How do we fix this country?

jonniebgood1

The Country is broken.
How can we fix it.

I think we can learn from the Chimps in Dublin Zoo.

Days after the chicks hatched, Bossou the chimp - who was said to be worried they were in danger from his island mates - ''rescued'' the little ones from the water.

Cradling them to his chest, the nine-year-old 60kg chimp brought the ducklings to safety.

A concerned member of the public contacted zookeepers, saying she had noticed a large chimp holding onto the ducklings.

Our TD's can learn from this. The chimp saw the problem and dealt with it.

Are there any AH ideas for fixing the country?

Seachmall

Did you just call me a duck?!

Temptamperu

Thermo nuclear explosion perhaps?

chin_grin

jonniebgood1 wrote: »

I think we can learn from the Chimps in Dublin Zoo.

Doesn't work, I throw my sh!t at people all the time.

pauldla

It'd never work. No self-respecting chimp would want to run for the Dail...

krudler

we have enough chimps running the country tbh

Pushtrak

- Lock Bono up until he gives up his tax exile status.
- Create a hit squad that will go around the world and shake down Irish pubs in some form of taxation.
- Some other crazy scheme that I can't think of right now.
- Some crazier scheme than the above ones that makes the above seem a fantastic idea by comparison.

Immaculate Pasta

Seachmall wrote: »

Did you just call me a duck?!

It's a common expression in Nottingham. A man in a bar there once said it to me "here's your two pints me duck". It definitely made me take a double take .

AnonoBoy

Double-sided sticky tape.

mikemac1

Time to elect a cabinet so

Minister for NI and Foreign Affairs: maybe we can get Wolfe Tone out of retirement?
Minister for Justice: Degsy, I admire his no nonsense style
Minister for Sport: G'em from fitness forum
Minister for Defence: Maikkomi, army man and being from Ballymun is toughened up


Any other suggestions?

Who gets the top job?

joshrogan

Take the north and south pole by force and sell the oil to pay off our debt!

Patsy fyre

Pushtrak wrote: »

- Lock Bono up until he gives up his tax exile status.
- Create a hit squad that will go around the world and shake down Irish pubs in some form of taxation.
- Some other crazy scheme that I can't think of right now.
- Some crazier scheme than the above ones that makes the above seem a fantastic idea by comparison.

legalise prostitution.
Sue Poland for trespassing

chin_grin

Patsy fyre wrote: »

legalise prostitution.
Sue Poland for trespassing

Wut?

mikemac1

Patsy fyre wrote: »

Sue Poland for trespassing

I don't know about that one

But invade Norway and Denmark, there is oil to be had

They have it coming after raiding our monastaries. Never forget :mad:

Crooked Jack

I say we take Tommy Tiernan's advice and get a load of strong men on either side of the country and give them oars and get them to just row ireland around the world.

flutterflye

You don't know how, I don't know how - no one here does.
Wish Joe soaps would stop going on about things they know nothing about, and even if they did - what can they even do about it? Nothing!

Duggy747

Have we tried updating the BIOS?

Are all the drivers up to date?

Maybe backup and perform a factory restore?

mikemac1

Turn it off and on again?

biko

TDs share 99.9% of their genes with chimps so it could work.
Let's put some ducklings outside the Dail and see what happens.

counterlock

Legalise weed - control, tax and regulate it

Half VAT rates to encourage consumer spending

Reduce the price of cigarettes to reasonable levels - reducing the black market for them

Leave the euro zone and make free trade agreements with the UK and US

Let the peoples republic of Cork declare independence and enforce a trade embargo against them

mikemac1

Nooooooo, Cork has oil

We can't let them go

Crooked Jack

flutterflye wrote: »

You don't know how, I don't know how - no one here does.
Wish Joe soaps would stop going on about things they know nothing about, and even if they did - what can they even do about it? Nothing!

