Hugging the Irish aul fellow

Lando Griffin

Of all the 30 odd years of my life I never remember any time myself and the aul fellow hugged. Having moved a good distance from home and rarely get home to see the parents. My father is an emotional statue a bit like his father and probably all my fore fathers. When it comes to his sons a certain stuborness comes into play. Anyway this weekend when I was saying goodbye instead of shaking his hand I just gave him a great big hug. It felt great especially when he hugged back. What is it with Irish fathers and sons that it feels awkward to show emotions either way.

christmas2012

Its deffo an irish thing,you see on the continent with males,they hug or greet all the time,although with the younger irish generation up to the mid thirties they are more open with gestures of friendly affection..

BattleCorp

Nah, I don't hug the auld lad either. Or any other lad for that matter. It just doesn't feel right.

I must be the same as nearly every other Irish male, an emotional cripple.

Trigger13222

Sure ud be gay if you were hugging the father.

policarp

They would also feel very awkward kissing women, outside of the family, on the cheeks, continental style. . .

Peetrik

Just do this while saying 'C'mere pappa-bear', then do joke shoving while guffawing in a manly way

ygolometsipe

I used to hug my grandad all the time to make the auld lad jealous!
Grandad died, some say I hugged too hard!

Tipsy McSwagger

Hugged my father at his 60th a few weeks ago, I was drunk as a skunk though.

Duckworth_Luas

Any man trying to hug me will get a kick in the balls.

Except on the soccer field, that's OK!

stovelid

Just because they do it on the continent doesn't mean I have to.

I also don't wear half-mast chinos, ride hairdryer scooters around fountains, pickpocket tourists or pinch girls arses.

Lando Griffin

stovelid wrote: »

Just because they do it on the continent doesn't mean I have to.

I also don't wear half-mast chinos, ride hairdryer scooters around fountains, pickpocket tourists or pinch girls arses.

Bet you wish you could. Except the pickpocket one

Seanchai

Look. He won't be around forever. As they get older they get more afraid, especially when they are living longer than their own Dad lived, and when their friends are dying.

In our current culture, it's hard being a 'man' and to show kindness to our fathers. But that really is us, not them. When they are old they appreciate such a simple act of kindness more than they'd like to show.

No point in lamenting when he's gone that you never gave him a hug. I find my own Dad just wants to chat more now. And if I can help him lift something heavy around the house or in the garden he's delighted. But he's certainly more afraid now, sadly. I want to hug him to let him know I'm there to help.

senorwipesalot

Its perfectly normal to hug your oul fella http://www.google.ie/imgres?imgurl=http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Good_8e63ee_359436.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/253934/Good/&h=429&w=550&sz=171&tbnid=OcLprECh_VtslM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=115&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dgood%2Bmorning%2Bson%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=good+morning+son&usg=__73_xZkWG4vbJFUDqPJZ74Mip6KY=&docid=hnCenRoEnVyetM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=56PwT5XGCo2zhAeZy8GHDQ&ved=0CGUQ9QEwBA&dur=1131

Sunnyisland

Seanchai wrote: »

Look. He won't be around forever. As they get older they get more afraid, especially when they are living longer than their own Dad lived, and when their friends are dying.

In our current culture, it's hard being a 'man' and to show kindness to our fathers. But that really is us, not them. When they are old they appreciate such a simple act of kindness more than they'd like to show.

No point in lamenting when he's gone that you never gave him a hug. I find my own Dad just wants to chat more now. And if I can help him lift something heavy around the house or in the garden he's delighted. But he's certainly more afraid now, sadly. I want to hug him to let him know I'm there to help.

Irish men do display an emotion of sorts as above but a lot of them seem incapable of dealing with their emotions when the time comes to dealing with them and seem to let the emotions control them to a certain degree with it boiling up and simmering and contributing to things like the high suicide rates etc. Im not of the opinion that men should go around and ball their eyes out at the first opportunity but there needs to be a better understanding among Irish men that bottling up your emotions takes its toll and eventually will lead to rack and ruin of sorts.IMO

Giselle

stovelid wrote: »

Just because they do it on the continent doesn't mean I have to.

I also don't wear half-mast chinos, ride hairdryer scooters around fountains, pickpocket tourists or pinch girls arses.

