Women enjoying a drink in the pub alone.

VEN

bluewolf wrote: »

if i read the word "joking" one more time...

i know i know, it's like a get out clause after the harm is done

Montrealer

Hi there,

I just came across this board and this thread, while looking up something related to this... I have to say that I'm not Irish, but the discussion was really interesting and I thought I'd jump in and offer my 2 Canadian cents.

I have to say, I am surprised at seeing comments on this board, and on the web more generally, about how women who go out by themselves are "desperate." Define desperate??? I'm assuming those of you who are using that word are actually referring to women who are out to find someone to have sex with. What exactly is wrong with that? Just because a woman wants to hook up with someone doesn't mean she doesn't have standards, or that she's a prostitute. :rolleyes:

I gotta admit, as an independent-minded woman, I like and actually prefer going out by myself. Most of my friends are men, and I have a rather small circle of friends, which makes social life pretty non-existent if I am to rely on the willingness of friends to accompany me to the pub. It took me a loooong time to gather up the courage to go to the bar by myself. A few attempts later, though, I got the hang of it and I now feel very comfortable/confident going to the local pub for a drink or two, at any hour of the day. That said, I only feel that level of comfort at one of the local pubs that I regularly go to, and I'd be nervous about going to other places where I am not familiar with any of the bartenders or waitresses....

I often go there just because I don't want to sit at home, and can do my work and be more productive at it, if I'm around other people, taking a sip from time to time, and just observing people from time to time, and enjoying the music. Coffee shops tend to be very noisy, more so than pubs on weekday nights. I usually take my work (grading, etc.) and go there, and either sit at the bar, or at a table, preferably not in an isolated area where no one would see me.

For me, it's about hitting multiple birds with one stone. Getting work done, having a drink, increasing my chances of meeting someone and why not, spending the night with him.... I rarely if ever get approached, though. Maybe it's because I look too busy. Maybe it's because of guys who are as judgmental as some of the people on this thread.... :rolleyes: Who knows.... honestly, though, what's a girl to do? Especially a girl who comes from a very conservative Catholic family (as I do), and has a small circle of friends, most of whom don't feel like hanging out most of the time? I'm not ashamed to say that I see nothing wrong in looking for a one-night stand. I often go to the pub for that reason alone. Whether or not I succeed is another matter. Guys these days expect you to kneel at their doorstep and beg them to talk to you. Too bad. But at the end of the day, it's probably their loss, if they don't talk to me, or give me an opening to talk to them (shy a person as I am!!)...

It's truly sickening, though, that people are so judgmental. A girl sitting by herself is probably much less desperate than a bunch of girls who come to the pub together and make as much noise as possible, to get all the guys' attention. I was at the pub the other day, and a bunch of women came and sat a few tables down, and started banging on the table and screaming and laughing out loud. It was obvious their noise-making activity was on purpose. I observed them, and a bunch of guys sitting at another table, who started showing interest in them. Eventually, they ended up striking up a conversation, and joined tables, and the guys bought the women a round of drinks. I didn't stay long enough to observe where it went from there, but I'm guessing some girls got laid that night. And I wasn't one of them. Who was more desperate? Those women or me? I guess the jury's still out on that one... :rolleyes:Being alone at a bar is one thing, doing anything and everything, just to get a one-night stand is quite another. Just because I might be "desperate" doesn't mean I'm not selective in whom I talk to and whom I leave the bar with. The same goes for women who might indeed be at the bar by themselves because they want to hook up with a guy.

OK, just wanted to rant; it's infuriating to hear that in the 21st century, people are still so judgmental.

sligoface

well said, montrealer. though it's a bit different in Ireland because a lot of people have a schoolboy/schoolgirl mindset when it comes to the opposite sex here, as has been evident from the posts. (i have lived in canada, the us, england and ireland.) here, if you speak to a women at all, they and others assume you are mad for them. i found this out when at my first job i gave the compliment 'cool t-shirt' to a female colleague one day. suddenly everyone thought i fancied her. the other problem is that the men here are really aggressive when it comes to hitting on women. in some places women moan about not getting attention from guys but here they will start humping the bar stool after a few pints, and they usually won't leave them alone once they start. once an irishman showers, shaves and sprays himself with lynx, he considers himself universally irresistible. i blame the ads with all the women runnin after the fella wearing the deoderant.

