Anyone feeling Polyamorous?

christmas2012

christmas2012 wrote: »

Thats bull**** in a relationship first thing to go out the window is condoms,if you seriously think im as naive as to belive that your having a laugh,and anyway with condoms 'accidents can happen',what if the partner was already on the pill what then,condoms are seen as less important then..

The impact of polyamourous relationships and what it has on society with regard to stds is everybodys business,its in the interest of public health..

Something that one should be responsible with is sex,and the reasons why are endless..

Nobody is asking you to be in the fcuking relationship with them so I have no idea what you are jabbering on about

Splinter

christmas2012 wrote: »

Thats bull**** in a relationship first thing to go out the window is condoms,if you seriously think im as naive as to belive that your having a laugh,and anyway with condoms 'accidents can happen',what if the partner was already on the pill what then,condoms are seen as less important then..

The impact of polyamourous relationships and what it has on society with regard to stds is everybodys business,its in the interest of public health..

Something that one should be responsible with is sex,and the reasons why are endless..

This isn't the place to have this conversation but if you believe this is the case then maybe you need to understand your partners/relationships more and let people enjoy theirs. If they are honest with the partners, how does it involve you?

christmas2012

''The fact people define themselves and are Polyamourous shows more respect IMO. ''

what kind of twisted logic is that if you think that being in a polyamourous relationship shows more respect,if anything it shows less emotional and sexual respect,you have multiple partners for the sake of greed,and most dont give a **** about the impact it has..i saw a documentary on it once,this guy had a roster for all the women he slept with and on what days,there were some women who were bitter and didnt like playing last on the list,second fiddle to other partners,where is the consideration there?

christmas2012

christmas2012 wrote: »

''The fact people define themselves and are Polyamourous shows more respect IMO. ''

what kind of twisted logic is that if you think that being in a polyamourous relationship shows more respect,if anything it shows less emotional and sexual respect,you have multiple partners for the sake of greed,and most dont give a **** about the impact it has..i saw a documentary on it once,this guy had a roster for all the women he slept with and on what days,there were some women who were bitter and didnt like playing last on the list,second fiddle to other partners,where is the consideration there?

I saw this relationship once where the woman was being abused. All normal monogamous hetero relationships must be evil because I mean where was the consideration there?
Clearly since it happened once it must be the norm for everyone in this type of relationship.
It may have even happened more than once :eek:

christmas2012

bluewolf wrote: »

Nobody is asking you to be in the fcuking relationship with them so I have no idea what you are jabbering on about

oh i have an idea of what im jabbering on about,i had a cousin who was in one of these ''relationships'' and she was deeply unhappy,and when she saw the light finally thanks to her family and real friends,she saw that he was a greedy lazy guy who didnt give a **** about how this polyamourous relationship affected her..

Fizzlesque

christmas2012 wrote: »

I think its everyones business being honest,if there are polyamourous relationships or cult like relationships being conducted it is SOCIETYS BUSINESS,as STDS is a serious concern..

Really? I can't figure out if you're being over-the-top in taking the piss, or if you really mean that.

If you're looking to stick your beak into other people's affairs for fear of STDs somehow....I don't know, catapulting through the air and into your pores, or through your nose as you breathe in the air, surely there are a lot of other people whose business you should be falsely claiming is also yours before taxAh and his girlfriends.

Single people who enjoy one night stands, for beginners. How can three people in a committed relationship be any different to two people in a committed relationship, from a safe-sex point of view?

I'll give you this, you made my jaw drop with your offensive, judgemental borderline hysterical comment. :eek:

Fizzlesque

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Single people who enjoy one night stands, for beginners.

Is there an advanced course?

Splinter

so all Polyamourous people spread STDs and show no respect beside you saw a documentary on one guy with a roster? That is one of the most disrespectful generalisations i've ever come across. Those women chose to be with him at the end of the day surely? if they didn't want it, they were free to walk away? (feel free to correct me if that wasn't the case, but if it wasn't, then that was blackmail of some sort, not a relationship)

Links234

I personally don't think I would, because I'm a very monogomous person, but I know people and have friends who are in polyamorous relationships and are great. Jesus, some people on this thread, are they terrified of anything that is unusual? It's not for me, but I'm not going to demonize it either.

Fizzlesque

bluewolf wrote: »

Is there an advanced course?

You better believe it

Doylers

Christ what ever happened threesomes, perfect solution

christmas2012

If you could see the reality of polyamourous relationships from all sides you would see there are very unhappy people in that relationship who dont feel they are getting the full attention of one partner..

Splinter

then why is that the fault of the other people in that relationship? the unhappy person can walk away

christmas2012

christmas2012 wrote: »

If you could see the reality of polyamourous relationships from all sides you would see there are very unhappy people in that relationship who dont feel they are getting the full attention of one partner..

