Things the OH claims

Lando Griffin

The OH sometimes comes out with the most amazing statements that she believes are facts.
Google is my friend when trying to explain the reasons and truths about things.
Am I the only one that has to explain things to their OH or do you be left gob smacked by things your Ohs say.

Landette on plastics :
Landette “ Wash the underneath of the lawnmower because it will rot if you don’t”
Lando “ Its built with a plastic body so I doubt it will”
Landette “Plastic rots too you know”
Lando “Only after about 2000 years”
Landette “ Who says?”
Lando “Science says”

Landette on Mechanics (in winter)
Landette “You better check the engine for water”
Lando “You don’t put water in the engine, you put in antifreeze / coolant”
Landette “Well just put in antifreeze so, don’t bother with the coolant”
Lando “It comes as one”
Landette “But if you put coolant in wont it cause it to freeze faster?”
Lando “No, it stops it from freezing in winter and over heating in summer”
Landette “Well I only going to get antifreeze so”

Landette on the chances of rain.
Landette “Check if there is going to be rain tomorrow”
Lando “it says 50% chance of rain between 8am and 11am tomorrow”
Next morning at 11 and no rain
Landette “That weather you got is rubbish sure there is no rain”
Lando “It said 50% chance of rain and we got the 50% chance of no rain”
Landette “Yea, but it said rain it didn’t say no rain”

Landette on the Beautiful game
In the shops and all the Ireland Euro 2012 merchandise.
Landette “Ha, there still trying to flog off the Paddys day stuff in May”
Lando “That’s for the Euros in Poland”
Landette “I thought they were in London?”
Lando “That’s the Olympics love”

So there you have it blond seems to be growing inward too.

Am I alone with Ohs saying silly things?

Mr.Biscuits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_muwtTQjMg

membersonly

I knew a woman once, she died soon afterwards..

AnonoBoy

I've never had a moron girlfriend so couldn't comment.

I suspect I'm the one that says dumb things in all my relationships.

Kenno90

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I've never had a girlfriend so couldn't comment.

Fixed that for you:pac:

AnonoBoy

Kenno90 wrote: »

Fixed that for you:pac:

Some get the papers on the phone. Oscar Wilde has been reincarnated!!!!

Buddinplant

we should get Landette on here to present a proper defense. be a good auld fashioned school debate with some jeering and wolf whistling

kfallon

Lando Griffin wrote: »

The OH sometimes comes out with the most amazing statements that she believes are facts.
Google is my friend when trying to explain the reasons and truths about things.
Am I the only one that has to explain things to their OH or do you be left gob smacked by things your Ohs say.

Landette on plastics :
Landette “ Wash the underneath of the lawnmower because it will rot if you don’t”
Lando “ Its built with a plastic body so I doubt it will”
Landette “Plastic rots too you know”
Lando “Only after about 2000 years”
Landette “ Who says?”
Lando “Science says”

Landette on Mechanics (in winter)
Landette “You better check the engine for water”
Lando “You don’t put water in the engine, you put in antifreeze / coolant”
Landette “Well just put in antifreeze so, don’t bother with the coolant”
Lando “It comes as one”
Landette “But if you put coolant in wont it cause it to freeze faster?”
Lando “No, it stops it from freezing in winter and over heating in summer”
Landette “Well I only going to get antifreeze so”

Landette on the chances of rain.
Landette “Check if there is going to be rain tomorrow”
Lando “it says 50% chance of rain between 8am and 11am tomorrow”
Next morning at 11 and no rain
Landette “That weather you got is rubbish sure there is no rain”
Lando “It said 50% chance of rain and we got the 50% chance of no rain”
Landette “Yea, but it said rain it didn’t say no rain”

Landette on the Beautiful game
In the shops and all the Ireland Euro 2012 merchandise.
Landette “Ha, there still trying to flog off the Paddys day stuff in May”
Lando “That’s for the Euros in Poland”
Landette “I thought they were in London?”
Lando “That’s the Olympics love”

So there you have it blond seems to be growing inward too.

Am I alone with Ohs saying silly things?

But yet you don't give her a hard time over her mistakes because if you do you can kiss goodbye (actually you won't even get to kiss it) to that little goldmine between her legs

IvySlayer

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I've never had a moron girlfriend so couldn't comment.

I suspect I'm the one that says dumb things in all my relationships.

I suppose they all fall in love with your long flowing golden locks :P

Ohhh sorespot!

Jammy Donut

What kind of a ****ing name is Landette?

flutterflye

I couldn't follow that with all the lando's and landette's.
But yeah, I say some pretty stupid stuff sometimes.

jayteecork

The dole.

AnonoBoy

IvySlayer wrote: »

I suppose they all fall in love with your long flowing golden locks :P

Ohhh sorespot!

Well actually I did a Wayne Rooney on it and now I look like this. :cool:

granturismo

Lando Griffin wrote: »

The OH sometimes comes out with the most amazing statements that she believes are facts.
Google is my friend when trying to explain the reasons and truths about things.

