How long would you stay in a relative's place?

Medusa22

I will try not to boil over with rage now. I'm living in a different county to my family and my sister's boyfriend got a job in April in the county that I'm living in. Their lease is up in August so my sister refuses to move until then (she works part time because she refuses to work full time and there is nothing wrong with her, the state also pays for her third day of work). I have a disability and go to college full time so that doesn't impress me at all. So, I offered to let her boyfriend stay in my place for a month and then he could either find somewhere else to stay or they could move up earlier than August. They will lose 200 euro deposit by the way, and his commute will cost him that in less than a week, the mind boggles! He has been staying with me for 5 weeks now (he pays 50 euro a week because I don't have a lot of money) and I told him two weeks ago and again yesterday that this was his last week with me and my partner. So, I get up this morning and all of his things are still here so I rang him this evening and asked him why his things were still here and when was he going to pick them up, he said he is going to stay with me next week and I couldn't believe it. Just like that, no questions asked. It is the attitude that bothers me the most. My sister thinks that it is appalling that we're not allowing him to stay until August, but they have such an attitude that I don't want him to stay. So, how long do you think it is acceptable for a relative to stay with you?

col.in.Cr

Dont be a cnut all your fkn life

Ghandee

Medusa22 wrote: »

I will try not to boil over with rage now. I'm living in a different county to my family and my sister's boyfriend got a job in April in the county that I'm living in. Their lease is up in August so my sister refuses to move until then (she works part time because she refuses to work full time and there is nothing wrong with her, the state also pays for her third day of work). I have a disability and go to college full time so that doesn't impress me at all. So, I offered to let her boyfriend stay in my place for a month and then he could either find somewhere else to stay or they could move up earlier than August. They will lose 200 euro deposit by the way, and his commute will cost him that in less than a week, the mind boggles! He has been staying with me for 5 weeks now (he pays 50 euro a week because I don't have a lot of money) and I told him two weeks ago and again yesterday that this was his last week with me and my partner. So, I get up this morning and all of his things are still here so I rang him this evening and asked him why his things were still here and when was he going to pick them up, he said he is going to stay with me next week and I couldn't believe it. Just like that, no questions asked. It is the attitude that bothers me the most. My sister thinks that it is appalling that we're not allowing him to stay until August, but they have such an attitude that I don't want him to stay. So, how long do you think it is acceptable for a relative to stay with you?

Your sister's boyfriend would spend €200 in less than a week, on his commute to work:eek:

He either runs a Boeing 747, or works in England and commutes to Cork.

Strange one.

snubbleste

I sponged off my folks for the first twenty years.
They still love me though.

Mr Benevolent

Op, I'm guess that you and your sister aren't very close. If not, tell them to get out. If you're on good terms, pick a date and stick to it.

flutterflye

I stayed in my aunt's for about 3 months before.
And my sister has stayed with me for about 6 months before.

If you've a problem with him staying any longer, you need to say it to them, and not to us.

The King of Moo

Six seasons.
Towards the end of that period I'd concentrate more on my music career, then afterwards I'd start to make a big impression in Hollywood, going on to become one of the industry's most bankable stars, featuring in a range of Hollywood blockbusters, and winning over lots of fans with my laid-back charm and humour.
I'd still record songs for the soundtracks of some of my biggest hits too.

Butterface

He's clearly getting a good deal off you. You told him when you expected him to leave, and now he's laying down the terms. If it's bothering you so much, you should gather his stuff together and leave it outside the door for him. If it was a sibling or a cousin I was close to, I'd be happy to let them stay as long as there was an end date in sight.. he's not even related to you!

Medusa22

Let me clarify, he lives in Waterford and we're living in Dublin so it would cost him more than 200 euro in petrol a week if he were to travel up and back every day. He's already gone past the date that we agreed and he didn't even discuss it with me that he would like to stay longer, that is my main issue. He just left his things here. I wanted to gauge how long people would stay with their relatives, I wouldn't stay with someone longer than a week. My sister has been commuting from Waterford to Cork for her part time job so she stays with my parents during the week and she refuses to pay them any rent, so you can see what they are like. It is the attitude I have the main problem with. I also don't want to get into trouble with my landlady for subletting. Two weeks ago I looked up a few places on daft that were about 50-60 euro in rent a week and I showed them to him and he agreed to look at them but nothing happened. I have agreed to give him one more week to look and then he is on his own. My sister refuses to move to Dublin before August and she doesn't care how much it will cost her boyfriend to commute so I don't see why this should be my problem either.

Duckworth_Luas

The King of Moo wrote: »

Six seasons.
Towards the end of that period I'd concentrate more on my music career, then afterwards I'd start to make a big impression in Hollywood, going on to become one of the industry's most bankable stars, featuring in a range of Hollywood blockbusters, and winning over lots of fans with my laid-back charm and humour.
I'd still record songs for the soundtracks of some of my biggest hits too.

Not to mention defeating an invading alien empire, armed only with a laptop running Windows 95 and Jeff Goldblum!

Micky Dolenz

Tell him you fancy the arse off him and want his babies.