If you could wake up and stop pretending you know everything because of one bad experience, we'd get somewhere

Hardonraging

I'd do it as long as i was the spare man, not the main guy in the relationship
..

And Tbh sure when she's sleeping with other lads, ye might as well knock out a 3 or a 4 way while ye are at it .. might settle her a bit tho ..

Idk who the 13 people are who would be game, but if ye are all chicks, fair play ..

Doc Ruby

christmas2012 wrote: »

As for morals they are seriously lacking,and i reserve the right to judge anybody who conducts themselves in such a low fashion,such as being in a polyamourous relationship..

There's nothing morally wrong with polyamory, nor socially wrong either. Nobody is being hurt, everyone is a consenting adult, even those against things like drugs could surely not have a problem. Its something of a social taboo, if anyone is nosey enough to sniff after what others are doing in bed and uneducated enough get outraged about it

I know and have known a few "alternative" relationship people and to be honest its a rocky road unless you're willing to let the love in a relationship overwhelm the jealousy. There's all the usual personality conflict stuff too, but they usually approach these things with caution, one step at a time.

At its best it treats sex like a sport, which it is, and brings the relationship to new levels. At its worst its just kinky lust, which isn't too bad, or someone trying to move in on a relationship, which is pretty bad. I would call it an enlightened way of looking at things, if done in good faith.

I don't believe we are hardwired for monogamy, if we were then marital infidelity and divorce rates would be much, much lower.

christmas2012

Its this bull**** of consenting adults, ive seen women in polyamourous relationships and i have to say they are nothing short of brainwashed,they have this mantra drummed into them,i notice as well that certain people who practice polyamoury seem to have a narrow reportaire and narrow view on life,even though they have this open and free bull**** attitude..its disgusting

Jelousy is part of human nature,you cannot switch it all off otherwise youre like a brainwashed robot but then again maybe thats the point..repeat what your cult leader says..

Splinter

christmas2012 wrote: »

Its this bull**** of consenting adults, ive seen women in polyamourous relationships and i have to say they are nothing short of brainwashed,they have this mantra drummed into them,i notice as well that certain people who practice polyamoury seem to have a narrow reportaire and narrow view on life,even though they have this open and free bull**** attitude..its disgusting

Jelousy is part of human nature,you cannot switch it all off otherwise youre like a brainwashed robot but then again maybe thats the point..repeat what your cult leader says..

I've seen women and men in Monogamous relationships exactly the same, i suppose i should feel disgusted by that too

First it was "I saw a docu on it once", then it was "I had a cousin in one once", now it's "I've seen women in them"
hmmm?

If you don't like it, don't do it

christmas2012

Lets not be coy about this there is always an instigator in the role of polyamourous relationships..

christmas2012

christmas2012 wrote: »

Lets not be coy about this there is always an instigator in the role of polyamourous relationships..

Is this based on your vast experience of "I saw a docu on it once" or "I had a cousin in one once"?

Doc Ruby

christmas2012 wrote: »

Jelousy is part of human nature,you cannot switch it all off otherwise youre like a brainwashed robot but then again maybe thats the point..repeat what your cult leader says..

Sure you can switch it off. I might get pissed off at a bad driver on the road but I don't follow them home and start roaring at them.

Control of our destructive emotions is part of what makes us human, rather than animals. Jealousy is such a destructive emotion. Lust is not, neither is love. The more control you have, the better a person you are, usually.

christmas2012

''Sure you can switch it off. I might get pissed off at a bad driver on the road but I don't follow them home and start roaring at them.''

Thats not the same thing,bad analogy..

christmas2012

Lions in the animal kingdom are polyamourous its very much about greed,ego and jelousy,and territory..

Doc Ruby

christmas2012 wrote: »

''Sure you can switch it off. I might get pissed off at a bad driver on the road but I don't follow them home and start roaring at them.''

Thats not the same thing,bad analogy..

No, rage is a destructive emotion too. Same thing. Note there is a difference between controlling jealousy and not having self respect, but its not hard to recognise the difference between the two.

christmas2012 wrote: »

Lions in the animal kingdom are polyamourous its very much about greed,ego and jelousy,and territory..

We are not lions, we are not dogs, we are not cats nor fish. We are humans and that makes us very unique in many ways, not least of which is sexually.

documentary, cousin, lions

this is getting better

christmas2012

Doc Ruby wrote: »

We are not lions, we are not dogs, we are not cats nor fish. We are humans and that makes us very unique in many ways, not least of which is sexually.

We are unique i agree with that,but when one conducts him or indeed herself in a polyamourous relationship,they are submitting to their lower self,their baser instincts such as greed,ego,territory,and lust..

