How much did you spend on "The Ring"?

LegacyUser

I've reached the point where I want to go ring shopping, - again ;-) and am wondering what a suitable amount to spend is these days. I was married previously almost ten years ago, and at the time herself of the time indicated that nothing less than 5k would be acceptable,(I should have ran at that point) so that's what I spent.

Now in drastically reduced financial circumstances, but still working - just, I want to start again with the woman of my dreams, whom I thought for many years didn't even exist. We are totally on the same page, and happier than either of us ever has been.
I have noted which styles she likes, and today saw a ring for 2k which I think I can pay for by the end of this year.

So my question is, - is this enough? What did you guys spend?
My after tax is about 30k, but I have a big mortgage and some debt.
She earns 33 gross, and most of her friends would be in the same bracket.
She does however know a little about diamonds, so she'll be able to roughly guess the value of any ring I produce.

Pawwed Rig

I got "The Ring" for €4 as an ex rental in Xtravision!!!


see what I did there??:D


Seriously though alot of the advise you will hear is 3 months salary. However, I hear that that was a marketing ploy dreamt up by Debeers Diamonds Company from South Africa.
You might want to consider whether you want to buy the ring yourself or whether you should let her choose it. If you look at the ladies forums (which I did when I was doing the deed) most girls preferred to choose the ring themselves (they are the one that have to wear it after all). You can still do a romantic proposal with no diamond (or get a token ring if that is what you want).
So me and wifey went ring shopping together and she chose a ring she loves for roughly the price you are talking about.

I think after your previous experience you realise that the shallower the woman the more expensive the ring she wants (personal opinion). At the end of the day an engagement ring means more as a symbol than as a monetary amount.

Have a read of other threads on engagement rings and you will get some good insights into the female mind

Catxscotch

I would agree with the above. Congrats on taking the decision, she is a lucky girl! Personally I would like a cheap token ring for the proposal, and then go ring shopping together, you can make a day/weekend out of it, then announce it after the ring is bought.

Boom_Bap

Spend what you can afford.

As Catxscotch says, get something symbolic for the bended knee, then go ring shopping together. It probably works out best for everyone.

Steven81

If the ring costs 2k and you think she will like it get it for her, no point in getting her something she wont like. Like you say if you can pay for it by end of year then you will be fine, no point in being in massive debt

Mr Bump

I agree with Catxscotch, first a token, then take her with you for a day / weekend shopping for it,

Catxscotch wrote: »

I would agree with the above. Congrats on taking the decision, she is a lucky girl! Personally I would like a cheap token ring for the proposal, and then go ring shopping together, you can make a day/weekend out of it, then announce it after the ring is bought.

donalg1

My wife chose the ring herself too which I was happy about as she is the one that has to wear it for the rest of her life and I can be 100% sure that she likes it and I dont need to worry if she really does like or if she is just telling me that. Plus it was fun going to pick it out together.

If you do decide to go down this route I would wait until you have the ring before you tell anyone too as everyone wants to see the ring the second you tell them.

Personally I would never have bought the ring myself though as I thought i new her style which I do but I dont think I would've picked the ring she chose.

Good luck with whatever you choose anyway.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.
The three months salary thing indicates that I should spend more than 2k, more like 5k ish.
The ring I am thinking of getting is one she pointed out as one she "really" likes in a window.
She does this in order to educate me for the future proposal she knows is coming in the next year or so. She has mentioned preferring that I would choose a ring and just show up with it as opposed to using a cheapo and us going shopping later.
I did ask about having the stones upgraded a bit, but with the particular setting, it would cost 10 to 12k to fit a solitaire and I don't, and won't have this type of money even if I thought it an appropriate amount, which I don't.
What would bug the crap out of me forever is if she thought it too cheap, as I said, she knows the game a little bit, and will remember the ring when I produce it.

Aaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhhh !!!!!!

donalg1

donalg1 wrote: »

If you do decide to go down this route I would wait until you have the ring before you tell anyone too as everyone wants to see the ring the second you tell them.

