Have you ever made love to a married woman/man?

prinz

LordSmeg wrote: »

What ?

Read what you wrote, keeping someone happy more important that doing what you consider to be right and wrong

LordSmeg wrote: »

I'm not even sure what I'd consider right and wrong in this scenario, being honest or protecting someone.

But that's very convenient isn't it. Basically the person cheating comes out of it smelling like roses, cheating is a mistake........and then they can choose to be the bigger person and keep the fact that they cheated to themselves. Problem solved.

LordSmeg wrote: »

No your not back to square one because we have already established it was a mistake. This is back to expecting people not to make mistakes. Would that life were that simple but it isnt. Mistakes happen and people have to deal with the consequences..

But keeping to yourself to 'protect' someone else isn't dealing with the consequences, it's only trying to hide that you made a 'mistake', although I still don't see sleeping with someone is a mistake to begin with.... and once again you don't need to be perfect not to cheat on someone. What are the consquences of cheating on someone and they never find out?

LordSmeg wrote: »

Cant believe you dragged me into that discussion because you confused mistake and accident.:D

I didn't confuse anything. You don't accidentally have sex with someone. I don't believe you mistakingly have sex with someone either. Sleeping with someone is a choice you make, and just because you made bad decisions it doesn't mean you can tie them up in a nice little bow by calling them a mistake. A 'deliberate action later regretted' can cover anything from a one night stand to an on-going relationship on the side. I slept with her 20 times, but it was a mistake because I regret it now...

Scioch

prinz wrote: »

Read what you wrote, keeping someone happy more important that doing what you consider to be right and wrong

Firstly I didnt say that, I said it can be for non selfish reasons. And secondly thats not what you claimed I said, you claimed I said right and wrong is irrelevant.

No, just taking your 'right and wrong is irrelevant when it comes to making someone happy.'

But that's very convenient isn't it. Basically the person cheating comes out of it smelling like roses, cheating is a mistake........and then they can choose to be the bigger person and keep the fact that they cheated to themselves. Problem solved.

How do they coming out smelling like roses ? If they are the only ones who know about it then its entirely upto them to decide what to do anyway. Whatever they do can be said to be them being the "bigger person". If they choose to keep quiet about it to save their own skin or whether they choose to tell the wife and let her deal with the anguish that follows so they can have a clear conscience. Both scenarios are the cheater dealing with it in a selfish manner. They can also tell the wife because they feel she deserves to know and deserves honesty or they can choose not to tell because they dont want her to be hurt and both scenarios are unselfish. I dont understand why its so hard to think a person can care for their wife despite cheating.

But keeping to yourself to 'protect' someone else isn't dealing with the consequences, it's only trying to hide that you made a 'mistake', although I still don't see sleeping with someone is a mistake to begin with.... and once again you don't need to be perfect not to cheat on someone. What are the consquences of cheating on someone and they never find out?

It is dealing with the consequences. The only consequences at that stage are the fact you know you have cheated. deciding what to do with that info based on how it will affect those around you is dealing with the consequences.

hondasam

prinz wrote: »

But that's very convenient isn't it. Basically the person cheating comes out of it smelling like roses, cheating is a mistake........and then they can choose to be the bigger person and keep the fact that they cheated to themselves. Problem solved.

I don't think it's this simple.
The person who cheats is wrong and no one is saying otherwise but confessing and causing heartache for your partner is not always the right thing.
If you know your partner will forgive you is there any point in hurting them?
Keeping the adultery to yourself is done for the right reasons sometimes and not selfish ones.

Scioch

prinz wrote: »

I didn't confuse anything. You don't accidentally have sex with someone. I don't believe you mistakingly have sex with someone either. Sleeping with someone is a choice you make, and just because you made bad decisions it doesn't mean you can tie them up in a nice little bow by calling them a mistake. A 'deliberate action later regretted' can cover anything from a one night stand to an on-going relationship on the side. I slept with her 20 times, but it was a mistake because I regret it now...

Dont argue with me, argue with the English language. You can make repeated mistakes too ya know.

Mr Benevolent

shopaholic01 wrote: »

No, but it's definitely on my bucket fuckit list.

FYP

prinz

LordSmeg wrote: »

Firstly I didnt say that, I said it can be for non selfish reasons.

If you say so.

I personally see someone's happiness as more important than my own notion of the right and wrong thing.

LordSmeg wrote: »

It is dealing with the consequences. The only consequences at that stage are the fact you know you have cheated. deciding what to do with that info based on how it will affect those around you is dealing with the consequences.

