On the Dole-A Deal Breaker

Delancey

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Given the number of anti social welfare threads I thought the yes side would be significant higher, so it's a refreshing change.

+ 1 .

The quantity and quality of the ' Lets Hate The Unemployed ' threads is disturbing.

Eve_Dublin

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

biko

Phill Ewinn wrote: »

I could change that. I go deep b*tches.

Eww, no more posts from you thanks.

Lord TSC

Wouldn't bother me about a girl tbh. In this day and age when the majority of our youth is leaving the country because of a lack of jobs, you can hardly hold it against someone in the same way you could years ago...

Varied

In a dreamworld, people wouldn't care but in my experience people are harsh enough when you're jobless. Especially women(some, well a lot).

Piste

It depends on why they're on the dole and if they're actively seeking work of course. Someone with no ambition or motivation to work will always be less attractive than someone with drive and ability who has fallen on hard times and is doing his best to get back on him feet.

Pushtrak

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Hey all,

Just looking for a women's perspective on this. If you met a man on a night out and ye got on well and had a great night together, exchange numbers, go back to his or whatever...

So you've decided that you like this man and you'd really like to met him again, so ye arrange to meet up and have a date, over the course of this date it comes to light that his unemployed and on the dole.

Wouldn't happen. If there were an issue, you wouldn't be on a 2nd date. Or anything that could be called a first, tbh. Any banter on a night out always asks where one is working, or what course one is doing. You aren't really going to get to know someone properly in some pub or club, so don't expect more from it than it is.

3ndahalfof6

to be fair if it was me with a woman and she was not putting out I don't think I could stay with her, but we could be friends.

Madam_X

Even if he planned to be on the dole and not bother working, if I liked him enough, I'd give it a go to see whether he'd change his mind. But it would probably lead to problems, like me financially supporting him if we wanted to go away etc and too much of that wouldn't be fair and would lead to problems. It would also be frustrating to see someone you care about nor bothering to use their abilities/talents. But I'd imagine it's rare.

later12

Actually I'm starting to date a girl who's unemployed at the moment (teacher on summer holidays) and I'm working for myself. I love the fact that she's not working. I get to spend loads of time with her and she comes over and we do fun stuff during the daytime that we wouldn't get to do if we were working 9-5.

I'm definitely getting to know her better than if she and I were meeting up for the odd evening drink, so it's a massive positive from my selfish point of view.:)

Richard Hillman

I got a laid a lot more when i was working. My romantic activities when ive not been working have been non existent. I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole. In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways. If there is a group of 5 female friends, two have boyfriends with good jobs and the other 3 are single. Its very unlikely one of the single girls will go out with a lad on the dole.

A_Sober_Paddy

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I got a laid a lot more when i was working. My romantic activities when ive not been working have been non existent. I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole. In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways. If there is a group of 5 female friends, two have boyfriends with good jobs and the other 3 are single. Its very unlikely one of the single girls will go out with a lad on the dole.

Is that not incredibly sad?

starlit

Might have bothered me before but now It wouldn't as its harder to find employment regardless of what stage of your career you are in. Though for new grads is harder for them than for more experienced people, though those with work experience they have the option to change careers.

later12

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I got a laid a lot more when i was working. My romantic activities when ive not been working have been non existent. I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole.

It's not necessarily that.

Most people in employment have a lot more networking opportunities both in work and in their leisure time. They may be better able to afford socialising and widening their circle of acquaintances in pubs/ nightclubs than the unemployed person who socialises at home with his existing circle of friends.

IrishAm

later12 wrote: »

Actually I'm starting to date a girl who's unemployed at the moment (teacher on summer holidays) and I'm working for myself.

Is she not just on holidays and still in receipt of a wage from teaching, i.e not in receipt of welfare?

later12

IrishAm wrote: »

Is she not just on holidays and still in receipt of a wage from teaching, i.e not in receipt of welfare?

No, unfortunately she doesn't have a permanent job, so she doesn't get paid for the Summer.

An awful lot of teachers are in this position actually,not all teachers have the luxury of 2 or 3 months' paid Summer Holidays.

Richard Hillman

later12 wrote: »

It's not necessarily that.

