How much did you spend on "The Ring"?

LegacyUser

I spent about €800 on the ring for my missus. She'd be raging now if she knew how much....she hates to see money wasted on token stuff like that.

Like others say, if she wants the grand gesture, you should really think about it. I've seen many of my friends end up married to women like that and they are up to their balls in debt now trying to sustain this crazy wealthy image.

Also, funny thing is, since having our little boy, she had to ditch the rings during pregnancy when her fingers swelled up a bit. She refuses to get them resized as we have "better things to spend our money on", which is very true.

My wedding ring was £200 from a shop in Brighton...I love it. Wear it every day.

OldGoat

No engagment ring, no wedding ring for me, £25.00 for a second hand rosegold ring for herself in an antique shop.
Sentiment is not a function of price.*

*Make sure she agrees with you on this approach first though!

Mr. Presentable

I spent nothing at all! We went to the ring shop, she chose one she liked and said "Let's spend that amount on a holiday instead". So we got a pair of Cladaghs and a trip to San Francisco.

sam34

an acquaintance of mine was really competitive in terms of being the first in her group to be engaged etc.

she got a very bling bling solitaire ring and was chuffed with it, until a friend of hers got engaged and got a ring with a central stone and a smaller diamond on each side - she promptly handed back the ring and told the fiancé to upgrade it to one with more diamonds than the other girl's ring.

the poor fcuker was stupid enough to do it too. he should have heard the alarm bells and ran.

Acoshla

I always say I'm a great bargain to marry because I come with my own engagement ring I inherited my grandmother's ring so my boyfriend got lucky, I've a gorgeous ring that I love for the sentimentality of it, it's worth about 10-15 times what I would want him to pay for a ring if he'd had to. I probably would've gone halves as well if we'd been buying one, don't see why a guy should have to pay for a pretty sparkly thing, any ring is an engagement ring, if the girl wants a bigger or better ring it should be up to her too!

Bookywook

OP, 2k is more than enough! I'm also in your girlfriend's position-aware that my boyfriend may propose soon and giving hints as to what type of ring I'd like. Whatever clues she has given you-follow them to the letter. If she has pointed to a ring in a shop window then this is the one she would like (or something very similar). She sounds like a level-headed girl and will be delighted with whatever ring you present her with. Its the proposal and the thoughts of spending the rest of your life with your oh and not a piece of jewellery that (most) women look forward too. Good luck and enjoy all that comes after the proposal

sam34

3 posts deleted, keep it on topic folks.

Gloomtastic!

Haven't read every post but was amazed to see 'three months salary' as the rough price you should pay for the ring.

In the UK, where I got engaged, it's generally quoted as one month.

Rip-off Ireland anyone?

Stheno

I buy myself jewellery for "occasions" or "memories", I've never had an OH who bought me jewelllery as I'm a fussy curmudgeon when it comes to jewellery.

However, if myself and my OH ever get engaged, I know exactly the piece of jewellery I will buy, and will cherish forever as a memory of the occasion, but do not expect him to pay for it. For me, it would be a constant reminder of a special day, and should that day occur, I will buy that piece of jewellery.

Should we then get married, we will exchange rings, plain ones I hope, I'd like to buy him a gift of perhaps a bespoke suit and shoes, and hope he would consider something I would like (he'd love the suit/shoes) to mark the occasion, with the rings as a reminder of our vows.

Momentos are all jewellery/gifts are, times together are worth far more.

Pawwed Rig

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

Haven't read every post but was amazed to see 'three months salary' as the rough price you should pay for the ring.

In the UK, where I got engaged, it's generally quoted as one month.

Rip-off Ireland anyone?

In fairness 1,2 & 3 months salary were not suggested by anyone but were given in the context of the Debeers marketing campaign to sell diamonds.

sam34

sam34 wrote: »

the poor fcuker was stupid enough to do it too. he should have heard the alarm bells and ran.

Did he get a pre-nup or has he been properly stung? :pac:

Stuck Cone

Id ring her neck if she asked for a few months salary

JimmyCrackCorn

Stuck Cone wrote: »

Id ring her neck if she asked for a few months salary

I shouldnt laugh but I did.

If a woman asks for a 20k ring your with the wrong woman. Sign of my love my arse, more keeping up with the jones crap.

It's all about personality and when your in your twilight years, any beauty has faded and personality is everything.

sam34

quick q for those talking about a few months salary- are ye talking gross or net salary?

sam34

Deleted User wrote: »

Did he get a pre-nup or has he been properly stung? :pac:

nah, the poor fcuker is totally trapped. in a way though, it's hard to feel sorry for him- the warning signs were there.

