Job sending me abroad

Yakult

Chill
http://www.planecrashinfo.com/cause.htm

It aint all that bad tho, I try to zone out while looking at the amazing view and listen to some music.

kowloon

Seat near the centre, you feel less pitch there.

Wompa1

You're lucky to have a job OP. Stop your bitching and just get on the plane

Everybody who has a job owes the world something. It's a scientific fact

Snowie

i always robbed my mums valium

Mr. Loverman

You say it's a three hour flight... so is boat + train an option? You could leave on the Friday afternoon and be there by the Sunday.

SoulTrader

Download the Alan Partridge audiobook and listen to that. It doesn't give you any flying advice, but it will take your mind off the journey. It lasts just over 6 hours, so there's enough to keep you entertained there and back.

phasers

Don't sit in the back of the plane! If LOST taught me anything it's that the ones who sit in the back always die

hondasam

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I wish I could just be sedated for all flights so if it crashed I'd know nothing about it.

You can get tablets from the doc to relax you but make sure you do not have any alcohol at all with them.

Sky King

Valium. Any reputable drug dealer should be able to sort out out with some. My mate P takes it all the time when he goes flying.

You need to take extra to make sure the effect isn't psychosomatic and it's actually working though

mattjack

Don't mind these fcukers Ted, not one of ever saw a plane crashing in reality.

mattjack

What are you talking about Mattjack ? I saw one years ago.

biko

Make sure you poo before you board. It gets so smelly in the cabin if you crap yourself mid-flight.

holystungun9

browner85 wrote: »

just get hammered before hand!!

This is 100% fool proof. What possible downsides could there be?

Teyla Emmagan

Go to your doc and get a prescription Ted, they see this all the time. Just make sure to talk up your symptoms sufficiently so he sends you away with a prescription for something decent and not just a bottle of rescue remedy and a couple of breathing exercises.

antodeco

You need to sit within 7 rows of an emergency exit. If not, you WILL die if it crashes. 96% of people survive the crash, but they die in the fumes. You have about 15 seconds to get out of a burning plane. After the first 5 seconds, you'll start to choke, 10 seconds you'll start struggling to move, 15 seconds and you'll start to pass out.

Travel by dolphin!

antodeco

mattjack wrote: »

Don't mind these fcukers Ted, not one of ever saw a plane crashing in reality.

mattjack wrote: »

What are you talking about Mattjack ? I saw one years ago.

lol. Did you just try to log in with a different account to reply to yourself, but failed?

Temptamperu

hondasam wrote: »

You can get tablets from the doc to relax you but make sure you do not have any alcohol at all with them.

And if you do, dont piss on any ten year olds

Cee-Jay-Cee

Leave now and drive instead of flying.

If that isnt an option then i highly recommend xantax (and a couple of beers!)

Clareman

Wear lose slip on shoes, it will it make getting through airport security easier. Make sure to go to the toilet before queuing to get on the plane. Get a window seat, ideally a windows seat in the exit row (more leg room). Try to be 1 of the first on the plane, have everything you want out of you bag (ipod, book, game whatever) and put your bag up. Sit in your seat, put on your seat belt and make yourself comfortable in the seat, take your shoes off as well. Then just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Oh yeah, and take a spoon of cement and harden the f**k up, it's a f**king plane journey for 3 hours, you're not going to the f**king moon or into a mine, it's more than likely a Ryan Air flight where they'd hate to crash cause they'd lose a fortune on stale muffins.

Rabies

TeddyTedson wrote: »

What's the best place to sit do you think, front, middle or back?

I wish I could just be sedated for all flights so if it crashed I'd know nothing about it.

When a plan crashes your seat position in the couple of hundred tonne falling coffin doesn't really matter too much

Nothingbetter2d

Clareman wrote: »

Oh yeah, and take a spoon of cement and harden the f**k up, it's a f**king plane journey for 3 hours, you're not going to the f**king moon or into a mine, it's more than likely a Ryan Air flight where they'd hate to crash cause they'd lose a fortune on stale muffins.

you do know they charge extra for the staleness right and the blueberry muffens are actually blue mould muffens?

mattjack

mattjack wrote: »

Don't mind these fcukers Ted, not one of ever saw a plane crashing in reality.

mattjack wrote: »

What are you talking about Mattjack ? I saw one years ago.

antodeco wrote: »

lol. Did you just try to log in with a different account to reply to yourself, but failed?

No..:pac::pac: early morning boredom.

To all Mods , I swear on Antodeco and Teds lives I only have one account.

hondasam

Temptamperu wrote: »

And if you do, dont piss on any ten year olds

what ? am I missing something?

Temptamperu

hondasam wrote: »

what ? am I missing something?

There was a radio guy last year took tablets and drank a load of booze and he went the loo right beside a ten year old girl.

Mr Benevolent

TeddyTedson wrote: »

:pac: I won't be jacking off that's for sure


I used to love flying as a kid which is very strange.

I think if I was flying it myself I'd be happier for some ****ed up reason too.
Read all the gory details of that Air France crash a few years ago.

