Women enjoying a drink in the pub alone.

the purple tin

What if the barman starts trying his luck with you?

Daveysil15

I don't know what she's complaining about. She should be flattered that she's getting attention. It's better than nobody been interested in you, or been constantly rejected. It she want's to be alone without interruption, she could always choose another venue such as a cafe or whatever.

I think Richard Hillman's attitude is quite typical of people nowadays. Lots of people stick to their own social circle. If you're awkward around strangers then it must be very difficult to meet people. I've seen a lot of this clannish mentality lately when I've been out drinking. I was in France recently and I couldn't get over how inclusive people were there. Random strangers were approaching me in bars and introducing themselves to me. It was great. You'd rarely see that here.

py2006

Oh the old Irish girl 'I'm too hot to be left alone with all these awful men' attitude. :rolleyes:

Obviously, Temple Bar on a Sat night wouldn't be advisable on your own. But decent bars during the day are perfectly fine and I have seen plenty of women doing it without being harassed.

I understand the awkwardness alright. As a man, I do like the odd drink on my own but its only certain pubs that I would do it.

mikemac1

policarp wrote: »

Women drinking in a pub should do so in the snug. . .

Proper order

And the only drink they are allowed is sherry

Fizzlesque

Right, so men harassing lone women in (some) pubs clearly does happen, judging by the women who have posted that they've been harassed and the fact only a few of the men who have posted have said they don't assume a lone woman enjoying a drink in the pub is looking to be chatted up.

Granted, not many men have posted, so it's probably still early days. From those that have answered we've learned:

(a) women smell bad and should stay in another part of the building (b) ugly women can rest easy on their bar stools, they'll be ignored
(c) if you ignore a man's advances in a bar, you're a lesbian lush
(d) if a man is handsome/charming, no single woman will be able to follow her initial plan to just enjoy a drink and read in peaceful personal space
(e) don't do a Basic Instinct leg cross when Gummy Panda is in the pub if you're serious about wanting to finish that crossword
(f) And finally, the good news is there are some men who can and do respect a woman's right to go to the pub to enjoy a drink on her own and chill out, watching the world go by.

Perhaps the key to success lies in choosing the right venue. Though I can't help but wonder if attitude/confidence and self-assurance plays any part at all.

I must admit, I'm saddened to discover some women are restricted in this way, especially those who have said they'd like to be able to enjoy a drink and some quiet them-time.

After reading the responses here I appreciate my freedom, independence and the fact I don't feel obliged to follow gender-dictated convention more than ever. As, apparently, is the same for some of my fellow sisters, so it's not all bad.

xsiborg

i've met people who thought it was unusual that i go to the pub or the club on my own and not with "the lads". i just prefer to be able to chill out sometimes and not have to make conversation, though if someone does approach me i'll be friendly with them and chat away, unless i get the sense they're an árse-hole, then i'll just walk away. i've never been approached though during the day when i'd be having lunch though, that's a strange one alright, i just assumed dutch courage had a lot to do with girls plucking up the courage to approach a complete stranger.

BunShopVoyeur

*Women drinking alone in a pub are crying out for a man to bring some order to their lives. They obviously never had a strong male presence at home and try to fill this void by spending their free time around as large a number of men as possible.
Few slaps on the arse, a stern voice and a shag will sort them out for a couple of months.








*May not actually be this sexist.

py2006

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Perhaps the key to success lies in choosing the right venue. Though I can't help but wonder if attitude/confidence and self-assurance plays any part at all.

Exactly, with some its the lack of confidence and fear of looking/feeling awkward. With others its just an appalling attitude towards men and the belief that they are extremely physically attractive. Oh, and poor choice of venue.

Fizzlesque

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I don't know what she's complaining about. She should be flattered that she's getting attention. It's better than nobody been interested in you, or been constantly rejected. It she want's to be alone without interruption, she could always choose another venue such as a cafe or whatever.

I think Richard Hillman's attitude is quite typical of people nowadays. Lots of people stick to their own social circle. If you're awkward around strangers then it must be very difficult to meet people. I've seen a lot of this clannish mentality lately when I've been out drinking. I was in France recently and I couldn't get over how inclusive people were there. Random strangers were approaching me in bars and introducing themselves to me. It was great. You'd rarely see that here.

