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Ulster Bank Joke thread

  • 04-07-2012 10:11pm
    #1
    gozunda
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,996 ✭✭✭✭


    I hope mods dont mind but I would like to start a Ulster Bank Joke Thread
    to help forum members and customers to experience a little light relief as it were :rolleyes:


    Please feel free to use your imagination....


Comments

  • #2
    gozunda
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,996 ✭✭✭✭gozunda


    Ok here goes...

    Joke #1:

    Two masked robbers go into an Ulster Bank Branch in Cork, brandishing guns and wearing masks:

    They shout: 'This is a hold up - give us your money'

    There is an eerrie silance throughout the bank - when suddleny a small voice from behind the counters says....
    We apologise for the delay. If you need access to cash please use any Ulster Bank ATM. There will be gradual, but significant and noticeable improvements throughout the remainder of this week and next. We know this continued disruption is unacceptable and we are doing all we can to help...

    :D


  • #3
    chughes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,740 ✭✭✭chughes


    Joke #2

    The IT system will be back to normal on Monday 16 July.


  • #4
    2qk4u
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,163 ✭✭✭2qk4u


    BankLoanSwitchCartoon-thumb-510x337.jpg
    20090603.jpg


  • #5
    2qk4u
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,163 ✭✭✭2qk4u


    I went to the ATM this morning and it said “insufficient funds”.

    I’m wondering is it them or me.


  • #6
    2qk4u
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,163 ✭✭✭2qk4u


    A man visits his Ulster Bank manager and says, "How do I start a small business?" The manager replies, "Start a large one and wait six months."


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  • #7
    gozunda
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,996 ✭✭✭✭gozunda


    bank_robbery.jpg


  • #8
    gozunda
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,996 ✭✭✭✭gozunda


    A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his surprise found none.
    He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "You're a banker, right?" The young man answered, "Yes, I am."

    "Well, whoever heard of a banker put his hand in his own pocket?"


  • #9
    Mr.Crinklewood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,508 ✭✭✭✭Mr.Crinklewood


    As a gesture of goodwill, the IRA are to invest some Northern Bank notes into the Ulsterbank


  • #10
    BuffyBot
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,924 ✭✭✭✭BuffyBot


    Moved to AH, where it's more suited.


  • #11
    Defiler Of The Coffin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,117 ✭✭✭Defiler Of The Coffin


    BuffyBot wrote: »
    Moved to AH, where it's more suited.

    Did you hear the one about the single mother left destitute because her welfare was paid from an Ulster Bank account?


    Her children starved to death. Serves her right for leeching off the state


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  • #12
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Ulster bank are the most reliable bank in the country


  • #13
    Mint Sauce
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,293 ✭✭✭✭Mint Sauce


    Heres a good one.

    Ulster Bank.






    :)


  • #14
    Mr.Crinklewood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,508 ✭✭✭✭Mr.Crinklewood


    Ulster Bank is going to migrate to a sperm bank, after all their management are a bunch of ****.


  • #15
    KeithM89_old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,806 ✭✭✭✭KeithM89_old


    Joke Megathread here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056102387


This discussion has been closed.
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