'I Wouldnt ride her into battle', 'Her face looks like a bag of bent euros'

ilovelamp2000

She's seen more Japs eyes than a Tokyo optician.

Wibbs

If your face was your fortune you'd owe your arse a fiver.

You should learn from your parents mistake and wear a condom.

Duggy747

Those lips would suck the milk out of your tea.

starbelgrade

She speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.

Wibbs

Go on, please enlighten us with what you know on the subject, we've all got 10 seconds to spare. I've used that one before.

Or once while on the piss, this very irritating woman, with a large and over reaching sense of her own beauty and self importance asked me at the end of the evening; "oh I suppose you want my phone number now" I replied, "It's OK I saw it on the wall in the gents earlier"

neil_hosey

if id a garden full of mickeys, i wouldnt let her look over the wall..

Elessar

She's got a face that would turn a funeral down a side street.

Plazaman

He's so unlucky...

....if he was an albino, he'd have black dandruff
....if he had ducks, they'd drown


She was only a wrestlers daughter, but ya shoulda seen her box.

gman2k

She has a box like a ripped out fireplace.

She doesn't have a face, she has two arses.

Zebra3

She's bet down with hammers.

kfallon

About someone who is a bit too camp/gay

"If you dropped a 50c piece with him around you'd kick it all the way home"

gman2k

Swamp Donkey

Madame K

So ugly, her pillow cries at night.

So fat, gotta take a tram and two buses to get to his good side.

mud

I'd ate a shcabby child through the bars of a cot.

Kerrigooney

She has a fanny like a torn handbag.

Randy Anders

Head on 'em like a blind cobblers thumb

barney 20v

This i heard said about the local slut by a local elderly cracked woman... That one would get up on our Lord Jesus Christ on the cross..... still makes me chuckle .

bbam

Has the "butter face" been mentioned.

As in...
She has a fine body butter face is minging.

kfallon

He'd get up on a cracked plate that fella

nice1franko

She's a head like Eircom broadband -in a bundle.

castletownman

"He was as full as a tinker's caravan"

"He'd drink slop from a tinker's welly"

Kevwoody

When talking about riding good or bad looking women,

Sure they were all split wit the same hatchet!

W0bble5

kfallon wrote: »

It'd be like a lost pen in the Albert Hall

Its like riding a skip.....you wouldn't even touch the sides.....

py2006

Your mother had to feed you with a slingshot.

bearhugs

She's no stranger to a snackbox.

Butterface

He's about as hot as a shít on the chest

I'd open her up like a bag of tayto

He's a face like a teabag

Lionel Messy

They'd eat her in Korea.

Frynge

someone gave her a ladder to climb back up the ugly tree

duiggers

S you in your a's, without a c and j all over your b's

hattoncracker

"id eat a curry chip out of her dirty knickers!!!"

HHH

She could eat an apple through a tennis racket

FANTAPANTS

her fannys like a wizards sleave

ricero

i wouldnt even ride her into battle. thats class.

i say its like throwing a sausage down O'Connell street her vagina's that wide

Fizman

If you thought she was a little 'unkept':

I bet she has a growler like a burst mattress.

christmas2012

he has a body like a bag of donuts

FANTAPANTS

she has a head on her like a busted piss flap

W0bble5

The set of teeth on him he could smoke in the shower

Whatsisname

"Head like a barracuda"

"Seen better legs on a table"

*to a footballer* "touch of a rapist"

"I'd rather get up on a Monday morning"

plein de force

She's as wide as a corridor

crubbeens

Put a bag over her fanny and F**k the head off her.

Mickey H

Sir Gallagher wrote: »

I'm sweating like a traveller doing maths.

syndeyfife wrote: »

Sweating like a paedo in a barney suit

Sweating like a hooker in confessions.

ComputerKing

She's like the village bike everyone gets a ride,
She's like a rugby ball everyone gets a try.

mikemac1

Had a dance with her, gave her a compliment. Told her she doesn't sweat much for a fat bird

twistedsoul

She has a head like a melted bucket and legs like cheesy wotsits !

FindingMimo

she looks like a melted welly

--Kaiser--

He's so unlucky that if it was raining tits he'd get hit in the head with a willy

PhlegmyMoses

She had a fanny like a hippo's yawn.

ChippingSodbury

On nice bird: she'd give you a stalk that'd beat an ass out of a swamp
On bad bird: I wouldn't do her with yours
or: She was no show pony but she'd do for a ride around the house
In general: Suck dear, blow is just an expresion

mikemac1

Ok, she's not a looker but you don't look at the pretty mantlepiece when you are poking the fire

She's a goer, AP McCoy would be struggling to ride her

Mickey H

She had straight hair and curly teeth.