What if a tiger jumps into my back garden

xoxyx

So, I was sitting out in the back a while ago. Reading my Kindle and enjoying the long evenings. When suddenly, in the middle of a paragraph, I thought, what if a tiger jumps into my back garden. I have no idea where this thought came from, but I spent the next five minutes or so going through what might happen.

I've no idea if I could get the back door open in time to escape into the house, but let's say I could. If I rang the guards, they'd never believe me, and it could take ages to convince them to come out. And what if the tiger broke through a window? I'd have to run out the front door and close it behind me and then race up to the local Centra. But they wouldn't believe me either until the tiger arrived and, by then, it would be too late to close the doors against it. So, I'd be trapped in Centra with a tiger, and you just know it would go for me first.

Totally ruined my peace sitting outside and I kept thinking about it until I gave up and came back in. I know it's probably not going to happen, but every time I tried to go back to reading, my mind would wander to the tiger again.

This happens to me all the time. I'll be wandering across a bridge and suddenly will think, what if this falls down. Or along the Liffey listening to the radio until I think, what if somebody throws me over the wall.

Obviously I'm completely batshit crazy, and, so far, I've never been attacked by a tiger, fallen through a bridge or been thrown into the Liffey, so there's no basis for my fears.

Just wondering if anybody else gets these random thoughts. They're not always negative either. I'll get good ones too like what if I find a winning Lotto ticket or a friendly puppy and get to bring it back to a loving owner and then spend some time going through the different things that could happen.

Anyone else???

flutterflye

I prefer just normal books to kindles tbh.

stovelid

Cat lady?

Biggins

If your that distracted in thought, the book mustn't be that good!

Richard Hillman

Make yourself look big and slowly back your way to the back door.

dlofnep

No kidding, but I dreamt about a tiger in my back garden last night. Weird.

dillo2k10

xoxyx wrote: »

So, I was sitting out in the back a while ago. Reading my Kindle and enjoying the long evenings. When suddenly, in the middle of a paragraph, I thought, what if a tiger jumps into my back garden. I have no idea where this thought came from, but I spent the next five minutes or so going through what might happen.

I've no idea if I could get the back door open in time to escape into the house, but let's say I could. If I rang the guards, they'd never believe me, and it could take ages to convince them to come out. And what if the tiger broke through a window? I'd have to run out the front door and close it behind me and then race up to the local Centra. But they wouldn't believe me either until the tiger arrived and, by then, it would be too late to close the doors against it. So, I'd be trapped in Centra with a tiger, and you just know it would go for me first.

Totally ruined my peace sitting outside and I kept thinking about it until I gave up and came back in. I know it's probably not going to happen, but every time I tried to go back to reading, my mind would wander to the tiger again.

This happens to me all the time. I'll be wandering across a bridge and suddenly will think, what if this falls down. Or along the Liffey listening to the radio until I think, what if somebody throws me over the wall.

Obviously I'm completely batshit crazy, and, so far, I've never been attacked by a tiger, fallen through a bridge or been thrown into the Liffey, so there's no basis for my fears.

Just wondering if anybody else gets these random thoughts. They're not always negative either. I'll get good ones too like what if I find a winning Lotto ticket or a friendly puppy and get to bring it back to a loving owner and then spend some time going through the different things that could happen.

Anyone else???

Yea I get completely random thoughts and go through in my mind what could possibly happen. I thought it was just me, but clearly not

Kylo Ren

Just get your pet lion to fight it. Simples.

Ficheall

xoxyx wrote: »

I've no idea if I could get the back door open in time to escape into the house...

You couldn't - so don't worry about the rest of the scenario you've detailed.

mattjack

Keno 92 wrote: »

Just get your pet lion to fight it. Simples.

Or escape on your unicorn.

My name is URL

According to various documentaries I've seen, waving a chair at them works well.

Chairs.. the natural enemy of large cats.

clappyhappy

Write a book about it!!

gerard65

Just give him his golf ball back.

phasers

Wait, You don't have a tiger net over your garden?

Okay don't panic, i have a rock i can sell you.

jimthemental

I am a licensed psychologist and I postulate that there is only one way to conquer you're debilitating fear of tigers. You must go to Dublin Zoo and get into the cage. You then have to stare them down. I advise my patients to kick them up the arse to get attention. This treatment is 100% successful as not one of my patients has come back to complain.

crosstownk

I find that smoking marijuana makes me overthink about tigers and things.

mackeire

He'd just be looking for his golf ball

Kylo Ren

mattjack wrote: »

Or escape on your unicorn.