Let's say I knock someone down in a hit and run some night, and nobody is around so of I head home, and I decide it would really hurt people to know what I've done, so I tell no-one and keep it to myself. Would you say I have really dealt with the consequences?

hondasam wrote: »

If you know your partner will forgive you is there any point in hurting them?
Keeping the adultery to yourself is done for the right reasons sometimes and not selfish ones.

Surely it should be their right to know and have the choice to forgive you and deal with it. You are basically just taking more power away from your partner by denying them the right to decide for themselves. Perhaps they'd leave you, but then they don't have the full information to make that decision. Perhaps they'd fogive you and move on.... again they can't do that because you are withholding informatoion from them. A lot of posters have gone one that the world isn't perfect and people make mistakes. Well guess what, the world isn't perfect, people make mistakes and people also get hurt. If you can't expect people not to make mistakes, you can't pretend people are never going to get hurt either.. and tbh I think it's incredibly selfish to take away yet another piece of somebody's funadmental rights to make decisions for themselves.

prinz

LordSmeg wrote: »

You can make repeated mistakes too ya know.

Ah yeah so I'll have a 10 year affair on the side a whole double life.. but sure I won't tell the wife, it was just a lot of mistakes, it would only cause her a bit of grief bless her little cottons. :pac:

hondasam

prinz wrote: »

Surely it should be their right to know and have the choice to forgive you and deal with it. You are basically just taking more power away from your partner by denying them the right to decide for themselves. Perhaps they'd leave you, but then they don't have the full information to make that decision. Perhaps they'd fogive you and move on.... again they can't do that because you are withholding informatoion from them. A lot of posters have gone one that the world isn't perfect and people make mistakes. Well guess what, the world isn't perfect, people make mistakes and people also get hurt. If you can't expect people not to make mistakes, you can't pretend people are never going to get hurt either.. and tbh I think it's incredibly selfish to take away yet another piece of somebody's funadmental rights to make decisions for themselves.

If it was an affair they deserve the truth but a once off is best kept from them imo.
Does this mean the cheater should have the same right not to confess?

Scioch

prinz wrote: »

If you say so.

There's a difference between a "notion of right and wrong" and "doing whats right or wrong".

I said I think someone else's happiness outranks my need to do whats right as in I wouldnt hurt someone needlessly just to appease my own conscience. I never said I thing right and wrong is irrelevant as you claimed I said. Nor did I say doing what was right is less important that making someone happy as you changed it to when I pointed out your mistake.

This must be the fourth time explaining this. Please dont misrepresent my posts again. Just respond to what I actually say please.

Let's say I knock someone down in a hit and run some night, and nobody is around so of I head home, and I decide it would really hurt people to know what I've done, so I tell no-one and keep it to myself. Would you say I have really dealt with the consequences?

Robbing a bank and now a hit and run. All the same as adultery are they ? Fcukin hell. :rolleyes:

prinz

hondasam wrote: »

If it was an affair they deserve the truth but a once off is best kept from them imo.

Why? What's if it's three once offs with three different people? Still best kept to yourself?

hondasam

prinz wrote: »

Why? What's if it's three once offs with three different people? Still best kept to yourself?

No. A once off is just that. One mistake is forgiveable but if you have not learnt from it you don't deserve another chance.

prinz

LordSmeg wrote: »

There's a difference between a "notion of right and wrong" and "doing whats right or wrong".

Right fair enough. :rolleyes: I can see the road you're headed off down.

LordSmeg wrote: »

I said I think someone else's happiness outranks my need to do whats right as in I wouldnt hurt someone needlessly just to appease my own conscience.

Nor did I say doing what was right is less important that making someone happy as you changed it to when I pointed out your mistake.

Someone else's happiness 1
Doing what is right 0........ oh wait your 'notion' of what is right.

LordSmeg wrote: »

Robbing a bank and now a hit and run. All the same as adultery are they ? Fcukin hell. :rolleyes:

No answer to the question though I note.

prinz

hondasam wrote: »

No. A once off is just that. One mistake is forgiveable but if you have not learnt from it you don't deserve another chance.

Forgiveable by? By yourself? Can't be forgiveable by your partner because they don't know anything about it.

Scanlas The 2nd

prinz wrote: »

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

If it were natural to the human species humans wouldn't have such a problem with it. We are naturally promiscuous for the most part, monogamy for most is like slamming a square peg into a round hole..