i would hate not to be able to go to a pub on my own, i usually do this at a few of my locals, though i usually won't end up on my own as i would be friendly with a lot of the regulars at this point and the staff know us as well. so i think it sucks for the women if they can't do it and not be bothered. there are a few women regulars that come in on their own the odd time and would be treated much the same as the male regulars, chatted to as a normal human, asked how things are going, discuss current events or topics of interest, etc. and that's how women in a pub should be treated i think, if they seem friendly and want to speak to you, chat to them but don't assume they want to sleep with you. if they seem like they want to be left alone, leave 'em alone.

Montrealer

sligoface wrote: »

well said, montrealer. though it's a bit different in Ireland because a lot of people have a schoolboy/schoolgirl mindset when it comes to the opposite sex here, as has been evident from the posts. (i have lived in canada, the us, england and ireland.) here, if you speak to a women at all, they and others assume you are mad for them. i found this out when at my first job i gave the compliment 'cool t-shirt' to a female colleague one day. suddenly everyone thought i fancied her. the other problem is that the men here are really aggressive when it comes to hitting on women. in some places women moan about not getting attention from guys but here they will start humping the bar stool after a few pints, and they usually won't leave them alone once they start. once an irishman showers, shaves and sprays himself with lynx, he considers himself universally irresistible. i blame the ads with all the women runnin after the fella wearing the deoderant.

i would hate not to be able to go to a pub on my own, i usually do this at a few of my locals, though i usually won't end up on my own as i would be friendly with a lot of the regulars at this point and the staff know us as well. so i think it sucks for the women if they can't do it and not be bothered. there are a few women regulars that come in on their own the odd time and would be treated much the same as the male regulars, chatted to as a normal human, asked how things are going, discuss current events or topics of interest, etc. and that's how women in a pub should be treated i think, if they seem friendly and want to speak to you, chat to them but don't assume they want to sleep with you. if they seem like they want to be left alone, leave 'em alone.

Hi sligoface,
I was not aware that Ireland differed considerably from Canada/U.S in this regard... Interesting. I've never actually met pushy men like that here in Canada, and I've lived in both Toronto and Montreal. Maybe there are some men like that here, but at any rate not at the bar I go to (which incidentally is an Irish bar ).. That said, I live downtown, in an area surrounded by university buildings and mostly a student population, which may (or may not) explain that? I've never actually ventured to bars outside downtown, so I can't tell if there is a difference.

I think people here are also very judgmental, though, when they see a woman sitting by herself at a bar... I've gotten quite a few "looks" from men; I could tell from their body language that they weren't just checking me out, but judging me / assuming I was a prostitute (as if prostitutes would actually hang out at bars!! ).

My family and even distant relatives are rather conservative, and have the same attitude towards male-female relations that you just described. In my case, it's this conservative environment that I've grown up in, that has made me very self-conscious when talking to men, and very hesitant/shy in approaching them, for fear of what everyone else will think of me. I'm trying to break out of that, and going to the bar alone was a big step in that direction. I mean, just thinking the idea of being chatted up by a man, makes me a bit uncomfortable, mostly because of what everyone else around me might think...

Having said that, I really don't think I'm an exceptional case. Here in Quebec at least, where most of the population is Catholic (though young people are not terribly religious or socially conservative), men are more hesitant to approach women, maybe because of the fear of what everyone else will think of them. Having lived in Toronto, I notice quite a bit of a difference between Quebec and Toronto.

I just wish more women would be brave enough to go to the bar by themselves. I've read about a lot of women who want to, but are hesitant.. It would be great to meet other women, and chat with them. I also wish there weren't so many expectations and assumptions and judgments floating around, that prevent people of the opposite sex from socializing freely.

Fizzlesque

Montrealer wrote: »

I was not aware that Ireland differed considerably from Canada/U.S in this regard... Interesting.

Hello, Montrealer, thanks for your post. It's good to hear from people from elsewhere

While I don't want to say Sligoface's understanding of the situation is wrong (each person's experience is as valid as the next person's) I do want to offer my opposing experience in the interests of balance. As this thread has shown, there's a lot of disparity between those women who feel perfectly comfortable to spend time in a bar alone, and those who wouldn't dream of doing so.