Totally beyond the realm of reality. Who has a pet unicorn? They are illegal to have as a pet.

Schism

phasers wrote: »

Wait, You don't have a tiger net over your garden?

You know I don't think she does, how can she sit out there without the TigNet 3000?

leggo

Pick up a rake and sing dramatic music under your breath as you compete in an impromptu duel to the death. (I'm humming the perfect dramatic music right now as I type this, it's a shame you can't hear as it will really make the moment that bit more exciting if/when it happens)

hondasam

No chance of sitting in the garden here Op it's pissing rain all day.

jimthemental

Keno 92 wrote: »

Totally beyond the realm of reality. Who has a pet unicorn? They are illegal to have as a pet.

So is Shergar but....... I've said too much.

DEFTLEFTHAND

He'd stare you out and probably be quite curious but he wouldn't necessarily attack you, don't show fear to big cats they can be manipulated.

Joe10000

I take a tiger repellant pill every morning, will PM you my chemist.

southcentralts

I worry about kindle batteries exploding all the time, but you shouldn't worry about that while reading on your kindle! just get a shotgun and enjoy the book.

Schism

But in all seriousness get yourself a good dog. I haven't seen one tiger even try to enter my back garden while the dog was there.

charlemont

A lady tiger..:pac:

mattjack

Keno 92 wrote: »

Totally beyond the realm of reality. Who has a pet unicorn? They are illegal to have as a pet.

Pet ? its my mode of transport.

ollie1

I remember years ago a tiger escaped from Booterstown circus and got on the train tracks :eek:

So always be prepared for a tiger attack :pac:

Owen_S

That's highly unlikely to happen, as far as I know they were banished off the island by St. Patrick, along with the snakes and unicorns.

xoxyx

Ficheall wrote: »

You couldn't - so don't worry about the rest of the scenario you've detailed.

Yeah, but if I can't survive in my own makey-upey reality, that doesn't say much for my self esteem.

My name is URL wrote: »

According to various documentaries I've seen, waving a chair at them works well.

Chairs.. the natural enemy of large cats.

I have several chairs.

Biggins wrote: »

If your that distracted in thought, the book mustn't be that good!

Nah - it's actually very good. Hannibal Rising. Just finished it - would recommend.

phasers wrote: »

Wait, You don't have a tiger net over your garden?

Okay don't panic, i have a rock i can sell you.

Lisa Phasers. I want to buy your rock.

flutterflye wrote: »

I prefer just normal books to kindles tbh.

Take that back right now!!!!!

dlofnep wrote: »

No kidding, but I dreamt about a tiger in my back garden last night. Weird.

Cool. We're random twins!!

dillo2k10 wrote: »

Yea I get completely random thoughts and go through in my mind what could possibly happen. I thought it was just me, but clearly not

That's what I wanted to hear. Not just that I'm bonkers.

crosstownk wrote: »

I find that smoking marijuana makes me overthink about tigers and things.

No weed. My relaxed self is very similar to that of stoners, so even a little bit of green puts me on Mars.

leggo wrote: »

Pick up a rake and sing dramatic music under your breath as you compete in an impromptu duel to the death. (I'm humming the perfect dramatic music right now as I type this, it's a shame you can't hear as it will really make the moment that bit more exciting if/when it happens)

I can't imagine any suitable music. Could you do a sound recording and post it?

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

He'd stare you out and probably be quite curious but he wouldn't necessarily attack you, don't show fear to big cats they can be manipulated.

I don't know. I think my first reaction would be to freeze, so I wouldn't be very scary to him. Depends if he's hungry / pissed off I suppose. Lots of cats in the neighbourhood, so he mightn't be hungry, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of him eating all the cats that I feed every day. Although, I feed them chicken, so I guess it's a circle of life kind of thing really.

Joe10000 wrote: »

I take a tiger repellant pill every morning, will PM you my chemist.

Any anti-bridge-falling-through pills?

southcentralts wrote: »

I worry about kindle batteries exploding all the time, but you shouldn't worry about that while reading on your kindle! just get a shotgun and enjoy the book.

Don't do that. I love my Kindle - don't have me worrying about exploded hands.

xoxyx

ollie1 wrote: »

I remember years ago a tiger escaped from Booterstown circus and got on the train tracks :eek:

So always be prepared for a tiger attack :pac:

Exactly!!!!!

Lyaiera

Your mind sounds like fun xoxyx. Do you mind if I holiday in it for a little while. I'll be careful and take my shoes off and I imagine it's fluffy and warm like a cloud.