RaRaRasputin

col.in.Cr wrote: »

Dont be a cnut all your fkn life

And what's your problem, exactly?


OP, there is no chance I'd accept something like that. If you agree on a time someone is staying that's fine, but if you want to alter the terms you need to do it in agreement.
Guess I'd just shove his **** out into the rain.

Greentopia

Why the hell does he not get the train every day from Waterford station to Dublin instead of driving? that certainly wouldn't cost €200 a week.

And if he continually takes no notice of your request to move out tell him he'll come home to his bags packed and left outside the front door. And if he ignores that then do it. Problem solved.

Medusa22

He refuses to use public transport :rolleyes: I made the unfortunate mistake of giving him a spare key so he could let himself in when we aren't there. I'll have to wrestle that from him first!

Moon Indigo

Regardless of what anyone says or does if he is a half decent human being he should take the hint and get off the gravy train pronto. You have been nice enough to provide a place to stay and now you have said that's enough.

In my opinion its your place that's your space and therefore that gives you supreme rule. If you want someone gone then gone they go!

af_thefragile

Burn his stuff, that'll teach him!

col.in.Cr

Im sorry if my cnut remark caused offence
cheers

Big Nasty

It may be a pain in the hole now but who knows, your sister could get ran over by a bus tomorrow *touches wood this doesn't happen*.

Life's too short - help out friends and family while you can.

flutterflye

MCMLXXV wrote: »

It may be a pain in the hole now but who knows, your sister could get ran over by a bus tomorrow *touches wood this doesn't happen*.

Life's too short - help out friends and family while you can.

Sorry, but what a load of balls!!
That post reminds me of when strangers tell you to "smile, it may never happen" or some other similar remark.

InTheTrees

Medusa22 wrote: »

So, how long do you think it is acceptable for a relative to stay with you?

A relative certainly deserves some leeway but your sisters boyfriend doesnt qualify as a "relative".

So kick the bum out.

Medusa22

I think my main issue is that I know my sister wouldn't be pleased if I stayed with her for so long, in fact I don't think that she would allow it. I have an illness and she wouldn't even bring me to the hospital or pick me up when I needed it so I don't feel like helping her out very much either.

Greentopia

Medusa22 wrote: »

He refuses to use public transport :rolleyes:

Then he's an idiot as well as a self-entitled sponger, as public transport saves him money in his case. Oh well, his choice.

Medusa22 wrote: »

I made the unfortunate mistake of giving him a spare key so he could let himself in when we aren't there. I'll have to wrestle that from him first!

If you think he's not going to give it willingly then simply take it from him when he leaves his keys around or when he's asleep.
And if you think he'll give you problems after that change your front door lock after his stuff is cleared out.
It's your place, you call the shots, not him.

I'd have no problem letting a relative stay for a few weeks until they find a place of their own but there has to be a limit agreed on mutually beforehand as to how long before they have to move on. If they didn't move on after that they'd find themselves on the street unless there were really extenuating circumstances as to why they can't do so.
I don't allow people to take advantage of me like that, relative or no.

Shryke

If he's done nothing to leave by the end of the week then pack for him and give him the address of a good hostel.
Refuses to use public transport? Throw him out tomorrow for being such a tit.

RaRaRasputin

Medusa22 wrote: »

I think my main issue is that I know my sister wouldn't be pleased if I stayed with her for so long, in fact I don't think that she would allow it. I have an illness and she wouldn't even bring me to the hospital or pick me up when I needed it so I don't feel like helping her out very much either.

Well she is your sister, but I guess if the situation is like that you shouldn't feel guilty about kicking out her partner from your place.
You can't be good to everyone without getting something friendly back in return, or else you get worn out. Think about yourself and don't feel guilty

Big Nasty

flutterflye wrote: »

Sorry, but what a load of balls!!
That post reminds me of when strangers tell you to "smile, it may never happen" or some other similar remark.

Had a family bereavement recently and my attitude has changed a little.

What harm is the lad causing? It's not as if he's free-loading - he's contributing to the rent / mortgage.

Life's too short for tiddly-winks IMO.

Nothingbetter2d

Medusa22 wrote: »

He refuses to use public transport :rolleyes: I made the unfortunate mistake of giving him a spare key so he could let himself in when we aren't there. I'll have to wrestle that from him first!

step 1 change locks
step 2 tell the sponging git to f off

Medusa22

I don't think I should have too much trouble getting the key off him, if I do then I'll change the locks and tell my landlady that I lost my key. I text him and told him that he can stay next week and not even a reply to say thank you but that's typical, I bet he's ranting and raving about me.

flutterflye

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Had a family bereavement recently and my attitude has changed a little.

What harm is the lad causing? It's not as if he's free-loading - he's contributing to the rent / mortgage.

Life's too short for tiddly-winks IMO.

I agree with your sentiment - leave aside petty squabbles etc... as at the end of the day, it's just not important - and sometimes unfortunately it takes a tragedy to bring this to light.

But things are generally more complicated.
Just because you have a revelation, doesn't mean that people's circumstances change.

You can't know what is in anyone's past.
You don't go making patronising assumptions based on your own new found perspectives.

