Women enjoying a drink in the pub alone.

kfallon

A few weeks ago a woman came into the local on a Saturday afternoon, had 2 large bottles of cider and sat down and read a book. Didn't see anything wrong with it myself, nor did the other two lads I was with.

She was a fine looking thing too so when she left it was a race over to smell the seat she'd been sat in :pac:

hatrickpatrick

What's wrong with being chatted up? If you don't want to chat just say so.
I went out on my own a few months ago, had a girlfriend at the time. Two girls hit on me, I just didn't reciprocate and they stopped...?

Never understand why this is such a big deal for some people. How's anyone supposed to know if you're "up for being chatted up" before they've tried talking to you?
Seems guys in this country are damned if they do, damned if they don't: You get masses of girls (including Rihanna) who complain that Irish guys are too shy and never make the first move, and then you get this concept that being chatted up is automatically creepy and unwanted without even knowing...

How exactly is a guy meant to win in this situation?

christmas2012

a **** off is something i would never do now,think of how you would feel if you were in their shoes,if they were a prick though i probably would say **** off now,best approach is let them down gently..

Daveysil15

Well look at it this way, if a nice guy approaches a woman and she's had a few gobsheens approach her prior to that, and she's fairly pissed off and tells the nice guy to fcuk off, then the nice guy will be reluctant to approach anymore women. Therefore, there will be plenty of nice girls not getting approached by nice guys. You see these things have a knock-on affect and this is how generalisations start.

py2006

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

I think the number of Irish women who go straight for the "f*ck off" approach is probably directly proportional to the number of Irish men who cannot take any type of rejection without being a dick.

Unfortunately this is not the case. In my experience, a lot of girls (Irish) are extremely rude, offensive and arrogant when it comes to guys trying to strike a conversation or even just saying hello. Unless of course they fancy the guy, otherwise you are a "creep" or "sleazy". :rolleyes:

(I can understand them doing it to a drunk idiot but I have seen it done to decent guys who merely say hello)

I have witnessed this to such an extent that I am very wary of making eye contact, saying hello or smiling at a girl in a pub. If she starts with a hello than thats fine.

I remember one time arriving at the bar to order my drink, as I glanced to my right I made a split second eye contact with a girl so I just smiled and said hi and turned back towards the barman. I could see her move down the bar and mutter "yea right" under her breath. Astonishing arrogance and ignorance.

Miss Lockhart

py2006 wrote: »

Unfortunately this is not the case. In my experience, a lot of girls (Irish) are extremely rude, offensive and arrogant when it comes to guys trying to strike a conversation or even just saying hello.

Well that's you're experience - mine has been very different.

In my experience, as a woman who enjoys going out on her own and who never tells anyone to f*ck off, there are far too many Irish guys who cannot accept rejection in any form.

py2006

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

Well that's you're experience - mine has been very different.

In my experience, as a woman who enjoys going out on her own and who never tells anyone to f*ck off, there are far too many Irish guys who cannot accept rejection in any form.

No offence but may be it is how you are responding to it. Unless of course its late in the night and these particular guys that approach you have had too much.

Personally, if I am to approach a girl (rare nowadays), I ask her once and thats it.

Actually, I NEVER approach strange women. I usually get talking to somebody who is in my group or whatever.

Miss Lockhart

py2006 wrote: »

No offence but may be it is how you are responding to it. Unless of course its late in the night and these particular guys that approach you have had too much.

Personally, if I am to approach a girl (rare nowadays), I ask her once and thats it.

I can assure you it's not my way of responding. I could equally say that the problem is with your method of approach. :rolleyes:

I always exchange pleasantries, no problems with that. If they go to sit down I will simply say, politely and in a friendly way, that I was hoping to spend some time alone, thank you. Far too often they are abusive and rude in response.

How else is a woman supposed to let a man know they just want to be alone? Some guys seem to think that wanting to be alone and not wanting to engage in lengthy conversation warrants abuse.

Your personal approach is not representative of every man, just as my non-rude response is not representative of every woman.

Daveysil15

py2006 wrote: »

Actually, I NEVER approach strange women. I usually get talking to somebody who is in my group or whatever.

What if you don't have a group though? What if you're a new guy in town who doesn't know anybody and want to meet new people? It aint easy. The clanish mentaility doesn't help.

captain caveman

Poor Oul Dicey Reilly.. She Has taken to the sup!

Scanlas The 2nd

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

py2006 wrote: »

No offence but may be it is how you are responding to it. Unless of course its late in the night and these particular guys that approach you have had too much.