Ah, Davey, you disappoint me. Why should someone have to deny themselves a pint in a pub and choose a different venue such as a cafe?

I've often ended up at parties and out dancing with groups of people I'd never met before, from being in the pub enjoying a pint alone. In my mid-thirties most of my friends were in relationships or had kids and it meant I often was at a loose end so I'd go into town and go for a few pints (in pubs I'd go to with friends so I'd often know some of the people in there to see). I'm not saying nobody should ever talk to someone they don't know - I've made lots of new friends by being out and about by myself - but equally, there have been times I've just fancied being left to myself, and something to read, or a notebook to write in usually sends that signal.

MagicMarker

Pubs are traditionally used to "meet" people, if you go to a pub then I don't think you have any right to complain about people approaching you, that's obviously why they're there. It sucks but that's just the way it is.

The people approaching you should get the hint if you want to be left alone though, there's no call for acting aggressively or anything.

Downlinz

To be honest as a man I'd find it a bit weird drinking alone in a pub myself as well.

Airport bar fine, and having a drink with your lunch is again fine to do alone. But going in for just a pint? Seems strange, why?

If you want a drink without company why not have it at home? If you don't want to be social, have something to eat or watch a game or something then what possible reason is there to go to a pub when you could just go home instead?

Have you tried it and had to stop because men just can't help falling at your feet every time

Although possibly a stealth bragging topic?

py2006

Downlinz wrote: »

To be honest as a man I'd find it a bit weird drinking alone in a pub myself as well.

Airport bar fine, and having a drink with your lunch is again fine to do alone. But going in for just a pint? Seems strange, why?

If you want a drink without company why not have it at home? If you don't want to be social, have something to eat or watch a game or something then what possible reason is there to go to a pub when you could just go home instead?

Sometimes, its the change of scenary. There is a big difference between having a drink at home and pint in a nice bar.

A Primal Nut

ziggy23 wrote: »

Happened to me the other night a friend of mine stood me up so I said feck it I'm having a drink. I'm not gorgeous or anything but I think a woman standing on her own must send out a signal to men! The amount of men that came over to me way more than if I was with a friend.

Tbh, I think it's about confidence as well, rather than the man judging the girl. It's easier and a lot less nerve-wracking to approach a girl on her own than when there is a few girls together! I certainly wouldn't think she is more up for it or anything. In fact, a lot of the time I'd probably assume her boyfriend is in the jacks or on his way.

Downlinz

py2006 wrote: »

Sometimes, its the change of scenary. There is a big difference between having a drink at home and pint in a nice bar.

Sure, but isn't the difference the atmosphere and the social element? If you don't wish to speak with anyone whats the attraction? Just watching people go by?

py2006

Downlinz wrote: »

Sure, but isn't the difference the atmosphere and the social element? If you don't wish to speak with anyone whats the attraction? Just watching people go by?

Well going alone and having a relaxing drink doesn't necessarily mean you don't want to talk to people. Sometimes you do get chatting to the odd person.

I spend a lot of time at home either studying or prep for work and its nice to get out of the house.

Also, there is something about seeing and hearing people in a pub in the background. Kind of hard to explain.

Richard Hillman

Downlinz wrote: »

To be honest as a man I'd find it a bit weird drinking alone in a pub myself as well.

Airport bar fine, and having a drink with your lunch is again fine to do alone. But going in for just a pint? Seems strange, why?

If you want a drink without company why not have it at home? If you don't want to be social, have something to eat or watch a game or something then what possible reason is there to go to a pub when you could just go home instead?

Everybody has their reasons. I had a sick relative living in my house recently so used to pop out to the pub for a pint or two to get out of the house.

Mainly i go to the pub on my own for sport on tv. I dont have sky so i usually pop out to the pub if i wanted to see a match. There are not many streams for things like the Heineken Cup. Sometimes i miss my bus so i pop in for a pint instead of waiting for another. Saturdays are usually good when there is horse racing and football on at the same time.


