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neighbour bullying daughter(7)

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  • 12-06-2012 2:35am
    #1
    kayevajo
    Registered Users Posts: 241 ✭✭


    NEIGHBOURS!

    my daughter (7) had a falling out with her friend on saturday night , so her friend went off and sulked , whilst my daughter went back to the rest of the kids and played away , next thing i see my daughter and another girl approach the friend , after a bit of talking the other girl hits , (well gently taps) my daughters friend on the head with a hurley. so she then runs off to the girls house(whom has hit her) and tells her mother. her mother brings her in.

    few minutes later the mother of the child who used the hurley calls in next door and says something and all seems to end amicable. i see all this happening , because im out power housing front of my house.

    next day my daughters friend appears so my daughter approaches her , to make friends , only to be told she is not allowed to play with her , she walks away very down looking , so i went over and asked her friend why , she said that my daughter told the girl who hit her , to hit her accross the head with the hurley. knowing my daughter and the type of nature she has , i told her friend that i didnt believe she would say that. so i knocked on her door , father came out , asked him whats the story , says he doesnt know anything about it , so i asked can i speak to the mother , mother wont come out to door to me!!

    so he tells me to go in, mother(who is from another country) wont even look at me as i ask why cant my daughter play with hers. she says its because my daughter told the other girl to hit her daughter , i said even if she did say that she still didnt hit her with the hurley. i ask , if she is allowed to play with the girl who hit her , she doesnt answer me! i had my 12 moth old son with me at the time n he is becoming upset , so i leave.
    today i see her running around the estate with the girl who hit her , whilst my daughter who in my opinion is being bullied by the mother ,has to sit and watch from our window.

    anyone else experience anything like this? and any advice would be most welcome

    thatnks

    ps :mods please move to different area if this is in the wrong place


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    #2
    Mance Rayder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭Mance Rayder


    What has the mother being from another country got to do with any of this?

    Sounds like kids being kids to me. Why are you getting involved in all this ''she said he said stuff" with kids? it will blow over in a day or two and they will all be playing together again. Sure my friends and I used to batter each other every second week when we were kids, and then be best friends an hour later.

    If thats the only problem you have with you neighbours than consider yourself lucky.


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    #3
    kayevajo
    Registered Users Posts: 241 ✭✭kayevajo


    ok maybe i should have used the from another country bit , the reason i went over was to find out the reason why she wasnt allowed to play with her.

    i agree with u , that thats what kids do , but this neighbour has form ,she has said this before . she is very strange , she has weighed my child before!!

    this is not the only problem i have with neighbours, my son (5) was hit witha pellet gun and told to **** off by a neighbour , my next door neighbour complained and rang guards because i was playing a cd "too loud" at 1300 in the afternoon! he now keeps my sons football if he kicks it over the back garden!

    the other neighbour from hell has gone to america!


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    #4
    Mance Rayder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭Mance Rayder


    There is no time limit on noise pollution. A neighbour shouldnt be able to hear your music in his house and if it bothers him he has every right to call the police. It might be a bit extreme but its probably something thats been building up over time IMO as rarely would a person call police on a once off.

    If the girls parent doesn't want her child to play with yours than I am afraid thats her right and she does not need to explain it to you, however upset that might make you or your daughter.

    As for your child getting hit with a pellet gun? thats terrible what can I say, he probably shouldnt be kicking the ball over peoples back gardens all the time. People usually don't tell kids to f-off unless they are getting grief off them.

    And finally for your neighbour being strange for "weighing" your child, well by the sounds of it the kids are/were close friends so I am sure there was a context thats perfectly normal.

    From what you have told us there is no bullying. The neighbours daughter hit another girl with a hurley and now the girl that has been hits mom doesnt want her associating with the same people that were involved with it (Even if they are only percieved to have been involved). A perfectly natural and understandable thing for a mother to do.

    Daughter comes home after getting hit in head with hurley and mom says that she is not to associate with those people anymore, thats normal and I dont see how thats bullying your daughter???


