Men who still live at home... is it a deal-breaker?

Eve_Dublin

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Well I've yet to hear a man complain over a woman's living arrangments. There have been quite a few female posters who have complained about a man's living arrangments. Men and women have different priorities.

Out of curiosity, why did you only ask the female posters and not the male?

My 42 year old boyfriend's dad was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and he moved in with his dad and aunt to look after him as they're both quite old. Did I dump him? No. I respected and loved him more for his decision. As I said before, I'd take each situation individually.

By the way, I'd judge a female the same way. I'm a heterosexual female and this thread is asking how we'd feel about MEN living at home with their parents, not women (surprise surprise). A scrounger is a scrounger regardless of gender.

shopaholic01

py2006 wrote: »

:O

It would appear from this thread and the thread referred to in the original post that a lot of women take issue with where a man calls home. Suggesting that a man living at the family home is somebody to be avoided! Why?

Read my posts, here and in the ladies lounge - I don't have a problem with it, neither do most other women.

Can you answer my question now? I'm really interested to know what I'm being judged on.

Madam_X

PickledLime wrote: »

These are extremely shallow people (usually single for a reason) and are not worth your time of day, so i wouldn't worry about them and not owning your own home!

I read the thread in question and there were plenty of women saying it's no problem if a guy rents - the majority of women said it.

Strange that only a minority of naysayers get focused on. Well not really looking for discrimination against men where there isn't any seems to be a hobby among a small number here.

Anyway I wouldn't give a toss if a guy still lived at his folks' in his 30s - even if he'd never moved out, so long as he was independent.

Nothingbetter2d

i think the real issue some women have with guys living at home is having the risk of having to meet the guy's parents so soon in a relationship.

as a i guy i'd feel weird meeting a girl's parents after shagging their daughter the night before.

Fizzlesque

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Read the title of the thread. I wasn't referring to any particular group of people, I just said some people. You just assumed I meant all women. Of course there are superficial men too. It's just the superficial men wouldn't probably wouldn't judge women on where they live.

I didn't assume you meant all women. At no point did I make reference to all women.

I did think (and still do think) you were referring to women specifically, when you said some people are very superficial. Women as opposed to men, not all as opposed to some.

However, despite how it may look at this stage, I'm not looking to pick holes in your posts, or have an argument with you. I think we could have some very enjoyable discussions, if you can tolerate my tendency to question comments that sound unfair or untrue, or perhaps seem a little oversimplified.

It's worth mentioning, at this point, I would defend men just as vociferously as I'd defend women, if and when I see something unfair or untrue being implied to represent the majority of either gender. Man bashing is just as distasteful to me as women bashing.

You'll be glad to hear it's time for me to sleep now, no more finger wagging posts........until tomorrow.

Good night.

eth0

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

as a i guy i'd feel weird meeting a girl's parents after shagging their daughter the night before.

Ah well ya just need to not think about that when you're talking to them. Never bothered me. Or find girls with very open minded easy going parents it might give ya something to talk about over a pint of Beamish.

Or better yet move to Sweden or Iceland where its normal to strip off and go into a sauna with your gf, and her siblings and her parents as well as your own parents and sit down and have a grand ould chat about sex while drinking a few tins of cider. Then the next day you go in there with your friends and have a massive orgy and when you walk out you see your gf's parents and their friends ready to go in for an orgy.

CodyJarrett

shopaholic01 wrote: »

So what do they judge us on?

Men judge women on looks and personality, not much else and in saying that: should these women have either the personality of a lamp or Hyacinth Bucket, them being 10/10 in the looks dept wouldn't be near enough to make them a keeper.

FullRetard

hondasam wrote: »

How did you pay your parents 1,500 a month rent for five yrs when you are only 20 now?

you've just after catching an AH internet waffler:pac:

syndeyfife wrote:

Yeah pretty much, but Ive been renting off them for years so 1,500 a month for 5 years!

guitarzero

I'm living back at home again but I tell women I'm sharing with others. When we get back to "my" place we get frisky on the couch and tell her to keep quiet or she'll wake up this oul' one who moved in recently who's a bit mad.

MistyCheese

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Men who still live at home... is it a deal-breaker?

