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Things the OH claims
Comments
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The things my foreign ex came out with would be funnier if it wasn't kinda sad.
Him (on the Mohammad drawings): "When do you ever see a cartoon of Jesus?"
Me: "Well see, it's ok for us to have pictures depicting Jesus."
Him: "Never is the answer, never ever!"
Me: "He's a long standing character in a cartoon called South Park."
Him: "It might look like Jesus but it isn't him."
Me: "........
"
Me: "I should have left school in 1999, but I ended up finishing in 2000."
Him: "Do girls go to real schools here?"
Him: "Irish people's heads look like walnuts, Pakistani people's heads look like watermelons." (I have no idea, honestly, what this was about, and I can't put it into context cause it doesn't have one.)
He thought my firstname was my surname and my surname my first name; because we "do it backwards here". He was baffled when he saw my passport.
He thought June and July were monsoon season in Ireland because it rained every day.
He thought snow was just broken up ice and icicles. (He'd never seen any - guessing winter 2009 and 2010 probably taught him different).
The saddest of the lot was me teaching him the actual goddamn facts of life; he was 34. He said that once every month the woman loses all the "dirty water" that built up inside her. Also, woman have sperm and come just like guys do, it's when they come together that the sperm mixes and babies are made. Also, woman always want sex and are always turned on, men find it harder and women have to work extra hard to make a man come; apparently the only way to make a woman come is by touching her boobs. He learned all this from a porn movie, cause porn is real.
Oh, and, 33% of all women are lesbians. He learned this reading men's magazines, one third of all the "true" stories in there were abut lesbians. He had three sisters, so I said by his reasoning, one of them must be a lesbian, and he replied "It's the youngest, I always knew it." That made me laugh, got to admit.0 -
Deleted User wrote: »The things my foreign ex came out with would be funnier if it wasn't kinda sad.
Him (on the Mohammad drawings): "When do you ever see a cartoon of Jesus?"
Me: "Well see, it's ok for us to have pictures depicting Jesus."
Him: "Never is the answer, never ever!"
Me: "He's a long standing character in a cartoon called South Park."
Him: "It might look like Jesus but it isn't him."
Me: "........"
Me: "I should have left school in 1999, but I ended up finishing in 2000."
Him: "Do girls go to real schools here?"
Him: "Irish people's heads look like walnuts, Pakistani people's heads look like watermelons." (I have no idea, honestly, what this was about, and I can't put it into context cause it doesn't have one.)
He thought my firstname was my surname and my surname my first name; because we "do it backwards here". He was baffled when he saw my passport.
He thought June and July were monsoon season in Ireland because it rained every day.
He thought snow was just broken up ice and icicles. (He'd never seen any - guessing winter 2009 and 2010 probably taught him different).
The saddest of the lot was me teaching him the actual goddamn facts of life; he was 34. He said that once every month the woman loses all the "dirty water" that built up inside her. Also, woman have sperm and come just like guys do, it's when they come together that the sperm mixes and babies are made. Also, woman always want sex and are always turned on, men find it harder and women have to work extra hard to make a man come; apparently the only way to make a woman come is by touching her boobs. He learned all this from a porn movie, cause porn is real.
Oh, and, 33% of all women are lesbians. He learned this reading men's magazines, one third of all the "true" stories in there were abut lesbians. He had three sisters, so I said by his reasoning, one of them must be a lesbian, and he replied "It's the youngest, I always knew it." That made me laugh, got to admit.
WTF?:eek:0 -
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BunShopVoyeur wrote: »"Women can have orgasms too you know"
Nonsense
obviously you have never bought one a BMW - works a treat0 -
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:pac: I knew you were talking about that.
It's wrong though
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I promised the GF i wouldn't say most of the things she says but i can shame her mates
slight back ground for this I'm very allergic to nuts meaning if i injest any nut (fnar fnar) material i would be dead in minutes.
Anywho few of us all living together and housemate lands in with a big jar of nutella. I ask her if she knew i was allergic and she said yeah, so i asked if she wouldn't mind not eating it when i was around and making sure the knifes and plates she uses are cleaned really well or even kept seperate.
She looked at me with a high and mighty air and says sure there are no nuts in nutella...
It honestly took maybe 10-20 seconds of everyone in the sitting room looking at her and each other before you could finally see the penny drop
She sounds like a nutjob to me 0 -
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She sounds like a nutjob to me
hah! but honestly you have no idea! she was pretty much psycho gossip queen where if there was no interesting stories she'd just make some up. You know things like "X is pregnant" to all X's friends. (she wasn't)
thankfully no longer friends with her and life is so much better!0 -
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Well, something my OH should post about me. I face-palmed after saying it.