Havnt gone to the pub on my own in a while. I might pop in during the week :cool:

Scanlas The 2nd

MagicMarker wrote: »

Pubs are traditionally used to "meet" people, if you go to a pub then I don't think you have any right to complain about people approaching you, that's obviously why they're there. It sucks but that's just the way it is.

The people approaching you should get the hint if you want to be left alone though, there's no call for acting aggressively or anything.

I largely agree with this, it's anyone's right to talk to whoever they want, as that's part of freedom and with that freedom you have to accept people may talk to who you don't want to talk to. Saying that, if someone clearly doesn't want to talk to you you should walk off and leave them alone, it's rude not to.

Fizzlesque

Downlinz wrote: »

If you want a drink without company why not have it at home? If you don't want to be social, have something to eat or watch a game or something then what possible reason is there to go to a pub when you could just go home instead?

There's loads of reasons. I drink Guinness (among other things) and a creamy pint of Guinness in a pub that serves good Guinness is one of life's truly delicious things. Not the same as a can of Guinness at home....

Also, I live alone, and sometimes it's good to get out of the house and be in company without actually having to 'be in company'.

Personally, it doesn't bother me if someone starts talking to me when I'm in the pub, I don't conclude I'm being chatted up every time a man talks to me, sometimes they will be, sometimes they won't be. If I don't want to talk to that particular person, for whatever reason, I'm well able to let them know without being rude or offensive.

There's a difference between a few words of banter, light hearted chat and someone being in your face, wrecking your buzz.

I love going dancing, and as I've gotten older the times my friends are free to/interested in going dancing have become less and less, so I go by myself. I often have more fun when I'm by myself because I meet more people than I would otherwise and can spend lots of time on the dance floor if the music inspires me enough.

Scanlas The 2nd

A Primal Nut wrote: »

ziggy23 wrote: »

Happened to me the other night a friend of mine stood me up so I said feck it I'm having a drink. I'm not gorgeous or anything but I think a woman standing on her own must send out a signal to men! The amount of men that came over to me way more than if I was with a friend.

Tbh, I think it's about confidence as well, rather than the man judging the girl. It's easier and a lot less nerve-wracking to approach a girl on her own than when there is a few girls together! I certainly wouldn't think she is more up for it or anything. In fact, a lot of the time I'd probably assume her boyfriend is in the jacks or on his way.

I find it's easier and more fun approaching groups of women. You can switch your attention amongst them and none of them feel pressure to talk to you, it makes it easier for all to have fun.

aaronjumper

I would treat it as a context situation. Generally I can read whether or not someone wants to be left alone. Choosing to obey their wishes is a different story

I might stroll up and start a conversation without slobbering all over the woman.
I mean not wanting to get flirted with is fair enough but going out to a public place filled with people because you want to be alone? Anyone else seeing a flaw in this plan?

Jay D

I don't see the point in drinking on your own. Maybe it's a good thing that certain people can unwind and zone out mind you, but I just feel it's a waste of opportunity to do other things than sit there on your own having a beer and/or getting drunk. Is it gonna be a randomer come into your life and be a permanent fixture? Highly unlikely.

So if I wanted to be left alone I just stay in and knock my phone off

Daveysil15

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Ah, Davey, you disappoint me. Why should someone have to deny themselves a pint in a pub and choose a different venue such as a cafe?

there have been times I've just fancied being left to myself, and something to read, or a notebook to write in usually sends that signal.

Well why bother going to a pub if you want to be left alone? Pubs are social places. There are plenty of places you can read a book. Although if you're in a pub during the afternoon then that would be ok as it would be quite. Are men approaching these women in pubs during the afternoon though? Anyway, I fail to see the reason for going into a pub for some quite time when there's lots of men watching a match or getting ready for some clubbing.

marco2068

Madilynn Gentle Narcotic wrote: »

Arrogance. They think because you're there, they have the right to speak to you even though they don't know you at all. I've had people tell me I should stay at home if I don't want to socialise. As if going out to soak up the atmosphere and enjoy the company of your friends isn't acceptable.

maybe you should take a lesson from the english girls i've met while in the uk. All including even the prettiest will spend a few minutes chatting to a guy and are usually very friendly. After a while they'll let you know they have to 'go' and me/the guy returns to his friends, pride intact.

