Why do bottoms outnumber tops?

1ZRed

I know in reality most guys are versatile but so so many guys I've been with are very masculine and muscular but are bottoms and if they are vers or tops they submit to me so I'm kind of starting to doubt the whole vers thing.

I'm a top and really dislike the feeling of anything up there (I'm starting to think I have no prostrate!:p) but I don't understand what's the huge appeal in taking it?

I'm genuinely interested because it does nothing for me (haven't been fcuked but been messed around with). Could someone explain why it gets so much hype?

Btw just because I'm a top doesn't mean I'm above bottoming or look down on it in case that vibe came across. Without them I wouldn't be having sex so I respect them.

Annasopra

Do bottoms outnumber tops?

1ZRed

mango salsa wrote: »

Do bottoms outnumber tops?

From my experience it looks like it anyway. It'll be interesting to see how this poll turns out.

Maybe bottoming just lives up to the hype and is as good as they say?

Goodshape

It just... feels good

I guess there is a bit of a sub / dom thing going on... there's more to "top" and "bottom" than the strictly physical act. It's a psychological thing. There may also be a bit of pain before the pleasure -- which I'm sure isn't for everyone. I've always been happier to take that (not too much, mind!) than dish it out. Going on top often makes me a bit nervous that my partner isn't really enjoying this, and I get off on knowing that they are. I like to please :P

Although plenty of lube and a little bit of patience, most or all of the pain can be done away with anyway.

It also just feels good.

brokenice

there are!!!!! SWEET!!!!!!

Pedant

Frottage is better as it's more intimate, it incurs mutual respect, it respects each man's masculinity and it erodes away the notion of a "dominant" and "submissive" partner which creates inequality and imbalance.

LONG LIVE FROTTAGE!!
Spread the word!

/exits thread

Goodshape

Pedant wrote: »

LONG LIVE FROTTAGE!!
Spread the word!

Indeed.

Nothing wrong with foreplay ;-)


It's also possible to be a pretty dominant "bottom" or submissive "top", if we're strictly speaking of which bits go where. And I don't buy that it's anything to do with lack of respect either way. Whatever you're into!

1ZRed

Pedant wrote: »

Frottage is better as it's more intimate, it incurs mutual respect, it respects each man's masculinity and it erodes away the notion of a "dominant" and "submissive" partner which creates inequality and imbalance.

LONG LIVE FROTTAGE!!
Spread the word!

/exits thread

Actually versatility is unique to a gay relationship. Therefore if you both are versatile it's all about giving and taking which is completely mutual. And that's more that could be said about a straight realtionship.

I top guys but I have a huge amount of respect for them. As I said, I need them in order to have sex and they can take it ffs! I'm the one that's not even able to so that deserves respect right there.

And loads of guys get off on the whole sub/dom thing. Me included. I love being the young lad that takes control of the guy and it goes down well with the guys I've been with;)

Anal sex between between two masculine men is amazing. You're both conditioned to think it's 'wrong' and you get him where he's completely vulnerable to you. There is NOTHING like it. So close and intimate.

Yeah you can be respectful and 'make love' and that's all good but sometimes you just want a hot and sweaty fuck where you get to fulfill your desires!;)

wonderfulname

1ZRed wrote: »

Actually versatility is unique to a gay relationship. Therefore if you both are versatile it's all about giving and taking which is completely mutual. And that's more that could be said about a straight realtionship. !

News to me...

1ZRed

wonderfulname wrote: »

News to me...

Well with two guys, you can give or receive. A man and a woman can't do that.

Annasopra

1ZRed wrote: »

Well with two guys, you can give or receive. A man and a woman can't do that.

Yeah they can.

It's called a strap on.

Goodshape

A woman can also be the dominate sex partner, toys or not.

1ZRed

mango salsa wrote: »

1ZRed wrote: »

Well with two guys, you can give or receive. A man and a woman can't do that.

Yeah they can.

It's called a strap on.

Hmmm caught me out there!:P But realistically.

Anyway everyone says nothing beats the real thing!;)

floggg

1ZRed wrote: »

Hmmm caught me out there!:P But realistically.

Anyway everyone says nothing beats the real thing!;)

Except lesbians!

Captain Graphite

Honestly I wouldn't go out with any guy who limited himself to just one role. Be versatile or gtfo.

Goodshape

Captain Graphite wrote: »

Honestly I wouldn't go out with any guy who limited himself to just one role. Be versatile or gtfo.

I thought about voting versatile tbh, but nah -- I do have a preference at the end of the day. More than happy to be versatile, though.