You're going to feel really stupid when some misunderstood economic genius posts the perfect recovery equation on here.
Any minute now. Prepare your face for egg.

Seachmall

Can't we just print more money?

I've been doing it for years, works fantastically well.

counterlock

mikemac1 wrote: »

Nooooooo, Cork has oil

We can't let them go

Corks oil is going to be exported for refining without even touching Irish soil. No jobs are created there. They do not have a claim to any existing Irish waters upon their declaration of independence.

Nothingbetter2d

can't we tell the EU Ireland is dead and now we have a new country called Ireland 2.0.1 and start from scratch?

crusher000

Get rid of the government. Open up James Gate and lets get drunk.

mattjack

mikemac1 wrote: »

Time to elect a cabinet so

Minister for NI and Foreign Affairs: maybe we can get Wolfe Tone out of retirement?
Minister for Justice: Degsy, I admire his no nonsense style
Minister for Sport: G'em from fitness forum
Minister for Defence: Maikkomi, army man and being from Ballymun is toughened up


Any other suggestions?

Who gets the top job?

Yourself mikemac1, you can take charge. Can I be your assistant deputy supervisor , grade 4 ?

BornToKill

We've still got printing presses right? Well just roll them. Day and night.

Bondholders looking for €1.5bn? 'Take a seat in the lobby gents, we'll be right with you'.

Anglo prom note payment of €3.2bn? 'Will €500 notes be alright then?'.

It might be important that the ECB doesn't know of the plan.

mikemac1

mattjack wrote: »

Yourself mikemac1, you can take charge. Can I be your assistant deputy supervisor , grade 4 ?

Ah thanks

We're heading over to the Legal forum

The lawyers will be the first to face the firing squads!

DoesNotCompute

jonniebgood1 wrote: »

The Country is broken.
How can we fix it.

Install a military junta to ruthlessly wipe out the welfare class and stamp out this culture of "entitlement" that has the country the way it is. Execute Bertie and his ilk, who've been shamelessly ripping the country off for the last 20+ years.

Seachmall

mikemac1 wrote: »

Ah thanks

We're heading over to the Legal forum

The lawyers will be the first to face the firing squads!

Can I be minister of firing squads?

mattjack

Can we bring back 'stocks' ? I've loads of rotten fruit just waitin' to be thrown at someone.

Also I've got my 'pitchfork' and 'flaming torch' at the ready.

Nothingbetter2d

lets declare war on ireland... once we conquer it we can rename the country and rebuild without all the debt.

Plazaman

Seachmall wrote: »

Can't we just print more money?

I've been doing it for years, works fantastically well.

Being done as we speak.... eh type.

The answer lies in Feta Cheese. We should be stockpiling it now and when Greece default on their loans and drop out of the EU, we sell it back to them at exhorbitant prices. Michael Noonan you bástarding genius you.

af_thefragile

The only way to fix it is to say "feck it all!!!". Tell EU and the banks to piss off, deport all the politicians and banks, dissolve all the banks and unions, scrap the Euro and the financial system and abolish all debt.

When all of that is done, then start over new with a new financial system, set up a new interest-free banking system, new currency and then get people to work in the primary. Plenty of empty farmland in Ireland which can be used to grow plenty off food and live stock to keep the country self sustained and start exporting. Then start to develop a secondary sector manufacturing industry where skilled people can make things. Any things. Tiny countries like UK, Denmark, Netherlands, Switzerland have huge manufacturing industries with relatively few natural resources. It shouldn't be that much difficult to set up industries in Ireland too if only people and the government were willing to do so. And then finally will the country see some prosperity that is substantial and not just an empty bubble waiting to explode like the celtic tiger was.

It's highly improbably this will happen but not impossible. Though in most likelyhood it won't happen. We'll just have to wait till Euro collapses after Greece leave the Euro and everything goes tits up!