In ireland it seems that most women (even the not so good looking ones) are very standoffish unless they really like you.

Daveysil15

marco2068 wrote: »

maybe you should take a lesson from the english girls i've met while in the uk. All including even the prettiest will spend a few minutes chatting to a guy and are usually very friendly. After a while they'll let you know they have to 'go' and me/the guy returns to his friends, pride intact.

In ireland it seems that most women (even the not so good looking ones) are very standoffish unless they really like you.

Feck that, I'm moving to England.

Scanlas The 2nd

Madilynn Gentle Narcotic wrote: »

validusername1 wrote: »

Well the woman who said that must be pretty conceited!

I'm a girl, I wouldn't go to the pub and have a drink by myself but that's because I'd just feel awkward, not 'cause I'd be afraid of men hitting on me. If I'm out at clubs though and lose my friends so I'm on my own, guys do tend to approach a bit more. I guess it's less intimidating for them approaching a girl on her own rather than if she's with a group of friends. But either way, it's so conceited to believe that you can't even go for a drink on your own without thinking men are gonna bombard you cause you're just that hot.

And this is exactly what men who bother girls on their own say. 'Ah, you're so up yourself, sure I'm only trying to have a nice chat with ya.' We're not bloody idiots. I can tell the difference. I don't even mind strangers talking to me, but when I give the signal that I'd prefer to be left alone, I expect to be left alone. I don't have any obligation to talk to anybody, but a lot of guys don't seem to understand that.

And I'm not talking about what 'would' happen. I've never once sat in a bar with a drink on my own and not been chatted up or leered at. It even happens even when I'm out with my boyfriend and he's at the bar or the toilet. I guess I must be really hot then. :rolleyes:

You're right in that you are not obligated to talk to chatter uppers, they also are not obligated to not attempt chatting up.

You are not entitled not to be chatted up and they are not entitled to a welcoming response.

Scanlas The 2nd

Daveysil15 wrote: »

marco2068 wrote: »

maybe you should take a lesson from the english girls i've met while in the uk. All including even the prettiest will spend a few minutes chatting to a guy and are usually very friendly. After a while they'll let you know they have to 'go' and me/the guy returns to his friends, pride intact.

In ireland it seems that most women (even the not so good looking ones) are very standoffish unless they really like you.

Feck that, I'm moving to England.

So you'd prefer more obligatory pity conversation, a sharp fukc off is more genuine.

sunflower27

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Well why bother going to a pub if you want to be left alone? Pubs are social places. There are plenty of places you can read a book. Although if you're in a pub during the afternoon then that would be ok as it would be quite. Are men approaching these women in pubs during the afternoon though? Anyway, I fail to see the reason for going into a pub for some quite time when there's lots of men watching a match or getting ready for some clubbing.

OK

Daveysil15

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

So you'd prefer more obligatory pity conversation, a sharp fukc off is more genuine.

I wouldn't call it pity. It's basic courtesy. No I never really liked the fcuk off response. I find that slightly insulting. :pac:

sunflower27

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I wouldn't call it pity. It's basic courtesy. No I never really liked the fcuk off response. I find that slightly insulting. :pac:

Why should it be accepted that it is Ok to go over to a woman that is happily enjoying a drink, reading the paper or something.

Just because she is in a pub and not a library doesnt mean she wants some random guy to sit down and start talking to her.

Leave her alone. it's not a hard concept.

Daveysil15

sunflower27 wrote: »

Why should it be accepted that it is Ok to go over to a woman that is happily enjoying a drink, reading the paper or something.

Just because she is in a pub and not a library doesnt mean she wants some random guy to sit down and start talking to her.

Leave her alone. it's not a hard concept.

God with that attitude we'd never meet anyone. It's a free country. Of course its ok to approach someone and talk to them as long as you're not been rude. If she doesn't want to be approached or she politely tells him she's not interested, then that's fine. Jeez, you'd think he was trying to rape her or something. :rolleyes:

sunflower27

Daveysil15 wrote: »

God with that attitude we'd never meet anyone. It's a free country. Of course its ok to approach someone and talk to them as long as you're not been rude. If she doesn't want to be approached or she politely tells him she's not interested, then that's fine. Jeez, you'd think he was trying to rape her or something. :rolleyes:

Calm down, I am talking about people being offended when someone does not want to engage in conversation with them.

marco2068

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

So you'd prefer more obligatory pity conversation, a sharp fukc off is more genuine.