That said, I'd be happier putting up with (eh, no pun intended!) an exclusive-top than I would an exclusive-bottom.

1ZRed

Captain Graphite wrote: »

Honestly I wouldn't go out with any guy who limited himself to just one role. Be versatile or gtfo.

I think I want to try it out but with tonnes of lube, I still hate it! I think I could take it just about but it's the thrusting that I find horrible. That and no pleasure from my prostate...

But if I don't like it, tough shit!I'm going to stay a top!:p

Captain Graphite

Goodshape wrote: »

I thought about voting versatile tbh, but nah -- I do have a preference at the end of the day. More than happy to be versatile, though.

That said, I'd be happier putting up with (eh, no pun intended!) an exclusive-top than I would an exclusive-bottom.

Ah yeah, not saying having a preference is bad or anything! Sorry if it came across that way. I just think it's important to be willing to be versatile, even if you have a preference. Like I do prefer one over the other (will leave my preference shrouded in mystery ) but still it's important for me to have the option to switch things around, if you get me?

I understand guys having preferences but don't understand who limit themselves by exclusively sticking to that preference.

1ZRed

Captain Graphite wrote: »

Ah yeah, not saying having a preference is bad or anything! Sorry if it came across that way. I just think it's important to be willing to be versatile, even if you have a preference. Like I do prefer one over the other (will leave my preference shrouded in mystery ) but still it's important for me to have the option to switch things around, if you get me?

I understand guys having preferences but don't understand who limit themselves by exclusively sticking to that preference.

secret power bottom, begrudgingly versatile! :P

It's not that I'm limiting myself, it's just that I really find it uncomfortable and not pleasurable in anyway. Mentally, I just don't get off on the idea of me getting fucked. It's just not in my mindset to get aroused by that.

If a guy really wanted to top me badly I'd let him. But because I wouldn't enjoy it, it would make for some crap sex. I have only been asked to bottom once or twice and I refused those times but yeah I'll give it a shot sometime.
No promises though;)

Conor30

1ZRed wrote: »

Actually versatility is unique to a gay relationship. Therefore if you both are versatile it's all about giving and taking which is completely mutual. And that's more that could be said about a straight realtionship.

I top guys but I have a huge amount of respect for them. As I said, I need them in order to have sex and they can take it ffs! I'm the one that's not even able to so that deserves respect right there.

And loads of guys get off on the whole sub/dom thing. Me included. I love being the young lad that takes control of the guy and it goes down well with the guys I've been with;)

Anal sex between between two masculine men is amazing. You're both conditioned to think it's 'wrong' and you get him where he's completely vulnerable to you. There is NOTHING like it. So close and intimate.

Yeah you can be respectful and 'make love' and that's all good but sometimes you just want a hot and sweaty fuck where you get to fulfill your desires!;)

You have good insight for such a young guy. This is an interesting thread. Thanks for posting.

ninty9er

I'm not the most experienced example, but having topped and bottomed, I prefer to bottom.

There's so much pressure to perform as a top that it just takes the fun out of it.

I can be vers, but I voted bottom, simply because I'm an uncomfortable top (in 90% of cases)

azezil

Always willing to be vers but prefer to be top.

L1011

It seems to be an Irish thing, so I'll just use the quote from Another Gay Movie:

"All Catholics are bottoms, my friend"

coolperson05

In my experience (which isn't that much!), every guy I ever talked about this with or had 'dealings' with had a preference....there were more tops I think but very few said they enjoyed both equally. they all had a secret favourite!

oisindoyle

To all those who "prefer to be bottom " if I can be of any help .
Please dont hesitate to send your phone number to me and I'll be so happy to "top" you anytime

coolperson05

oisindoyle wrote: »

To all those who "prefer to be bottom " if I can be of any help .
Please dont hesitate to send your phone number to me and I'll be so happy to "top" you anytime

Yay the gays are showing their true colours! lol

brokenice

oisindoyle wrote: »

To all those who "prefer to be bottom " if I can be of any help .
Please dont hesitate to send your phone number to me and I'll be so happy to "top" you anytime

brilliant!

1ZRed

The poor old tops aren't fairing all too well! Good to know there's less competition on the market at least:D

Got talking to a guy today who is a self confessed top. After we hit it off he's keen to bottom for me. I think my observation is wrong or just applies to me for some reason. I asked a guy once why he was so quick to change his mind but I won't say for fear of sounding like more of an ass!:p

* It had nothing to do with what's below the belt btw!

toexpress

mango salsa wrote: »

Do bottoms outnumber tops?