Also, write a book. Or start a blog. I'd read it.

PhlegmyMoses

I reckon that I could probably beat a tiger in a straight up fight.

Pros and cons:

Cons:

• The tiger has longer nails and teeth so could bite and scratch me.
• It would be more ferocious and less fearful for its own well-being than the average human.
• It would probably be marginally stronger than me.

Pros:

• I am smarter than the tiger so could probably think up strategies on how to beat him, off the cuff. The tiger only has instinct to go on.
• I have faster hands byfar due to weight\muscle density ratios.
• Although not as strong as a tiger, I am still easily strong enough to get him into a choke hold or to palm him off if he came running at me.
• Opposable thumbs means that I can use the various weapons that would be at my disposal. Something like a glass bottle, garden rake or ornament like a gnome are lethal in the right\wrong hands.
• As I said previously, the average human would be fearful. But having rationally considered the possibility of having to fight a tiger, I would be confident that at the very least, the tiger would be scared off by my fighting acumen.

As you can see, it is clear that I have the requisite nous and wherewithal to at least damage a tiger in a fight to the point that he would flee the scene knowing that there was easier prey in greener pastures.

Markcheese

What u need to do is get a load of tiger **** (scat) and spread it all over the garden.... I mean all over the garden never have a prob with tiger attacks again , except at mating season if you've spread the opposite sex's scat ....

some random drunk

xoxyx wrote: »

This happens to me all the time. I'll be wandering across a bridge and suddenly will think, what if this falls down. Or along the Liffey listening to the radio until I think, what if somebody throws me over the wall.

Hehe, I think about this too, everytime I walk by the Liffey. Or else I think, what would I do if I saw someone fall in? Glad I'm not the only one.


Regarding the tiger, (I know this is far too sensible an answer), I'd leg it in the back door, run upstairs into a bedroom, shutting all the doors behind me, and observe the tiger from the safety of the bedroom window. I reckon the emergency services would be able to tell from the panic in my voice that I was serious. Probably a few other people would have reported seeing an escaped tiger too.

BillyMitchel

Are you sure you dont mean Tiger Woods?? Maybe he's looking for your misses!

OP, this was made for you.

checkyabadself

Sounds like "The life of Pi" by Yann Martel to me.

dodderangler

I thought bout that myself a while ago so I went down to secret pet shop and got myself a dinosaur that knows muay Thai and eats tigers everyday he's dead sound If you want a loan of him let me know

stupidusername

This is why we need a tiger tax.

crosstownk

xoxyx wrote: »

No weed. My relaxed self is very similar to that of stoners, so even a little bit of green puts me on Mars.

If you smoked some weed imagine the potential of this thread.

Elephant's

Aliens

Boardsies

BillyMitchel

checkyabadself wrote: »

Sounds like "The life of Pi" by Yann Martel to me.

great book!

xoxyx

Lyaiera wrote: »

Your mind sounds like fun xoxyx. Do you mind if I holiday in it for a little while. I'll be careful and take my shoes off and I imagine it's fluffy and warm like a cloud.


Also, write a book. Or start a blog. I'd read it.

That's really nice - you're more than welcome! There's also a swing.

PhlegmyMoses wrote: »

I reckon that I could probably beat a tiger in a straight up fight.

Pros and cons:

Cons:

• The tiger has longer nails and teeth so could bite and scratch me.
• It would be more ferocious and less fearful for its own well-being than the average human.
• It would probably be marginally stronger than me.

Pros:

• I am smarter than the tiger so could probably think up strategies on how to beat him, off the cuff. The tiger only has instinct to go on.
• I have faster hands byfar due to weight\muscle density ratios.
• Although not as strong as a tiger, I am still easily strong enough to get him into a choke hold or to palm him off if he came running at me.
• Opposable thumbs means that I can use the various weapons that would be at my disposal. Something like a glass bottle, garden rake or ornament like a gnome are lethal in the right\wrong hands.
• As I said previously, the average human would be fearful. But having rationally considered the possibility of having to fight a tiger, I would be confident that at the very least, the tiger would be scared off by my fighting acumen.

Marginally stronger? Jaysus - your upper arms must look like paint cans. Those guys are super-strong and are pure muscle (except the fat ones). I have a ladder in the back garden, but it would be unwieldy as a weapon. You're right about the smarts though - I slaughtered (figuratively) the last tiger I played at chess. Dunno if I'd put those smarts against his teeth though. Taking all things into consideration, I am not going to fight the tiger.