Am I alone with Ohs saying silly things?

Google doesnt help here:

'I have a headache'

'it only cost €x' where €x = >(€x x2)

BunShopVoyeur

"Women can have orgasms too you know"


Nonsense

up for anything

The most stupid thing I said during my time as an OH was "I do"!

The Big Red Button

"I don't even know all the words to Bla Bla Black Sheep!"

4zn76tysfajdxp

"Four inches is fine."

humbert

"Don't believe in logic".

You really can't argue with that.

grindle

OH breaks iPhone in minor way, moans and cries about it for a weekend:

OH: "What should I do?"
Me: "Send it to Apple, they'll take €500 off your card temporarily, but refund you €350 and send you a new phone when they see it's just a screwy Sleep button."
OH: "I don't have that kind of money."
Me: "How much are your savings per month?"
OH: "€500."
Me: "Use that."
OH: "I can't use my savings."
Me: "Why?"
OH: "NOBODY ELSE WOULD TELL ME TO USE MY SAVINGS!"
Me: "Then you're not allowed cry and moan about problems you can fix, but won't."

Circular, for three hours.

Crooked Jack

Three gems from an ex. There were loads more.

Can trains go round corners?
Can trains go up hills?
Can turtles swim?

Duggy747

"I like Ryan Tubridy, he's good."

:eek:

That's a killable offence right there.

Battered Mars Bar

Blondes :rolleyes:

Borat_Sagdiyev

Walking down O'Connell street in Dublin a few years ago with an ex.

"Where's the spire?"

FFS

Mr Benevolent

Both my ex and gf are natural blondes and are fairly smart (my gf more so), so it looks like you got a dud, OP. Back to the shop with her.

fasttalkerchat

Borat_Sagdiyev wrote: »

Walking down O'Connell street in Dublin a few years ago with an ex.

"Where's the spire?"

FFS

Haha. I drove a mate into town to pick up his friend. He had arrived at Connolly early so walked towards O'Connell street.
When we arrived on Henry street we rang to check he was still on O'Connell Street before driving into the one way system.
He said "I don't know"
We: "What can you see around you"
He: "McDonald's"
We: "Which one??"
He: "The restaurant"
We: "FFS, can you see the spire?"
He: "No"
We: "Can you see the GPO?, The Liffey, any banks?"
He: "I think I'm across from the GPO"

Drove down and he was standing directly beside the Spire.
He: "Sorry lads, I had my back to it!"

westcoast66

I got a good one. Spain were playing russia in the 2008 euro finals.

OH: Is there nothing else on the telly?
Me: No, I want to watch this match.

An hour later...

OH: Oh that was a good goal!
Me: Do you even know who is playing?
OH: Err, is that Manchester United?

Dravokivich

westcoast66 wrote: »

I got a good one. Spain were playing russia in the 2008 euro finals.

OH: Is there nothing else on the telly?
Me: No, I want to watch this match.

An hour later...

OH: Oh that was a good goal!
Me: Do you even know who is playing?
OH: Err, is that Manchester United?

Eh, was it a good goal?

Don't see why you'd be in the right to give out to her for not knowing who was playing considering she didn't really have any interest in watching it in the first place.

westcoast66

Domo230 wrote: »

That's not a blonde moment. I am the same about football.

Not giving a **** about stupid football ≠ lack of intelligence

Sorry, but watching a match for an hour and not picking up who the two teams are IS a blond moment.

fasttalkerchat

westcoast66 wrote: »

I got a good one. Spain were playing russia in the 2008 euro finals.

OH: Is there nothing else on the telly?
Me: No, I want to watch this match.

An hour later...

OH: Oh that was a good goal!
Me: Do you even know who is playing?
OH: Err, is that Manchester United?

She clearly didn't want to watch football but had the decency to show an interest and not whinge. Probably made you a plate of sandwiches too!
You got it good man!

shopaholic01

chatterpillar wrote: »

"I don't even know all the words to Bla Bla Black Sheep!"

Does anyone?
However, most people probably know baa baa black sheep

Plazaman

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Does anyone?
However, most people probably know baa baa black sheep

I gave up on that song years ago after branding it Voodoo as it has the same tune as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and The Alphabet Song (ABCD etc).

Twinkle Twinkle, EFG
Yes sir, yes sir, what you are
QRS, the world so high, and one for the little boy
Y and Z......

You can see the black magic at work......

The Big Red Button

chatterpillar wrote: »

"I don't even know all the words to Bla Bla Black Sheep!"

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Does anyone?
However, most people probably know baa baa black sheep

That's the joke.

Hot girl walks by.
Me: "Even if I was just a skeleton I wouldn't be as skinny as her"
Him: "Course you would, sure everyone has the same sized bones"

What. The. Fcuk was I thinking.....

Nothingbetter2d

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Does anyone?
However, most people probably know baa baa black sheep

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for my master,
and One for my dame,
one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.


Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for my master,
and One for my dame,
one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.


i know im sad

fasttalkerchat

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for my master,
and One for my dame,
one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.


Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.

One for my master,
and One for my dame,
one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.


i know im sad

Nothing better to do? :P

westcoast66

westcoast66 wrote: »

I got a good one. Spain were playing russia in the 2008 euro finals.

Not an OH. My mother

"who won, Hibs or Hibernian"
:rolleyes:

Quazzie

Plazaman wrote: »

I gave up on that song years ago after branding it Voodoo as it has the same tune as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and The Alphabet Song (ABCD etc).

Twinkle Twinkle, EFG
Yes sir, yes sir, what you are
QRS, the world so high, and one for the little boy
Y and Z......

You can see the black magic at work......

And Gotye - Somebody that I used to know

fasttalkerchat

Deleted User wrote: »

Not an OH. My mother

"who won, Hibs or Hibernian"
:rolleyes:

"Do you support Spurs?"
"No, Tottenham Hotspur"

Feisar

OK, here's one and I promise i didn't make it up!

A discussion about FARC and the IRA came up.

Me: Yea so the IRA were supposed to be out in Columbia teaching FARC guerrillas how to build mortors. Complicated stuff that.
Herself: Well if it's that complicated why are they trying to teach gorillas how to do it? Surely that's a waste of time.

It took me a minute to realize she was thinking about Silverbacks!!!

Nothingbetter2d

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

Nothing better to do? :P

i always have something better 2 do.... its just i procrastinate far too much

Mr Benevolent

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Three gems from an ex. There were loads more.

Can trains go round corners?
Can trains go up hills?
Can turtles swim?

You really shouldn't be dating a 10 year old.

fasttalkerchat

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Three gems from an ex. There were loads more.

Can trains go round corners?

I would have told her yes but there's a a 50/50 chance they will tip over. Watch her face when she's next on a train

newport2

Was once asked if I could blue-tit a photo from my phone to hers

Ficheall

newport2 wrote: »

Was once asked if I could blue-tit a photo from my phone to hers

I hope you said yes and capitalised on the slip.

newport2

Ficheall wrote: »

I hope you said yes and capitalised on the slip.

It was me mum who asked me

Old Tom

Lando Griffin wrote: »

The OH sometimes comes out with the most amazing statements that she believes are facts.
Google is my friend when trying to explain the reasons and truths about things.
Am I the only one that has to explain things to their OH or do you be left gob smacked by things your Ohs say.

Landette on plastics :
Landette “ Wash the underneath of the lawnmower because it will rot if you don’t”
Lando “ Its built with a plastic body so I doubt it will”
Landette “Plastic rots too you know”
Lando “Only after about 2000 years”
Landette “ Who says?”
Lando “Science says”

Landette on Mechanics (in winter)
Landette “You better check the engine for water”
Lando “You don’t put water in the engine, you put in antifreeze / coolant”
Landette “Well just put in antifreeze so, don’t bother with the coolant”
Lando “It comes as one”
Landette “But if you put coolant in wont it cause it to freeze faster?”
Lando “No, it stops it from freezing in winter and over heating in summer”
Landette “Well I only going to get antifreeze so”

Landette on the chances of rain.
Landette “Check if there is going to be rain tomorrow”
Lando “it says 50% chance of rain between 8am and 11am tomorrow”
Next morning at 11 and no rain
Landette “That weather you got is rubbish sure there is no rain”
Lando “It said 50% chance of rain and we got the 50% chance of no rain”
Landette “Yea, but it said rain it didn’t say no rain”

Landette on the Beautiful game
In the shops and all the Ireland Euro 2012 merchandise.
Landette “Ha, there still trying to flog off the Paddys day stuff in May”
Lando “That’s for the Euros in Poland”
Landette “I thought they were in London?”
Lando “That’s the Olympics love”

So there you have it blond seems to be growing inward too.

Am I alone with Ohs saying silly things?

Ha, and I thought my OH is stupid...
I have to apologise and get her some flowers.

westcoast66

westcoast66 wrote: »

I got a good one. Spain were playing russia in the 2008 euro finals.

OH: Is there nothing else on the telly?
Me: No, I want to watch this match.

An hour later...

OH: Oh that was a good goal!
Me: Do you even know who is playing?
OH: Err, is that Manchester United?

A friend of mine, sitting in a pub eating Sunday lunch when the premiership is on behind us, was years ago, just after Beckham left United for Real Madrid... Chelsea playing some team or other, can't remember who... Chelsea score....

Friend: "Haha, England are still winning without David Beckham!"
Me: "David Beckham still plays for England."
Friend: "No he bloody doesn't, he plays for Spain now, he moved out there, it was on the news!"
Me (turns around to look at the telly out of confused curiousity): "That's Chelsea."

stoneill

Works both ways - I made a terrible and unpardonable gaffe when I said it must be difficult to walk in those Ballet shoes.
Imagine my embarrassment when I was informed that I should have known they were Pointe shoes!
Sheesh!

Funglegunk

newport2 wrote: »

It was me mum who asked me

Your Mum is your OH?