Most people in employment have a lot more networking opportunities both in work and in their leisure time. They may be better able to afford socialising and widening their circle of acquaintances in pubs/ nightclubs than the unemployed person who socialises at home with his existing circle of friends.

A very valid point. For me personally i dont think ive ever gone out with anyone from my workplace or friends of workmates. Ive always gone out with friends of friends/locals etc but what you have said is very valid.

Festy

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Poll:
Yes(its a turn off):26
No(its not a turn off):38

The No side is higher I know but thought there'd be a bigger margin of difference

Probably all the male voters.:pac:

Fizzlesque

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole. In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways. If there is a group of 5 female friends, two have boyfriends with good jobs and the other 3 are single. Its very unlikely one of the single girls will go out with a lad on the dole.

This kind of broad brush false labelling of women irritates the hell out of me - as if women were one big homogeneous group, devoid of any variety regarding personality, outlook, taste, interests, wants, cares and desire.

To blithely state "In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways" is ridiculous. I can't say it doesn't exist at all - maybe it does, in some sections of society - but I can say it doesn't exist in the many groups of female friends I know and am part of. Is it any wonder some men like a_sober_paddy thinks women are shallow little sh!ts, when blatant falsehoods about us are posted as fact on message boards. It's bad enough he felt he needed to start a poll to gauge a small section of women's views on romance and the dole on a message board - with an extremely basic yes/no style of questioning - but now he's being told women care more about what their friends think than how they personally feel when it comes to being attracted to a man.

It's not very unlikely a woman would go out with one of the men on the dole. I didn't vote in this poll because it was oversimplified. I have dated a man who was on the dole. I had to stop dating him because the reason he was on the dole was because he couldn't keep a job. And the reason he couldn't keep a job was because when he was working he partied all his wages away every weekend and regularly missed work on Mondays, and when he was on the dole he partied even more. I stopped dating him because getting wasted every weekend wasn't what I wanted.

I've also dated men who worked too much. One man, in particular, worked as a chef, and as well as his own long hours, he regularly covered when someone was missing. I hated that just as much because I never saw him. I'd have loved for him to go on the dole for a while.

What attracted me to these men was them, not their jobs or lack of jobs. My friends didn't influence my decisions - just as I don't influence theirs. Maybe there are some circles of women, possibly even the kind of circles you are drawn to, whose choices and interests are dictated by trying to 'outdo' their so-called friends, but please, please, please don't (a) believe and (b) tell men whose opinion of women is already rather low that this is a generic watermark of all women.

shopaholic01

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I got a laid a lot more when i was working. My romantic activities when ive not been working have been non existent. I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole. In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways. If there is a group of 5 female friends, two have boyfriends with good jobs and the other 3 are single. Its very unlikely one of the single girls will go out with a lad on the dole.

To be fair, if a guy is long term unemployed it does affect his self esteem and confidence. Lack of confidence is a bigger turn-off than the fact that he is unemployed.

A lot of guys are now unemployed and are almost apolgetic for being on social welfare. It's a pity they feel like this - I'm lucky I've never been unemployed (fingers crossed), but would have no qualms in claiming benefits if needed. If somebody had a problem with it well tough, that would be their problem, not mine.

I never expected a man to provide for me financially and would never give up my independance, so a guy being on social welfare, as long as he wasn't a bum would not be an issue.

I think most women are saying the same - someone who has never worked and has no intention of doing so - no way, losing your job as a result of the recession is completely different.

If a woman knocks back a guy because of his financial situation he has made a lucky escape.

Murt10

The relationship goes on a bit further. You want to head off on a well deserved sun/adventure/foreign holiday. There is a briliant gig on in town. Tickets are expensive. You both want to go. Where is he going to get the money?

Are you going to pay for him or resent the fact that he cannot afford to come with you.

I take the point about someone who is between jobs, but someone who hasn't worked in years.... No way.

shopaholic01

Murt10 wrote: »

The relationship goes on a bit further. You want to head off on a well deserved sun/adventure/foreign holiday. There is a briliant gig on in town. Tickets are expensive. You both want to go. Where is he going to get the money?

Are you going to pay for him or resent the fact that he cannot afford to come with you.