I think to say Ireland differs considerably is untrue. Perhaps location is an important factor (city V small town) but I'm not even sure if it is because a friend of mine lives in a small town now (she used live in the city) and she will go for a few pints on her own every so often.

I've often been out dancing on my own, usually when the people I've been socialising with want to go home and I don't want to go home yet, I'll head off for a dance, as a few other posters here have said they do too. I've never been made feel uncomfortable, or felt judged. If anything, I've had the opposite experience; I've been welcomed into conversations with others very freely and have often ended up at parties with people I didn't know earlier that day.

Anyway, I'm likely to repeat what I've already said on this thread (and be late for work) if I say much more just now, but I did want to add my alternative view that Ireland doesn't differ considerably, at least, it doesn't for me.

Hopefully I'll have more time to chat later, if you're still around.

VEN

sligoface wrote: »

here, if you speak to a women at all, they and others assume you are mad for them.i blame the ads with all the women runnin after the fella wearing the deoderant.

if you as much as look, you don't even have to speak.

i blame the gloss goss mags, "how to tell if he likes you within 10 seconds"

ilovesleep

There's a lovely hotel and bar with beautiful food where I am. Down the road in the town next to me there's a beautiful pub with food to die for. These two places are my favourite and I often go to them and other pubs too for a bite to eat and a drink.

The way I see it is that I have a small circle of friends and we're in a recession and they're broke. I really don't see the need to wait for someone because it may never happen. I usually go at anytime really - it could be afternoon or evening. I usually bring a book, or a newspaper or I have my ipod with wifi on it. When I say I have a drink, it's not usually alcoholic but sometimes I might get a dash of vodka in juice and if anyone questions me I usually pretend I'm drinking juice. I got a craving one evening after dinner for a cocktail and fcuk it what anyone thought I got it and it was yum.

I even went in one saturday evening. I didn't intend on going in but my day was so busy I forgot to eat and I was feeling faint so I went in for a sit down, dinner and a cold drink. A little while later a band started up to play and stayed on for them for a bit and went of home for about 11. Had loads of lovely cold drinks too.

To fcuk and to hell to anyone who judges me for having the confidence to do something I like without having the need to wait for others to accompany me because it is the perceived social norm to go in a pair or a group.

py2006

I think also its important to point out that when something is out of the ordinary people tend to take a double check.

Unfortunately, women drinking on their own in Ireland is unusual and I think people may glance once and then glance again as they notice it. It may not necessarily mean they are judging or assuming anything.

Similarly, some friends and I went to the country for a weekend and we decided to go to the local for a drink (it was the only pub in the town). Being typical city people we got dressed up. Well, to say we looked out of place was an understatement. Everybody was staring at us as we were the only ones in shirts. They weren't being judgmental but it was something out of the oridinary.

Noffles

Personally I think why not, why shouldn't a woman go for a beer / wine on their own...?

I would feel sorry for any woman around my area though, rural men haven't the slightest clue how to "deal" with a woman who's with her partner... never mind one on their own drinking.... Christ I dread to think how they'd act.... clueless gawping comes to mind

jaja321

ilovesleep wrote: »

To fcuk and to hell to anyone who judges me for having the confidence to do something I like without having the need to wait for others to accompany me because it is the perceived social norm to go in a pair or a group.

Hear hear

pickarooney

Eve, do you want the loan of a book?

Daveysil15

What about a man drinking alone? Or a man going clubbing alone? Would that make him appear desperate? Would people accuse him of been a loner?

MadameGascar

I've done it a few times, enjoying a drink with a book alone is a nice pleasure. The odd time I just wanted to get out of my house but still be alone somewhere comfy. I like the atmosphere of a pub on a quiet afternoon ( drinking before 8 o'clock, is that even worse than the fact I'd sit on my own?!:rolleyes:). I might chat with someone or I might not. Sometimes I'll have tea but usually I'll order a real drink. I've also went to bars when I've moved abroad alone cause it was a great way to get to know people.

A public house is a public house. Its very sad that people don't have the confidence to be able to enjoy it as more than just a place to sit and get locked with mates for quadruple the price on a night out.