The Corinthian

sam34 wrote: »

nah, the poor fcuker is totally trapped. in a way though, it's hard to feel sorry for him- the warning signs were there.

There are men, typically with a traditional outlook, who feel obliged to buy an expensive ring for their wife to be.

By the look of things the OP may be one; he feels obliged to buy a 'rock' for his new fiancée, without asking her if this is what she wants first, because this is what he did for his first, failed, marriage to a woman he hinted at being a bit of a gold-digger. Talk about being the architect of your own misery.

Such men feel that they are responsible for being the provider in a relationship and so they tend to attract women who want to be provided for, because the model they are looking for in a future marriage tends to be the one where the woman will stay at home and he will 'man up' and bring in the bacon.

So I wouldn't feel any sympathy for such men because they are choosing a particular relationship model. Problem is that it's not the nineteenth century where you'd get married and it was for life; divorce is a real and not insignificant outcome of modern marriage and that's when things will go pear-shaped for them.

A friend of mine, a family solicitor, when getting engaged himself joked on this subject that representing wives in divorces, over the years, and seeing the rings on their fingers, he'd come to the conclusion that as a rule of thumb, for every grand the engagement ring cost, she'll be looking for an extra 3% to 4% of the joint assets in a divorce.

After all, if she feels she's entitled to such a ring, why should her sense of entitlement end there?

Regardless of whether the origins of this practice are from De-beers, the reality is that they've entered the psyche of society at some level. Not only the women who expect such rings or their men who feel obliged to buy them, but even their family, friends and peers that will judge them on the size of the ring - so at this stage we can't blame marketing alone for this.

Acoshla

The Corinthian wrote: »

There are men, typically with a traditional outlook, who feel obliged to buy an expensive ring for their wife to be.

Yep, we jokingly one night told my friend's boyfriend that it HAS to be 3 months salary, we joked about it because he earns a very high wage and in a "quiet" 3 months of work his salary could be €40,000. Now he maintains that that is what he has to spend on the ring, because the amount you spend on someone is directly related to how much you love them. When I put it to him that my boyfriend must not love me at all as he didn't buy anything for our engagement it created a flicker of a flaw in his thinking, not enough to change his mind though.

The Corinthian

I find that this tendency to put a price on love to be a pretty distasteful practice, because of what it ultimately implies, TBH.

Acoshla wrote: »

When I put it to him that my boyfriend must not love me at all as he didn't buy anything for our engagement it created a flicker of a flaw in his thinking, not enough to change his mind though.

You should have asked him that if that was the value of love, what was the price tag to a blowjob? Now that would have made him uncomfortable:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pe-UqiLqu2s

Stargazer7

I'd love to do a poll on how important women actually think the (a) getting an engagement ring and (b) the value of the ring is. Perhaps I'm in the minority (as I am on a lot of these thing) but I really don't get the expectation of many women to get a big flashy ring that puts financial pressure on their husband to be. The responsibility of trying not to loose the bloody thing as well would be a pain. Personally I think there's a fine line between a "romantic tradition" and something antiquated and unbalanced.

Stargazer7

Stargazer7 wrote: »

I'd love to do a poll on how important women actually think the (a) getting an engagement ring and (b) the value of the ring is. Perhaps I'm in the minority (as I am on a lot of these thing) but I really don't get the expectation of many women to get a big flashy ring that puts financial pressure on their husband to be. The responsibility of trying not to loose the bloody thing as well would be a pain. Personally I think there's a fine line between a "romantic tradition" and something antiquated and unbalanced.

If women really wanted tradition they'd go back to the days of getting a thimble as an engagement present!!!

PrincessLola

Stargazer7 wrote: »

I'd love to do a poll on how important women actually think the (a) getting an engagement ring and (b) the value of the ring is. Perhaps I'm in the minority (as I am on a lot of these thing) but I really don't get the expectation of many women to get a big flashy ring that puts financial pressure on their husband to be. The responsibility of trying not to loose the bloody thing as well would be a pain. Personally I think there's a fine line between a "romantic tradition" and something antiquated and unbalanced.

I don't think many women do hold that expectation though? Or maybe they do, I'm not friends with anyone in their thirties I don't know. Maybe people should explain to certain women that hollywood is fake and the notion of a super expensive engagement ring is socially constructed.