See I hate this crap I have to say. A girl in work got engaged and it was about three months before she got a ring, she ended up getting it made, but every day in work someone would say "did you get the ring yet", people need to cop on sometimes, maybe she wasn't getting a ring at all, maybe they couldn't afford one, maybe she didn't want a ring! It's such a stupid presumption that everyone has to get a ring. I remember someone on another forum saying "you're not really engaged til you get the ring". Sorry, what?

Personally for me, I think I prefer the idea of the ring I'm proposed to with being the one I wear for the rest of my life - but that's just me.

As for how much to spend, it's what you can afford tbh, but definitely shop around!

If someone expected me to spend 3 months salary on an engagement ring they wouldn't be the one for me.

I am pie

Another vote for the token ring then shopping together. My OH got a buzz out of going shopping and choosing the ring. Assume she is familiar with your finances and won't take the p1ss.

Nothingbetter2d

my brother had his wife's engagement ring integrated into her and his wedding rings... it actually looks really well done. the engagement ring was made of yellow gold where he had it cut into two very thin rings and then he had white gold added to each side of the yellow gold rings with his and her wedding vows inscribed on the edges. cost him a fortune to have them done but it really looks good.

puffishoes

Deleted User wrote: »

See I hate this crap I have to say. A girl in work got engaged and it was about three months before she got a ring, she ended up getting it made, but every day in work someone would say "did you get the ring yet", people need to cop on sometimes, maybe she wasn't getting a ring at all, maybe they couldn't afford one, maybe she didn't want a ring! It's such a stupid presumption that everyone has to get a ring. I remember someone on another forum saying "you're not really engaged til you get the ring". Sorry, what?

Personally for me, I think I prefer the idea of the ring I'm proposed to with being the one I wear for the rest of my life - but that's just me.

As for how much to spend, it's what you can afford tbh, but definitely shop around!

You can take this further e.g. a lot of Europeans don't understand engagement at all and don't bother with it and think it's all a bit silly.

They have a point, but that's what we do here and in general you're asked with a ring or a token ring. I don't think it's odd that people ask about the ring.

Maybe they were just showing interest in their work colleague and didn't really give a toss it's just something to talk about at the water dispenser.

donalg1

Deleted User wrote: »

See I hate this crap I have to say. A girl in work got engaged and it was about three months before she got a ring, she ended up getting it made, but every day in work someone would say "did you get the ring yet", people need to cop on sometimes, maybe she wasn't getting a ring at all, maybe they couldn't afford one, maybe she didn't want a ring! It's such a stupid presumption that everyone has to get a ring. I remember someone on another forum saying "you're not really engaged til you get the ring". Sorry, what?

Personally for me, I think I prefer the idea of the ring I'm proposed to with being the one I wear for the rest of my life - but that's just me.

As for how much to spend, it's what you can afford tbh, but definitely shop around!

It can be annoying when you tell people you are engaged and the first thing they say is oh show me the ring but thats just the norm apparently. Its mainly girls more so than fellas that do this as most men just say congratulations.

I have heard some people saying that they would prefer if the man picked out the ring but personally I dont think I would be brave enough for this and would always have that doubt in the back of my mind.

eyescreamcone

Deleted User wrote: »

See I hate this crap I have to say. A girl in work got engaged and it was about three months before she got a ring, she ended up getting it made, but every day in work someone would say "did you get the ring yet", people need to cop on sometimes, maybe she wasn't getting a ring at all, maybe they couldn't afford one, maybe she didn't want a ring! It's such a stupid presumption that everyone has to get a ring. I remember someone on another forum saying "you're not really engaged til you get the ring". Sorry, what?

Personally for me, I think I prefer the idea of the ring I'm proposed to with being the one I wear for the rest of my life - but that's just me.

As for how much to spend, it's what you can afford tbh, but definitely shop around!

You're not really engaged without a ring!!!
Wait for the ring until you make announcements - saves a lot of hassle!

puffishoes

eyescreamcone wrote: »

You're not really engaged without a ring!!!
Wait for the ring until you make announcements - saves a lot of hassle!

