Grumpy Old Neighbours!

AdamB

My first AH post, if it's too long for you just read the last bits, you'll get the jist :P

I have never seen either Mr or Mrs Grump smile. I've only ever got dirty looks from them. The are probably in their mid to late sixties and they have lost all happiness from what I can tell.

Two weeks ago my girlfriend walked through their driveway on her way to next-door-but-ones, and out comes Mrs Grump, hands on hips and gives us the mother of dirty looks....

The following week I came home to a letter from the dog warden telling me that there had been a complaint about my dog barking, that it needs a license and that I'm to keep her on a lead when walking. I'm sure they made the complaint as a punishment for crossing through their property. Fair enough I should have had a license(I do now) but the dog is tiny, doesn't bark, sleeps inside and is under control all the time.

After the letter from dog warden I knocked on neighbours door and asked if he had reported the dog,he said he had, because it keeps him awake, I told him the dog doesn't bark and that I'm not going to argue with him over this petty incident and that I have nothing more to say on the matter, and left it at that.

Then on Saturday as I returned from walking the dog (on the lead) I see him filling his compost wheelie bin with branches from his back garden, which has a cherry tree which has/had two branches that overhang into my garden. I go to the back window to watch him cut off the overhanging branches, let them fall into my garden and then stand back and admire his handy work.

The branches stayed in my garden until this morning as I stewed over what to do with them or where to stick them.. I decide to leave them beside his wheelie bin so he can dispose of them. While I'm out, his wife throws them back on my side.... I put them back beside their bin and go off to work...
At 6.30 this evening my OH calls me saying that Mr Grump has just put the branches in the middle of our front garden as I'm on the phone she asks him what he's doing, he mouths the words fcuk you, shows her the 2 fingers a few times and toddles off into his house, leaving her speechless and shocked... I called the guards but I doubt they can do anything in this petty matter...

I finish work at 1:30am so the branches will stay where they are tonight... BUT...what should I do with them??
But them into his wheelie bin? and see what happens next.
Put them into my wheelie bin? and hope that's the last of it.
Put them through his letter box?
Make him eat them?

I wont be blasting them with anything!!

Squ

Tried skipping to the end, but got interested, so skipped back a bit more, then a bit more..



Momento

du Maurier

Called the Guards?! Hahaha. That's real numpty behaviour.

full_irish

....and follow thread.....:D

I feel like Mr. Grump will be joining Feeky over in legendary status in the not to distant future.

eternal

RMy neighbours don't even acknowledge me. I say hello and nothing. I think you're overreacting, they are looking to get to you because they are empty inside. Fucck them and get on with your life.

Where To

Am I the only one who would be interested to hear the other side of the story?

Wattle

Try and see if you can get him to say: 'I DON'T BELIEVE IT!'

The Internet Explorer

Sprinkle them with piss.

Smidge

Step away from the miserable neighbour..
I repeat........ Step away


This is just the start

If he sees that you are going to play his petty bullsh1t game, he has you.

and then you are humped(not in a good way;))

He is defo testing the water with you OP seeing if you will take the bait,

Have you ever seen those "Neighbour's form Hell" type shows?????

AdamB

Wattle wrote: »

Try and see if you can get him to say: 'I DON'T BELIEVE IT!'

He actually looks a bit like Victor...

Mance Rayder

I'll see your cranky old guy and his dirty looks and I will raise you a street full of pyjama pram pushers, drug dealers, kids on motorbikes and junkies.

hondasam

Sex outdoors OP give mr and mrs Grump something to complain about, they might even join in, ye can have an orgy.

LH Pathe

A grumpy old neighbour is something to be.

Til yer so fùckin worn out you cant even see.. so be sure to acquiant yoreselves; o'er a cup of tae.

Rothko

Chop down the cherry tree and leave it in front of their front door.

Squ

mishkalucy wrote: »

Have you ever seen those "Neighbour's form Hell" type shows?????

The 'Burbs.

Soby

i say be the bigger man and put them in your bin and give him nothing to react too.

ciano1

Take a dump in his porch
That'll learn him!

Soby

ciano1 wrote: »

Take a dump in his porch
That'll learn him!

Like to him move that back into the OP's front garden :P

vixdname

Be nice and friendly and invite them both over for a cup of tea to "Clear The Air" When you get them both over, beat them both repeatedly with a hammer to their heads until dead. Remove their clothing,Cut limbs from bodied and throw their remains into the pre dug hole you now have at the end of your garden.Cover the body parts with the lime you bought in B&Q and refill the hole with plenty of soil.Burn their clothes and was down the kitchen to get rid of any blood spatter etc.NOTE: Its good to have loud musoc playing while beting them with the hammer because unless you can use both hands with a hammer in each had at the same time, one of the victims will have the chance to scream...hence the loud music.......Mr. & Mrs. Grumpy no more....problem solved

martyf84

Don't get involved in their petty games, kill them with kindness anytime you see them, it will eat them up inside

Smidge

vixdname wrote: »

Be nice and friendly and invite them both over for a cup of tea to "Clear The Air" When you get them both over, beat them both repeatedly with a hammer to their heads until dead. Remove their clothing,Cut limbs from bodied and throw their remains into the pre dug hole you now have at the end of your garden.Cover the body parts with the lime you bought in B&Q and refill the hole with plenty of soil.Burn their clothes and was down the kitchen to get rid of any blood spatter etc.NOTE: Its good to have loud musoc playing while beting them with the hammer because unless you can use both hands with a hammer in each had at the same time, one of the victims will have the chance to scream...hence the loud music.......Mr. & Mrs. Grumpy no more....problem solved

Not a great choice of wording there vix considering the 94 year old woman who was violently beaten in her home during a break in died today(I'm sure it wasn't intentional, your quote not the beating;))




Or was it...........................