Dunno, has he got a big ____?

insanity50

Kurz wrote: »

Girls that live with a group of other female friends are the worst. Going there is like a big eggshell walking festival. I prefer when they live with their parents.

when they synchronize cycles is the worst!
they do be up to their gills in oestrogen!
I always steer clear of the girlfriends house on days 1 - 5 of the month. allows me to keep my balls attached to my body.

insanity50

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

as a i guy i'd feel weird meeting a girl's parents after shagging their daughter the night before.

hypothetical scenario though; I mean c'mon, what's the chances of you getting invited back to a birds house, let alone getting a shag?

insanity50

PickledLime wrote: »

I still had someone (knowing my full situation) constantly query and annoy me about moving out and look down her nose at me.

hope you gave that fucking tramp the boot.

man.about.town

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Yes this is the bit I don't understand. What's the point in having a bachelor pad if you're always skint and can't afford to take your lady for a night out?

well first of all a bachelor pad is not going to impress any female. get your self a nice home. i think your also a bit confused about money. just because you have a house, doesnt mean your broke and cant afford to anything. i think your on another planet mate.

Piste

I'm 21 and so most guys my age live at home, so it's not a problem for me.

man.about.town

Piste wrote: »

I'm 21 and so most guys my age live at home, so it's not a problem for me.

yeah thats not bad but once your hitting your mid twenties, living at home just isnt right imho.

u_c_thesecond

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I'm just wondering do women find this a turn off? Is it really such a bad thing?

when i met my partner he was 21 and living at home with his parents- he was in college and at the weekend he worked in a surpermarket.

After 3 years of college he left home- got a job where I lived (hes still there) and moved in with me. We are still together and im marrying him soon after 9 years together.

Back then jobs were pretty much aplenty... these days its not peoples fault. my 20 year old sisters with her bf a year and my dad hates him because he does not have a job. my dad is 60 and his generation always had work so he sees no excuse for not having a job

u_c_thesecond

Kurz wrote: »

Girls that live with a group of other female friends are the worst..

oh and a group of men are better??? went home with a male friend of mine when i was waiting on a cab few weeks ago, and jesus when i walked in all i heard was "Go on boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy some ride go on and get it woohhooo"

seriously wtf? i was only going there to wait on a bloomin cab:eek:

validusername1

Daveysil15 wrote: »

In these tough times, more and more men in their 20's and 30's are still living with their parents. A lot are doing it out of necessity, not by choice. I'm just wondering do women find this a turn off? Is it really such a bad thing?

I don't think it's that bad as long as they don't get their parents to do everything for them like cooking, cleaning, etc.. If they do, it just shows they're probably a bit immature and far from independent. I would find it a bit weird though if like any time I'd go to his house, his parents would be there.. No privacy & all that. But it's understandable to live at home these days, sure it's free, why would ya move before you have to :pac:

Although I was out a couple nights ago and some 51 year old dude ended up talking to me. I'm nice and will talk to anyone so that's why I did.. He was telling me about how he still lives with his parents and is ashamed and all that (bit of a drunken admission I think ha). Not that I would consider ever going near a 51 year old (ew ) since I'm 18, but I found that realllly weird.. Like he never moved out in all his 51 years.. There was no recession even 10 years ago so people like that don't really have an excuse..

Princess Peach

Depending on the reason for it, yeah it would be.

Totally understand if its for finances, did it too long myself. And of course if you have to care for parents.

But there comes an age when if you have a good job, you just move out. I'm 24 now, really hope I never have to move home again for a long stint.

Seems more acceptable for girls to live at home, I still think its a bit weird. I know a lot of people my age who are now settled in their jobs, settled in their town, not sure what they are waiting for? Loving all the money and mammy's dinner too much probably.

If I'm judging a guy on it, its not cause I'm awkward going back to their parents house to stay over. Its more judging their sense of maturity, independence and personal responsibility.