Pawwed Rig

There is a peer pressure on a certain demographic of women that demand the big diamond. They are the same group that want the designer clothes and criticise each other behind each others backs. These are the girls I have tried to avoid all my life. I always feel sorry for the guys who get lumbered with them

QuiteInterestin

Since I'm single, I don't think I need to worry about getting an engagement ring any time soon but if the day ever comes around, I would hate to get a very expensive one. I wouldn't have any comfort wearing something on my hand that cost so much. I would always be worrying I'd lose it, or damage it or leave it behind at the sink after washing my hands etc. I'd probably be too scared to wear it everyday, I'd be much more at ease with a less expensive one.

For the OP planning on buying his girlfriends engagement ring, I think you'd be better off letting her choose her own ring, since it's her that will be wearing it. Also, it's very hard to know what ring style will suit you until you start trying them on, and what you think looks good in the shop, may not suit your girlfriend at all. Maybe buy a nice chain/bracelet to give her when you propose and then ye can go shopping for the ring. She can have the chain/bracelet as a momento of when ye got engaged and she can also have the ring of her choice.

LizT

I'm the same, I'd feel really self conscious wearing something worth a lot of money. I have a Tiffany bracelet that I got as a present from my family, it cost around 500-600 euro. I rarely wear it because I spend the whole night checking that it's still on and that I haven't lost any of the charms off it.

Two of my close friends are currently engaged. Both of their fiancees are quite young (23-24) and so don't have that much money. Both of their rings are absolutely gorgeous, suit my friends down to a tee and were relatively cheap for an engagement ring but actually quite expensive for them to buy considering what they earn.

If I was getting engaged I know I'd be more happy about the prospect of spending the rest of my life with someone I love rather than worrying if he spent x amount of money on the ring.

goingpostal1

When it comes to the delicate question of how much to spend on an engagement ring, my advice to men would be simple:




Don't.

Get.

Married.

kangaroo

mfceiling wrote: »

I remember it well.....pull up a seat

I had got a tax refund of €3700 and was walking on air.

We had decided to get engaged so off to a jewellers who happened to be a client of her companies and who supplies some of the more well known jewellery shops.
We looked at loads of different ones and narrowed it down to 2. One at €1800 and one at €3900.
Both were about 40% below the retail price so I was winning on that count.

I'd hoped she'd go for the €1800 one and then I would have a good few shillings left to treat myself to a few clothes and bits and pieces for work.


Guess which one she went for...:(

It would be interesting to know what price it has been for people if a ring was bought after the proposal*. Letting the woman choose sounds, on paper, to be sensible ... but I worry about salespeople in jewellers, the temptation of a very shiny (but dear) ring, ...

* It'd be great if this could be put in comparison to weekly/monthly/yearly salary of fiancé, but guess that won't happen in a lot of cases.

mood

I have not read the whole thread but I would suggest letting her pick out the ring. The only horrible rings I have seen are the ones the guy bought them selfs! If you want a surprise proposal you could get a ring box and put a plastic ring in it as a sort of joke until you both pick one out. This will mean you can both decide how much you want to spend on the ring.

Snowie

Ok the horror stories in here are enough to scare the the ****e.. Out of any man...


there beads of sweat here thanks ladies....

/ awaits an anxiety attack

The Corinthian

Has anyone noticed that while there have been one or two men, most notably the OP, who have cited some level obligation for a man to buy an expensive ring, there has not been a single woman who has defended this practice here?

Pawwed Rig

The Corinthian wrote: »

Has anyone noticed that while there have been one or two men, most notably the OP, who have cited some level obligation for a man to buy an expensive ring, there has not been a single woman who has defended this practice here?

It is good to see alright. I wonder though is this representative of the population as a whole as I have seen people spent stupid amounts of cash on engagement rings. I have seen other Irish websites most notably one devoted solely to weddings (which I will not namecheck here) where if you read the comments from some of the women you would run a mile from any kind of wedding.

goingpostal1

The Corinthian wrote: »

Has anyone noticed that while there have been one or two men, most notably the OP, who have cited some level obligation for a man to buy an expensive ring, there has not been a single woman who has defended this practice here?

Maybe women realise how ridiculous it would be to try to rationally justify such a ludicrous tradition as the "engagement ring". SHE is the one who is desperate to get hitched, yet YOU, the man, are the one who has to fork out for an expensive gift to persuade her to do something she already wants to do. Why doesn't she have to buy me a holiday bearhunting in Alaska to convince me to sacrifice my liberty, my property and my soul at the altar?!?!

