Wedding Family problems

LegacyUser

I am getting married very shortly but am having problems, i think,


i have picked two family members as bridesmaids and my underage sister to be my maid of honour.

the two family members are in early 20's and we grew up all together like sisters so i couldn't pick between them for maid of honor hence my sister, but i verbally agreed they both would organise the hen, Bridesmaid A was overjoyed to do so and began planning right away, bridesmaid b was very meh about it, but i figured closer to the day she'd get excited since she insisted on being a bridesmaid in the first place.

It came to my attention that bridesmaid A had organised Bowling and then back to my mums for drinks, (my ideal night, activity i loved to keep me happy, drinking to keep them happy)

Last week a relative coming to the hen said she was shocked to hear of the change in plans as she was looking forward to the bowling. i asked bridesmaid A what was going on and she didn't know, but it was obvious b was going overboard (not unusual for her she has always been centre of attention in our family and we have left her to it for a quiet life)


up in my mums i told her what i heard and asked her to tell me what was going on.
she said "we are going for a meal and cocktails here, and then that cost €30 each so bowling on top of it was too expensive, so then we are going clubbing after"

the meal is in a restaurant i hate, anyone who knows me knows that, and clubbing after isn't my scene, the first plan was 50/50 (and in my mums so more relaxed and not as loud) so i was looking forward to it.

My mum then said "and she's invited like 50 people and they wouldn't all fit in here drinking with only one toilet"

at this point i got shocked and frustrated, i only have 5 female friends (they are all men) so i was like "wtf? who did she invite?

yes i ranted a little to my mum.


my mum then within 24 hours went back to bridesmaid b and told her something. I don't know exactly what was said, but it was enough for her to not be speaking to me and refusing to have anything to do with the hen.

Bridesmaid A tried talking to b but she is refusing to speak to her too.

so now i don't know what do i do? im upset that my mum didn't have my back and just listened and instead caused trouble by repeating my rant to B. but then it is my own fault for ranting in the first place, i was just a tad stressed i guess


on top of this my mums dress she bought for the wedding is not only not suitable for a mother of the bride, its very bridal-ish/awards dress glam, (very sparkly, its hard to describe it) but again i can't mention it to her without her kicking off and without her and other people accusing me of going bride-zilla? maybe i am?

i didn't think so tbh. the three girls are wearing a dress they picked out, i don't care about colours..etc i just want to have a good day it doesn't have to perfect, but how can i with a bridesmaid odd and a mum i don't trust 100%.

am i going crazy?

please any advice you can give is appreciated, ill try replay promptly.

John Mason

why are you not organising your own hen night?

just tell everyone that you are going bowling and back to your mam's if thats what you want.

let you mam wear what she wants. i got married 5-6 weeks ago and i couldnt tell you who was wearing what on the day.

these are all minor details.

Daisy M

Apologise to everyone for peace sake, take the blame for the "mix up! about your hen, say you didnt realise how much work there would be involved in trying to keep everyone happy and if you arrange it people will be less likely to find fault. Thank both bridesmaids for their imput and move on. Do not mention your mothers dress to her.

woodchuck

Shouldn't you talk to the two bridesmaids about this? Just tell them what you do and don't want or organise the hen yourself if you have to.

Don't mention the dress to your mam.

LegacyUser

i wouldn't dream of telling her the dress is inappropriate i guess i was just venting here where at least i can,

i just wish the motherly side of her would kick in and she would stop having to have everything all about her for once, especially something as important as this.

i know it would be rude to tell her i didn't like it,and i will pretend to like it, but that doesn't stop it upsetting me or my partner.

its not really about the Hen either, the problem i have is i have a bridesmaid who isn't speaking to me (or the bridesmaid) over what is to me a trivial matter, and now i fear its going to ruin the atmosphere in the build up to the wedding.

and the worst part is if what i told my mom was kept in confidence instead of her going straight to this relative and telling her what i said, literally within 24 hours of me talking to my mom (as in i don't think it was 'accidentally mentioned') , there would be no problems, i expected my mom to have my back, not to take what i tell her and go running back saying "so and so said this about you", it just seems to me playground-ish, and i didn't expect a parent to behave like that.

midnight_train

Hey, that all sounds very frustrating and stressful, TBH. I have planned a wedding before I remember how stressful it can be.

But do remember this - as annoying as this situation is, that's all it is, really. Just annoying. Remember all of the important stuff about the day.

My mother has severe Alzheimer's (she got it when I was just 22) so she couldn't play any part of my wedding planning, needless to say

As irritating as family members and friends can be - they love you, they are in good health, they can share your day with your and your partner. That's the most important thing to celebrate and be thankful for. The rest of the stuff is just silly stuff.

Best of luck with everything and all the best for your big day

AhInFairness

Your mother's dress is a non-issue tbh and I think you should just be happy that she has found a dress she likes and wants to wear. Expecting her be in a pale blue, dowdy, traditional "mother of the bride" outfit is unreasonable. It's good that you're not going to say anything but you do need to put it out of your head completely. Weddings are a stressful time and you need to let the unimportant things go.

Weddingwoes wrote: »

and the worst part is if what i told my mom was kept in confidence instead of her going straight to this relative and telling her what i said, literally within 24 hours of me talking to my mom (as in i don't think it was 'accidentally mentioned') , there would be no problems, i expected my mom to have my back, not to take what i tell her and go running back saying "so and so said this about you", it just seems to me playground-ish, and i didn't expect a parent to behave like that.

OP, you said yourself you don't know what your mam said. Have you asked your mam what she said or are you just assuming that she was blabbing in a childish way? Is there a possibility that your mam was trying to (perhaps misguidedly) fight your corner for you by telling bridesmaid B you're upset about the changes? Speak to your mam about this, don't just assume things.

Bridesmaid B is acting like a child but it needs to be dealt with. She needs to realise that she can't throw a strop, wash her hands of the hen and then expect to go on to be your bridesmaid. If I were you, as hard as it is, I would seriously consider removing/replacing her as your bridesmaid if she doesn't cop on to herself. Tell her you want to meet and have a talk about the whole thing. If she refuses then it's time for some serious thinking on your part about where you go from here.

Best of luck OP.

Pebbles68

Personally I'd stick with the original plans made by A and with the same small handful of friends that matter to you. B has invited 50 people to a meal and then clubbing. As you say yourself anyone who knows you will know you hate the restaurant and clubbing. I'd take the view that B decided she didn't want to go to your hen and has arranged a night out with other friends, simple as that.

By the way who does B think is going to pay for drink for 50 people in your mams house?

And another point, B sounds like a ticking bomb that you probably wouldn't want at your wedding anyway. If she's prepared to make herself the centre of attention for your hen who knows what she may do to mess up your big day.

StillWaters

Weddingwoes wrote: »

i know it would be rude to tell her i didn't like it,and i will pretend to like it, but that doesn't stop it upsetting me or my partner.

If your partner is upset about your mother's choice of dress, you have issues bigger than a hen night mix up to deal with.

Seriously OP relax and organise the hen yourself.

3DataModem

Weddingwoes wrote: »

i know it would be rude to tell her i didn't like it,and i will pretend to like it, but that doesn't stop it upsetting me or my partner.

I bet you my entire net worth that your partner doesn't care what she wears.