And how much better would your life be if you did? Apart from the pickpocketing, that's a given.

pragmatic1

Yeah my auld boy is the same. I've never seen him cry either. Tbh at this stage I'd feel weirded out if my father hugged me. Whenever he gets any way emotional I just want to leave the room.

Red Hand

Never hugged my father. He's gone now, so won't be able to.

DebDynamite

I don't think I've ever seen my dad hug either of my brothers... and both of them live abroad, which is more sad.

I feel sorry for the Irish males who were born in the 40's/50's. The majority of them (where I grew up) seem to be quite emotionally detached.

GreenWolfe

Dad and me were never particularly close, I never felt like I really got the chance to know him. Watching him lose his mind and everything else to Alzheimer's was so tough.

He's gone since last year. I have my regrets.

norrie rugger

My father had a bit of a scare a while back, made me realise that he won't be around for ever. Then I broke my neck last year and tbh, scared the crap out of him. We are much more open to the hug now

mikemac1

Showing emotion is weakness OP
This includes crying at funerals


Be the strong, silent type


Just the way of it I suppose in Ireland
I doubt the Brits are any different, it's not just an Irish thing


In fact you could say the Brits take this further as their funerals can be quite small, not such an event
Event is the wrong word but just what I can think of

Sound Bite

"emotional statue" - sadly a very accurate description of most Irish fathers OP.

whendovescry

Hugging has never resulted in anything but positive energy in my experience. It can be a very powerful yet understated display of affection and is woefully undervalued by emotionally frigid Irish males

KingK

Me and my old man would never show any emotions toward each other, it's also the same with him and his father. I always wondered was it just me Da being a bit of a **** ha. But down the years I'v realised it's the way alot of us in Ireland are, if any emotion needs to be shown at any stage a nod of the head is enough for both of us to know what is going on and I wouldn't have it any other way.

PK2008

Hug the ma, give the da a handshake...


....we're not Italians

cbyrd

My dad died 18 months ago.. i wish i hugged him more . .

CastorTroy

Was thinking one day about this but deicded if I started hugging him now when going back home, then he'd start to think there's something wrong.

TeddyTedson

CastorTroy wrote: »

Was thinking one day about this but deicded if I started hugging him now when going back home, then he'd start to think there's something wrong.

I watched Face Off last night:)
Sorry, I just had to say that.
Love that film.

Davidius

I like the lack of hugging. We don't need to be all hugging and crying all the time to express emotions. Hugging each other for no reason is becoming too common.

Nothingbetter2d

Lando Griffin wrote: »

Of all the 30 odd years of my life I never remember any time myself and the aul fellow hugged. Having moved a good distance from home and rarely get home to see the parents. My father is an emotional statue a bit like his father and probably all my fore fathers. When it comes to his sons a certain stuborness comes into play. Anyway this weekend when I was saying goodbye instead of shaking his hand I just gave him a great big hug. It felt great especially when he hugged back. What is it with Irish fathers and sons that it feels awkward to show emotions either way.

i hugged my dad when his mother died... other than that i never hugged him.

Sykk

http://ragegenerator.com/images/ragebuilder-faces/Miscellaneous-2/gay-seal.jpg

davet82

hug the ma but its a akward nod for the aul fella

hugs (drunken) are for irish world cup goals, i got one for st.ledgers goal at the euros, it maybe brazil before i get another one

saiint

men dont show emotions
but their D*cks do

barney 20v

I used to never hug my father.... then he got sick and i watched the man i adored fade into a shadow of himself

The day he died i spent 14 hours non stop by his bed hugging him and minding him like he used to mind me.
I was 26 at the time and here i am 4 yr later still wishing i had hugged him every day i had him.

Plazaman

mikemac1 wrote: »

Showing emotion is weakness OP
This includes crying at funerals

Be the strong, silent type

Just the way of it I suppose in Ireland
I doubt the Brits are any different, it's not just an Irish thing

In fact you could say the Brits take this further as their funerals can be quite small, not such an event
Event is the wrong word but just what I can think of

Good on you old chap, push them emotions away, I say. Bottle them up and let them fester away inside you until the day when all that pent up emotion drives you to the top of a tall building in your town with a rifle. Then they will explode with such a furious anger, it'll make you all the better a marksman.

Me? I'm a wuss, all my family lives in different parts of the world so when I eventually see them I hug them all, men, women and children.