Sure why not just skip the ring and the wedding itself and just call yourself "married"

puffishoes

puffishoes wrote: »

Maybe they were just showing interest in their work colleague and didn't really give a toss it's just something to talk about at the water dispenser.

No it was much more than that, the person in question said "I can't believe x hasn't gotten her ring".

It's up there with "when are you going to have a baby" imo.

eyescreamcone wrote: »

You're not really engaged without a ring!!!

Are you fcuking kidding me?

Will you marry me?
Yes.

That's it. You're engaged.

eyescreamcone

eyescreamcone wrote: »

You're not really engaged without a ring!!!
Wait for the ring until you make announcements - saves a lot of hassle!

Right well I've decided you're not really engaged unless you proposed under a full moon with the planets in a particular alignment with all your friends and family there :rolleyes:

MagicMarker

How much are a packet of Hula Hoops these days?

puffishoes

puffishoes wrote: »

Sure why not just skip the ring and the wedding itself and just call yourself "married"

The way the law is now I think ya just have to be with someone 3 years and you're as good as married.

py2006

Unreg Bart wrote: »

So my question is, - is this enough? What did you guys spend?
My after tax is about 30k, but I have a big mortgage and some debt.
She earns 33 gross, and most of her friends would be in the same bracket.
She does however know a little about diamonds, so she'll be able to roughly guess the value of any ring I produce.

Spend what you can reasonably afford and bare in mind your earnings and debts. Any reasonable woman, nowadays, wouldn't expect 1000's to be spent. Plus it sounds like you have a decent woman now so she wouldn't want you overs spending on it.

Rasmus

Deleted User wrote: »

If someone expected me to spend 3 months salary on an engagement ring they wouldn't be the one for me.

+1. If someone wanted to spend 3 months of their salary on an engagement ring they wouldn't be the one for me.

I'm female, and I would never have wanted, nor expected, my husband to spend that on a ring. Think of all the fun, meaningful, things you can do together for that, even on minimum wage!

kildare.17hmr

I got engaged a few years ago and spent about 2 weeks wages at the time and she loved the ring. My mate who earns about 20k a year was plannin on spendin about 3k last xmas! Gave him a slap in the head and he spent €750 and again she loved it. Dont have to break the bank to get a nice ring and shops are more willing to bargan with you too now

Boskowski

No need to spend a fortune. A big fkoff rock is more a statement to everybody else not so much towards the girl in question.
Of course your girl may want to make a statement to everybody else? Only you know...

I think it's more important it looks elegant and classy not so much 'showoffy'. You can show to her you're a man of the world with worldly taste.

A grand or two will get you that if you have a look around. 1 carat is considered 'the classic'. Amsterdam is where it's at with diamonds. Much better value than your local (most likely) rip off merchant and better quality too. And no, you don't necessarily have to go there in person.

Look out for diamond quality grades and brush up a bit on the different cuts like 'princess' etc. Make sure she's not allergic to whatever material you're going to go for and get her favourite ring (when she's in the shower or so) and take the size.
That should all the technicalities be accounted for.

After that have a bit of imagination and make it a real nice thing you and her will remember fondly. Don't go nuts here either.

Got engaged over in Hawaii using a token ring (Claddagh ring) which I got from Fields, can't remember how much it cost. Picked an engagement ring over there together, cost around a week's wages. She loves it which is the main thing, and it's obviously great as well that the price didn't break the bank.

Herrick

Am I the only one that thinks it's ridiculous spending a few thousand on a ring, which could be put to much better use towards wedding costs or something

Boskowski

Herrick wrote: »

Am I the only one that thinks it's ridiculous spending a few thousand on a ring, which could be put to much better use towards wedding costs or something

Depends on ones priorities I guess.

I'd consider it mad to have a wedding you need a small mortgage for and its only one day. OK, you will remember that day, but that ring she is going to have on her finger for the rest of her life (hopefully).