I'd be more than happy to hear it from you, don't think i'd like our conversation.

Anyways i was only chatting to you to get to your friend:cool:

Daveysil15

sunflower27 wrote: »

Calm down, I am talking about people being offended when someone does not want to engage in conversation with them.

Well that's fair enough, but the whole, "Leave her alone" remark. You made it sound like they're been harassed. If she's allowed to sit in a bar, then people are allowed to approach her. It's as simple as that!

Varied

Love going for a good steak and pint of a sunday.

Honestly some women need to deflate those egos, all too many princesses out there.

IrishAm

sunflower27 wrote: »

Why should it be accepted that it is Ok to go over to a woman that is happily enjoying a drink, reading the paper or something.

Just because she is in a pub and not a library doesnt mean she wants some random guy to sit down and start talking to her.

Leave her alone. it's not a hard concept.

If hes good looking, its cool. If hes not, you complain about some creeper hitting on ya!

du Maurier

Varied wrote: »

Love going for a good steak and pint of a sunday.

Honestly some women need to deflate those egos, all too many princesses out there.

True. It seems some of the fairer sex aren't prescient of mind to tactfully navigate their way around some unwanted attention without roaring about harassment and being put upon by the desperate ogres. Ridiculous.:pac:

christmas2012

I dont see the problem with a woman having drinks on her own,if a guy comes up to her so what?Its a free country,she can either a) chat with him b) politely chat to him and let him off or c) tell him where to go -all reactions are accepted in ireland,even the **** off as it is seen as an honest response..
I dont see what all the fuss is about really,ive went for drinks on my own and in company,and if someone approaches you that you dont like you can get up and leave,but then again how do you know youre going to like them until they start chatting away..They are more likely to approach you when you are on your own,as company can be daunting,but you wil find in groups,one group will approach another etc..
It can be annoying being approached but as long as you know how to react (personally i wouldnt go the **** off route,probably would have when i was younger,i would let them down gently,chat away then make my excuses,i think is the best option,whats the need to tell somebody to **** off,you never know when you might cross paths again)..

Miss Lockhart

I think it is shocking that there are people in this day and age who would "judge" a woman for having a drink alone in a pub. If she is just getting out and about and enjoying her own company - what's wrong with that? If she is there on the pull - what's wrong with that?

I agree it can be annoying being approached repeatedly if you want to be left alone. However, I also agree that you don't have any right not to be approached and that others, men included, have the right to approach and try chat to anybody they like.

That said, women have every right to tell a man that they want to be left alone. And while technically a man may have the "right" to persist, if he does then I think he is a dick.

If a woman chooses to be outright rude (ie "f*ck off!) then she can only expect rudeness back.

However, if a woman exchanges pleasantries and then politely but clearly says that she was hoping to spend some time alone, then any man that responds to that in a rude way is a dick.

I think the number of Irish women who go straight for the "f*ck off" approach is probably directly proportional to the number of Irish men who cannot take any type of rejection without being a dick. That doesn't excuse the rudeness. I would personally never take the rude approach but yet I encounter the insulting response from some men far too frequently.

Malari

I'm confused about people who say they would "judge" a woman for having a drink alone in a pub. What judgement do you make? She's lonely? An alcoholic? Looking for a one-night stand?

I've done it occasion, while waiting for people to show up, or maybe in an airport. I seem to have a group of friends that is chronically late. And yeah, sometimes you get guys chatting to you. Sometimes I'll chat, other times I'll politely make it clear I just want to read or be alone. But I've also been approached by some pretty unpleasant men, sometimes drunk, and they are unable to take a hint. I think I've only resorted to telling someone to f*ck off once that I remember and he was just being really rude and obnoxious.

fran17

a little dash of rohypnol always gets em in the mood:pac:

kfallon

A few weeks ago a woman came into the local on a Saturday afternoon, had 2 large bottles of cider and sat down and read a book. Didn't see anything wrong with it myself, nor did the other two lads I was with.

