How to remove unwanted guest in a nice way?

feelgoodinc27

Hi I share a relatively small apartment with two people. Nearly six weeks ago one of my flatmates told me her friend would be around that week, unfortunately shes still around!

Alot of the people that I have lived with in this apartment are from outside Ireland (as is the previously mentioned flatmate) so obviously they have friends who come over and stay in the apartment which I think is fair enough for up to a week. The problem with this person is that they have lived and worked in Ireland long term before and it appears that she intends to do so again, but as yet I don't think she has got a job.

As I mentioned before the apartment is pretty small and she has now taken over the living room. I am really not happy about this situation and I have delayed in taking action as I am unsure about how to deal with the situation and still maintain a good relationship with the flatmate who let her stay.

Any suggestions?

golden lane

feelgoodinc27 wrote: »

Hi I share a relatively small apartment with two people. Nearly six weeks ago one of my flatmates told me her friend would be around that week, unfortunately shes still around!

Alot of the people that I have lived with in this apartment are from outside Ireland (as is the previously mentioned flatmate) so obviously they have friends who come over and stay in the apartment which I think is fair enough for up to a week. The problem with this person is that they have lived and worked in Ireland long term before and it appears that she intends to do so again, but as yet I don't think she has got a job.

As I mentioned before the apartment is pretty small and she has now taken over the living room. I am really not happy about this situation and I have delayed in taking action as I am unsure about how to deal with the situation and still maintain a good relationship with the flatmate who let her stay.

Any suggestions?

ask your flatmate about your friends plans......how long she intends to stay etc

what is she going to do about her own accommadation etc....

try and get answers without asking direct questions......

cutty9

ask to have a discussion with the roommate who is friends with the person staying in the living room.

be calm, dignified and dont at any point raise your voice or come across aggressive.

explain to her that you are unhappy and thought they'd be only staying for a week. tell them that you will take your problem to the landlord if she has not removed herself from the apartment within a week as it's deeply unfair on you.

if your flatmate was REALLY your friend, they would respect your needs and boundaries and understand that it's not ok to have a friend stay over for a prolonged period in such a small apartment.

btw have they given money for rent, electricity? i doubt it.

sort it out soon before it eats you up further.

wexford12

Be BLUNT tell your flatmate you want them out by Sunday that she is taking advantage of you. Six weeks is p**s taking on a grand scale she is hoping that you won't rock the boat and say anything.
I wouldn't ask for rent or anything for bills etc as that will be a reason to stay on.
Be brave and say bye bye bye

Lantus

A week is more than enough time for any non paying rent member to stay and many would argue about 5 days too long.

I would maybe have a quiet word with the flatmate of the friend in the first instance as to their plans and how long they will be staying. I would just be honest and say while your happy for people to stay from time to time its too small a flat to have another person stay on a permanent basis. Maybe in the next day or two they can be moing off to somewhere more suitable?

I guess their response will dicatate where you go from there. Either they will be reasonable and agree, fob you off with a sob story (and try to get the situation to drag on) or get irate (probably an indication they intended them to stay for much much longer....)

Depending on this your influence in how much say you have in the house (name on rental agreement, bills etc.) will dictate where to go from here.

pinkypinky

I suggest as well as the above advice that you try to get your flatmate alone for this chat - the last thing you need is the guest weighing in, when he/she hasn't really got a say in the matter.

djimi

Why beat around the bush? 6 weeks is massively taking the piss for a guest to be staying on the couch and if it was me Id be telling your flatmate in no uncertain terms that this clown has overstayed their welcome and you want them out of the apartment. Being too nice about it is only going to prolong the issue.

Lantus

wrongly read post!!! I thought it was ONE WEEK!!!!

6 weeks!! good god thats utterly insanr!!. You've messed up by letting it drag on a bit long and this person is taking you for a ride.

That said same advice. Keep it calm and devoid of emotion. I always try to discharge myself like an accountant who has no interest in whether the debt is 1euro or 1 million, its just required to say it.

Blackjack

djimi wrote: »

Why beat around the bush? 6 weeks is massively taking the piss for a guest to be staying on the couch and if it was me Id be telling your flatmate in no uncertain terms that this clown has overstayed their welcome and you want them out of the apartment. Being too nice about it is only going to prolong the issue.

Ask them to start paying an equal share in rent and bills, backdated from when they arrived.

Staying on a couch while paying the same rent as those who have a bed gets tiresome quickly, she'll find her own place soon enough under those conditions.

the groutch

give him/her til Sunday to move out, or else call you're calling the landlord on Monday.
don't be nice about it, make sure they know how serious you are.

the_syco

Disagree about getting them to pay rent, as this may think they're allowed to stay. Agree with them paying bills, and to backdate it to when they moved in.

feelgoodinc27

Thanks for all the advice. She hasn't contributed anything towards bills. I plan to have a chat with the flatmate who let her stay (on her own) about how I'm unhappy with the situation and if that doesn't lead to a resolution, I'll tell her that i'm going to talk to the landlord.

Thank again and I'll let you know what happens.

cyberblade 918c

Hi - how did you get on with this ?

feelgoodinc27

Hi, In the end I got lucky, I was away for the weekend and when I came back on Monday she had finally left.

Graces7

There ye go then.. NB I hope she left her keys?

the_syco

Graces7 wrote: »

There ye go then.. NB I hope she left her keys?

Left her keys, and took no sovereigns.

JustAThought

Let me guess; no thank you gift!

Suggest if the bills are notably higher than average when they arrive (" hot") weather might save you; tell your friend that it is fair & expected that she pays two thirds.

Now is the time to let her know that the last guest length of stay was unacceptable : as was her taking over the sitting room .

At least this makes something clear; your friend is not reallythat Much of a great friend if she let this run over by 5 weeks and neither apologised nor said anything to you...

feelgoodinc27

No thank you gift, but she hasn't come back since thats good enough for me!