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    #5
    kayevajo
    Registered Users Posts: 241 ✭✭kayevajo


    the cdwasnt even that loud! its just out our houses are built on top of each other , he could have knocked on my door first!

    also my son was 4 last summer , his shot wouldnt be the straighest! and he didnt kick it over every day! the way i was brought up , if the ball went over the wall u just knock n theyll throw it over! i went in one day there was 5 footballs there! he could have eaily thrwon them over when he was hanging out washing etc
    no adult has the right to weigh any other child.

    bk to my daughter , i agree with u there is not much i can do about it , but i know this womans form n she will manipulate other parents and children to make my daughter feel more left out than she already is .

    how ever i dont think u read my op properly , the girl who hit her is now running around with her like nothing happened ,whilst my daughter is shunned, what would u call that then?


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    #6
    Mance Rayder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭Mance Rayder


    kayevajo wrote: »
    how ever i dont think u read my op properly , the girl who hit her is now running around with her like nothing happened ,whilst my daughter is shunned, what would u call that then?

    Kids being kids. No point getting all wrapped up in the politics of children It will blow over IMO

    Anyway I still dont buy the weighing thing, I am sure there was a context invloved. Someone doesnt just say "Here you come in here and let me weigh you!" to a child off the street. Surely they were in her house and playing and somehow she ended up getting weighed.

    Where I grew up We also just knocked on door for the ball, but that was an 80's council estate in a kip of an area. Times have changed and people are different. Some people just dont want to be disturbed in their own home and no matter how much you dislike it, he doesnt have to be nice to you or friends and he probably loaths children. Thats his problem yes but its also his right to be like that in his own home.

    What do you mean by bad form anyway?


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    #7
    kayevajo
    Registered Users Posts: 241 ✭✭kayevajo


    we will have to agree to disagree about the weighing thing!

    i agree 100% that its kids being kids , but when the person who does the hitting is welcome back with open arms and the person who alledgely told them to do is shunned , do u not think thats wrong?

    also the bad form part , i dont get that ?(am on nights so a bit starry eyed, sorry!)


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    #8
    Mance Rayder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭Mance Rayder


    kayevajo wrote: »
    also the bad form part , i dont get that ?(am on nights so a bit starry eyed, sorry!)

    Sorry I must of added the "Bad" part because I thought thats what you meant.

    I was referring to this:
    kayevajo wrote: »
    i agree with u , that thats what kids do , but this neighbour has form ,she has said this before . she is very strange , she has weighed my child before!!
    kayevajo wrote: »
    bk to my daughter , i agree with u there is not much i can do about it , but i know this womans form n she will manipulate other parents and children to make my daughter feel more left out than she already is .

    Look about the kids, it doesnt have to make sense, they are kids. I remember one time when I was about 8 one of my friends got attacked by another kids and I rushed to his rescue and I fought off the attacker. That evening the two of them were best mates and wouldnt let me play with them! a few days later we were all best mates.

    Thats the life of a kid! dont get hung up on it.;)


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    #9
    RubyGirl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,275 ✭✭✭RubyGirl


    OP, it's kid's being kids, and with the summer holiday's coming up I'd tell your daughter if that's the way her friend mother want's it to leave it be. It will be forgotten about in a week.
    Are there other kids on the street she could play with or organise a play date for her.


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    #10
    gerryo777
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,216 ✭✭✭gerryo777


    CiscoStudent wrote: »
    What has the mother being from another country got to do with any of this?

    People from different cultures may react in a different way to problems involving their kids, no?


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    #11
    kayevajo
    Registered Users Posts: 241 ✭✭kayevajo


    gerryo777 wrote: »
    People from different cultures may react in a different way to problems involving their kids, no?

    thats the point i was trying to make when i mentioned fact she was from different country


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    #12
    kayevajo
    Registered Users Posts: 241 ✭✭kayevajo


    RubyGirl wrote: »
    OP, it's kid's being kids, and with the summer holiday's coming up I'd tell your daughter if that's the way her friend mother want's it to leave it be. It will be forgotten about in a week.
    Are there other kids on the street she could play with or organise a play date for her.[/QUOTE

    its def kids being kids , but problem is my daughter is now being secluded . which is a form of bullying, and that is coming from the mother , not the child, i know that child n she would forget about it , as would all kids.

    where we live there is only the 3 girls , the 2 involved and my daughter , so makes it very hard.

    tonight we discovered a message on a site she goes on, its something like club penguin , from her friend saying that she had better get over and apologise to her mother, personally from reading it , it looks like the mother wrote it, which is very strange ,u not think?


