Move to OZ for 4 -6 months & leave daughter behind

enoughisenogh

Hi,
I have a very serious decision to make and Im lost as to where to go or who to ask.
Ok, I am flat broke and on the edge of manic depression at the moment.

I am constituently living on €10 - €15 a month after my bills and rent is paid. I also have student loans as I have been in college for 5 years studying for degrees in Business and Law.
I work in clothes shop and am a parent to an 11 year old girl.
I adore her and she is my world but my depression is getting worse over this dead end situation I am in.

I am in a relationship for 6 years to a very loving man who would give my daughter and me the world. He worked in construction and is now on the dole. He is a very hard worker and any tiny bit of work he gets he signs off, does the work and tries his best to provide a good life for us.

We have talked over the idea of moving to OZ for 4 - 6 months to work as hard as possible to earn a decent amount of money to return home and clear our bills and get our heads above water.

My problem is, if I bring my daughter we will have to pay out a lot on rent for a good home and child care.

If we go and leave her with my parents (who she loves so much) we can work night and day, rent a cheap room and have very little out goings. We could save a lot more and return home with a lot more.

Leaving her behind seems like the most selfish decision IV ever considered but right now I feel like I cannot provide properly or give her a decent future.

HELP.. advice?

dietdiva

I don't really have any advice as it is you who ultimately will ahve to make the decision. I really feel for you and can see you are in a desperate situation. my only concern would be that you would not be guaranteed to get work over in Oz either. What happens when you want to come home, will you have a job to comeback to.

Could maybe your partner not just go over, or at least go over and see what the lay of the land is. I hear there is great money in the mines although hard to get into. If he was lucky enough to get a job there you wouldnt see him for a few weeks at a time so you'd be aswell to be at h home with your daughter.

Also factor in price of return tickets, visas, passports,deposit.

I hope your mood lifts, i know this weather doesnt help but try to stay positive. Your luck has to turn around at some point.

Take care,
Laura. x

enoughisenogh

Thanks Dietdiva,
Hasn’t the weather has a lot to answer for!!!

But really I am keeping sunny side out as much as possible..

I’m so grateful for my beautiful daughter and amazing partner but I would like to experience a decent standard of living at some stage.

My partner has a lot of close friends out there already; several are residents with families so we know a lot of the basic day to day stuff.

He ran his own kitchen design, fitting and installation business for 6 years. He also has 5 years engineering experience and has lots of qualifications so he has amazing job offers coming out of his ears!

IV got a Hons Degree in Law, Cert in Business admin with legal studies and Agricultural Green cert so Iv had a few decent offers too.

So you see, all the opportunities are there, to earn and use our qualifications and experience BUT... WHAT TO DO?

Is my thinking of leaving my daughter for those few months a very unreasionable way to think?

Is the desperation making me nuts?

Hunter Mahan

Instead of going for 4-6 months, why don't ye take the pressure off?

Perhaps your partner could go now, set up a base and find a job, then you could follow and then after another month your parents could put your child on a plane to join you.

Then at least ye both would have jobs, somewhere to live and you would only be away from your child for 4 weeks.

Then instead of killing yourselves physically and emotionally, spend 12 months there instead of 6 and save as hard as ye can.

That is of course if your circumstances allow you to be away that long and you really do have work sewn up.

Best of luck

Buncha Fives

OP its a very tough situation and im in a similar bind myself; i have a great qualification and I am stuck here at very little, but it would be a massive decision to go because I have family committments.

Im not too sure how practical it is to go to Oz for 4-6 months, I dont know if any employer would be interested in someone who is only going to stay a few months + there are huge set up costs associated with travelling over and getting set-up. I would say you would need to stay over there for at least a year to save anything significant.

Like one of the other posters said; I think your partner should go for a month and see what happens, if the feedback is good then you should also make a move. Its very difficult to advise you but in my opinion if its possible for all 3 of you to move over there then that is what you should do...set a time frame (say 2 years) and work to save as much as possible and return with a decent bit of money, but I think going for 4-6 months you will only save enough to plug a hole that will open up again, if you are coming back to the no job and only have the dole to survive then it will be no time until you are short of money again.

enoughisenogh

Thanks for all the advice,

Iv got a good bit to think about there.

I didnt really consider a year - 2 year move as my daughter is 11. Id have to find a good school, rent a reasonable home and childcare. That all amounts to A LOT of money.

my original plan of leaving for 4 - 6 months was because the two of us could rent a cheap room, live out of cases and have low overheads. Bringing a child will mean spending big money.

Even if my partner went out before me for a few months the school, childcare and expensive house rent are all a big spend looming ahead of us.