I don't think the majority of people have any problem staying monogamous to the person they are in a relationship with.

I do, they mightn't even realise they've a problem. They could be wilting and not know it.

LylaElise

Jesus, there are people who have succumbed to the temptation of having a piece of choclate cake whilst on a diet that express more remorse and guilt than a lot of people on here who have cheated on the partners.

That is seriously messed up.

lukesmom

Such a cop out when those married who cheat keep it to themselves to 'protect their wife/husband'. I think its the greatest load of bullsh*t. It just shows how weak you are that you can't own up to your mistakes, that you have broken your vows. In my opinion your wife/husband deserves to know the truth and they can make up their own mind what they want to do about it, whether to finish or try work things out. Would the guilt not be enough to make you spill the beans anyway? I don't know how you could look them in the eye while keeping your dirty little secret hidden away. Worst of the worst in my opinion. Not the cheater, but the one who doesn't own up to it!

hondasam

prinz wrote: »

Forgiveable by? By yourself? Can't be forgiveable by your partner because they don't know anything about it.

My point was anything more than a once off is unforgivable and you should tell your partner and let them decide if they will forgive you or not.

Scioch

prinz wrote: »

Right fair enough. :rolleyes:

Someone else's happiness 1
Doing what is right 0........ oh wait your 'notion' of what is right.

Meaning I think whats right in this scenario is the best thing for the other person in terms of their well being and not myself in terms of my own well being. Get it yet ? OR is this another "Whats a mistake" type of a discussion to keep heckling me rather than back up your own point of view ?. As I have said (guess I'll have to keep repeating forever the way this discussion is going) I am questioning whats right and wrong not saying its irrelevant as you claim I said.

No answer to the question though I note.

I didnt think it deserved an answer. Your talking about breaking the law, in injuring/killing someone and fleeing the scene. You think this is equitable to adultery where nobody is affected until they are made aware of it ?

hondasam

lukesmom wrote: »

Worst of the worst in my opinion. Not the cheater, but the one who doesn't own up to it!

So it's ok to cheat if you own up to it? good to know.

Gyalist

This thread reeks of Catholic guilt.

I've slept with married women, engaged women, women with boyfriends and don't feel the slightest amount of guilt or remorse about doing so.

flutterflye

Gyalist wrote: »

This thread reeks of Catholic guilt.

I've slept with married women, engaged women, women with boyfriends and don't feel the slightest amount of guilt or remorse about doing so.

Someone get this guy a medal.

LINK

prinz

LordSmeg wrote: »

I am questioning whats right and wrong

Yes, rather conveniently and not something I'm interested in getting into. Nothing's wrong, nothing's right, it's aaaaaaaaalllllll just grey zone.

LordSmeg wrote: »

You think this is equitable to adultery where nobody is affected until they are made aware of it ?

No I never equated them. I just asked you a question if of when is somebody keep their actions to themselves 'dealing with the consquences' and when it isn't. Or is this another case of 'questioning' when it's dealing with them. Sometimes it is dealing with the consequences sometimes it isn't.

hondasam wrote: »

So it's ok to cheat if you own up to it? good to know.

Poster never said that, they said one was worse than the other, not that anything was 'ok'...and as I said before I'd agree, I'd be much more pissed off if my wife cheated and hid it from me, than if she cheated and told me asap. Cheating and saying nothing would for me be equivalent of living a lie and the act of cheating continuing as long as she never owned up.

prinz

Gyalist wrote: »

This thread reeks of Catholic guilt..

LOL. Yes, only Catholics take things like monogamous relationships seriously.

Scioch

prinz wrote: »

N

Yes, rather conveniently and not something I'm interested in getting into.

I realised you had no interest in getting into it actually. Pity though considering it is actually the main point of this entire discussion. Right or wrong not to tell someone about cheating.

No I never equated them. I just asked you a question if of when is somebody keep their actions to themselves 'dealing with the consquences' and when it isn't. Or is this another case of 'questioning' when it's dealing with them. Sometimes it is dealing with the consequences sometimes it isn't.

The consequences of adultery only exist in the mind of the adulterer unless he comes clean. The consequences of a hit and run are quite different and are apparent regardless of whether the perpetrator comes clean or not. The question isnt relevant.

prinz

LordSmeg wrote: »

I realised you had no interest in getting into it actually. Pity though considering it is actually the main point of this entire discussion. Right or wrong not to tell someone about cheating.