Nothingbetter2d

validusername1 wrote: »

I don't think it's that bad as long as they don't get their parents to do everything for them like cooking, cleaning, etc.. If they do, it just shows they're probably a bit immature and far from independent. I would find it a bit weird though if like any time I'd go to his house, his parents would be there.. No privacy & all that. But it's understandable to live at home these days, sure it's free, why would ya move before you have to :pac:

To be fair, a lot of Irish mammy's would automatically do all the cooking and cleaning, and you can't expect the parents to leave their own home whenever someone is brought home.

shopaholic01

whiplashed wrote: »

Men judge women on looks and personality, not much else and in saying that: should these women have either the personality of a lamp or Hyacinth Bucket, them being 10/10 in the looks dept wouldn't be near enough to make them a keeper.

What if they have a fantastic personality but you don't consider them attractive?

Stiffler2

af_thefragile wrote: »

Living at home is great!

No need to pay bills, there's always food in the fridge and with all the money you save, you can do so many things!

Yeah - everything except get the ride - lol

RaRaRasputin

What a fascinating thread. My favourite replies are those by guys who like to blame women for their fickleness, laziness and desire to be treated like princesses. I personally haven't come across Irish girls like that, but that doesn't mean girls like that don't exist. But even so....how can you blame one group of people for your own inferiority complexes?
Get a job and move out, like every normal person and stop making excuses for your own laziness. If you are a jobseeker, sick, disabled etc. that's a different story, but people in "normal" circumstances should not continuously use their parents to provide for them. I have never encountered a mentality like that anywhere else in Europe, but just here in Ireland. Get a job, provide for yourself: hat applies to women and men, even Ireland has surely progressed to the 21st century in some ways. At least I continue hoping so...

Raekwon

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

I have never encountered a mentality like that anywhere else in Europe, but just here in Ireland.

Stop talking out of your arsé! This 'issue' is obviously not exclusive to Ireland. Sure over half of Spanish people between the ages of 16 - 34 live with their parents.

RaRaRasputin

Raekwon wrote: »

Stop talking out of your arsé! This 'issue' is obviously not exclusive to Ireland. Sure over half of Spanish people between the ages of 16 - 34 live with their parents.

Numbers? Reference? Living with the parents to save money for a bloody mortgage because people in this country are obsessed with property?

Medusa22

It depends on the circumstances. I'm 23 so I would understand a guy my age still living at home if he was studying. If someone is studying or has lost their job and has to go back home, I don't see an issue with that. If someone is working and still chooses to live at home then I find that a bit odd, unless they are ill or looking after their parents. Somebody living at home for years on end while they have a job because they are saving for a mortgage and claims that renting is ''dead money'' would drive me totally insane, I hate that attitude. The only thing that would put me off a bit is the fact that the parents would always be there, and may not let a girl stay over. Another issue is that you'd have to meet the parents quite quickly into the relationship. The guy would also have to be independent (doing his own cooking, washing, paying bills etc), it would be a dealbreaker for me if a man doesn't know how to do housework/ refuses to do housework. By the way, I usually pay my own way but I will allow someone to treat me and will also treat them. Anyway, I'm going out with a girl so we both treat each other

Fighting Irish

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

Numbers? Reference? Living with the parents to save money for a bloody mortgage because people in this country are obsessed with property?

Just stop

BraziliaNZ

Why would you care, unless the guy is just lazy with no ambition. I spent about 6 months at home before I left Ireland, so I was 30 at the time, there were definitely a few women then that didn't have a problem with it. Now that I have my own flat though they're nowhere to be found... Not sure if it's related or Irish girls are just easier?

Cheeky_gal

Is living at home with your parents a deal breaker??? Lol

Who gives a toss? If a girl is going to judge you because you live at home then kick her to the curb no?

Jesus we're in a recession, how shallow!

Jogathon

Jay D wrote: »

ps anyone moving home blaming the "current situation" is a lazy shíte I don't care what anyone says. Boy or girl.

Bit unfair I think. I'm at home, my house is rented out on a year's contract, and I was living with my boyfriend until we broke up a few months ago. I'll be moving back into my own house when contract is up but until then I'm stuck at home.

Agricola

Raekwon wrote: »

Stop talking out of your arsé! This 'issue' is obviously not exclusive to Ireland. Sure over half of Spanish people between the ages of 16 - 34 live with their parents.

Exactly. And lets not forget the Italians and their culture of "Mammoni" (Mammys boys!) Men who make a life choice to stay single for as long as possible and let their mothers take care of all the little things in their lives!

kegzmc

I'm still living at home. Unfortunately I have a wife and children to feed so I can't spend my entire salary on alcohol and drugs anymore.