Im scared that we would end up saving nothing.

hussey

Mod OP this is more for personal issues forum than a travel forum.
Would you like me to move it there?

solarsystem

Hi OP,
I really understand how you are depressed and feel that you have not had the chance to reach your potential in your career. You have clearly worked hard to study and try to get on in life. I sense that you are frustrated that time is passing you by.

I admire your initiative in trying to come up with a plan to clear your debts. Going away and working round the clock would be a big sacrifice.

However, I think the very fact that you have come on here and asked the question in the first place shows that deep down you too know that separating your family, for a venture that probably wouldn't make money anyway, would be a huge mistake.

The cruel reality is that you and your daughter would probably never fully recover from the damage that would be done to your relationship. As adults it is hard for us to remember what it was like to live with the insecurities of childhood. I fear that your daughter could start to feel responsible for your perceived sense of poverty, and to believe that you value your finances more than you value her. She could well carry the effect of that trauma into adulthood.

I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but I have seen it happen first hand. Eventhough we might think of a bright, confident eleven year old as a young woman, in reality your daughter is still a child. She needs the daily reassurance and love that only you and your partner can give her.

Your daughter does not need more money. She needs her family.

Can I suggest that you are looking at your problem from the wrong side. You do not really need more money coming in each month; you need less money going out each month. Let me elaborate: Even now with the country a mess, nobody can be forced to live on 15 euro a month. The difference between having 15 euro and having 150 euro left over for discretional family spending each month is the difference between depression and contentment.

Ask yourself one question: are your bank manager and your landlord trying to raise their children on 15 euro coins each month?

You need to write two letters. One to your bank manager telling him (not asking, but telling) that you can no longer meet the full monthly payment on your loan. Explain your family circumstances. Go on to say that you are sorry about that, and that you will try your utmost to make half of the payment each month. Say you know that this will extend the term of the loan, but for the next year at least, your family's cashflow is vital for your survival.

He will already have a stack of similar letters on his desk. He might get somebody to call you and say no no blah blah blah credit rating blah blah. Stick to your guns. In reality the bank is terrified you will actually stop paying altogether, like so many tens of thousands of others have done.

Try to get your landlord to reduce your rent by ten per cent too. Depending on location that may or may not be easy. Be prepared to move house to save some money if necessary. A landlord might well reduce his price to save the trouble of finding a new tenant.

I know it is easier said than done, but your key to contentment lies in understanding that you already have the riches that you are thinking of going half way around the world to find. You have a family. You are together. You have a job and a daughter who is proud of you.

Emigrate if you want to, but go as a family, all three of you. And go for the adventure, not for the money.

As one who has paid for education as you have, worked hard and gone from rags to riches and nearly back to rags again, I can tell you honestly that money does not buy happiness. Money has very little bearing on happiness in fact.

Only family can make you happy in the long term.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Batgurl

OP aside from the hardship of leaving your daughter (which is a seperate issue entirely), have you thought of the practicalities of getting here?

As you have a dependent, regardless of whether you are bringing them or not, I don't know if you would be entitled to a WHV.

How do you intend to legally come to the country for 4-6 months to work?

Doc

Do you have a job ready and waiting to go for you when you get over here?
It costs a lot to fly over here and the price of rent and day to day living costs are high. If you don't have a job set up it may take some time to get one and if you have no savings you may not be able to afford to stay here and have to return with less then when you went. I don't want to sound too pessimistic and you sound like you would work your ass off but the streets are not paved with gold over here and they don't just hand you a job when you get off the plane. Also what visa where you both going to come over on? It really could affect your prospects of getting a job and the costs involved in some of the visas are very high.

Any key?

Doc is right its getting tougher and tougher to get work here. Especially Melbourne.If you're lookin for a quick buck send your boyfriend to the mines and try and get a bitta work under your belt in your feild somewhere else to put on our cv when you get back.
If you fancy bringin her the AMOUNT of Irish primary school teachers you'd find out here to mind/home school your daughter for cheap enough.I could put you in touch with a few.
Good luck its not an easy decision.For really good money the mines is the best option.Keep us updated x

jank

Why Australia in the first place. Maybe try the UK? Australia is not a panacea to all problems, believe you me.

Cooperspale

I wouldn't do it for 4-6mth. You say you're flat broke, the outlay for getting to Oz and setting yourselves up could be close to 10k AUD and you have to allow for those bills/loans in Ireland.
You and your partner are going to work using a work permit? Border security are very particular about this. Certain visas cost a lot and take time.
How much could you possibly earn in that time frame? It's not going to fix the problem, maybe keep you going for another year tops.

