Tuesday Funnies Part Deux

MonkieSocks

A young girl started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.

The owner was going on holiday for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.

She had to confide in him her worries about selling the contraceptives.

"Look," he said. "My regular customers don’t ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320[medium] or a 330[large].

The word condom won’t even be used.

The first day was fine but on the second day a black guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350"...

The girl panicked. She phoned the owner on his mobile and told him of her predicament.

"Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging between his legs" her boss told her.

She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging between his legs.

"Yes "!!!! She said “He’s got one hanging there"....!

The boss said "Go back in and give him £3-50......................He's the Window cleaner"!!!!!!!

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A Mate of mine went to the gym yesterday and said to a trainer,

‘Which machine can I use to impress that beautiful blonde over there?'

He looked at him and replied, ' Try the cash machine. '
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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.

Man: No, I wasn't.

Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.

Man: But I wasn't speeding.

Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)

Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a Twit?

Officer: Yes, you would.

Man: What if I just thought that you were?

Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.

Man: Fine, I think you're a Twit!
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I was sitting watching the Euro’s when my Mrs came into the lounge and says "Fancy a shag Babe?"

I said, "After the football love"

She said, "You do realize that you can record it?"

I said, "Nice one honey, you get the camcorder, I'll come upstairs when the footy finishes"

patmac

Sanjay, the indian wife beater, headbutts his wife every night at 7.30 ... on the dot.