Markcheese wrote: »

What u need to do is get a load of tiger **** (scat) and spread it all over the garden.... I mean all over the garden never have a prob with tiger attacks again , except at mating season if you've spread the opposite sex's scat ....

How am I supposed to explain the tiger crap in the garden when friends and family come over?

some random drunk wrote: »

Hehe, I think about this too, everytime I walk by the Liffey. Or else I think, what would I do if I saw someone fall in? Glad I'm not the only one.

I do that one as well! Especially after that homeless guy had his rabbit thrown into the Liffey. I always wonder what would I do - but I hope I would give my bag to a passerby and jump in to help. Won't be sure unless it actually happens though.

some random drunk wrote: »

Regarding the tiger, (I know this is far too sensible an answer), I'd leg it in the back door, run upstairs into a bedroom, shutting all the doors behind me, and observe the tiger from the safety of the bedroom window. I reckon the emergency services would be able to tell from the panic in my voice that I was serious. Probably a few other people would have reported seeing an escaped tiger too.

I don't have an upstairs though - it's only a little bungalow. I reckon the cops would send somebody out, but they wouldn't give it high priority. I never even thought about other people having seen the tiger though - that's a very good point.

gerard65 wrote: »

Just give him his golf ball back.

mackeire wrote: »

He'd just be looking for his golf ball

What golf ball?? This is a reference I don't get. I only have a snooker cue belonging to an anteater.

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Are you sure you dont mean Tiger Woods?? Maybe he's looking for your misses!

Is this a golf ball joke??

CajunPenguin

xoxyx wrote: »

So, I was sitting out in the back a while ago. Reading my Kindle and enjoying the long evenings. When suddenly, in the middle of a paragraph, I thought, what if a tiger jumps into my back garden. I have no idea where this thought came from, but I spent the next five minutes or so going through what might happen.

I've no idea if I could get the back door open in time to escape into the house, but let's say I could. If I rang the guards, they'd never believe me, and it could take ages to convince them to come out. And what if the tiger broke through a window? I'd have to run out the front door and close it behind me and then race up to the local Centra. But they wouldn't believe me either until the tiger arrived and, by then, it would be too late to close the doors against it. So, I'd be trapped in Centra with a tiger, and you just know it would go for me first.

Totally ruined my peace sitting outside and I kept thinking about it until I gave up and came back in. I know it's probably not going to happen, but every time I tried to go back to reading, my mind would wander to the tiger again.

This happens to me all the time. I'll be wandering across a bridge and suddenly will think, what if this falls down. Or along the Liffey listening to the radio until I think, what if somebody throws me over the wall.

Obviously I'm completely batshit crazy, and, so far, I've never been attacked by a tiger, fallen through a bridge or been thrown into the Liffey, so there's no basis for my fears.

Just wondering if anybody else gets these random thoughts. They're not always negative either. I'll get good ones too like what if I find a winning Lotto ticket or a friendly puppy and get to bring it back to a loving owner and then spend some time going through the different things that could happen.

Anyone else???

It happens me all the time, most of my day is taken up by it. It actually makes life a bit more exciting tbh

xoxyx

checkyabadself wrote: »

Sounds like "The life of Pi" by Yann Martel to me.

BillyMitchel wrote: »

great book!

Very good book. That's actually one of the things I thought of when I was going through my scenario. Just need to find a zebra with a sore leg, a hyena and an orangutan and I'll be fine.

frozenfrozen

Always happens to me. Then I go through explaining whatever it is im thinking about to an imaginary person in my head, who is me, but I'm playing both parts in the conversation, do you know what I mean? (LIKE THAT OH LORD ITS HAPPENING)

Archeron

Just catch that tiger by his toe. Eenie meenie miny mo.

imelle

avada kedavra.

xoxyx

frozenfrozen wrote: »

Always happens to me. Then I go through explaining whatever it is im thinking about to an imaginary person in my head, who is me, but I'm playing both parts in the conversation, do you know what I mean? (LIKE THAT OH LORD ITS HAPPENING)

Yep. I do that too. This is what I love about AH!

TeddyTedson

This happens to me a lot too. You could be on the top floor of a building, lets say it has 5 floors and you're on the roof admiring the view, suddenly you think, "Oh my god, what if I can't control my body and throw myself off". I'd die! Well I'm actually skeptical I'd ever die, but I'm most likely wrong about that. I'm almost sure of it.

But dying like that would be tragic, your keeps would get to go through all your possessions. They'd find my notebook and probably read the whole thing, ****ers.