Jogathon

If I ever got engaged I would like a really nice ring, expensive (circa 3-4 thou) but I would gladly pay for half of it! It's not realistic to expect the guy to pay extra because I would want something that's a bit dearer than normal!

On the other hand, a friend has recently got engaged and I know that the ring was under €1,000. The guy had set the limit at that - he can afford more. It looks a bit measly on her hand I think but she loves it and that's what matters. However, I couldn't care less what they spend on the ring but it shows up some cracks in their relationship....he holds the purse and holds it tight. She gets a weekly allowance and I'm not sure that it's always enough. She's a teacher and so earns a good wage. So I don't know .... don't spend on the ring or spend on the ring but don't be tight!!!

By the way OP - let her pick one out!!!!

The Corinthian

goingpostal1 wrote: »

Maybe women realise how ridiculous it would be to try to rationally justify such a ludicrous tradition as the "engagement ring".

I don't know TBH. I have a friend who is due to get married this year and his fiancée's ring cost about 5k, of which she contributed just under 1k to get the one she wanted. She's English and apparently the 'bling' factor is culturally important to her and her peers, while he is very traditional and is expecting her to be a stay-at-home-mother shortly after marriage, which she seems to be happy with, even though with her career she'll almost certainly be earning significantly more than him in a few years.

The flip side of this is that this purchase has given him the moral justification to misbehave. He feels he's paid for his patriarchal privileges. This attitude is not uncommon; people tend to forget that with the nice parts of a traditional relationship, the nasty parts will often come hand-in-hand.

Why doesn't she have to buy me a holiday bearhunting in Alaska to convince me to sacrifice my liberty, my property and my soul at the altar?!?!

Along with the reality that one's wife became her husband's financial responsibility, this was the idea behind a dowry.

Jogathon wrote: »

However, I couldn't care less what they spend on the ring but it shows up some cracks in their relationship....he holds the purse and holds it tight. She gets a weekly allowance and I'm not sure that it's always enough. She's a teacher and so earns a good wage.

Why on Earth does she get an allowance when she earns a salary?

Given that he pays her an allowance and she pays him nothing, it looks like she holds her purse a lot tighter than him, TBH.

Jogathon

Why on Earth does she get an allowance when she earns a salary?

Given that he pays her an allowance and she pays him nothing, it looks like she holds her purse a lot tighter than him, TBH.[/QUOTE]


All monies are paid into a joint account - of which he controls. I know theoretically she has access to it but he is in charge of it.

The Corinthian

Jogathon wrote: »

All monies are paid into a joint account - of which he controls. I know theoretically she has access to it but he is in charge of it.

I retract my previous comment. Unless he needs to do this through agreement because they are on a tight budget or she is a spendthrift, it seems utterly bizarre to do this, not to mention unhealthy.

The Corinthian

The Corinthian wrote: »

Has anyone noticed that while there have been one or two men, most notably the OP, who have cited some level obligation for a man to buy an expensive ring, there has not been a single woman who has defended this practice here?

i'd say there might be differences between women who argue online and women who might prioritise expensive rings
or they just may not have seen the thread

The Corinthian

bluewolf wrote: »

i'd say there might be differences between women who argue online and women who might prioritise expensive rings

Do you mean entitlement on the basis of reason versus 'just because'?

beertons

The ring might look nice in the shop window, but terrible on her finger. Get a cheap ring, Swaroski (sp), then let her pick one herself. That's what i did. Herself wanted a particular design, so we went to Belgium to have it made. I didn't mind what she wanted, as long as she paid for half.

The Corinthian

The Corinthian wrote: »

Do you mean entitlement on the basis of reason versus 'just because'?

no, i just can't imagine anyone i've met in real life who would go for "of course i'll buy her a big expensive diamond i have to" arguing it on the internet

still as i said, they may just not have seen the thread...!

Pawwed Rig

beertons wrote: »

The ring might look nice in the shop window, but terrible on her finger. Get a cheap ring, Swaroski (sp), then let her pick one herself. That's what i did. Herself wanted a particular design, so we went to Belgium to have it made. I didn't mind what she wanted, as long as she paid for half.

I have heard alot mention on this thread about the girl paying half but have never witnessed it in 'real life'.

beertons

^ married almost 2 years and it's still how we go. It keeps us grounded, we never go beyond our means.