Personally, if I am to approach a girl (rare nowadays), I ask her once and thats it.

I can assure you it's not my way of responding. I could equally say that the problem is with your method of approach. :rolleyes:

I always exchange pleasantries, no problems with that. If they go to sit down I will simply say, politely and in a friendly way, that I was hoping to spend some time alone, thank you. Far too often they are abusive and rude in response.

How else is a woman supposed to let a man know they just want to be alone? Some guys seem to think that wanting to be alone and not wanting to engage in lengthy conversation warrants abuse.

Your personal approach is not representative of every man, just as my non-rude response is not representative of every woman.

If you want to be alone then tell him that, it's not rude. If he doesn't leave he's the one who is rude.

py2006

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

I can assure you it's not my way of responding. I could equally say that the problem is with your method of approach. :rolleyes:

I always exchange pleasantries, no problems with that. If they go to sit down I will simply say, politely and in a friendly way, that I was hoping to spend some time alone, thank you. Far too often they are abusive and rude in response.

How else is a woman supposed to let a man know they just want to be alone? Some guys seem to think that wanting to be alone and not wanting to engage in lengthy conversation warrants abuse.

Your personal approach is not representative of every man, just as my non-rude response is not representative of every woman.

Well if you read my post, I don't approach full stop. Unless its obvious she wants to engage in conversation. Unfortunately its not all about horrible men against women, its often vice versa too. Not suggesting you are horrible to men or anything.

The whole meeting somebody is a terrifying game men (in general) have to play. It would be a whole different ball game if more women made the effort here. Its very hard to know which girl is approachable and which isn't. I feel sorry for a lot of guys to be honest. I have seen guys extremely put out by such rudeness but I have also seen the tossers who just go "next".

Setun

Fizzlesque wrote: »

So, as a man, would you think a woman in a pub alone is automatically up for being chatted up?

Irrespective of gender, I think in your average pub most people just mind their own business. I probably wouldn't be bothered or even notice the fact that somebody was on their own. I think it's a shame though that a man can't just talk to a woman in a pub or whatever without the automatic presumption of sexual interest - as you say, as if men can't be trusted to behave themselves around women!

py2006

Anyway, back to the original topic. Women just need to choose their venues carefully if they wish to go for a drink on their own. Same goes for men too. Some pubs are just pick up joints and some are more refined.

py2006

Daveysil15 wrote: »

What if you don't have a group though? What if you're a new guy in town who doesn't know anybody and want to meet new people? It aint easy. The clanish mentaility doesn't help.

I agree, it can be difficult. I was in that scenario before. I think some of the locals picked up on it and they started talking.

Scanlas The 2nd

py2006 wrote: »

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

I can assure you it's not my way of responding. I could equally say that the problem is with your method of approach. :rolleyes:

I always exchange pleasantries, no problems with that. If they go to sit down I will simply say, politely and in a friendly way, that I was hoping to spend some time alone, thank you. Far too often they are abusive and rude in response.

How else is a woman supposed to let a man know they just want to be alone? Some guys seem to think that wanting to be alone and not wanting to engage in lengthy conversation warrants abuse.

Your personal approach is not representative of every man, just as my non-rude response is not representative of every woman.

Well if you read my post, I don't approach full stop. Unless its obvious she wants to engage in conversation. Unfortunately its not all about horrible men against women, its often vice versa too. Not suggesting you are horrible to men or anything.

The whole meeting somebody is a terrifying game men (in general) have to play. It would be a whole different ball game if more women made the effort here. Its very hard to know which girl is approachable and which isn't. I feel sorry for a lot of guys to be honest. I have seen guys extremely put out by such rudeness but I have also seen the tossers who just go "next".

That's an awful attitude, worrying what people think of you will makes life a misery.

The very fact you are worrying about who is approachable is turning women off and making them more likely to reject you. You see someone you like, you approach, priority being amusing yourself and not seeking her approval which will repel her. By being in the mindset of figuring out if she is "approachable" you are already her little bitch. Unless you have a crystal ball you don't know whether she is "approachable".

Miss Lockhart

py2006 wrote: »

Well if you read my post, I don't approach full stop.

I did read your post - you edited it to add that last part after I replied.

py2006 wrote: »

Unfortunately its not all about horrible men against women, its often vice versa too. Not suggesting you are horrible to men or anything.

Nobody said it was about horrible men against women. Why even bring it up? There has been plenty of reference to horrible women against men too - it's not like the thread was lacking that side of the story.