Montrealer

Daveysil15 wrote: »

What about a man drinking alone? Or a man going clubbing alone? Would that make him appear desperate? Would people accuse him of been a loner?

No, why would that automatically make him desperate? Besides, I have a problem with the word "desperate." It seems to be a bit arbitrary.

I was at the bar yesterday, sitting by myself at one of the tables, doing some work. I noticed a guy sitting at the bar by himself. He seemed a bit nervous, but I didn't really judge him as being desperate, or even assume he was looking for a hook-up.. He was just having a drink and watching tv.. big deal.

The act of going to a bar alone does not constitute desperation. It's what you DO at the bar, that can show whether you're desperate or not, if there is an objective standard against which to judge desperation to begin with...

old hippy

Daveysil15 wrote: »

What about a man drinking alone? Or a man going clubbing alone? Would that make him appear desperate? Would people accuse him of been a loner?

Other peoples judgements have no bearing on what I do or how I socialise, tbh. I enjoy the company of the other half, friends or myself. I don't see what the fuss is about, at all.

CodyJarrett

Daveysil15 wrote: »

What about a man drinking alone? Or a man going clubbing alone? Would that make him appear desperate? Would people accuse him of been a loner?

Yes.

old hippy

whiplashed wrote: »

Yes.

So a fella doing the crossword in the pub on his own, or reading a book, or being comfortable in his own company is a loner? Explain, please.

A fella going to a singles club or a gay club (or maybe both ) on his own is desperate? How so?

CodyJarrett

old hippy wrote: »

So a fella doing the crossword in the pub on his own, or reading a book, or being comfortable in his own company is a loner? Explain, please.

The question asked would those things make him "appear" to be desperate - not would they make him desperate.

My point is that men alone also have neon flashing lights above their heads, not just women. I have often got really cold vibes off girls for instance but yet when friends of mine show up, those vibes suddenly change and you are no longer seen in the same light.

old hippy

whiplashed wrote: »

The question asked would those things make him "appear" to be desperate - not would they make him desperate.

My point is that men alone also have neon flashing lights above their heads, not just women. I have often got really cold vibes off girls for instance but yet when friends of mine show up, those vibes suddenly change and you are no longer seen in the same light.

Well, I don't see any flashing lights or auras; I just see people enjoying themselves quietly. Maybe when you're younger, it may seem like a social oddity but it's not, it really isn't

sunflower27

I'd be happy to be considered a loner or desperate in a pub, keeps people approaching me when I want to enjoy time on my own at bay.

Have to say I am thoroughly shocked at some of the responses on here.

It never crossed my mind to not go for a drink on my own because of how I might be perceived - by people that don't even know me. More their issue than mine if they have a problem with it. Couldn't care less.

Sided

I just got through the first paragraph of this post and said to myself, 'Seriously'?

I'm by no means a dog here but I'd never consider myself such a sexy babe that I can't shake off men approaching me long enough to enjoy a drink on my own. Where are these women going? I need to go drink there by myself.

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Yet another poster, on the 'does anyone wish they were born a woman' thread, has said she'd love to be able to go to the pub and enjoy a drink on her own, but won't ever do it because men will think she's up for being chatted up.

I've never had any problem having a drink in a pub on my own, reading the paper, or my book or just daydreaming and minding my own business. If I'm meeting a friend, and I get to the pub much earlier than them, I'd get a drink and wait for them, so the same applies if I fancy a pint alone, as one sometimes does.

Perhaps it depends on the pub. Pubs that serve food sometimes have women on their own having a meal, and maybe a glass of wine. Or a coffee in a pub. I find it difficult to believe women are being hit on all the time just because they're having a drink alone.

Reading about all these women who are afraid to go to the pub alone, for fear of men approaching them completely baffles me, and it makes men sound like they're incapable of being in a woman's company without hitting on her, which, quite simply, I don't accept is true.

So, as a man, would you think a woman in a pub alone is automatically up for being chatted up?

As a woman, would you feel comfortable enjoying a drink in a pub alone?

Have you tried it and had to stop because men just can't help falling at your feet every time :P

insanity50

People who drink alone are sad and pathetic and have a drinking problem.