A mate of mine (let's call him John), well John's older brother had found out he couldn't have kids due to some problem with his sperm. :eek: Concerned for my friend's future plans, I asked John "Is it hereditary?"
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Not quite but similar!!
A former O/H once had me thinking I had an everlasting bottle of washing up liquid!! Kept me going for about 6 months! Apparently I had made several remarks that the new 'brand' I had bought was far superior to the previous shopping list staple as it was great quality!! Despite his protestations that it was far more expensive!! I know, I know...I was young:o
He was secretly topping up the original opaque bottle when I wasn't around, just enough that I wouldn't notice but so it never emptied. I was on maternity leave after my first baby and my place was a kind of mecca for family and friends during the day, they were all in on it, regulary remarking about the longevity of my washing-up liquid and sniggering behind my back as I extolled its virtues!!! He had me hook, line & sinker::o
He eventually let me in on the joke on the day of the Christening, when he said a few words, just so everyone was present for the punchline!!:o:o:o
In my defence I had just had a baby and I was sleep deprived!! He was too busy sneaking around with a bottle of washing up liquid to pitch in with the night feeds!!:rolleyes:
You daft, thick cow. We love you though 0 -
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Deleted User wrote: »The things my foreign ex came out with would be funnier if it wasn't kinda sad.
The saddest of the lot was me teaching him the actual goddamn facts of life; he was 34. He said that once every month the woman loses all the "dirty water" that built up inside her. Also, woman have sperm and come just like guys do, it's when they come together that the sperm mixes and babies are made. Also, woman always want sex and are always turned on, men find it harder and women have to work extra hard to make a man come; apparently the only way to make a woman come is by touching her boobs. He learned all this from a porn movie, cause porn is real.
Oh, and, 33% of all women are lesbians. He learned this reading men's magazines, one third of all the "true" stories in there were abut lesbians. He had three sisters, so I said by his reasoning, one of them must be a lesbian, and he replied "It's the youngest, I always knew it." That made me laugh, got to admit.
Your post reminded me of something an ex of mine, a Sicilian man, once said on the subject of menstruating women. Where he came from in Sicily, his family had an orange orchard, and he'd been told never to let a menstruating woman walk through the orchard because the effect can be devastating - oranges will simply die on the spot and fall off the trees :eek:
Just how feckin' powerful are us women during menstruation? Capable of killing fruit trees simply by being in the vicinity....:rolleyes:
When I laughed, sincerely thinking he was making a poor (and unfunny) joke, the stunned look on his face told me he was being serious. It took him a few moments to give it a second thought and conclude that he'd been given very dodgy information as a young child and should really have subjected it to further scrutiny once he was old enough to think for himself....and definitely before passing it on as supposed well-known facts about women
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my oh ......... i dont think that kettle boils the water hot enough !!:eek::eek:
Another one of Landettes favourite only when cooking the veg and the pot boiling mad at 6.
When I suggest to turn it down to 3 and it still boils she explains that 6 boils faster.
But there is one that I'm not sure about, she claims that the back hobs are slower than the front even at 6 0 -
Lando Griffin wrote: »But there is one that I'm not sure about, she claims that the back hobs are slower than the front even at 6
That is possible. On an old cooker we had one ring was so slow to cook anything that you couldn't even keep water simmering at the highest setting.0 -
Fizzlesque wrote: »Just how feckin' powerful are us women during menstruation? Capable of killing fruit trees simply by being in the vicinity....:rolleyes:
I'd say fruit trees are small fry in relation to the potential of the capabilities in question 0 -
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I promised the GF i wouldn't say most of the things she says but i can shame her mates
slight back ground for this I'm very allergic to nuts meaning if i injest any nut (fnar fnar) material i would be dead in minutes.
Anywho few of us all living together and housemate lands in with a big jar of nutella. I ask her if she knew i was allergic and she said yeah, so i asked if she wouldn't mind not eating it when i was around and making sure the knifes and plates she uses are cleaned really well or even kept seperate.
She looked at me with a high and mighty air and says sure there are no nuts in nutella...
It honestly took maybe 10-20 seconds of everyone in the sitting room looking at her and each other before you could finally see the penny drop
Are Hazelnuts technically not nuts? 0 -
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![[Deleted User]](/applications/dashboard/design/images/defaulticon.png)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_rr0FGTRcI
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