Selfish b@stards...

Sleepy

I have to admit, in my late 20's I wouldn't have dated a woman who lived at home with her parents for any reason.

I find many of the "living at home to save for a mortgage" brigade (both male or female) to be those who'll crow about their "sense with money / financial independence" without so much as a blink of realisation that their parents are subsidising their existence (how many parents charge their child market rate rent or expect their full share of bills, shopping etc.?).

Fair enough if you're staying at home to mind a sick parent but even then, what sort of relationship can you build with someone who has those commitments? Of course it's not something you'd dump someone for if you were already in an already established relationship but I'd be fairly reticent to start a relationship with someone in that position.

BraziliaNZ

Sleepy wrote: »

I have to admit, in my late 20's I wouldn't have dated a woman who lived at home with her parents for any reason.

Yeah even if she was dead on and looked like Georgia Salpa...

shampon

House's are gas.

py2006

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Read my posts, here and in the ladies lounge - I don't have a problem with it, neither do most other women.

Can you answer my question now? I'm really interested to know what I'm being judged on.

Eh I am confused. Are you asking me directly what am I judging you on?

If you mean what do men judge women on? Well I can't speak for all, but personally what a woman earns, whether she works or not or what kind of house if any she owns doesn't actually cross my mind.

I don't think its too much of a generalisation to suggest that the above (or lack of) would be a consideration for more women then men.

Correct me if I am wrong.

Eve_Dublin

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

Numbers? Reference? Living with the parents to save money for a bloody mortgage because people in this country are obsessed with property?

It's a fact although I'd say it's more than half. Every Spanish person I know whose not married lives at home. All of them in their 30s. None of them unemployed. Spanish usually meet someone, get married then move out. I've heard it's even worse in Italy. Also very common in Eastern Europe, Malta, Croatia....to move out so young seems to be a North-Western European thing.

My boyfriend (whose Spanish) moved out in his early 30s with his then girlfriend. Very much the norm here. Not so much in Ireland. I don't know many people who live at home with their parents into their 30s having never lived independently previously.

Nothingbetter2d

kegzmc wrote: »

I'm still living at home. Unfortunately I have a wife and children to feed so I can't spend my entire salary on alcohol and drugs anymore.

Selfish b@stards...

should have gotten the snip then :D

CruelCoin

Daveysil15 wrote: »

In these tough times, more and more men in their 20's and 30's are still living with their parents. A lot are doing it out of necessity, not by choice. I'm just wondering do women find this a turn off? Is it really such a bad thing?

I'm 27, living away from home.

At this age i would be ashamed to be living with the parents.

Also, me and the woman have noisy sex, which wouldn't help.

Sleepy

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Yeah even if she was dead on and looked like Georgia Salpa...

Not a fan of Georgia Salpa at all tbh.

But no, a grown adult living at home is either too much of a home-bird or too parasitic for me to be attracted enough to have a meaningful relationship with them.

OneArt

Haha, if I moved back home I'd have to pay more rent than I do now because my parents are fecking off to England. Damn my family's country-hopping ways...

shopaholic01

py2006 wrote: »

Eh I am confused. Are you asking me directly what am I judging you on?

If you mean what do men judge women on? Well I can't speak for all, but personally what a woman earns, whether she works or not or what kind of house if any she owns doesn't actually cross my mind.

I don't think its too much of a generalisation to suggest that the above (or lack of) would be a consideration for more women then men.

Correct me if I am wrong.

I'm not asking what you are judging me on as an individual. My original question was to Daveysil15, who had acknowledged that some superficial men do judge women - just not on where they live.

I asked him what they did judge women on and he didn't answer, except to confirm that it wouldn't be on that issue. When I looked for further information he didn't respond.

You did, and said that men would not judge women on this.

I don't think it is true to say that most women judge a man on where he calls home and that it is an unfair generalisation.

Having acknowledged that men have different criteria upon which to base their judgement of women, I would just like to know what exactly it is, and if that 'criteria' is any more acceptable.

This isn't a personal issue with you, I would simply like to know.

