Women enjoying a drink in the pub alone.

bb1234567

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Yet another poster, on the 'does anyone wish they were born a woman' thread, has said she'd love to be able to go to the pub and enjoy a drink on her own, but won't ever do it because men will think she's up for being chatted up.

I've never had any problem having a drink in a pub on my own, reading the paper, or my book or just daydreaming and minding my own business. If I'm meeting a friend, and I get to the pub much earlier than them, I'd get a drink and wait for them, so the same applies if I fancy a pint alone, as one sometimes does.

Perhaps it depends on the pub. Pubs that serve food sometimes have women on their own having a meal, and maybe a glass of wine. Or a coffee in a pub. I find it difficult to believe women are being hit on all the time just because they're having a drink alone.

Reading about all these women who are afraid to go to the pub alone, for fear of men approaching them completely baffles me, and it makes men sound like they're incapable of being in a woman's company without hitting on her, which, quite simply, I don't accept is true.

So, as a man, would you think a woman in a pub alone is automatically up for being chatted up?

As a woman, would you feel comfortable enjoying a drink in a pub alone?

Have you tried it and had to stop because men just can't help falling at your feet every time :P

Maybe youre just ugly?:P

Fizzlesque

bb1234567 wrote: »

Maybe youre just ugly?:P

No, I'm not ugly.

Fizzlesque

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I've done it in Dublin too and I'd actually welcome the conversation with a randomer. I like talking with strangers. Usually go to the bars where I know I won't be sleazed on. You have to choose your bar carefully...

Same here. I'm quite a friendly approachable person, and end up having conversations with people I don't know in lots of situations, and often do enjoy a conversation with a randomer in a pub, but I don't view it as being chatted up/hit on. As you say, you have to choose your bar carefully. There are a few bars in particular I'd have no problem going to to have a pint and do the crossword/read a book, but there are other bars I'd steer clear of.

validusername1

Well the woman who said that must be pretty conceited!

I'm a girl, I wouldn't go to the pub and have a drink by myself but that's because I'd just feel awkward, not 'cause I'd be afraid of men hitting on me. If I'm out at clubs though and lose my friends so I'm on my own, guys do tend to approach a bit more. I guess it's less intimidating for them approaching a girl on her own rather than if she's with a group of friends. But either way, it's so conceited to believe that you can't even go for a drink on your own without thinking men are gonna bombard you cause you're just that hot.

mauzo

validusername1 wrote: »

Well the woman who said that must be pretty conceited!

I'm a girl, I wouldn't go to the pub and have a drink by myself but that's because I'd just feel awkward, not 'cause I'd be afraid of men hitting on me. If I'm out at clubs though and lose my friends so I'm on my own, guys do tend to approach a bit more. I guess it's less intimidating for them approaching a girl on her own rather than if she's with a group of friends. But either way, it's so conceited to believe that you can't even go for a drink on your own without thinking men are gonna bombard you cause you're just that hot.

I dont think so. Like I said, whenever its me and another girl we have always been hit on. So with those experiences I just wouldnt put myself in the situation to have it happen to me alone. Its not conceited, some of these men would chat up a bar stool.

Saying you arent interested or you'd prefer them not to sit down, does anger them a lot of the time. They seem to think they have every right to sit down and talk to you. By all means sit down, but dont ask me to go to a nightclub, and then get aggressive when i wont go.

Conceited, no. Cautious because of experience, yes!

validusername1

syndeyfife wrote: »

I dont think so. Like I said, whenever its me and another girl we have always been hit on. So with those experiences I just wouldnt put myself in the situation to have it happen to me alone. Its not conceited, some of these men would chat up a bar stool.

Saying you arent interested or you'd prefer them not to sit down, does anger them a lot of the time. They seem to think they have every right to sit down and talk to you. By all means sit down, but dont ask me to go to a nightclub, and then get aggressive when i wont go.

Conceited, no. Cautious because of experience, yes!