She was a fine looking thing too so when she left it was a race over to smell the seat she'd been sat in :pac:

hatrickpatrick

What's wrong with being chatted up? If you don't want to chat just say so.
I went out on my own a few months ago, had a girlfriend at the time. Two girls hit on me, I just didn't reciprocate and they stopped...?

Never understand why this is such a big deal for some people. How's anyone supposed to know if you're "up for being chatted up" before they've tried talking to you?
Seems guys in this country are damned if they do, damned if they don't: You get masses of girls (including Rihanna) who complain that Irish guys are too shy and never make the first move, and then you get this concept that being chatted up is automatically creepy and unwanted without even knowing...

How exactly is a guy meant to win in this situation?

christmas2012

a **** off is something i would never do now,think of how you would feel if you were in their shoes,if they were a prick though i probably would say **** off now,best approach is let them down gently..

Daveysil15

Well look at it this way, if a nice guy approaches a woman and she's had a few gobsheens approach her prior to that, and she's fairly pissed off and tells the nice guy to fcuk off, then the nice guy will be reluctant to approach anymore women. Therefore, there will be plenty of nice girls not getting approached by nice guys. You see these things have a knock-on affect and this is how generalisations start.

py2006

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

I think the number of Irish women who go straight for the "f*ck off" approach is probably directly proportional to the number of Irish men who cannot take any type of rejection without being a dick.

Unfortunately this is not the case. In my experience, a lot of girls (Irish) are extremely rude, offensive and arrogant when it comes to guys trying to strike a conversation or even just saying hello. Unless of course they fancy the guy, otherwise you are a "creep" or "sleazy". :rolleyes:

(I can understand them doing it to a drunk idiot but I have seen it done to decent guys who merely say hello)

I have witnessed this to such an extent that I am very wary of making eye contact, saying hello or smiling at a girl in a pub. If she starts with a hello than thats fine.

I remember one time arriving at the bar to order my drink, as I glanced to my right I made a split second eye contact with a girl so I just smiled and said hi and turned back towards the barman. I could see her move down the bar and mutter "yea right" under her breath. Astonishing arrogance and ignorance.

Miss Lockhart

py2006 wrote: »

Unfortunately this is not the case. In my experience, a lot of girls (Irish) are extremely rude, offensive and arrogant when it comes to guys trying to strike a conversation or even just saying hello.

Well that's you're experience - mine has been very different.

In my experience, as a woman who enjoys going out on her own and who never tells anyone to f*ck off, there are far too many Irish guys who cannot accept rejection in any form.

py2006

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

Well that's you're experience - mine has been very different.

In my experience, as a woman who enjoys going out on her own and who never tells anyone to f*ck off, there are far too many Irish guys who cannot accept rejection in any form.

No offence but may be it is how you are responding to it. Unless of course its late in the night and these particular guys that approach you have had too much.

Personally, if I am to approach a girl (rare nowadays), I ask her once and thats it.

Actually, I NEVER approach strange women. I usually get talking to somebody who is in my group or whatever.

Miss Lockhart

py2006 wrote: »

No offence but may be it is how you are responding to it. Unless of course its late in the night and these particular guys that approach you have had too much.

Personally, if I am to approach a girl (rare nowadays), I ask her once and thats it.

I can assure you it's not my way of responding. I could equally say that the problem is with your method of approach. :rolleyes:

I always exchange pleasantries, no problems with that. If they go to sit down I will simply say, politely and in a friendly way, that I was hoping to spend some time alone, thank you. Far too often they are abusive and rude in response.

How else is a woman supposed to let a man know they just want to be alone? Some guys seem to think that wanting to be alone and not wanting to engage in lengthy conversation warrants abuse.

Your personal approach is not representative of every man, just as my non-rude response is not representative of every woman.

Daveysil15

py2006 wrote: »

Actually, I NEVER approach strange women. I usually get talking to somebody who is in my group or whatever.

What if you don't have a group though? What if you're a new guy in town who doesn't know anybody and want to meet new people? It aint easy. The clanish mentaility doesn't help.

captain caveman

Poor Oul Dicey Reilly.. She Has taken to the sup!