I think the op is being silly tbh.
Let him stay, or don't - whatever - just decide, and stick to the decision.
Leave all the other he said this's, and she did that's aside, and stick with the matter at hand.

Pantsface

Medusa22 wrote: »

Let me clarify, he lives in Waterford and we're living in Dublin so it would cost him more than 200 euro in petrol a week if he were to travel up and back every day. He's already gone past the date that we agreed and he didn't even discuss it with me that he would like to stay longer, that is my main issue. He just left his things here. I wanted to gauge how long people would stay with their relatives, I wouldn't stay with someone longer than a week. My sister has been commuting from Waterford to Cork for her part time job so she stays with my parents during the week and she refuses to pay them any rent, so you can see what they are like. It is the attitude I have the main problem with. I also don't want to get into trouble with my landlady for subletting. Two weeks ago I looked up a few places on daft that were about 50-60 euro in rent a week and I showed them to him and he agreed to look at them but nothing happened. I have agreed to give him one more week to look and then he is on his own. My sister refuses to move to Dublin before August and she doesn't care how much it will cost her boyfriend to commute so I don't see why this should be my problem either.

Tell him to go, enough is enough - thats what I'd do, would never dream of imposing myself on someone like that. Am well aware of others who would not think twice however... Get rid

Pantsface

MCMLXXV wrote: »

It may be a pain in the hole now but who knows, your sister could get ran over by a bus tomorrow *touches wood this doesn't happen*.

Life's too short - help out friends and family while you can.

ERRR, he has done alot already - this lad is taking the p*ss

Greentopia

Medusa22 wrote: »

I don't think I should have too much trouble getting the key off him, if I do then I'll change the locks and tell my landlady that I lost my key. I text him and told him that he can stay next week and not even a reply to say thank you but that's typical, I bet he's ranting and raving about me.

Did you give him a firm date when he has to move out by? if not given his behaviour already then I'm not surprised he's ignored your text! he's stringing you along. If you don't let him know that you're serious in wanting him out by next 'insert day' then it sounds to me like you better get used to him being a house guest until he decides to leave.

If you give him a set day to be out by and you see that he's not packing his bags a day or two in advance to move out then give him an ultimatum -either he leaves or you'll pack his stuff and chuck them and him out.
Then do it!

Medusa22

flutterflye wrote: »

I agree with your sentiment - leave aside petty squabbles etc... as at the end of the day, it's just not important - and sometimes unfortunately it takes a tragedy to bring this to light.

But things are generally more complicated.
Just because you have a revelation, doesn't mean that people's circumstances change.

You can't know what is in anyone's past.
You don't go making patronising assumptions based on your own new found perspectives.

I think the op is being silly tbh.
Let him stay, or don't - whatever - just decide, and stick to the decision.
Leave all the other he said this's, and she did that's aside, and stick with the matter at hand.

I included what was said previously because it generally conveys his character, which is extremely important in my decision relating to his stay. If he were grateful and appreciative, he could stay for longer. I decided how long he could stay, but he just left his things in my house and declared that he was coming back next week! I had already given him a deadline.

southcentralts

Rule of thumb is to leave, just before you have burned the bridge of returning one day.

Medusa22

Greentopia wrote: »

Did you give him a firm date when he has to move out by? if not given his behaviour already then I'm not surprised he's ignored your text! he's stringing you along. If you don't let him know that you're serious in wanting him out by next 'insert day' then it sounds to me like you better get used to him being a house guest until he decides to leave.

If you give him a set day to be out by and you see that he's not packing his bags a day or two in advance to move out then give him an ultimatum -either he leaves or you'll pack his stuff and chuck them and him out.
Then do it!

I gave him a day and a date (which was yesterday) but he ignored it, I just realised today because his things were still in my house. I have now agreed to let him stay until the 14th so he can find a place. I thought that perhaps he didn't have time this morning to pack his things so I rang him in the evening asking him if he was coming back for them. It was then that he told me that he's coming back next week. That was good advice to ensure that his things are packed a couple of days beforehand, I will ensure that everything is packed on Tuesday evening!

28064212

Medusa22 wrote: »

I don't think I should have too much trouble getting the key off him, if I do then I'll change the locks and tell my landlady that I lost my key. I text him and told him that he can stay next week and not even a reply to say thank you but that's typical, I bet he's ranting and raving about me.

The bolded part is why he doesn't care what you say and why he's still there

stovelid

Medusa22 wrote: »

rant

Look at him and turn him into stone.

Medusa22

stovelid wrote: »

Look at him and turn him into stone.

Maybe I'll let the snakes bite him unmercifully until he leaves of his own volition.

RaRaRasputin

Medusa22 wrote: »

Maybe I'll let the snakes bite him unmercifully until he leaves of his own volition.

No way, let the snakes kill him. That alone will solve the problem, as we say in my country.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Never more than one night. I hate having to have breakfast with them, by that point I'm usually fed up and I can become quite volatile.

stovelid

Medusa22 wrote: »

Maybe I'll let the snakes bite him unmercifully until he leaves of his own volition.

Don't lose the head about it.

humbert

Sounds like you lack the courage to be blunt with him and I suspect he knows it.