I simply shared my experiences and disagreed with you sweeping aside my opinions by saying "that's not true" and then implying that when men get the wrong response it's the woman's fault and when women get the wrong response it's also the woman's fault.

py2006

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

I did read your post - you edited it to add that last part after I replied.



Nobody said it was about horrible men against women. Why even bring it up? There has been plenty of reference to horrible women against men too - it's not like the thread was lacking that side of the story.

I simply shared my experiences and disagreed with you sweeping aside my opinions by saying "that's not true" and then implying that when men get the wrong response it's the woman's fault and when women get the wrong response it's also the woman's fault.

Utter nonsense! And no I did not change my post after you replied. Look again.

Lets get back to the topic please.

Miss Lockhart

py2006 wrote: »

Utter nonsense! And no I did not change my post after you replied. Look again.

Lets get back to the topic please.

I pressed the quote button to reply to your post. The last line - bolded below - was added in the edit and was not there while I was typing my reply.

py2006 wrote: »

No offence but may be it is how you are responding to it. Unless of course its late in the night and these particular guys that approach you have had too much.

Personally, if I am to approach a girl (rare nowadays), I ask her once and thats it.

Actually, I NEVER approach strange women. I usually get talking to somebody who is in my group or whatever.

Doc Ruby

py2006 wrote: »

Unfortunately this is not the case. In my experience, a lot of girls (Irish) are extremely rude, offensive and arrogant when it comes to guys trying to strike a conversation or even just saying hello. Unless of course they fancy the guy, otherwise you are a "creep" or "sleazy". :rolleyes:

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

there are far too many Irish guys who cannot accept rejection in any form.

You're both right to a certain extent. If someone is going to be a prick, no amount of smooth talking is going to pour oil on those troubled waters, and their attitude then slops over into common understanding.

Earnest lads often seem to have this "I'm committed now, this will make me or break me" thing going on, and just don't know when to stop. Then it blows up in their faces and they feel hugely personally insulted because they were too invested in it from the get go. They had to build up their courage so much that they became overinvested, and failed to connect because they didn't know when to stop. Its often a self fulfilling prophecy.

Its very simple. If a person is going to be good craic, you can tell pretty quickly by talking to them, and you can have good craic with them. If you can't have good craic with them, those well rounded buttocks and sheer legs are going to turn sour awful fast anyway. Win-win, no pressure.

Don't go and talk to the most atractive person there, or someone you think is your level, or whatever, don't make that decision based on physical attraction, go talk to someone that looks like they might be fun to talk to. If you're right, you'll have a laugh, if not, you're much better off bailing out quickly. Its whats between your ears, not your legs, that makes for good sex anyway.

Daveysil15

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

The very fact you are worrying about who is approachable is turning women off and making them more likely to reject you. You see someone you like, you approach, priority being amusing yourself and not seeking her approval which will repel her. By being in the mindset of figuring out if she is "approachable" you are already her little bitch. Unless you have a crystal ball you don't know whether she is "approachable".

Wow women can read men's minds now. :eek: I see where you're coming from but you're over analysing, or assuming he's over analysing. There are people making a living from this sort of stuff. I think they're called Pick Up Artists.

Scanlas The 2nd

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

The very fact you are worrying about who is approachable is turning women off and making them more likely to reject you. You see someone you like, you approach, priority being amusing yourself and not seeking her approval which will repel her. By being in the mindset of figuring out if she is "approachable" you are already her little bitch. Unless you have a crystal ball you don't know whether she is "approachable".

Wow women can read men's minds now. :eek: I see where you're coming from but you're over analysing, or assuming he's over analysing. There are people making a living from this sort of stuff. I think they're called Pick Up Artists.

I do think women have a very keen eye whether a man is is being himself or trying to impress her. So they can read your mind to a certain degree.

Daveysil15

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I do think women have a very keen eye whether a man is is being himself or trying to impress her. So they can read your mind to a certain degree.

I agree and I think they can smell desperation a mile away too - but can he not impress her while been himself? Does that mean he should just be himself and not impress her?

Eve_Dublin

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

If you are attractive enough, witty, charming it doesn't matter if a single woman only went to the pub to read etc. she'll change her mind.

Many men think they're all these things and they really aren't.

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Well why bother going to a pub if you want to be left alone? Pubs are social places. There are plenty of places you can read a book. Although if you're in a pub during the afternoon then that would be ok as it would be quite. Are men approaching these women in pubs during the afternoon though? Anyway, I fail to see the reason for going into a pub for some quite time when there's lots of men watching a match or getting ready for some clubbing.