Well I guess it's just difference of opinion then, I just wouldn't assume that if I'm going to a bar alone that I won't get left alone 'cause all the men will want me

tan11ie

validusername1 wrote: »

Well I guess it's just difference of opinion then, I just wouldn't assume that if I'm going to a bar alone that I won't get left alone 'cause all the men will want me

And I doubt there are many that think that tbh! most would be thinking they just don't need the hassle of some arse-wipe that just won't leave you alone.

I was put in a very scary situation at one point ...but it's not something I would go into on here..

du Maurier

Madilynn Gentle Narcotic wrote: »

That's true. When I go out with one or two other girls, we almost always get bothered. It really annoys me that so many men think we're there to get picked up or even assume that we want to chat to random strangers. I want to go out and catch up with my mates and spend time with them, not fend off drunken idiots. If you politely ask them to leave you alone, they often get aggressive as well. We've been driven out of pubs by groups of men who sat down at the table and wouldn't leave.

This isn't about going out with the girls, this thread.

Sorry that you almost always get bothered.

I would have thought when you go out people do tend to chat to others - random strangers, as you put it. Surely that's what they are initially.

This isn't the drunken idiots type of situation the OP is referring to.

Of course people always ask them politely to desist from the pawing their prey:pac:

validusername1

validusername1 wrote: »

Well the woman who said that must be pretty conceited!

I'm a girl, I wouldn't go to the pub and have a drink by myself but that's because I'd just feel awkward, not 'cause I'd be afraid of men hitting on me. If I'm out at clubs though and lose my friends so I'm on my own, guys do tend to approach a bit more. I guess it's less intimidating for them approaching a girl on her own rather than if she's with a group of friends. But either way, it's so conceited to believe that you can't even go for a drink on your own without thinking men are gonna bombard you cause you're just that hot.

And this is exactly what men who bother girls on their own say. 'Ah, you're so up yourself, sure I'm only trying to have a nice chat with ya.' We're not bloody idiots. I can tell the difference. I don't even mind strangers talking to me, but when I give the signal that I'd prefer to be left alone, I expect to be left alone. I don't have any obligation to talk to anybody, but a lot of guys don't seem to understand that.

And I'm not talking about what 'would' happen. I've never once sat in a bar with a drink on my own and not been chatted up or leered at. It even happens even when I'm out with my boyfriend and he's at the bar or the toilet. I guess I must be really hot then. :rolleyes:

Richard Hillman

I would never approach an unknown female in a pub full stop but definitely not a female on her own. If people are on their own its usually for a reason i.e they want to be alone. When i go to the boozer on my own to watch a match or kill time or whatever, I dont appreciate people chatting to me although im always polite and nod or whatever. It definitely must be a right pain for females who just want a bit of alone time only to be bothered by "de ladz havin d craic" :rolleyes: wanting to have sex with her.

Im genuinely embarrassed to be a male at times

Scanlas The 2nd

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I would never approach an unknown female a pub full stop but definitely not a female on her own. If people are on their own its usually for a reason i.e they want to be alone. When i go to the boozer on my own to watch a match or kill time or whatever, I dont appreciate people chatting to me although im always polite and nod or whatever. It definitely must be a right pain for females who just want a bit of alone time only to be bothered by "de ladz havin d craic" :rolleyes: wanting to have sex with her.

Im genuinely embarrassed to a male at times

So the only women you can be with are the ones in your social circle. It seems ridiculous to rule out 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of women.

Unless of course it's just the pub, if you approach them on the street then ignore above.

Halloran springs

shizz wrote: »

Why drink in the pub, when you could enjoy one in the kitchen

Or in the shower ?

thefinalstage

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I would never approach an unknown female a pub full stop but definitely not a female on her own. If people are on their own its usually for a reason i.e they want to be alone. When i go to the boozer on my own to watch a match or kill time or whatever, I dont appreciate people chatting to me although im always polite and nod or whatever. It definitely must be a right pain for females who just want a bit of alone time only to be bothered by "de ladz havin d craic" :rolleyes: wanting to have sex with her.

Im genuinely embarrassed to a male at times

Ahahahah. Being a white night won't get you love nor sex. It will however leave you wondering why all the girls you like go for the other guy .