"Where were you between the hours of............"

My name is URL

That's nothing. Some auld farmer that lives beside me has been threatening to shoot me and my dog for about 4 years. I walked on his land once with my dog on a leash and he seems to have some sort of mental disability which stops him from forgetting about it.

Teagwee

AH answer: Wait until the Grumps are having a BBQ/put washing out/have friends over. Start a fire in the garden with the branches and waft the smoke over. Add a few more smelly things to the fire to keep it going.

Real answer: Deal with the branches yourself - stop playing their game. It can only escalate and there'll be no winners. As someone else said, be nice and cheery and appear unaffected. The best revenge for anything like this is to remain calm and seem not to be annoyed. This puzzles them.

ejmaztec

Where To wrote: »

Am I the only one who would be interested to hear the other side of the story?

Yep.

mikemac1

They're probably not happy that you and your girlfriend are living in sin!

Battered Mars Bar

Sounds like something a sexy party could solve.

Smidge

mikemac1 wrote: »

They're probably not happy that you and your girlfriend are still able to have sex!

FYP:pac:

whatdoicare

Just ignore them - throw the branches away in a ditch or something and carry on with your life.
You annoyed them with your dog - they annoyed you with branches - call it even and keep away from each other.

anniehoo

Right, in pedantic neighbour terms (this is what you do when you own a gaff, you need to know the rules before kickin off).The tree is his, it has encroached on your property boundaries...so do what ya like with the 2 branches tbh. Its his tree, it grew over his wall into your area...no comeback on his side.

Unless your dog is a Restricted Breed under the Control of Dogs Act (11 breeds) your dog doesnt need to be on a lead in a public place, just under "your control".Make of that what you will, this "Act" is crazily lax even for RBs in this country.

If this sounds petty to anyone to doesnt own a gaff...just WAIT! You're in for a whole bundle of Family Guy fun when you sign off on that mortgage

grindle

Ah, grumpy old people... Past it with bliss.

emo72

anniehoo wrote: »

Right, in pedantic neighbour terms (this is what you do when you own a gaff, you need to know the rules before kickin off).The tree is his, it has encroached on your property boundaries...so do what ya like with the 2 branches tbh. Its his tree, it grew over his wall into your area...no comeback on his side.

Unless your dog is a Restricted Breed under the Control of Dogs Act (11 breeds) your dog doesnt need to be on a lead in a public place, just under "your control".Make of that what you will, this "Act" is crazily lax even for RBs in this country.

If this sounds petty to anyone to doesnt own a gaff...just WAIT! You're in for a whole bundle of Family Guy fun when you sign off on that mortgage

and being uber-pedantic, the branches are his property. you are entitled to cut them if they encroach on your property. but you must put anything you cut into his property. cos its his property, naturally. he cut them left them in yours, so you should be able to give them back.

seems the least of your problems though. welcome to hell.

poppyvally

Where To wrote: »

Am I the only one who would be interested to hear the other side of the story?

No you are not! There are some horrible neighbours in this world, They blank you , & have a haughty, superior attitude. They try to look down on other mere mortals. They are so wrapped up in the benefits of their dual public service pensions

Mance Rayder

poppyvally wrote: »

No you are not! There are some horrible neighbours in this world, They blank you , & have a haughty, superior attitude. They try to look down on other mere mortals. They are so wrapped up in the benefits of their dual public service pensions

I wish my neighbors blanked me.:pac: I wish the only problem with my neighbor was his haughty attitude :rolleyes:(my neighbor has late night raves and plays bass guitars all f-ing day on full volume)

AdamB wrote: »

Two weeks ago my girlfriend walked through their driveway on her way to next-door-but-ones, and out comes Mrs Grump, hands on hips and gives us the mother of dirty looks....

AdamB your girlfriend should probably not go trouncing through his garden, it is disrespectful and trespassing. Some people enjoy their privacy and are not best pleased when the neighbors friends start roaming through their garden. I know I wouldn't be.

He pays his rent/mortgage and I think he is entitled to be as grumpy as he likes in his own home. I also think that he does not pay his rent/mortgage with the intent of letting his garden be used as a public walkway.

holystungun9

eternal wrote: »

RMy neighbours don't even acknowledge me. I say hello and nothing. I think you're overreacting, they are looking to get to you because they are empty inside. Fucck them and get on with your life.

OP, do not, I repeat, do not **** them. It will come back to haunt you when their eager nephew/niece shows them how to use Facebook so they 'stay young'.