If it's not your thing, it's not your thing. We have our own reasons for going. In Ireland you can't have a pint/glass of beer in a cafe and some people like to have just the one while reading. It's also nice to have the buzz of people around you.

I've never gone to pick up a man but I've definitely gone with the open mind of sparking up a conversation with someone sitting beside me regardless of age, gender or attractiveness. More likely to happen in a bar than a cafe.

marco2068 wrote: »

maybe you should take a lesson from the english girls i've met while in the uk. All including even the prettiest will spend a few minutes chatting to a guy and are usually very friendly. After a while they'll let you know they have to 'go' and me/the guy returns to his friends, pride intact.

In ireland it seems that most women (even the not so good looking ones) are very standoffish unless they really like you.

I've lived in England and that's definitely not the case. Perhaps the novelty of you being a foreigner might give you more of a chance for the chats but local lads get the same treatment as lads here.

Doc Ruby wrote: »

Don't go and talk to the most atractive person there, or someone you think is your level, or whatever, don't make that decision based on physical attraction, go talk to someone that looks like they might be fun to talk to. If you're right, you'll have a laugh, if not, you're much better off bailing out quickly. Its whats between your ears, not your legs, that makes for good sex anyway.

This is what it comes down to and I've said it on here before. I always get talking to the people who seem approachable and potentially a laugh. You see lads talking to women who you just know won't give them the time of day. How come I can spot them as a heterosexual female and they can't ?

Doc Ruby

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

How come I can spot them as a heterosexual female and they can't ?

I'll tell you why, they just don't know what to look for. They are looking at legs, boobs, hair, anything but the thing that actually matters. They simply do not know, nobody ever told them. More, you'd see lads chatting up girls in groups that are obviously not interested at that time because they are part of that group, office parties and whatnot, where casual encounters would be inappropriate. The bigger picture, folks.

It causes a lot of confusion and wasted time too, lot of problems generally in fact. Angry young men and women who don't know what's going on talking past each other.

Daveysil15

Doc Ruby wrote: »

I'll tell you why, they just don't know what to look for. They are looking at legs, boobs, hair, anything but the thing that actually matters.

Well the fact that a lot of women go out wearing a scarf for a skirt and a nice low cut top, what do you expect? When a man see's a woman dressed like that on a Saturday night he's not thinking, "Ohh she seems like an intellectual." :rolleyes: It's a meat market. If you want to find an intelluctual go to a library.

Scanlas The 2nd

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I do think women have a very keen eye whether a man is is being himself or trying to impress her. So they can read your mind to a certain degree.

I agree and I think they can smell desperation a mile away too - but can he not impress her while been himself? Does that mean he should just be himself and not impress her?

By not not trying to impress women you ironically enough tend to impress women. Things like nervous smiles/ laughter/ jittery body language/ speaking too fast/ checking for her reactions when you say something are a give away you need her to approve of you.

Doc Ruby

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Well the fact that a lot of women go out wearing a scarf for a skirt and a nice low cut top, what do you expect?

I'd expect them to look at the bigger picture as well, it saves a lot of bother. This is what I'm saying - it doesn't matter if a woman is insanely beautiful, if she's an unpleasant person you either won't get near or if you do you'll be sorry you did.

Its not about controlling yourself prudishly, its about recognising what actually matters. Imagine some naughty fantasy, then compare it to a casual fling. Which gets you more excited? Think that's because of physical differences?

Daveysil15 wrote: »

When a man see's a woman dressed like that on a Saturday night he's not thinking, "Ohh she seems like an intellectual." :rolleyes: It's a meat market. If you want to find an intelluctual go to a library.

I made no reference to educational achievements.

Daveysil15

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Things like nervous smiles/ laughter/ jittery body language/ speaking too fast/ checking for her reactions when you say something are a give away you need her to approve of you.

No that's a give away that he's lacking confidence. I agree with the not trying part though. Guys often say that they get more offers when they're in a realtionship because they're not trying so hard.

Scanlas The 2nd

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

If you are attractive enough, witty, charming it doesn't matter if a single woman only went to the pub to read etc. she'll change her mind.

Many men think they're all these things and they really aren't.

If course but that's besides the point. Say Brad Pitt approaches the woman who only wants to read her book alone at the pub. Chances are her priorities change. If you are attractive enough excuses tend to disappear. I'd even contend most women would cheat in the right circumstances the man is hat attractive enough.