Varied

I'd have no problem spending a fortune on a ring.

Any girl that thinks that she is entitled to it or expects it, probably wouldn't be with me in the first place.

I have no problem spending a fortune on a great person.

ihsb

I want a ring that suits my style and will last well. I don't care how much it costs. I personally would like a bit of money to be spent on the ring (I did say I wanted it to last) but I would prefer to spend the money on the day, on the honeymoon, on the future. Not a ring. Whatever ring you get it will signify that you two have made a commitment and your love.

LegacyUser

I would get a dress ring in Marks and Spencer for a apox €15-€20 if you want to propose to your girlfriend. I would bring her ring shopping for a proper engagement ring.
Some woman think I would like this type of ring but once they try it on it may not look right on them. I also think an engagement ring should be picked by a woman. It is a very personal thing in regards to the type of ring you like or the type of ring that suits you.
Not all woman want a ring that costs several thousand euro.

JimmyCrackCorn

py2006 wrote: »

Spend what you can reasonably afford and bare in mind your earnings and debts. Any reasonable woman, nowadays, wouldn't expect 1000's to be spent. Plus it sounds like you have a decent woman now so she wouldn't want you overs spending on it.

Sounds sensible to me no point in bankrupting yourself and your wife to be over a ring.

g'em

Herrick wrote: »

Am I the only one that thinks it's ridiculous spending a few thousand on a ring, which could be put to much better use towards wedding costs or something

Not at all, I think it's a fairly ludicrous idea too when it's broken down to its bare bones. But it's an idea I'll probably indulge in. Maybe I'm a bit weird, but I'd fully want to and expect to pay for half the ring. It doesn't sit right with me that a financial burden that large lies on the shoulder of one person in the couple. At the end of the day that what proposing is all about isn't it? Promising to be a couple til death do you part, sharing a life and all the good, bad and uglies that go with it?

I spend money on few things, I'd prefer to pay a lot for a few quality items than spend lots here and there on stuff that won't last or I'll get bored of. So, for me, I'd be looking at something like an engagement ring as a lifelong investment, something to hand down to generations after me. The quality comes first, price is secondary. And it would be a price we're both comfortable with.

Pawwed Rig

Herrick wrote: »

Am I the only one that thinks it's ridiculous spending a few thousand on a ring, which could be put to much better use towards wedding costs or something

I wouldn't say wedding costs are a better use. Another completely overblown waste of money but that is another thread..........

matrim

Unreg Bart wrote: »

The ring I am thinking of getting is one she pointed out as one she "really" likes in a window.
She does this in order to educate me for the future proposal she knows is coming in the next year or so. She has mentioned preferring that I would choose a ring and just show up with it as opposed to using a cheapo and us going shopping later.

Then buy her that ring. She "really" likes it and you can afford it so go with that one.

UL_heart_throb

I thought the tradition of the engagement ring goes something like this:

In the olden days, men had the money and the power in a relationship. Woman got engaged, woman moved from the custody of her father to her fiancé. When they get married, ownership of stuff would be husbands. If the husband turns out to be an awful bastard, woman will need to do a legger. If she has none of her own funds, no titles or assets, the only thing she has is her jewellery and her clothes. The engagement ring would get her a bus ticket back to the diddly-ee town she originated from.

has anyone else heard that?

Big Lar

Spend a little over 1k on the ring and if anyone asks how much then tell them politely it was a four figure sum.

Madame K

Rasmus wrote: »

+1. If someone wanted to spend 3 months of their salary on an engagement ring they wouldn't be the one for me.

I'm female, and I would never have wanted, nor expected, my husband to spend that on a ring. Think of all the fun, meaningful, things you can do together for that, even on minimum wage!

My husband and I are not very traditional--no engagement ring, no wedding rings. We had a small civil ceremony. I have the feeling that would be quite the scandal for a some.

We travel a lot. For us, three months of salary is a very nice holiday.