A pilot on here gave a very "colourful" description of what the crash might have been like on the way down. I remember saying to myself after reading that I'm never flying again.

AF447 was a bit of an exception in the sense that trained monkeys could've done a better job of flying the plane.

ooPabsoo

Make sure you bring some sticky tape OP...you never know when you might need it!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

I'm 27 now and first flew when I was about 16. Loved every minute of it that first flight to London. But my how the tables have turned. Brick myself everytime we hit an air pocket, get pains in my feet as a result, brick myself when we land thinking the landing gear is going to snap off etc etc.

When the pilot says 'We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes', I can't help but think that he's being slightly vague.

The Hill Billy

I've done 325,000 air miles in the past few years. I've still not hit any really bad turbulence in all that time.

You have SFA to be worrying about really. Man up lad!

TeddyTedson

KeithM89 wrote: »

Hey Tedward, what airline is it??

Ryan air. At least they're so cheap they won't want to pay out insurance

AEDIC

Temptamperu wrote: »

There was a radio guy last year took tablets and drank a load of booze and he went the loo right beside a ten year old girl.

Hmmm not sure but I think you might be mixing up incidents there....

There was a well known (in Cork) radio guy last year that took tablets and booze on a flight, but he was caught 'fapping' under a magazine I think not p*ssing next to a 10 year old.

I think Gerard Depardieu (French actor) was the fella that was drunk and p*ssed on the plane because they wouldnt let him use the jax.

Temptamperu

AEDIC wrote: »

Hmmm not sure but I think you might be mixing up incidents there....

There was a well known (in Cork) radio guy last year that took tablets and booze on a flight, but he was caught 'fapping' under a magazine I think not p*ssing next to a 10 year old.

I think Gerard Depardieu (French actor) was the fella that was drunk and p*ssed on the plane because they wouldnt let him use the jax.

I think your right, either way if you take booze and pills, no fapping under a magazine and no pissing on the children.

Local_Chap

Make sure theres nothing wrong with the left phalange!!

Sleepy

A strong dose of "get a grip of yourself" required here.

I've flown at least twice a month for the past 4 years. In jets, turbo-props and single-propeller aircraft. I've been in turbulence a few times and, it's no worse than the children's roller-coaster at Leisureland. I've had pilots pull out of landings from 10 metres or so above the runway because wind conditions were above the accepted tolerances of the aircraft and to this day, I've never experienced anything scary on a plane aside from some of the stewardesses on a Monarch charter flight to Gran Canaria *shudder*.

An aircraft used to carry the public is incredibly well maintained - parts are changed *way* before they're near end of life (imagine changing your car's timing belt every 30,000km), there's redundancy systems for the redundancy systems and the pilots are professionals who've spent months (or even years) training before they were let near a commercial aircraft rather than some spotty teenager who's just driven away from a test center after failing their test for the 3rd time.

You're more likely to die on a golf-course than on a plane.

Sit back, enjoy the acceleration down the runway, the nice view of whatever city your flight is leaving from as the plane gains altitude and use the 3 hours flight time to catch up on your reading / do some work / have a nap whatever.

mattjack

Sleepy wrote: »

A strong dose of "get a grip of yourself" required here.

I've flown at least twice a month for the past 4 years. In jets, turbo-props and single-propeller aircraft. I've been in turbulence a few times and, it's no worse than the children's roller-coaster at Leisureland. I've had pilots pull out of landings from 10 metres or so above the runway because wind conditions were above the accepted tolerances of the aircraft and to this day, I've never experienced anything scary on a plane aside from some of the stewardesses on a Monarch charter flight to Gran Canaria *shudder*.

An aircraft used to carry the public is incredibly well maintained - parts are changed *way* before they're near end of life (imagine changing your car's timing belt every 30,000km), there's redundancy systems for the redundancy systems and the pilots are professionals who've spent months (or even years) training before they were let near a commercial aircraft rather than some spotty teenager who's just driven away from a test center after failing their test for the 3rd time.

You're more likely to die on a golf-course than on a plane.

Sit back, enjoy the acceleration down the runway, the nice view of whatever city your flight is leaving from as the plane gains altitude and use the 3 hours flight time to catch up on your reading / do some work / have a nap whatever.

All lies, my father worked in aircraft maintenance with undiagnosed dementia for 18 months, any day now his batch of engines will fall out of the sky.

Nothingbetter2d

reverselogic wrote: »

I always find the fact that Ryanair have never had a fatal incident very comforting.

This is interesting, should give you a good idea of which airlines to avoid
http://planecrashinfo.com/rates.htm

ryanair are too stingy to have a crash

they would deduct the cost of the crashed plane from the flight staff's widow pensions

howamidifferent

Doctor will give you some Benzos if you need them. Take a few at least 2 hours before hand and you'll be fine.

Shanegggg

Take a look at the picture in the link below. I'm not a nervous flyer, my job involves a lot traveling, but it still gives me some reassurance.