I would have to say I don't think so all offers I get these days are from tops I rarely get a turn anymore :-(

1ZRed

toexpress wrote: »

I would have to say I don't think so all offers I get these days are from tops I rarely get a turn anymore :-(

Well then make them turn for you! I've run into a lot of tops that were really set on topping me but I managed to change their minds. You don't know until you try I suppose

foggy_lad

Ah the age old art of turning! making someone believe you are a bottom until they have you banging away at them not knowing when or how the tables turned:D

1ZRed

foggy_lad wrote: »

Ah the age old art of turning! making someone believe you are a bottom until they have you banging away at them not knowing when or how the tables turned:D

There's nothing better than getting another dominant top on his back for you tbh!:p

toexpress

1ZRed wrote: »

Well then make them turn for you! I've run into a lot of tops that were really set on topping me but I managed to change their minds. You don't know until you try I suppose

Have done but usually get the "it hurts to much can't take it man" line ... pain in the proverbial!

floggg

toexpress wrote: »

Have done but usually get the "it hurts to much can't take it man" line ... pain in the proverbial!

Well, where else would it be hurting him?

baby and crumble

Just a quick reminder to keep things pg, guys. Sorry to be a buzzkill.

coolperson05

This is why I love being gay! Never an inappropriate time/place!

mtnh

I actually think for me it's a confidence thing. I don't feel confident/"man" enough to be top.

bikeman1

Great thread guys,

I have been away and just catching up!

I voted versatile, I love doing it both ways. In my experience over the years, it seems more lads prefer to be a bottom than a top. For me I like having the choice of being both a bottom or a top. When I met my bf, he had never topped a guy before and had very little confidence to be a top. Over time I built his confidence up and now it has got to a stage where he just loves being a top!! Didn't want that to happen!

The best is when we both give it a shot a topping each other!

1ZRed, you say you don't like the idea of being f##ked, I was exactly the same at your age. However with some experience, I started experimenting and found it quite enjoyable! A gay mate of mine (who I never "thought" as being a bottom) told me that it was the most amazing feeling he had, so I gave it a shot, and never looked back. But it is still great to be a top as well. I would not like to be with someone who is stuck one way only.

Have fun, and most importantly be safe!

BM

Daith

mtnh wrote: »

I actually think for me it's a confidence thing. I don't feel confident/"man" enough to be top.

I wonder if it's a case that bottoms are less confident than tops? Or is just a matter of what you like?

1ZRed

Daith wrote: »

I wonder if it's a case that bottoms are less confident than tops? Or is just a matter of what you like?

I'm not too sure about that. Like I've been with some very hot and masculine guys that purely bottomed because they loved the feeling. Maybe confidence plays into it more than I thought though.
I've been told I'm very dominant and assertive with guys (whether that's good or bad) and they think I'm much older and in my early 20s so they do submit to me. Maybe because they find me kind of domineering and so confidence is brought into it? I dunno. I have to work on that!:p

Sometimes I wonder if it's more confidence because they can get turned off once they find out I'm 18 and not the 22 they assumed. But I twist it around to make it kind of hot and they're back on me!:D

In reality though, you're not going to do something totally out of your comfort zone just because of confidence usually. That's like me bottoming if a guy was more confident than me, and that has been the case a lot of times, but I still haven't bottomed for them.

Who knew fucking and getting fucked was deeper and more complex than I thought?:p

1ZRed

bikeman1 wrote: »

Great thread guys,

I have been away and just catching up!

I voted versatile, I love doing it both ways. In my experience over the years, it seems more lads prefer to be a bottom than a top. For me I like having the choice of being both a bottom or a top. When I met my bf, he had never topped a guy before and had very little confidence to be a top. Over time I built his confidence up and now it has got to a stage where he just loves being a top!! Didn't want that to happen!

The best is when we both give it a shot a topping each other!

1ZRed, you say you don't like the idea of being f##ked, I was exactly the same at your age. However with some experience, I started experimenting and found it quite enjoyable! A gay mate of mine (who I never "thought" as being a bottom) told me that it was the most amazing feeling he had, so I gave it a shot, and never looked back. But it is still great to be a top as well. I would not like to be with someone who is stuck one way only.

Have fun, and most importantly be safe!

BM

I think it's time I got broken in but I'm reluctant. I know I should bottom a few times so I can be a better top and not to be so greedy! It's just that more than the mindset, I hate the feeling. Like it's not overly painful but not pleasurable in anyway at all to me. One guy did find my prostate and it wasn't anything special at all so I thought "this is what all the hype is about?" although I have to admitt I'm getting very curious about bottoming so I won't rule it out altogether.