I had a colleague who told me his fiancee demanded a ring no less than 20k. :eek: And he bought it! The engagement was short-lived; she was cheating.

UL_heart_throb

Madame K wrote: »

I had a colleague who told me his fiancee demanded a ring no less than 20k. :eek: And he bought it! The engagement was short-lived; she was cheating.

did he get the ring back?

Madame K

He did! I could not imagine spending that kind of money on a conditional gift and it not be returned.

kangaroo

UL_heart_throb wrote: »

I thought the tradition of the engagement ring goes something like this:

In the olden days, men had the money and the power in a relationship. Woman got engaged, woman moved from the custody of her father to her fiancé. When they get married, ownership of stuff would be husbands. If the husband turns out to be an awful bastard, woman will need to do a legger. If she has none of her own funds, no titles or assets, the only thing she has is her jewellery and her clothes. The engagement ring would get her a bus ticket back to the diddly-ee town she originated from.

has anyone else heard that?

Here's what Wikipedia says (more 2nd paragraph):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring

The idea that a man should spend a significant fraction of his annual income for an engagement ring originated de novo from De Beers marketing materials in the early 20th century, in an effort to increase the sale of diamonds.[1] In the 1930s, they suggested that a man should spend the equivalent of one month's income in the engagement ring; later they suggested that he should spend two months' income on it.[1] In 2007, the average cost of an engagement ring in USA as reported by the industry was US$2,100.[11]

One reason for the increased popularity of expensive engagement rings is its relationship to human sexuality and the woman's marriage prospects.[12] Until the Great Depression, a man who broke off a marriage engagement could be sued for breach of promise. Monetary damages included actual expenses incurred in preparing for the wedding, plus damages for emotional distress and loss of other marriage prospects. Damages were greatly increased if the woman had engaged in sexual intercourse with her fiancé.[12] Beginning in 1935, these laws were repealed or limited. However, the social and financial cost of a broken engagement was no less: marriage was the only financially sound option for most women, and if she was no longer a virgin, her prospects for a suitable future marriage were greatly decreased. The diamond engagement ring thus became a source of financial security for the woman.[12]

Mackman

Spend what you can afford, but for the love of god do not get a loan or something for it.

I spent around a weeks salary on my wife's ring (actually it was a matching engagement & wedding ring). We didnt have a lot of money at the time, if we had more i might have spent more. But she loves the ring, to her its more than what its monetary value is, its the symbol of what it is and what it means.

I would be more inclined to spend the money on a well made ring with a smaller diamond that will last her her whole life than getting a huge diamond in a poorer made one.

Pawwed Rig

A female friend of mine once told me that the amount of money her (theoretical) fiance to be will spend on a ring will reflect how much he loves her!

I said :eek:?


she is currently single

Pawwed Rig

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

A female friend of mine once told me that the amount of money her (theoretical) fiance to be will spend on a ring will reflect how much he loves her!

I said :eek:?


she is currently single

your friend needs to get a fcukin grip

The Corinthian

Unreg Bart wrote: »

So my question is, - is this enough? What did you guys spend?
My after tax is about 30k, but I have a big mortgage and some debt.
She earns 33 gross, and most of her friends would be in the same bracket.
She does however know a little about diamonds, so she'll be able to roughly guess the value of any ring I produce.

Ask her what she wants or would like. At the end of the day, she's the one who's going to have to wear it and who will get judged by all those harpies at work who still value a woman by these things.

She may be more than happy with a ring that costs a few hundred or something out of a Christmas cracker. On the other hand she may be like your ex, in which case I would ask her to speak first with her parents on the question of the dowry she will be bringing to the marriage...

Pawwed Rig

bluewolf wrote: »

your friend needs to get a fcukin grip

Agree completely

The Corinthian wrote: »

who will get judged by all those harpies at work who still value a woman by these things.

I had to look that one up
Harpy - Classical Mythology. a ravenous, filthy monster having a woman's head and a bird's body.