We have a higher form of intelligence and we have a heightened awarneness of what the impact of what we are doing is,so that makes it morally wrong..

christmas2012

christmas2012 wrote: »

We are unique i agree with that,but when one conducts him or indeed herself in a polyamourous relationship,they are submitting to their lower self,their baser instincts such as greed,ego,territory,and lust..

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/wikipedian_protester.png

johngalway

Doc wrote: »

So what are your opinions on polyanimorus relationships?

Fine if it works for other people, it certainly ain't for me though.

Doc Ruby

christmas2012 wrote: »

We are unique i agree with that,but when one conducts him or indeed herself in a polyamourous relationship,they are submitting to their lower self,their baser instincts such as greed,ego,territory,and lust..

Well you're making a couple of mistakes here. First is classifying "lust" as a baser instinct, I don't agree with that.

Second you are making the assumption that all of these relationships must perforce involve a high degree of mental manipulation or abuse, with one dominant person lording it over the others, I suppose because its so unusual, so something must be wrong. In my experience this is far from the truth, there is usually less of that in poly relationships since there's more perspective.

That's not to say it doesn't happen, socially or religiously enforced polygyny as the Mormons in the US were doing was outlawed for a very good reason, that was some abusive stuff.

christmas2012 wrote: »

We have a higher form of intelligence and we have a heightened awarneness of what the impact of what we are doing is,so that makes it morally wrong..

Its that very attribute of higher intelligence that allows us to truly enjoy the many nuances of sexuality far more than any animal. Your mind is your biggest sexual organ, whats wrong with using it to celebrate your sexuality?

Sarky

christmas2012 wrote: »

We are unique i agree with that,but when one conducts him or indeed herself in a polyamourous relationship,they are submitting to their lower self,their baser instincts such as greed,ego,territory,and lust..

We have a higher form of intelligence and we have a heightened awarneness of what the impact of what we are doing is,so that makes it morally wrong..

You're coming across as someone I wouldn't trust in a monogamous relationship, never mind any other kind. Why so hostile? How is it greedy or territorial to share your partner with someone? Can you tell us why you think it's wrong? What are you basing your claims on? Bible? A bitter past experience, or one of a friend who got burned? What makes you so dead set against it?

christmas2012

The spread of stds due to lax pracitices in relationships,and polyamourous relationships it makes it even worse..would be one of many reasons..

Sarky

What about the poly relationships where everyone's careful? You can't catch an STD off someone who doesn't have one. Are you still dead set against them?

28064212

christmas2012 wrote: »

The spread of stds due to lax pracitices in relationships,and polyamourous relationships it makes it even worse..would be one of many reasons..

Polyamourous relationships make up, at a stretch, maybe 0.001% of all relationships in the country. How exactly are they contributing to the rise in STDs? Which contributes more to this problem, a polyamourous relationship between a set of adults who practice safes sex and are exclusive to each other, or someone monogamous who jumps from one relationship to the next without even thinking about STDs?

Doc Ruby

christmas2012 wrote: »

The spread of stds due to lax pracitices in relationships,and polyamourous relationships it makes it even worse..would be one of many reasons..

The polyamorous are typically as likely to go off with other people as any normal couple, ie not really. I'd agree that more people could do with using condoms, education is a big part of that, but there's no link between that and polyamory.

Its just a different way of looking at the world, one not in line with the sorry conservatism western society is slowly heaving itself out of.

Did you know there are entire schools of yogic discipline related to sexual practices? Those lads could teach anyone a thing or two! That's using your noodle.

Ciaran0

I'd definitely give that type thing a go if the I had the opportunity I thought most guys would love that? freedom to be with in a relationship and still be allowed to pursue other endeavours

Bad Panda

Doc Ruby wrote: »

No, rage is a destructive emotion too. Same thing. Note there is a difference between controlling jealousy and not having self respect, but its not hard to recognise the difference between the two.

Channelled correctly, rage/anger can result in positive, powerful results.

Some doctor you are! :pac:

Sarky

Ciaran0 wrote: »

I'd definitely give that type thing a go if the I had the opportunity I thought most guys would love that? freedom to be with in a relationship and still be allowed to pursue other endeavours

There's a difference between being polyamorous and being a manwhore.

christmas2012

christmas2012 wrote: »

The spread of stds due to lax pracitices in relationships,and polyamourous relationships it makes it even worse..would be one of many reasons..

I am certainly open to hearing how you think my relationship, described in earlier posts, has got anything to do with territory, greed, ego or in any way affects STD vectors.

Your issue appears to be with promiscuity and unsafe sex - and I doubt many people here would disagree with you if that were so as sex is something we should practice safely - with awareness of the risks - and maturely.

Blaming people in relationships that are outside the norm for the crimes of promiscuity and unsafe sexual practices is way off however and comes across as nothing more than trolling.

Doc Ruby

Bad Panda wrote: »

Channelled correctly, rage/anger can result in positive, powerful results.