BUBBLE WRAP

Sleepy wrote: »

Not a fan of Georgia Salpa at all tbh.

But no, a grown adult living at home is either too much of a home-bird or too parasitic for me to be attracted enough to have a meaningful relationship with them.

Well, lets just say, If you met the girl of your dreams, everything you wanted in a woman. you fall in love with this woman, then you find out she lives at home, (the reason is irrelevant) Would you break up with her once you find out she lives at home? Despite being in love with her?

py2006

shopaholic01 wrote: »

I'm not asking what you are judging me on as an individual. My original question was to Daveysil15, who had acknowledged that some superficial men do judge women - just not on where they live.

I asked him what they did judge women on and he didn't answer, except to confirm that it wouldn't be on that issue. When I looked for further information he didn't respond.

You did, and said that men would not judge women on this.

I don't think it is true to say that most women judge a man on where he calls home and that it is an unfair generalisation.

Having acknowledged that men have different criteria upon which to base their judgement of women, I would just like to know what exactly it is, and if that 'criteria' is any more acceptable.

This isn't a personal issue with you, I would simply like to know.

Well I don't know if I 'judge' women..maybe I do!

Like everyone, our initial judgement is on appearance. Its a human characteristic (or flaw). For me, I couldn't be with a woman for that alone so I guess I would judge her on personality over looks.

Materialistic things don't come into the equation.

shopaholic01

py2006 wrote: »

Well I don't know if I 'judge' women..maybe I do!

Like everyone, our initial judgement is on appearance. Its a human characteristic (or flaw). For me, I couldn't be with a woman for that alone so I guess I would judge her on personality over looks.

Materialistic things don't come into the equation.

Thank you.

The same is true of most women, except of course the women that most after hour's men seem to attract.

Daveysil15

man.about.town wrote: »

i think your also a bit confused about money. just because you have a house, doesnt mean your broke and cant afford to anything. i think your on another planet mate.

I'm not saying all men who have their own place is broke. I said what's the point in having your own place if you're always skint. There are plenty of people with their own place who can barely afford it.

shopaholic01 wrote: »

I'm not asking what you are judging me on as an individual. My original question was to Daveysil15, who had acknowledged that some superficial men do judge women - just not on where they live.

I'd imagine superficial men would judge a woman more so on her looks rather than her possessions. Is that better or worse? I'll let you decide on that.

shopaholic01

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I'd imagine superficial men would judge a woman more so on her looks rather than her possessions. Is that better or worse? I'll let you decide on that.

It's neither, but when you make generalisations about some women being superficial it's only fair to acknowledge that some men are superficial too.



We should kiss and make up now .

py2006

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Thank you.

The same is true of most women, except of course the women that most after hour's men seem to attract.

I would like to agree with you but unfortunately if you are hearing a lot of men giving out about this issue than there must be some truth to it.

As a man, and I am sure plenty of men have come across this, we are asked almost immediately what we do, where do you live upon meeting a woman. Now I know these questions are asked in general conversations too but you can usually spot the difference in why the question is asked.

You can tell by their response (or lack of) what they think of this. On occasion you can see potential interest disappear. The 'boyos' will give an elaborate story to impress these women and play them at their game. I prefer to be honest.

Again, this isn't every woman but there are quite a few out there even if they don't admit it here.

shopaholic01

py2006 wrote: »

I would like to agree with you but unfortunately if you are hearing a lot of men giving out about this issue than there must be some truth to it.

As a man, and I am sure plenty of men have come across this, we are asked almost immediately what do you do, where do you live upon meeting a woman. Now I know these questions are asked in general conversations too but you can usually spot the difference in why the question is asked.

You can tell by their response (or lack of) what they think of this. On occasion you can see potential interest disappear. The boyos will give an elaborate story to impress these women and play them at their game. I prefer to be honest.

Again, this isn't every woman but there are quite a few out there even if they don't admit it here.

Men ask the same questions, it's general chit-chat in the 'getting to know you' phase. If someone judged me on that I'd leave.

Traditionally men were expected to be breadwinners and some men may feel inferior based on that - there was a thread here not so long ago where a barman was asking if he should be embarassed about his occupation and go back to college.

If you do meet a superficial woman who judges you on material possessions you should just walk away.