You can't have a discussion about whether it's right or wrong, when you see saw back and forth and sit on the fence of well it's right sometimes, maybe it's wrong other times, depending on the decision of the person in the wrong to begin with. You see-saw back and forth, I don't, there is no discussion only circles

LordSmeg wrote: »

The consequences of adultery only exist in the mind of the adulterer unless he comes clean..

Yep, so adultery has no consequences as long as you get away with it basically.... or if there are there only the consequences you impose on yourself. That's great. Accountability to nobody but yourself. What a great recipe for a happy healthy relationship. Secrets all over the place.

Scioch

prinz wrote: »

You can't have a discussion about whether it's right or wrong, when you see saw back and forth and sit on the fence of well it's right sometimes, maybe it's wrong other times, depending on the decision of the person in the wrong to begin with. You see-saw back and forth, I don't, there is no discussion only circles

My view was that its not categorically wrong not to tell someone. I havent moved from that view, I have tried to back it up. Yours was that it is categorically wrong not to tell someone. You havent back that up at all just heckled me.

Yep, so adultery has no consequences as long as you get away with it basically.... or if there are there only the consequences you impose on yourself. That's great. Accountability to nobody but yourself.

Well if nobody else knows about it who the hell else if affected by it ? Perhaps make a fcukin point of your own instead of constantly badgering me.

prinz

LordSmeg wrote: »

just heckled me......badgering me.

Ah bless. I shouldn't have said anything at all that's appears to be your solution to people being happy.

As for I haven't "backed it up" I have given my reasons why I feel the way I do.

lukesmom

hondasam wrote: »

So it's ok to cheat if you own up to it? good to know.

Obviously if you read my post fully you will see I don't agree with cheating in a marriage. I do however think those that keep it to themselves are even worse. Cheating in a marriage is wrong though, end of.

Scioch

prinz wrote: »

Ah bless. I shouldn't have said anything at all that's appears to be your solution to people being happy.

I wouldnt begrudge you an opinion now, but next time try to back it up. Makes discussing it more productive.

As for I haven't "backed it up" I have given my reasons why I feel the way I do.

Which amounts to "people shoudnt make mistakes". And even at that its still confusing seeing as we couldnt agree on what a mistake actually was.

Whole thing was fruitless.

prinz

LordSmeg wrote: »

I wouldnt begrudge you an opinion now, but next time try to back it up. Makes discussing it more productive...

Let's recap some of the reason from the last two pages that you have conveniently over looked in favour of indulging some kind of persecution complex

prinz wrote: »

Surely it should be their right to know and have the choice to forgive you and deal with it. You are basically just taking more power away from your partner by denying them the right to decide for themselves. Perhaps they'd leave you, but then they don't have the full information to make that decision. Perhaps they'd fogive you and move on.... again they can't do that because you are withholding informatoion from them. A lot of posters have gone one that the world isn't perfect and people make mistakes. Well guess what, the world isn't perfect, people make mistakes and people also get hurt. If you can't expect people not to make mistakes, you can't pretend people are never going to get hurt either.. and tbh I think it's incredibly selfish to take away yet another piece of somebody's funadmental rights to make decisions for themselves.

prinz wrote: »

I'd be much more pissed off if my wife cheated and hid it from me, than if she cheated and told me asap. Cheating and saying nothing would for me be equivalent of living a lie and the act of cheating continuing as long as she never owned up.

prinz wrote: »

Forgiveable by? By yourself? Can't be forgiveable by your partner because they don't know anything about it.

LordSmeg wrote: »

Which amounts to "people shoudnt make mistakes".

Which of these equates to 'people shouldn't make mistakes'?

Gyalist

prinz wrote: »

LOL. Yes, only Catholics take things like monogamous relationships seriously.

I wasn't the one breaking vows or any sort of committment so I have absolutely no reason to feel any guilt about it.

blacklilly

ah I knew someone would bring up the catholic guilt. I wonder sometimes how we have managed to elvove as a nation seeing as we are all so riddled with catholic guilt.
To know the difference between right and wrong isn't just something unique to Catholics or any religious group, it is something inheritant in us all.
I would not get into a relationship with someone who knowingly got involved with a married person. It speaks volumes about your level and concept of self respect and emotional whereabouts. yes agreed you are the single one but you are facilitating the adultery and yes if it wasn't you it would be someone else but that doesn't make it right.