I take the point about someone who is between jobs, but someone who hasn't worked in years.... No way.

A lot of working people are struggling to pay mortgages etc. By that logic, you would only consider dating a working person with a pre-determined amount of disposable income.

Murt10

shopaholic01 wrote: »

A lot of working people are struggling to pay mortgages etc. By that logic, you would only consider dating a working person with a pre-determined amount of disposable income.

Maybe, but I'd be slow to get involved in these circumstances. You cannot live on love. Chances are the relationship is going to go nowhere. Kill it now before I get hurt.

Or maybe wait till a bit later in the relationship and then - "by the way, did I mention that I also have to pay child support and maintenance."

No you didn't. Goodbye!

AnonoBoy

If you're on the dole how could you afford the dozen red roses that is demanded by books such as The Rules or the fancy diamond necklace that every woman wants and wishes for using the method in The Secret?

A man without a genuine Rolex and an expensive suit is not a man according to an ad I saw in GQ magazine.

herosa

Mostly I think women make the decision in a very primitive part of their brains. Its all got to do with thinking you are emotionally stable and a good provider for future kids. I dont think its so much greed as fear that they will be left to cope alone at the most vulnerable times of their lives ie childbirth/early child rearing etc. If you watch the nature programs you will see that many of the female species do the same thing in one form or another.
Blame God or evolution.

A_Sober_Paddy

AnonoBoy wrote: »

If you're on the dole how could you afford the dozen red roses that is demanded by books such as The Rules or the fancy diamond necklace that every woman wants and wishes for using the method in The Secret?

A man without a genuine Rolex and an expensive suit is not a man according to an ad I saw in GQ magazine.

Even if I won the lotto and had a girlfriend she wouldn't be getting a diamond off me...They are a scam and also the whole issue of blood diamonds is another consideration.

To be honest the whole imagine thing is certainly not for me, I dress well and wear suits on occasion but they tend to be ones that aren't designer by any stretch. A mate of mine is the complete opposite, he won't wear a t-shirt if cost less than €50 or has a name(hollister, abecombe etc), women who are like that, or would expect it of me can pretty much hit the road.

filmbuffboy

if someone decided they didnt want to pursue a relationship with me purely on the basis that I was in the unfortunate position of being unemployed I would say good riddance to them! what a shallow way to approach deciding who to put down roots with

Logical Fallacy

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I got a laid a lot more when i was working. My romantic activities when ive not been working have been non existent. I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole. In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways. If there is a group of 5 female friends, two have boyfriends with good jobs and the other 3 are single. Its very unlikely one of the single girls will go out with a lad on the dole.

Do you go out a lot while you are working, compared to when you were on the dole?

Where do you tend to strike it lucky with the ladies?

ihsb

It completely depends, if they are happy unemployed, getting "free" money and not willing to take any job just to keep busy then I couldn't date someone like that.

I am the type of person that has to stay busy. So when I work part-time I volunteer the days I am not in work. It would be the attitude more then the money.

Gummy Panda

But if she was on the dole, how would she buy me presents?

christmas2012

I dont think the dole is an issue , what would be a deal breaker would be attitude and personality,does he have a bad or borderline personality disorder etc..

Napper Hawkins

What do the words "dole" or "social welfare" automatically say to some people on here?

Seriously, is the first thing that enters your mind upon learning someone is on the dole either "unemployed...ok whatever, let's find out why" or is it "does nothing, loser, avoid"?

I ask as there seems to be some notion that unemployment seems to automatically equal "does nothing" in some folks minds, which is a bit naive imo.

previous user

I've heard stories of wife's taking they're kids and leaving their husband because he's lost his job and is on the dole.

christmas2012

dreadful.there should be more solidarity with couples i notice theres **** all..

BrianD3

Depends on the woman's age, many women in their late teens-mid twenties would place much more importance on how "cool" a fella is than whether he has a job or not. Their idea of cool could range from him being in a band to being a sports jock to being some macho violent arsehole.

A few years later the same women often have very different priorities and have now become very demanding about a man's career eg only dating men who earn more than they do, pursuing "professionals" like solicitors and accountants etc.