Linky

If they test all their planes like that what can surely go wrong! :P

Plazaman

I used to have an irrational fear of flying. I call it irrational as I actually enjoy flights now and honestly cannot think back as to the reason I orignally feared it. I think thinking about it is the worst. I remember panicing on take off, panicing landing, panic at the gate and going through an embarrasing "Get on the plane Sir......Fúck you lady, I'm getting IN the plane not on it" paranoid episode.

Don't drink beforehand (well not heavily anyway) as it dehydrates you. A 3 hour flight does not sound as if it's crossing mountain ranges or transatlantic etc where the worst turbulence occurs. You'll have the odd shake on a plane in bad weather but other than that, it's about 35/40 mins to reach cruising altitude, cabin show of selling you food and off licence goes on for about hour and another 30/35 mins to descend and land. It'll be over before you know it.

Bring a book to read and an iPod to block out those sounds that are part of the normal operations of a plane but you think are bits of the plane falling off and the dinosaur in the cargo hold got loose. Good Luck Ted (and don't press the red button).

Conall Cernach

Get one of those bat wing gliding suit thingies. At the first sign of trouble wrench that door open, glide to safety and laugh at all those poor suitless suckers who trusted to the safety of their aircraft as they plummet to the ground.

donegal_road

if you have bother getting Xanax, I have heard that some 'resin' disolved in olive oil then put into coffee or yohgart will do the trick. Just make sure its a couple of hours before.

four18

Get someone to sing ''Soft Kitty'' to you !

Try manning up.

SVI40

Alan Carr, giving up smoking guy, wrote a book on overcoming your fear of flying. Has worked for me, and I read it in 1996. Haven't worried since.

TeddyTedson

I don't get the "man the **** up" responses. Questionably it's an irrational fear, but a fear none the less.

Anyway, I've decided to face it fresh. I don't use medication, haven't done for years (that's a whole other story) so I guess I'll just have to force myself it go through with it with my mind unaltered.

I forgot to point out that I've had a lot of dream (nightmares) in recent years of me being in a plane crash. Often had the exact same dream, scarily vivid.

Just an acknowledgement of boards Vs real people. When I've mention this to work colleagues/friends/family, not one has responded in a "man the **** up" tone. Whether it means people face to face are being too polite or people on the internet are being disingenuous I'm not entirely sure, I tend to think the latter though.

Mr. Loverman

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I don't get the "man the **** up" responses. Questionably it's an irrational fear, but a fear none the less.

Anyway, I've decided to face it fresh. I don't use medication, haven't done for years (that's a whole other story) so I guess I'll just have to force myself it go through with it with my mind unaltered.

I forgot to point out that I've had a lot of dream (nightmares) in recent years of me being in a plane crash. Often had the exact same dream, scarily vivid.

Just an acknowledgement of boards Vs real people. When I've mention this to work colleagues/friends/family, not one has responded in a "man the **** up" tone. Whether it means people face to face are being too polite or people on the internet are being disingenuous I'm not entirely sure, I tend to think the latter though.

Don't worry, most of the man up comments are probably coming from people who couldn't get laid in a whorehouse.

Good luck with the flying!

Sunnyisland

TeddyTedson wrote: »

I don't get the "man the **** up" responses. Questionably it's an irrational fear, but a fear none the less.

Anyway, I've decided to face it fresh. I don't use medication, haven't done for years (that's a whole other story) so I guess I'll just have to force myself it go through with it with my mind unaltered.

I forgot to point out that I've had a lot of dream (nightmares) in recent years of me being in a plane crash. Often had the exact same dream, scarily vivid.

Just an acknowledgement of boards Vs real people. When I've mention this to work colleagues/friends/family, not one has responded in a "man the **** up" tone. Whether it means people face to face are being too polite or people on the internet are being disingenuous I'm not entirely sure, I tend to think the latter though.

This is after hours Teddy, you should well know the sort of answers you could get here.Maybe posting in humanities forum would have been better.

mr_edge_to_you

You could board the plane wearing your own parachute and life jacket. Make sure the parachute is outside the life jacket, could be nasty otherwise. Then if the plane does go down you can bail out straight away.

Also bring a Swiss army knife. Tell the security screening people that the knife is a purely precautionary measure in case you get stranded on island. Tom Hanks also had a football called Wilson so was able to talk to that. I would suggest a
Sliotar called O'Neill, he'd be a bit of craic.

Bring a packet of jellies too - keep the sugar and energy levels up.

You could choose to ignore all this advice and just take a chance. You might be okay!

(I've flown loads of times and the only near death experience I've had was an anaphylactic shock after getting stung by a wasp in Edenderry. Every decision we make is a risk with consequences.)

PK2008

I was afraid of flying until some told me that you have more chance of being in a rod accident than a plane crash, which makes me feel better about it now....

.... only problem is I cant get into a car now

boom boom

Susie_Q

PK2008 wrote: »

I was afraid of flying until some told me that you have more chance of being in a rod accident than a plane crash

Yes, fishing is quite the hazardous activity.

Jesus Shaves

PK2008 wrote: »

I was afraid of flying until some told me that you have more chance of being in a rod accident than a plane crash

Depends where you're sticking the rod