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    #13
    RubyGirl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,275 ✭✭✭RubyGirl


    kayevajo wrote: »
    RubyGirl wrote: »
    OP, it's kid's being kids, and with the summer holiday's coming up I'd tell your daughter if that's the way her friend mother want's it to leave it be. It will be forgotten about in a week.
    Are there other kids on the street she could play with or organise a play date for her.[/QUOTE

    its def kids being kids , but problem is my daughter is now being secluded . which is a form of bullying, and that is coming from the mother , not the child, i know that child n she would forget about it , as would all kids.

    where we live there is only the 3 girls , the 2 involved and my daughter , so makes it very hard.

    tonight we discovered a message on a site she goes on, its something like club penguin , from her friend saying that she had better get over and apologise to her mother, personally from reading it , it looks like the mother wrote it, which is very strange ,u not think?


    Def strange, why would she need to apologise to anyone let alone the childs mother, I'd be cautious around her so. If she leaves any more comment's unfriend her. Are they in the same class/school?

    Get your daughter some chunky chalk and let her go drawing on the path's outside, mine do it they love it and the rain will wash it away. Get bubbles etc to keep her busy. And the nasty thing is we'll see who needs friends then (nasty I know but you sometimes have to be).


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    #14
    Daisy M
    Registered Users Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭Daisy M


    Personally I would prefer my child to have as little to do with that child and her mother as possible, no way would I be allowing my child to be in that womans house or spend any time with her. Arrange play dates for your daughter with other kids from her class and forget about this woman.

    Also its imposssible to keep kids apart if they want to be friends so I would be of the opinion that if you dont add fuel to this the kids will start playing with each other quiet soon.

    I know this is upsetting for you as a mum and your heart is breaking for your little one but trust me I have 3 children this will blow over and either the kids will become friends again or your daughter will find a way to get over it.


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    #15
    kayevajo
    Registered Users Posts: 241 ✭✭kayevajo


    Daisy M wrote: »
    Personally I would prefer my child to have as little to do with that child and her mother as possible, no way would I be allowing my child to be in that womans house or spend any time with her. Arrange play dates for your daughter with other kids from her class and forget about this woman.

    Also its imposssible to keep kids apart if they want to be friends so I would be of the opinion that if you dont add fuel to this the kids will start playing with each other quiet soon.

    I know this is upsetting for you as a mum and your heart is breaking for your little one but trust me I have 3 children this will blow over and either the kids will become friends again or your daughter will find a way to get over it.

    when i went over sunday to talk to the mother , she refused to talk to me.
    it took the husband to let me in to talk to her and when she did she wouldnbt even look at me , (a sign of guilt maybe)

    my daughter is luck that she has a brother that is 18 months younger than her that she can play with , whilst the other child has no siblings. but she was upset yesterday morning over it before school and she said she had been dreaming about it.

    Ps im her dad!


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    #16
    Daisy M
    Registered Users Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭Daisy M


    kayevajo wrote: »
    when i went over sunday to talk to the mother , she refused to talk to me.
    it took the husband to let me in to talk to her and when she did she wouldnbt even look at me , (a sign of guilt maybe)

    my daughter is luck that she has a brother that is 18 months younger than her that she can play with , whilst the other child has no siblings. but she was upset yesterday morning over it before school and she said she had been dreaming about it.

    Ps im her dad!


    Sorry, it is equally as upsetting for any parent I am sure. Try and not talk about it too your daughter and distract her as much as possible. Go out with your children in the evenings and have a kick around or maybe if she doesnt know how spend time teaching her to cycle without training wheels. If you dont have one and can spare the money consider gettinga sand pit for your pair they will get hours of fun out of it and it could be a great distraction.


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