Having a coherent conversation with a new person, be they male or female in a pub is always good fun. You don't know, you may find the love of your life or a new best friend.

Scanlas The 2nd

If you are attractive enough, witty, charming it doesn't matter if a single woman only went to the pub to read etc. she'll change her mind.

Richard Hillman

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

So the only women you can be with are the ones in your social circle. It seems ridiculous to rule out 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of women.

Unless of course it's just the pub, if you approach them on the street then ignore above.

Ive said it before here, i treat women in pubs/nightclubs etc as in they dont want to be bothered and just want to spend time with their circle of friends. It tends to my attitude as well, i like to keep to my own circle. I go out of my way to avoid the awkwardness of being around strangers

Jogathon

I would happily have lunch on my own and a bite to eat even at 6 on my own. I would happily have a coffee during the day-time on my own. I would gladly have a drink on my own in a hotel that I was staying in, or in an airport at anytime in the night.
However, if I was bored at home and wanted to get out for a little while, I would not go down to the pub and have a quiet glass of wine (like men often do). When I am meeting up with some friends, I am generally more punctual than them so sit in busy pubs on a Fri/Sat night for 10-15 mins on my own. Very rarely am I allowed to sit in peace. This is not a mark of how vain/self obsessed I am, but just my observations.
One other poster also mentioned that guys cannot take a hint and leave me alone. It's me with the problem (sarcasm!!)- I'm chatty and friendly, but that's not an open invitation a) into my knickers and b) that you can sit down and interrupt my night for the whole time. Also, guys do tend to get nasty if you are straight up with them - saying politely that you'd like to be left alone. So it's easier to chat then when the girls come in make eyes at them so we move pubs before they order a drink. This is my experience, so it's valid even if other posters don't believe it, or think that I'm totally in love with myself. (I do scrub up well - can reach 8 sometimes but generally a 7 ;-))

Callan57

policarp wrote: »

Women drinking in a pub should do so in the snug. . .

Ah God be with the Good Old Day's eh? :D:D:D:D:D

stovelid

Alco men-hating lezzers, tbh

Scanlas The 2nd

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

So the only women you can be with are the ones in your social circle. It seems ridiculous to rule out 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of women.

Unless of course it's just the pub, if you approach them on the street then ignore above.

Ive said it before here, i treat women in pubs/nightclubs etc as in they dont want to be bothered and just want to spend time with their circle of friends. It tends to my attitude as well, i like to keep to my own circle. I go out of my way to avoid the awkwardness of being around strangers

Fair enough, but you're missing out on the fun of meeting women you know nothing about.

ABajaninCork

Before I got married, I'd often have dinner alone in a restaurant. And I've done the drinks alone thing too! Personally I have no problem having a drink on my own, and I wouldn't judge any woman who did so. But this was in London where a woman drinking or eating out on her own isn't unusual.

Sometimes, men tried to chat me up. But I'd then put on my ****-off face, and they'd leave me alone. Sometimes I might talk to anyone who came over. Depended on my mood really...:p

On one occasion, I even had drinks sent over for me. But that was in the 80's before the advent of Rohypnol! :eek:

the purple tin

What if the barman starts trying his luck with you?

Daveysil15

I don't know what she's complaining about. She should be flattered that she's getting attention. It's better than nobody been interested in you, or been constantly rejected. It she want's to be alone without interruption, she could always choose another venue such as a cafe or whatever.

I think Richard Hillman's attitude is quite typical of people nowadays. Lots of people stick to their own social circle. If you're awkward around strangers then it must be very difficult to meet people. I've seen a lot of this clannish mentality lately when I've been out drinking. I was in France recently and I couldn't get over how inclusive people were there. Random strangers were approaching me in bars and introducing themselves to me. It was great. You'd rarely see that here.

py2006

Oh the old Irish girl 'I'm too hot to be left alone with all these awful men' attitude. :rolleyes:

Obviously, Temple Bar on a Sat night wouldn't be advisable on your own. But decent bars during the day are perfectly fine and I have seen plenty of women doing it without being harassed.

I understand the awkwardness alright. As a man, I do like the odd drink on my own but its only certain pubs that I would do it.

mikemac1

policarp wrote: »

Women drinking in a pub should do so in the snug. . .