Maybe, there are a few trains of thought on that regarding mid to long term effects. Not all destructive emotions are equal, I'll grant.

Pushtrak

Ciaran0 wrote: »

I'd definitely give that type thing a go if the I had the opportunity I thought most guys would love that? freedom to be with in a relationship and still be allowed to pursue other endeavours

The ability to do something and the reality of doing it are very different things. For a polyamarous relationship to work, it seems obvious that both would have to have another partner or else there'd be an imbalance there. I can definitely imagine such relationships could work out but it would depend very much on the personality types involved and how many were involved.

Ciaran0

Sarky wrote: »

There's a difference between being polyamorous and being a manwhore.

I know yeah. If I just wanted to sleep with lots of different people all the time I'd just stay single and do that. I'm talking about being able to have proper relationships with various people at once. Where is it set in stone that you can only be in love with one person at a time? I'm sure it happens all the time that people are torn and forced to choose one lover over another. If everyone was a little more relaxed about this type of thing I think it'd be wonderful ;-)

aaronjumper

Serious answer: No way it would feel weird, like you were sharing her or something. Well I guess you would be.

After Hours answer: Christ one womans enough!

Novella

If I was okay with letting my boyfriend be with other girls, it would mean I wasn't particularly into him.

Doc Ruby

Ciaran0 wrote: »

If everyone was a little more relaxed about this type of thing I think it'd be wonderful ;-)

Thats exactly right. There are lots of iterations on the polyamory thing, some with strict rules.

You have your open relationships, where partners can sleep around without permission, then the less open ones where permission is needed, fuck buddies which is casual sex between friends, hotwifers, men who allow their wives to have sex with other men, using them like a dildo, cuckolds who are basically the same but enjoy the humiliation they get from it of it, swingers, key partiers, wife swappers, its a fairly long list. All are stable relationships that involve other people sexually.

Sexuality is a lot more complicated and interesting than the made-for-television-sitcoms monogamous straight couple, and it all comes from between peoples' ears.

starlit

So basically its an open/casual relationship then that you have more than one partner but both parties are aware of it.

If you asked me that a few years ago I would have been game for it but now no. Maybe at the start of something where you kind of seeing other people as well as a main partner but could get complicated and messy so not worth the hassle in my opinion. It works for some people it doesn't for others.

Though its like really a toss up between single and seeing other people or the in between bit, not single but seeing other people or not single and not seeing other people. Most people go with one or the other, single and seeing other people, not single but not seeing other people. Though could be single and not seeing anyone either...but maybe having fun...

I suppose where do you draw the line. I guess its one way of finding out your compatibility with other people. Comparing your main partner to others and what potentially happen with someone else. Its really trying to keep options open and see is there anyone else suited to them? I suppose it could be testing the waters before getting too serious as well.

Like I wouldn't mind starting off as casual, seeing other people and then get serious and not see others other than each other and make it more exclusive. Its some way of testing the waters before getting in too deep, gives you a chance to get to know the person and well see what else is out there too.
Though wouldn't want what ever the relationship is to continue on as a casual thing either break it off completely so we can be single and we see other people/date other people or end the casual thing and make it more serious so would be a toss up to either be single or be exclusive.

Its not feasible if you looking for a long term serious relationship. Either stay single enjoy it date people or go into a serious long term relationship rather than polyanimorus one. Usually its one or the other be single or be in a serious relationship. Everyone is different.
I wouldn't do polyanimorus long term, short term yes all depends really.

Generally speaking I am a one man kind of girl!

Jester252

Ah sure why not what the worst that can happen

Ciaran0

aaronjumper wrote: »

Serious answer: No way it would feel weird, like you were sharing her or something. Well I guess you would be.

Do you own her? A person can't be shared because they aren't (shouldn't be) in your possession in the first place.

Muir

christmas2012 wrote: »

The spread of stds due to lax pracitices in relationships,and polyamourous relationships it makes it even worse..would be one of many reasons..

Frankly, if someone in a polyamorous relationship or someone having one night stands or anyone else decides to have unprotected sex with someone whose sexual history they are unsure of, well then it's their own fault. If you personally are so concerned about STIs, well then use a condom and better still don't sleep with someone unless they've gone for an STI screening and come back clean. A persons sexual health is their own responsibility, so unless you are planning to sleep with someone who is polyamorous then frankly you have no concern with their sexual health.

Sounds like your cousin was manipulated into something they didn't want, and that's awful, but in a proper polyamorous relationship that isn't the way it works. Both people want the same thing. I think your view is tainted by a bad experience

I don't think it would be my cup of tea personally, but I'm all for consenting adults having whatever kind of relationship makes them happy.

--LOS--

Definitely not for me, my OH having any kind of sexual relationship with someone else I would consider as cheating, whether that's a physical thing or not.