When I get a boyfriend and he wants to top I'll give it up. Untill then though, I'm in no rush and I'm not letting some hook up take a shot at me either. I know, a pure woman's mentality!:cool:

floggg

You seem to be having a lot of sex for an 18 year old

ninty9er

Daith wrote: »

I wonder if it's a case that bottoms are less confident than tops? Or is just a matter of what you like?

I have a friend who has a pretty intense job where it's expected that he's dominant, so he enjoys being completely submissive in the bedroom.

I was very reluctant to bottom, but he encouraged the purchase of a buttplug and douche, and now, here I am, preferring to bottom.

foggy_lad

floggg wrote: »

You seem to be having a lot of sex for an 18 year old

It is good practice if one was thinking of becoming a porn star.

foggy_lad

1ZRed wrote: »

Hey hey! That was just one of my options...that I considered for too long:o


Still going to send the pics and see if they would be interested!

At least that way I won't wonder what if?;)

Would you not be better getting a job and working instead of wasting time and effort on get rich quick schemes that have all been tried before by those older and wiser? all this talk of sex and whether people are top or bottom only shows a level of immaturity which is clearly identifiable to others who will take advantage of you because of it.

Have you tried McDonalds or Supermacs or your local convenience store or coal yard?

bodice ripper

1ZRed wrote: »

Hmmm caught me out there!:P But realistically.

Anyway everyone says nothing beats the real thing!;)

Well, that is fairly offensive, to be honest.

it's pretty close to those who say gay sex isn't real sex at all.

1ZRed

bodice ripper wrote: »

Well, that is fairly offensive, to be honest.

it's pretty close to those who say gay sex isn't real sex at all.

No I didn't think so. I meant that two men could be naturally versatile and switch roles from penetrating to being penetrated.

That's exclusive to a gay relationship in comparison to a straight one without the need for a strap on obviously. And it's a more natural and common dynamic for two gay men in comparison to straight couples.


I never implied or meant to imply that anything else wasn't real sex. And the "not as good as the real thing" is a comment I always hear from guys and that's what I'm talking about in this context, for gay/bi men only.

No offence to lesbians or straight guys getting penetrated that way, I didn't mean it that way if that's how it came across

stephen_n

1ZRed

About people saying I should be versatile, hit up with a guy recently (no judgement) who was a pure bottom (again, very masculine) and actually got turned off when we were texting before hand and he thought I was vers. And this is his quote "They become too greedy! They can rot in hell for all I care for! Lol" 
And you guys where saying I should become vers!
He says he likes his tops to be tops, as in the stereotype which I think I am for him. 

He really loved the fact that I've never been topped and I'm very dominant so the whole dom/sub thing was going on plus I never have met a guy so submissive in my life! (so far anyway) it was a turn off but a huge turn on at the same time. Like, it was strange/confusing but really hot? 



Anyway, back on track! I think I was right about the whole bottom to top imbalance but I'm thinking this means that for the vers guys that like to do it both ways, they slightly prefer to bottom rather than top because it's just more pleasurable? Bare in mind on the poll I said "versatile to varying degrees" so I'm not talking pure 50/50 and there's a bit of leeway on either side.

Not trying to make assumptions but that's what I'm getting from my experience at least!

Captain Graphite

1ZRed wrote: »

About people saying I should be versatile, hit up with a guy recently (no judgement)

I wouldn't normally judge people for sleeping around......

who was a pure bottom (again, very masculine) and actually got turned off when we were texting before hand and he thought I was vers. And this is his quote "They become too greedy! They can rot in hell for all I care for! Lol" 
And you guys where saying I should become vers!
He says he likes his tops to be tops, as in the stereotype which I think I am for him. 

....but I would judge you if you slept with someone as demonstrably idiotic as this guy. "They become too greedy! They can rot in hell"....I mean what the actual fúck?!

I'm surprised he had the required brain cells to be able to send you a text message in the first place. :rolleyes:

1ZRed

Captain Graphite wrote: »

I wouldn't normally judge people for sleeping around......



....but I would judge you if you slept with someone as demonstrably idiotic as this guy. "They become too greedy! They can rot in hell"....I mean what the actual fúck?!

I'm surprised he had the required brain cells to be able to send you a text message in the first place. :rolleyes:

No I agree and thought it was a stupid comment and I've heard it said about bottoms a few times only not versatile men. That's just his view on it I suppose and he was joking and it was said in the heat of the moment. He wasn't a stupid guy at all, in fact he's doing biochemistry in college so you can stop being making assumptions and get off your horse.

Best fcuk I've had in a while if I'm honest and he's a great guy on top of that so I think that comment is a bit unfair on him.