the lack of both a toilet seat and no locks on doors. The toilets were always seriously manky

Admldj

we had one of these at a house party about 12 years ago slamming party everybody wasted and sleeping anywhere and everywhere i got up early the next morning with the guy who's parents own the house and low and behold a rather large s#'e sitting neatly under the desk in his dads office the weirdest thing was there was a jacks literally 4 feet from the desk to this day no one has ever owned up to that one probably get a deathbed confession or something like that

mattjack

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

there was a fella a few years ahead of me who was caught **** in the crappers. he was christened pully after that and used to chase people around the school when they shouted it after them

mattjack wrote: »

Were his initials MC ?

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i cant remember but his younger brother joseph was in my year. it was a school in the raheny area

Very strange, I went to school in Lucan with a fella called Pully , he was caught crackin' one off in the toilets.

The caretaker had polished the floor so much that you could see your reflection in it. Pully was caught when two young gentlemen decided to have a smoke in the toilet and saw his refection under the door furiously yankin' away at his todger in the cublicle.

Pully had three brothers known as Fart,Pop and Fish.

Nodin

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

there was a fella a few years ahead of me who was caught **** in the crappers. he was christened pully after that and used to chase people around the school when they shouted it after them

....I remember some lad in Synge Street was caught at it, and was dubbed (rather imaginitively) "The Wanker". There was a good deal of disbelief around the story, until one day word went round the local pool hall that a relative of The Wanker was in. This led to a young lad being surrounded and asked a question I've never forgotten - "Are you The **** brother"?

susita06

Not in school but every few weeks we find a pile of s*** in theres of the ladies toilets in work :-/ people are crazy :-o

susita06

Not in school but every few weeks we find a pile of s*** in theres of the ladies toilets in work :-/ people are crazy :-o

southcentralts

so OP you couldn't take the credit at the time with the looming threat of discipline but now you want your legacy remembered, don't you?

but why the cut out letters - genius - but why ?

sonic85

not a phantom crapper but there was a phantom pi$$er in my class in national school. he did it all over the place - the seat the floor everywhere. there were large puddles of it. id have given anything for a pair of wellies

some random drunk

southcentralts wrote: »

so OP you couldn't take the credit at the time with the looming threat of discipline but now you want your legacy remembered, don't you?

but why the cut out letters - genius - but why ?

Nah, it wasn't me. Was pretty hard to keep a straight face though when the teachers were making accusations and speeches about poo in front of a group of teenage boys . There was a theory that it had just been a stray dog that wandered in, so maybe that's why the crapper made the serial killer style letter. Either way it brought a creepy yet, humorous vibe to his crimes.

I'm genuinely surprised at the number of replies saying a similar thing happened at their school/workplace. I was expecting to read posts along the lines of "No, WTF are you talking about OP?" . Seems theres a lot of weirdos out there.

timewilltell

I've been teaching 3rd Class recently and for some reason the boys toilets always have pee on the floor. Always. This is about the fourt class of boys I've seen it happen.

delad

Didn't flutterinbantam say he used to splatter "ripe scutter" against the walls of toilets in fast food outlets, whenever he had been wronged by the person at the till in some way. Its a valid form of protest if you ask me.

Ostrom

I believe it was a '...hawser of midden'.

Ape X

susita06 wrote: »

Not in school but every few weeks we find a pile of s*** in theres of the ladies toilets in work :-/ people are crazy :-o

We had one in work a few years back also. Sick fecker. They struck on three occasions I believe, each time making their deposit in the middle of the ladies room. What annoyed me most about it, was that several people had their wrists slapped for leaving cups in the smoking area, but the crimes of the phantom crapper were swept under the carpet.

So to speak.

c_man

some random drunk wrote: »

I'm genuinely surprised at the number of replies saying a similar thing happened at their school/workplace. I was expecting to read posts along the lines of "No, WTF are you talking about OP?" . Seems theres a lot of weirdos out there.

We had a phantom sh!tter in secondary school and college. Heard of more about.

fuerte1976

Ah yes... Fado, Fado..

We had a hero in our school who shat in the corridors. A turd just sitting there in the middle of the hall. Never caught and it went on regular for 2 years +.

In a related story, in the 'big jacks' someone (could have been the same phantom ****ter) smeared the 10 foot x 2 foot mirror in his/her skutter. The hum down the corridor was horiffic :eek: Seeing the artists work didn't match the whiff ...

oppenheimer1

Such behaviour is known among burglars as well, its all psychological.

http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/1498102?uid=2129&uid=2&uid=70&uid=4&sid=47699030001927

darragh16

The worst were the ones who wipe their arse with their hand the wipe it on the wall... Jesus what an awful school it really was

fuerte1976

what a crock of $hit !!:D

leaveiton

Opened up a sanitary bin one day in my (all-girls) school, only to find a big shít on the little part where you place your stuff before it drops down into the bin. Really baffled me because there was no way it could have been shat directly into, they must have done it elsewhere and then placed it there. Either way, it was disgusting.

dodderangler

South park mystery of the urinal deuce
Comedy central right now

branbee

We had a different type of crapper at our school. Every single Wednesday at lunch time a man would walk in the field beside our school and would then take a crap at the railings right in front of us! The teacher was never in the class at lunch time and wouldn't believe us when we told her regardless of the fact it happened at the same time every week she never bothered actually checking that some freak was ****ting in front of 30 ten year olds! Of course everyone found it hilarious at the time! Highlight of the week it was!

kumate_champ07

phantom crapper in my school ended up joining the army

uch

Some fuker broke into my Primary school and shat on the teachers desk, a big steamer to add

LH Pathe

Gosh, no our standards were a little higher. n more vigilant, for unbeknownst to em phantom crapper watchers rendered em merely crappers.

uch

LH Pathe wrote: »

Gosh, no our standards were a little higher. n more vigilant, for unbeknownst to em phantom crapper watchers rendered em merely crappers.

What does that mean?

juan.kerr

oppenheimer1 wrote: »

Such behaviour is known among burglars as well, its all psychological.

http://www.jstor.org/discover/10.2307/1498102?uid=2129&uid=2&uid=70&uid=4&sid=47699030001927

psychological or scatalogical?

It's threads like this that keep me coming back to boards.ie