Nothingbetter2d

af_thefragile wrote: »

The only way to fix it is to say "feck it all!!!". Tell EU and the banks to piss off, deport all the politicians and banks, dissolve all the banks and unions, scrap the Euro and the financial system and abolish all debt.

When all of that is done, then start over new with a new financial system, set up a new interest-free banking system, new currency and then get people to work in the primary. Plenty of empty farmland in Ireland which can be used to grow plenty off food and live stock to keep the country self sustained and start exporting. Then start to develop a secondary sector manufacturing industry where skilled people can make things. Any things. Tiny countries like UK, Denmark, Netherlands, Switzerland have huge manufacturing industries with relatively few natural resources. It shouldn't be that much difficult to set up industries in Ireland too if only people and the government were willing to do so. And then finally will the country see some prosperity that is substantial and not just an empty bubble waiting to explode like the celtic tiger was.

It's highly improbably this will happen but not impossible. Though in most likelyhood it won't happen. We'll just have to wait till Euro collapses after Greece leave the Euro and everything goes tits up!

if times get really tough and food prices become too high we could always turn to cannibalism. We'll start by eating the politicians then bankers.

A Kenny Kebab anyone?

af_thefragile

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

if times get really tough and food prices become too high we could always turn to cannibalism

Plenty of fish in the sea too though...

davet82

will jump leads help?

af_thefragile

davet82 wrote: »

will jump leads help?

Nah, needs a new distributor...

Nothingbetter2d

af_thefragile wrote: »

Plenty of fish in the sea too though...

not anymore The EU fished the living ****e out of our waters

up for anything

DoesNotCompute wrote: »

Install a military junta to ruthlessly wipe out the welfare class and stamp out this culture of "entitlement" that has the country the way it is. Execute Bertie and his ilk, who've been shamelessly ripping the country off for the last 20+ years.

I think you forgot to mention the Public Sector, the private sector taking advantage of the welfare class with their 'internships', anybody who ever worked in the black economy and anybody working who moans about their job.

ScumLord

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

if times get really tough and food prices become too high we could always turn to cannibalism. We'll start by eating the politicians then bankers.

A Kenny Kebab anyone?

af_thefragile wrote: »

Plenty of fish in the sea too though...

We also produce enough milk to feed 44 million people and enough big macs to feed all of Europe. People in this country are far to quick to jump to cannibalism IMO.

af_thefragile

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

not anymore The EU fished the living ****e out of our waters

We can still have the jelly fish and sea week salad...

Jester252

See if china will take us in?

Nothingbetter2d

ScumLord wrote: »

We also produce enough milk to feed 44 million people and enough big macs to feed all of Europe. People in this country are far to quick to jump to cannibalism IMO.

yeah but cannibalism is free... milk and big macs cost money

Davidius

Maybe people with any sort of clout or sway should stop putting a good word in for others just because they're friends.

donegal_road

sorry in advance for being all serious n'stuff. The first two things I would do if I were in power would be..

1. Default on all of Anglo Irish Bank's debt

2. discontinue NAMA

shanered

We could start government funding prospecting around the country and find all the gold, gas and oil that may be around and sell it to pay off a chunk of our debt while getting a few jobs, set up dole work teams to do many of the jobs that civil servants do and lower wages.
All that and breed millions of ducks so that our politicians are distracted enough not to feck everything up!

shanered

donegal_road wrote: »

sorry in advance for being all serious n'stuff. The first two things I would do if I were in power would be..

1. Default on all of Anglo Irish Bank's debt

2. discontinue NAMA

Why so SERIOUS?

Stercus Accidit

Legalise abortion and remove the economic incentives to have multiple unwanted uncared for children and we would reduce the social welfare bill and crime substantially, you would also lose the under current of anti-intellectualism that is stifling this country.
I'd also tax the church or seize their assets over the child rape scandal and legalize and tax marijuana.

donegal_road

shanered wrote: »

Why so SERIOUS?

because I feel that it is an issue that should not be taken so lightly