No need for alcohol to be consumed let alone to be consumed in the presence of nobody else.

Malari

insanity50 wrote: »

People who drink alone are sad and pathetic and have a drinking problem.

No need for alcohol to be consumed let alone to be consumed in the presence of nobody else.

What is the problem with drinking alone? Or are you confusing this with getting drunk alone?

No need for lots of things but you might find many unnecessary pastimes are FUN

kfallon

insanity50 wrote: »

People who drink alone are sad and pathetic and have a drinking problem.

No need for alcohol to be consumed let alone to be consumed in the presence of nobody else.

I had a pint on me own the other day and read the paper while I did it, how is that sad and pathetic?

old hippy

insanity50 wrote: »

People who drink alone are sad and pathetic and have a drinking problem.

No need for alcohol to be consumed let alone to be consumed in the presence of nobody else.

When I'm preparing a meal whilst the wife is out, I have a bottle of ale.

When I've found myself some quality time, I'm happy to have a few jars at the local. Or even a pub I've never visited before - out of curiosity. Or recommendation.

Travelling alone, I've stopped in cafes and bars on my own and met fellow travellers doing exactly the same.

Sitting in the local at the bar, I can choose to read the paper or engage in silly banter with other locals. We're all in it together, or alone - depending on the mood or the day that's in it.

And one day, when I'm an old man, if I find myself truly alone - I'll chose a stool and make it my own and deafen myself to assinine and ill informed comments like yours.

nacho libre

old hippy wrote: »

When I'm preparing a meal whilst the wife is out, I have a bottle of ale.

When I've found myself some quality time, I'm happy to have a few jars at the local. Or even a pub I've never visited before - out of curiosity. Or recommendation.

Travelling alone, I've stopped in cafes and bars on my own and met fellow travellers doing exactly the same.

Sitting in the local at the bar, I can choose to read the paper or engage in silly banter with other locals. We're all in it together, or alone - depending on the mood or the day that's in it.

And one day, when I'm an old man, if I find myself truly alone - I'll chose a stool and make it my own and deafen myself to assinine and ill informed comments like yours.

I think that poster was looking for a reaction. Even if not who cares. I'll continue to happily go to a pub on my own

mikom

nacho libre wrote: »

I think that poster was looking for a reaction. Even if not who cares. I'll continue to happily go to a pub on my own

Yep, been trolling the cannabis thread as well.........

insanity50 wrote: »

LOL. Clearly all that weed you're smoking has turned your brain to jelly. Might I ask do you ever hear a sloshing sound inside your head as you walk around during the day?

Cannabis has been shown to induce schizophrenia in genetically predisposed individuals.

The smoking of cannabis also causes lung cancer.

So you see the medical health costs associated with this drug far outweigh and of your ''benefits''.

Oh and tourism!hahah!that was the funniest point of all. Yeah, let's turn our country into a drug haven for lackies and border jumpers, as if we don't have a big enough problem with gangland crime and drugs here as it is, let's bring a host of junkies from abroad over here as well.

Take your filthy drug habits elsewhere you dirty junkie.

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddd.....

Laneyh

It depends on the pub really. I would have a quiet drink alone in a pub where others are likely to do similar.

I have gone to gigs on my own and it's not too bad

I think I would feel a bit self concious is more clubby type bar.

Mr_Spaceman

Downlinz wrote: »

To be honest as a man I'd find it a bit weird drinking alone in a pub myself as well.

Airport bar fine, and having a drink with your lunch is again fine to do alone. But going in for just a pint? Seems strange, why?

If you want a drink without company why not have it at home? If you don't want to be social, have something to eat or watch a game or something then what possible reason is there to go to a pub when you could just go home instead?



Although possibly a stealth bragging topic?

It all depends on the circumstances.

If I'm not in my home town/city and out and about, what do I do then?

For example, I'm in Dublin and Belfast a few times per year. I don't know anyone in either city but I'll stop off for a pint and a read of the paper, say, just to relax.

Mr_Spaceman

insanity50 wrote: »

People who drink alone are sad and pathetic and have a drinking problem.

No need for alcohol to be consumed let alone to be consumed in the presence of nobody else.

There's always one judgmental prick.