Jay D

get him when he's not at home. ie slash his tyres when he's out shopping.

also piss on his door on a sunny day, he'll never know but you'll get such a sense of achievement everytime you see him enter his house

OldGoat

An invitation to sit down over a nice cuppa would sort this out really quickly. No one can stay angry when there are fancy fondents to be ate.

haminka

I agree with that kill them with kindness stuff. Be very nice, always greet them with a smile, invite them for a tea, don't mention the dog or anything bad that happened, simply, hi, we are your new neighbours, ask them for advice on a plumber, good shop, cheap petrol in the area, talk about the weather, if you are going to shops, ask if they need anything, in winter, should the weather turn bad, ask them if they need any help.
They will either turn out to be actually normal but a bit grumpy old people settled in their ways and allergic to change as it sometimes is or they will go crazy. Either way, you are the winner.

the purple tin

Next time you see them, shoot them

a smile.

Big Nasty

Stick them up his hole OP.

aujopimur

ciano1 wrote: »

Take a dump in his porch
That'll learn him!

Put in a burning bag and ring the doorbell.

AdamB

I want to be the bigger man and walk away from this stupid/petty argument but when I came home last night to see his bloody branches hanging on my fence where he had thrown them again and listening to the account of last nights episode from my OH's 10 year old (who saw everything), I'm not gonna let this go without at least confronting him and telling him what I think of him and I'll ask him to taking his fcuking branches back!!
After which I may consider blasting them with happiness!!

TheBody

I'd embark on a serious regenge plan to piss off the grumpy gits.

Things like:

• Buy all the Werthers Originals (old people love them)
• Buy up all the pipe tobacco in your area.
• Build a roundabout in your estate (They strike terror into every old person)
• Invite teenagers around. Every old person hates teenagers

They will move out in no time!!

The Master.

Id love to have neighbours like that who get irked at the pettiest things. I would have his head wrecked playing music after ten oclock at night. Walking across his drive everyday. Throwing your dog poops over into his garden.
The kind of things that if he went to the guards about they would just laugh at him.

aujopimur

A photo of the grumps would be more interesting.
I thought they were real branches, there're just little twigs.

Duggy747

Most diplomatic way to resolve this matter is smear his walls with faeces with the word "REDRUM!"

curlzy

God bless my neighbours In every house on our road there are people aged 60 - 93. They drop in baskets of tomatoes, apples and other things they grow in their gardens. One woman went into my back garden and took down a load of dry washing because it started to rain when I was in work, she dropped in into me later that evening apologising saying "hope you don't mind that I was in your garden", of course I didn't mind!. Another woman chased off a stray cat that was bullying my cats. Whenever I have a party, I ask them afterwards did it keep them awake or annoy them, they always say "oh, no dear, didn't hear a peep, hope you had fun". Another time they helped the gaurds to catch a burgler because one of them was awake at 5.45am (as per usual :eek:) and heard a noise in my back garden and called the gaurds. I gave one of them a spare key to my house in case we loose ours, that's already come in useful twice. I think they might like us because when the big snow was here me and my boyfriend called into every house and asked if they needed any shopping done or fire wood, also I think they're just really nice and sweet people.

I think they're so lovely and I'll miss them when we move

So yeah OP, old people can be LOVELY, go make friends, bring in an apple cake and say you think you might have gotton off on the wrong foot, I bet they'll be happy to make friends.

bbam

We had a neighbour who was well imbalanced. Weeks on end she would snub us. Then she would be way too friendly and then often while I'd be mowing the lawn she's be screaming obscenities over the hedge.
Shouting and swearing at the kids and ten buying them presents. During a difference of opinion about a trampoline for our three year old she said shed kill me. Her objection was that the trampoline was to allow the child to look in her windows.
We actually left. It cost us a fortune but were much happier for it. At least our kids can go out and play without being hasteled.

ejmaztec

AdamB wrote: »

I want to be the bigger man and walk away from this stupid/petty argument but when I came home last night to see his bloody branches hanging on my fence where he had thrown them again and listening to the account of last nights episode from my OH's 10 year old (who saw everything), I'm not gonna let this go without at least confronting him and telling him what I think of him and I'll ask him to taking his fcuking branches back!!
After which I may consider blasting them with happiness!!

If you burn the fence, he'll have nowhere to hang the branch.

Milk & Honey

You want your neighbour to forgive your trespasses, but you don't want to forgive his?

Morag

If the tree is on your side of the boundary then he legally has to give you back the branches. He can cut what over hangs his property but if the tree is yours he has to give you the branches.

AdamB

Milk & Honey wrote: »

You want your neighbour to forgive your trespasses, but you don't want to forgive his?

The postman and numerous leaflet guys walk the same route on a daily basis that my OH took once. She shouldn't have, but had he came and spoke to us about her trespassing rather than called the dog warden( for no reason) maybe we could have worked this out like adults.
I've come to the conclusion that they are bonkers, after speaking to a few from around they have said the same. After speaking to the dog warden I got the same impression from him, they have complained more than their direct neighbours.
The have called the guards and ambulance on each other after domestics on more than one occasion.
I'm leaning more to letting this slide again and not getting involved.........