It's a brave idea, leaving your child. But will there be repercussions? On either side? You could get homesick and miss the child and 11years old is just on the cusp of a delicate stage. I know of Chinese and Indian who sent young children <5 yrs, back to their home countries to be reared by grand folk while parents work hard here. So it's common enough in other cultures though usually with younger kids.

I think the best plan is to get your partner to go over solo. He can send $ home and there'll be less outlay. If you honestly think you won't be working anytime soon, You might also consider him getting a sponsorship visa and getting you and the child included so you could follow in time. Yes, that would be a huge move, but the family would stay together and it doesn't have to be forever.

You're obviously at a low point and it sounds desperate but others have given good advice about contacting banks etc.
Why Oz??
Australia is not the land of milk and honey. WA is hyped up with stories of the mines and $$$ but securing a job in a mine can involve hard graft, having a connection and luck.

enoughisenogh

I have been in contact with a friend who has left children behind. He is going through a terrible time.

He's been away for 3 years now and has alot of money saved but I think the damage thats been done to his relationship with his children far outweighs the financial gain.
Thats given me more to think about. FECK THE RECESSION!

enoughisenogh

Batgurl wrote: »

OP aside from the hardship of leaving your daughter (which is a seperate issue entirely), have you thought of the practicalities of getting here?

As you have a dependent, regardless of whether you are bringing them or not, I don't know if you would be entitled to a WHV.

How do you intend to legally come to the country for 4-6 months to work?

I would get a working - Holiday Visa.

If you have dependent children, you must apply via the paper application and not the online application.

I have looked over this application and asks "do you have dependents travelling with you on this visa"?
under this question, its states you cannot bring dependents into the country on this visa.

So i will not lie about the fact that I have a dependent but I do not intend on remaining in the country any longer than 12 months or bring family there to live.

jank

Personally, I dont think you should do this. It could end up being a disaster.

mise_me_fein3

Why not tell your partner to go for 4 or 5 weeks to suss out the work situation? If he thinks it's worth it he'll tell ya, if not no big deal.

My Dad is thinking about coming but has a similar situation but not exactly the same.

It's tough but if your partner gets a great job then I suppose you would be thinking of coming here. If the job is just ok, then stay.

kdevitt

enoughisenogh wrote: »

I would get a working - Holiday Visa.

...which will only allow you work in one job for 6 months, which means most employers aren't overly interested in hiring you. This generally restricts peoples to data entry / call centre / bar work. None of which are big earners - earlier suggestion to look in the UK for work makes far more sense to me.

coco_lola

Hi OP,

Your situation sounds very much like my mothers - although I am 22. Her partner was in the construction industry and it went under, and he had to move to Australia. She was made redundant and he asked her to go with him, she was torn between staying with me or going over to have a life with him and a life for herself. I can't say for an 11 year old child but I have to say it was the best decision she made. She is there a year now, and with thanks to a great offer from Vodafone on international calls and the joys of Skype, I talk to her on the phone every day (either she calls me when she is going to work, or I call her when I am going to work), and we skype once a week. I went over for a month at Christmas to her too. And I'm now planning to follow her over next year.

If you know that your daughter will be well taken care of when you go, and you can make the effort to skype her, then I would suggest trying it. If you think you can get sponsorship/residency and make a life for yourselves out there, then you could bring her over to you in time for her to start the equivalent of secondary school over there (when she is about 12/13 I guess), and she will be starting with a lot of kids who are in the same boat, new to the school.

Just my own experience, I'm sure it's very different when your daughter is younger, as I am fully raised and have a permanent job.

sponge_bob

OP your situation sounds very desperate as does your plan, before you even think about going to australia you have to address your debt problems here first and i suggest that you go to mabs. then when this pressure has been eased you will be able to think a little clearer about what you have to do.
going to australia and leaving your daughter behind isnt something to be taken lightly it will be hard on all 3 of ye, i also think that you will achieve very little in 6mths you could be out there a few mths before securing work and as mentioned earlier most companies don't want to go to the bother of hiring someone that can only stay with them for 6mths. again as mentioned earlier i would suggest that your partner goes first and tries to secure some good work with the intention of getting sponsored, if he is succsessfull in getting sponsored he can then bring you and you daughter out. if it all goes to plan don't be in such a rush to come home out of it, if ye like it then think about staying for a few years and enjoy the experience as you will not make much money in 12 mths once you factor in your travel costs, the old saying of 'all work and no play makes jack a dull boy' is true and if you and your partner do nothing only work 24/7 then ye will only grow to hate the place and may well deprive yourselves of an oppurtunity to make a complete new life for yourselves and your daughter that could provide much more oppurtunities then you will ever have here scrounging out a meager existence.
whatever you decide i hope it works out well for ye.