Scioch

prinz wrote: »

Let's recap some of the reason from the last two pages that you have conveniently over looked in favour of indulging some kind of persecution complex

Which of these equates to 'people shouldn't make mistakes'?

The fact that you couldnt find one post in relation to our discussion to show you backed up your point and are instead quoting posts from a discussion with another poster makes my point nicely.

I think I'll leave it at that though, I think this "discussion" has long since gave up the goose.

Gyalist

blacklilly wrote: »

ah I knew someone would bring up the catholic guilt. I wonder sometimes how we have managed to elvove as a nation seeing as we are all so riddled with catholic guilt.
To know the difference between right and wrong isn't just something unique to Catholics or any religious group, it is something inheritant in us all.
I would not get into a relationship with someone who knowingly got involved with a married person. It speaks volumes about your level and concept of self respect and emotional whereabouts. yes agreed you are the single one but you are facilitating the adultery and yes if it wasn't you it would be someone else but that doesn't make it right.

Well, that's your view and one that you are entitled to hold. Not everyone sees such things in such absolutist terms however. The OP's question was "Have you ever made love to a married woman/man?" and those that don't hold your view should be free to answer the question without all the sanctimonious grandstanding.

dark crystal

Gyalist wrote: »

This thread reeks of Catholic guilt.

I've slept with married women, engaged women, women with boyfriends and don't feel the slightest amount of guilt or remorse about doing so.

You don't have to be be a Catholic to feel guilt or remorse. It's a human emotion, not a God-given one.

If everyone only looked after number one and never gave a sh!t about the consequences of their actions, the world would be one fukced up place. I felt remorse not because I believe in any religion, but because I was brought up with respect for myself and others.

I take full responsibility for what I did as a supposedly mature adult. The only victim of our stupid fling was the innocent woman who mistakenly trusted her husband to stick to the promises he made to her on their wedding day.

strobe

Gyalist wrote: »

Well, that your view and one that you are entitled to hold. Not everyone sees such things in such absolutist terms however. The OP's question was "Have you ever made love to a married woman/man?" and those that don't hold your view should be free to answer the question without all the sanctimonious grandstanding.

Of course you're free to answer the question, but if you do you have to accept people are free to challenge or question what you say. Two way street and all that...

Whatever about 'sanctimonious grandstanding', you're attempted implication that anyone that does not view sleeping with a married person the same way that you do must be suffering from 'Catholic guilt', is just a bit silly, now isn't it?

blacklilly

agreed. however it is the way in which some people have tried to defend their actions that has annoyed me.
if you truly love someone you will not want to "make love"to another

Hardonraging

I much perfer this thread when it was full of naughy flirting and a few durty comments about banging somebody's hubby / wife.

Now were blaming the priests, some body mentioned Fine fail there while were at it ..

And no i wasnt raised catholic !!1 and yes if you do it more then once, you're bold and should separate from your partner ...

Micky Dolenz

blacklilly wrote: »

agreed. however it is the way in which some people have tried to defend their actions that has annoyed me.
if you truly love someone you will not want to "make love"to another

But shaggin' an other is ok, right?

hondasam

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

But shaggin' an other is ok, right?

If you don't cuddle after the sex it's ok.

dark crystal

hondasam wrote: »

If you don't cuddle after the sex it's ok.

Or if you say a little prayer afterwards to appease all that Catholic guilt.

Hardonraging

hondasam wrote: »

If you don't cuddle after the sex it's ok.

You need a cuddle after !!! no matter what, every one likes a wee cuddle ..

Micky Dolenz

Hardonraging wrote: »

You need a cuddle after !!! no matter what, every one likes a wee cuddle ..

Sounds wet and smelly.

Hardonraging

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

Sounds wet and smelly.

What is a girl vagina ?? for 10 points ?

hondasam

Hardonraging wrote: »

You need a cuddle after !!! no matter what, every one likes a wee cuddle ..

No cuddles.

Hardonraging

hondasam wrote: »

No cuddles.

What about hand holding !! sure everybody loves a bit of hand holding !!

herisson

Hardonraging wrote: »

What about hand holding !! sure everybody loves a bit of hand holding !!

nope not everyone! i have never liked it....

Hardonraging

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

nope not everyone! i have never liked it....

Are you doing it the right way ?? have you tried using lube ?

hooradiation

LordSmeg wrote: »

The consequences of adultery only exist in the mind of the adulterer unless (s)he comes clean.

Pretty much.

Edited for gender equality

Nothingbetter2d

well done hardonraging putting back some fun in this thread