Lollers

barney 20v wrote: »

The day he died i spent 14 hours non stop by his bed hugging him and minding him like he used to mind me.
I was 26 at the time and here i am 4 yr later still wishing i had hugged him every day i had him.

Sorry to hear that buddy, glad you were there for your dad with those hugs when he needed them the most.

rgmmg

A couple of years ago, my Dad (not the emotional type) dropped me off at Dublin Airport. As I got my bag out of the boot, he got out of the car and said "Come here" and gave me a big hug. It was awkward but heartfelt. He hasn't done it since, but reading some of the regrets people have on here who don't have the opportunity to do so to their Dad's due to loss, illness or otherwise, I am going to give him a hug when I see him next month. He won't be around forever but I wish he was.

barney 20v

Lollers wrote: »

Sorry to hear that buddy, glad you were there for your dad with those hugs when he needed them the most.

Yea thanks buddy, ,for gods sake make the most of both your parents if ya lucky enough to still have them.

Funglegunk

I hugged my Dad on my sister's wedding day. Then we got drunk together. It was ace.

norrie rugger

I actually kinda feel sorry for those that would not feel comfortable hugging their father.
I can understand it from the father's perspective but not from younger people.

there is a lot that can be communicated in a hug that may not be spoken.

This thread reminded me of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvW6nuQ2B0s

Anyone that does not feel the sadness in this song is lost TBH

nelly17

barney 20v wrote: »

I used to never hug my father.... then he got sick and i watched the man i adored fade into a shadow of himself

The day he died i spent 14 hours non stop by his bed hugging him and minding him like he used to mind me.
I was 26 at the time and here i am 4 yr later still wishing i had hugged him every day i had him.

I cant remember ever hugging my Dad as an adult, he died when I was 16 I wish I did hug him more.

Plumpynutt

I hug the aul' fella now and again, it's not that often but he's certainly not an "emotional statue" like some people have described here

cocokay

i hug my parents every time i see them and every time i leave. used to do it on n off growing up, less in my teens when i "hated" them lol but since i moved out of home 8 yrs ago i make the most of every time i see them and say i love u a lot more too, don't care if im the first to say it or i sound sappy, life is too short.

ottostreet

This thread makes me feel sad.

And nervous cos I want to hug my Dad but the thoughts of going about it!

Rubberlegs

Never really hugged my Dad as such, used to give him a quick kiss when saying goodbye to him. He often used to just put his arm around my shoulder, I'd give anything to have that again. The day he died I sat in the bed with him, with my arm round his shoulders. Anyone that still has their Dad, make the most of him. It sucks when they're gone:(

Conall Cernach

I haven't hugged either of my parents since I was about 9. I'm just not one of those touchy feely types and neither are they to be honest. They'd probably freak out as much as me. My nephew keeps trying to hug me and I have to tell him to bugger off. He's 19 now so he does it just to annoy me. I think if my da was on his death bed his final words would be "Don't forget to water the tomatoes."

AEDIC

ottostreet wrote: »

This thread makes me feel sad.

And nervous cos I want to hug my Dad but the thoughts of going about it!

Well - look at it this way...what would make you feel more sad? Your father passing away without you getting the chance to hug him, or that slightly awkward feeling of hugging him for the first time.?

I have hugged (and continue to do so) both of my parents all of my life, buddies have often said 'I wish I had the same relationship with my parents that you have with yours etc...'

They are my parents ffs.... its not gay or feminine or weak to express your love, affection and admiration for your parents in any way...least of all a hug.

If it doesnt feel comfortable for people to do it or if their relationship with their parents isnt in the place where its a comfortable thing to do then fair enough, but I certainly wont be stopping any time I can, because there WILL come a time when I cant....

mikom

Upon first glance at the title I thought this thread was about ****....

Lando Griffin

^ You sir must have a very "odd" relationship with your Aul lad.

Roadend

Lando Griffin wrote: »

^ You sir must have a very "odd" relationship with your Aul lad.

Or a great relationship with his lad

Feisar

I don't feel the need to hug the old man every time I meet him. As has been said we aren't continental. We shake hands before I head off, I'm home every fortnight or so. We hug the odd time if something significant crops up. He has always been there for me in the past and will be for as long as he's around, couldn't ask for a better Dad, although he has his faults.