Sappa

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

beertons wrote: »

The ring might look nice in the shop window, but terrible on her finger. Get a cheap ring, Swaroski (sp), then let her pick one herself. That's what i did. Herself wanted a particular design, so we went to Belgium to have it made. I didn't mind what she wanted, as long as she paid for half.

I have heard alot mention on this thread about the girl paying half but have never witnessed it in 'real life'.

I picked the rings myself,I had a contact in the industry overseas and with a good bit of research I saved a fortune compared to here.
We sized the rings here in the jewellers,had to pretend we were looking at purchasing but the sales people were really trying to convince the wife that anything under 2.5k was not certified and really she should be choosing higher.
Thankfully I was not under that pressure,I sourced my own diamonds,another fella made the ring and to a design I wanted.
Saved a huge amount of stress and money,I think the women wanting 4-5 k wedding rings are purely doing it to show off to there peers but seldom think the guy has to make a big sacrifice for that.

py2006

I think a lot of ladies like the romantic idea of the big ring. I know a friend of mine who insists that no man is good enough for her unless he produces a "big rock". She was joking but she wasn't if that makes sense.

When you think of it, isn't it remarkable that the tradition still goes on?

goingpostal1

py2006 wrote: »

I think a lot of ladies like the romantic idea of the big ring. I know a friend of mine who insists that no man is good enough for her unless he produces a "big rock". She was joking but she wasn't if that makes sense.

When you think of it, isn't it remarkable that the tradition still goes on?

Half in jest, wholly in earnest? Would that sum up her attitude? Christ, I'd rather have my balls chewed off by a Rottweiler, than end up with a mercenary like that!!

py2006

goingpostal1 wrote: »

Half in jest, wholly in earnest? Would that sum up her attitude? Christ, I'd rather have my balls chewed off by a Rottweiler, than end up with a mercenary like that!!

Ah no, I don't think so! She often jokingly use the diva mentality. I think it was more of a case that she wouldn't expect it per say but would be delighted with it.

grumpymunster

Spent a shade over a months take home pay. Didnt really have a price in mind but that was the price of the ring she wanted.

goingpostal1

py2006 wrote: »

Ah no, I don't think so! She often jokingly use the diva mentality. I think it was more of a case that she wouldn't expect it per say but would be delighted with it.

Fair enough. It's just that your story reminds me of a girl I know, who used to say, jokingly, that if some guy came rocking up to her front door on a bicycle, looking for a date, he'd be getting a big fat no!! She said it as a joke, but I could tell she was serious! That's why I cycle everywhere on a bike now, it lets the likes of her think I have no money!! Hahaha!

The Corinthian

bluewolf wrote: »

no, i just can't imagine anyone i've met in real life who would go for "of course i'll buy her a big expensive diamond i have to" arguing it on the internet

Actually, the OP has already effectively said that he has to buy an expensive diamond ring - he felt obliged the first time and while he wants to spend less this time he's not sure that 2k is 'enough', hence his asking here.

My observation was that there are no women here who have made any attempt to argue that one should get an expensive diamond ring. To suggest that it's simply because such women don't argue on the Internet is a little difficult to believe given the varied opinions on everything else we get on Boards.

still as i said, they may just not have seen the thread...!

It's possible, but unlikely. IMHO, I suspect that because it is clear that people overwhelmingly think negatively of anyone who feels they should get an expensive diamond ring, they're probably not interested in getting flamed.

And/Or they can't really justify it rationally anyway; they feel should get an expensive diamond ring 'just because'.

Either way, I would have been curious to hear someone argue rationally why such a 'tradition' makes any sense in this day and age.

Malari

goingpostal1 wrote: »

Fair enough. It's just that your story reminds me of a girl I know, who used to say, jokingly, that if some guy came rocking up to her front door on a bicycle, looking for a date, he'd be getting a big fat no!! She said it as a joke, but I could tell she was serious! That's why I cycle everywhere on a bike now, it lets the likes of her think I have no money!! Hahaha!

She should probably rethink that, if the guy's a cyclist. If you are spending upwards of 5-6k on a hobby it might be a good sign he has a bit of spare cash

I'm another who wouldn't expect a big flashy ring. If we were going to do that I'd like to exchange gifts, so it wasn't so one-sided.

The Corinthian

The Corinthian wrote: »

Actually, the OP has already effectively said that he has to buy an expensive diamond ring - he felt obliged the first time and while he wants to spend less this time he's not sure that 2k is 'enough', hence his asking here.

Yes, but I haven't met him in real life