Richard Hillman

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I got a laid a lot more when i was working. My romantic activities when ive not been working have been non existent. I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole. In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways. If there is a group of 5 female friends, two have boyfriends with good jobs and the other 3 are single. Its very unlikely one of the single girls will go out with a lad on the dole.

Do you go out a lot while you are working, compared to when you were on the dole?

Where do you tend to strike it lucky with the ladies?

About the same in terms of going out (a sad indictment of the welfare system). The vast majority of girls I have met have been friends/friends of friends. I would never approach an unknown female unannounced or any other such ghastly behavior.

shopaholic01

Murt10 wrote: »

Maybe, but I'd be slow to get involved in these circumstances. You cannot live on love. Chances are the relationship is going to go nowhere. Kill it now before I get hurt.

Or maybe wait till a bit later in the relationship and then - "by the way, did I mention that I also have to pay child support and maintenance."

No you didn't. Goodbye!

So you would have a problem with someone who paid child support? Would you prefer it if they abandoned their children?

BrianD3 wrote: »

Depends on the woman's age, many women in their late teens-mid twenties would place much more importance on how "cool" a fella is than whether he has a job or not. Their idea of cool could range from him being in a band to being a sports jock to being some macho violent arsehole.

A few years later the same women often have very different priorities and have now become very demanding about a man's career eg only dating men who earn more than they do, pursuing "professionals" like solicitors and accountants etc.

LMAO'd at that . So that's where I went wrong............

Richard Hillman wrote: »

About the same in terms of going out (a sad indictment of the welfare system). The vast majority of girls I have met have been friends/friends of friends. I would never approach an unknown female unannounced or any other such ghastly behavior.

That might explain why you have trouble meeting women - relying on meeting friends of friends limits the number you will meet. Go out and meet new people - your approach doesn't have to be 'ghastly'.

blindside88

I think Jay z said it best about a man on the dole "I got 99 problems but a b*tch ain't one"

In fairness anyone that thinks like that isn't worth seeing and would probably run out of intelligent conversation after the first date anyway

Madam_X

filmbuffboy wrote: »

if someone decided they didnt want to pursue a relationship with me purely on the basis that I was in the unfortunate position of being unemployed I would say good riddance to them! what a shallow way to approach deciding who to put down roots with

Agreed. It's great that pretty much nobody seems to think that way on this discussion.

Logical Fallacy

Richard Hillman wrote: »

About the same in terms of going out (a sad indictment of the welfare system). The vast majority of girls I have met have been friends/friends of friends. I would never approach an unknown female unannounced or any other such ghastly behavior.

Not really in fairness, surely that would all depend on your personal situation? I could go out 7 nights a week and not spend a single penny tbh.

languagenerd

It'd only be a dealbreaker if they had a massive sense of entitlement. You know those people who are on the dole (and still live with mammy/get rent allowance so they have very few expenses) but complain on Facebook that they're not getting enough money off the government? I wouldn't want to go out with someone like that.

But if someone was on the dole because they couldn't get a job after leaving college or because they were made redundant, then that's not a problem at all. How is that their fault? There are so many people who can't find work these days. I know lots of people who didn't work while we were at school (because we were constantly told not to by the school, they said it would negatively impact our L.C. and mean we couldn't get good jobs afterwards!) and now can't get jobs because they have no experience. It's a horrible Catch-22. So I definitely wouldn't judge someone my age* for being on the dole!


(*Or any other age, for that matter, just in the context of this thread, I'd most likely be going out with someone close enough in age to me)

Scanlas The 2nd

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Richard Hillman wrote: »

I got a laid a lot more when i was working. My romantic activities when ive not been working have been non existent. I would say sub consciously a large percentage of women would not go out with somebody on the dole. In groups of female friends there is a large element of trying to outdo each other in all sorts of ways. If there is a group of 5 female friends, two have boyfriends with good jobs and the other 3 are single. Its very unlikely one of the single girls will go out with a lad on the dole.

Do you go out a lot while you are working, compared to when you were on the dole?

Where do you tend to strike it lucky with the ladies?

About the same in terms of going out (a sad indictment of the welfare system). The vast majority of girls I have met have been friends/friends of friends. I would never approach an unknown female unannounced or any other such ghastly behavior.

Never approaching girls you don't know is ghastly.