Proper order

And the only drink they are allowed is sherry

Fizzlesque

Right, so men harassing lone women in (some) pubs clearly does happen, judging by the women who have posted that they've been harassed and the fact only a few of the men who have posted have said they don't assume a lone woman enjoying a drink in the pub is looking to be chatted up.

Granted, not many men have posted, so it's probably still early days. From those that have answered we've learned:

(a) women smell bad and should stay in another part of the building (b) ugly women can rest easy on their bar stools, they'll be ignored
(c) if you ignore a man's advances in a bar, you're a lesbian lush
(d) if a man is handsome/charming, no single woman will be able to follow her initial plan to just enjoy a drink and read in peaceful personal space
(e) don't do a Basic Instinct leg cross when Gummy Panda is in the pub if you're serious about wanting to finish that crossword
(f) And finally, the good news is there are some men who can and do respect a woman's right to go to the pub to enjoy a drink on her own and chill out, watching the world go by.

Perhaps the key to success lies in choosing the right venue. Though I can't help but wonder if attitude/confidence and self-assurance plays any part at all.

I must admit, I'm saddened to discover some women are restricted in this way, especially those who have said they'd like to be able to enjoy a drink and some quiet them-time.

After reading the responses here I appreciate my freedom, independence and the fact I don't feel obliged to follow gender-dictated convention more than ever. As, apparently, is the same for some of my fellow sisters, so it's not all bad.

xsiborg

i've met people who thought it was unusual that i go to the pub or the club on my own and not with "the lads". i just prefer to be able to chill out sometimes and not have to make conversation, though if someone does approach me i'll be friendly with them and chat away, unless i get the sense they're an árse-hole, then i'll just walk away. i've never been approached though during the day when i'd be having lunch though, that's a strange one alright, i just assumed dutch courage had a lot to do with girls plucking up the courage to approach a complete stranger.

BunShopVoyeur

*Women drinking alone in a pub are crying out for a man to bring some order to their lives. They obviously never had a strong male presence at home and try to fill this void by spending their free time around as large a number of men as possible.
Few slaps on the arse, a stern voice and a shag will sort them out for a couple of months.








*May not actually be this sexist.

py2006

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Perhaps the key to success lies in choosing the right venue. Though I can't help but wonder if attitude/confidence and self-assurance plays any part at all.

Exactly, with some its the lack of confidence and fear of looking/feeling awkward. With others its just an appalling attitude towards men and the belief that they are extremely physically attractive. Oh, and poor choice of venue.

Fizzlesque

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I don't know what she's complaining about. She should be flattered that she's getting attention. It's better than nobody been interested in you, or been constantly rejected. It she want's to be alone without interruption, she could always choose another venue such as a cafe or whatever.

I think Richard Hillman's attitude is quite typical of people nowadays. Lots of people stick to their own social circle. If you're awkward around strangers then it must be very difficult to meet people. I've seen a lot of this clannish mentality lately when I've been out drinking. I was in France recently and I couldn't get over how inclusive people were there. Random strangers were approaching me in bars and introducing themselves to me. It was great. You'd rarely see that here.

Ah, Davey, you disappoint me. Why should someone have to deny themselves a pint in a pub and choose a different venue such as a cafe?

I've often ended up at parties and out dancing with groups of people I'd never met before, from being in the pub enjoying a pint alone. In my mid-thirties most of my friends were in relationships or had kids and it meant I often was at a loose end so I'd go into town and go for a few pints (in pubs I'd go to with friends so I'd often know some of the people in there to see). I'm not saying nobody should ever talk to someone they don't know - I've made lots of new friends by being out and about by myself - but equally, there have been times I've just fancied being left to myself, and something to read, or a notebook to write in usually sends that signal.

MagicMarker

Pubs are traditionally used to "meet" people, if you go to a pub then I don't think you have any right to complain about people approaching you, that's obviously why they're there. It sucks but that's just the way it is.

The people approaching you should get the hint if you want to be left alone though, there's no call for acting aggressively or anything.