Dolbert

When we got engaged I told him that I absolutely did not want an expensive ring, I also offered to go halves but he was having none of it... I'm not into jewellery in the slightest and the ring is the only piece that I wear most of the time! I love it because of what it means, not because of how much it cost.

Sky King

I read a very interesting article called "Have you ever tried to sell a diamond?". It's a famous article from the early 1980's. After I read this article my opinion of diamond rings changed remarkably. I would find it very hard to spend money one one.

The article is very long but I would encourage anyone with an interest to google it and read it. For the tl;dr brigade, here are some bullet points

"A diamond is forever" was a Debeers slogan and is considered by many to the single most brilliant piece of marketing from the 20th Century.

Diamonds are not traditional or a traditional symbol of love and togetherness for the masses. This was fabricated by Debeers marketeers mid 20th C yet lots of women today still lap it up, and many like some mentioned above equate a bigger spend on the ring with bigger love (more brilliant marketing). The idea that a man should spend a significant portion of his annual income on a diamond ring also came from the DeBeers marketing department.

In many countries such as Japan, this was hugely sucessfull... traditional japanese marriages never had diamond engagement rings until the 50's and 60's.

The DeBeers cartel control and artifically control the diamond prices worldwide. Diamonds are pretty much worthless in comparison to the prices they fetch.

Many Diamond extraction operations devastated third wold countries, exporting massive profits while locals live in destitute poverty, and many have been the subject of appalling human rights violations

Diamond rings can only be sold second hand for a tiny fraction of their original price

Giselle

My single biggest objection to Diamonds is the human and ecological misery the mining of them creates and the human rights abuses that abound in the whole industry. Even the process for certifying so-called 'ethical' stones is unreliable and a large proportion are still 'blood diamonds''.

I would never wear one, much less expect someone to stretch or borrow to afford one as 'proof' of their affection.

To me a diamond is symbolic of the very worst business practices, and a symbol of peoples ability to turn a blind eye to the suffering caused by the production of something if they want it badly enough.

It's always funny how people will fork out a lot more money for a flawed natural one than for an artificial, flawless one.
They're not my thing though, I'd prefer a sapphire.

Herrick

Boskowski wrote: »

Depends on ones priorities I guess.

I'd consider it mad to have a wedding you need a small mortgage for and its only one day. OK, you will remember that day, but that ring she is going to have on her finger for the rest of her life (hopefully).

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I wouldn't say wedding costs are a better use. Another completely overblown waste of money but that is another thread..........

I actually wouldn't be for big expensive weddings either.

What I was getting at is I know a few that have come out with how its stingy to pay anything less than 3/4/5 k on ring. These are the same people that will already be paying back loans. The fella will take out a loan for the ring, the girl already knowing things are tight insists that it has to be at least a certain price. Straight away, their already in debt, never mind whether they go on to have a big or small wedding.

If you are flush, then fine, work away. But in the current day and age with most people needing to be careful financially, I don't see whats wrong with a nice ring for around 1k, compared to one for 3/4/5 k. Use the excess cash that you would save towards something else that needs to be payed for. Whether it be the wedding, honeymoon, house deposit, car, etc.

Like what difference is it going to make to the couple or their happiness going for a really expensive ring over a nice reasonably priced one. It's not like a pricey ring shows you care more for them compared to a cheaper one. The fact you want to marry them and spend the rest of your lives together is more than enough to show that. I actually feel really sorry for anyone that thinks the more expensive the ring, the more it proves their love type of thing.

I'm afraid the price, extravagance and the need to show off is more important to some rather than the message behind it.

mfceiling

I remember it well.....pull up a seat

I had got a tax refund of €3700 and was walking on air.

We had decided to get engaged so off to a jewellers who happened to be a client of her companies and who supplies some of the more well known jewellery shops.
We looked at loads of different ones and narrowed it down to 2. One at €1800 and one at €3900.
Both were about 40% below the retail price so I was winning on that count.

I'd hoped she'd go for the €1800 one and then I would have a good few shillings left to treat myself to a few clothes and bits and pieces for work.


Guess which one she went for...:(