Tuesday Funnies

MonkieSocks

I was in Starbuck's recently when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.

The music was really, really loud so I timed my fart with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me!

And suddenly I remembered I was listening to my iPod………

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Reasons To Like Beer by 7-Year-Olds

A handful of 7 year old children were asked, 'what they thought of beer.'

Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.

7-year-old Tim- 'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.'

7-year-old Melanie - 'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.

7-year-old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'

7-year-old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and The more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'

7-year-old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.

7-year-old Lilly - 'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'

7-year-old Ethan - 'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'

7-year-old Shirley - 'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'

7-year-old Jack - 'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father.
Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'
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Women are like Cars.

Lift up the front and have a good hard look.

Check the spare tyre and any handles.

Make sure the top can come down and look good in the summer.

Are the bodywork and lines to your liking.

Ensure it response well when you are in the driving seat.

Fit a child lock.

Make sure any unusual noises can be safely ignored.

Ensure sole ownership.

If possible test drive several times before committing to ownership.

Make sure that there is a proper response when you put your foot down….
and that it is easy to control.

Ensure that no joy rider can get their hands on it.

See if the coil needs replacing.

Watch out for any nasty emissions.

Keep all leather accessories in order.

For your own safety never attempt to handle when drunk.

Never let your friends have a go.

German models - tend to be solid, steady runners, not ideal for frequent brief usage.

Italian models - are very responsive but change hands often and often make worrying noises.

American models - tend to consume excessive amounts of fuel.

British models - especially the attractive ones, are hard to find and expensive to maintain.

Swedish models - are usually versatile and safe.

Japanese models - are mass produced and reliable, but very common and often unattractive.

French models - are easy to come by but frequently disappointing.