can a social worker lie

flipall

To keep it short my social worker told me one thing about my birth father

My birth mother died suddenly before we met.

Iv been in contact with one of her other children since, who told me a different version of events..

My question is should a social worker not be obliged to tell you the truth, no matter how bad it was????

My social worker has since "closed my case due to the death" so how do i know whos told me the truth!!!

The_Conductor

You may never know to be honest.
Its entirely possible that the information the social worker had (has) is inaccurate, either given to her (or her predecessor) inaccurately, or deliberately misrecorded. Its also entirely possible that the story your birth father is telling you is spun to put a different colour on the story. Its impossible to say who is telling the truth- or who is painting an inaccurate picture- and their reasons for doing so......

biddybops

flipall wrote: »

To keep it short my social worker told me one thing about my birth father

My birth mother died suddenly before we met.

Iv been in contact with one of her other children since, who told me a different version of events..

My question is should a social worker not be obliged to tell you the truth, no matter how bad it was????

My social worker has since "closed my case due to the death" so how do i know whos told me the truth!!!

From what small but devastating amount of time I have spent with social workers, I can honestly say you couldn't believe a thing they say or do.
All you can do is access the freedom of information act to see what you can find out.

mattjack

biddybops wrote: »

From what small but devastating amount of time I have spent with social workers, I can honestly say you couldn't believe a thing they say or do.
All you can do is access the freedom of information act to see what you can find out.

That's a very sweeping statement, I would have thought for any social to tell lies consistently would be professional suicide.
In the example the OP gave would it be more like the social worker was given wrong information or came to the wrong conclusion.

biddybops

I am only speaking from personal experience, I didn't make any sweeping statements about ALL social workers.
I don't know what other social workers are like as I have not met them.
If people are not allowed to comment on their experiences with social workers I apologise

mattjack

biddybops wrote: »

I am only speaking from personal experience, I didn't make any sweeping statements about ALL social workers.
I don't know what other social workers are like as I have not met them.
If people are not allowed to comment on their experiences with social workers I apologise

Maybe I posted the wrong way, but the OP was talking about themselves.

No need to apologise .. comment away. your circumstances are your own experience.Your post suggests you are talking about a personal issue involving more than one social worker, who seem to be on different sides to you,my post was about a general comment where you said you can't believe a thing they say or do.

Both of us have dragged the thread a little of the subject too.

biddybops

The ops question was "do social workers lie?"
My reply was in My opinion they do. I then offered her advice on how to find out the truth.
Don't think I went too off topic

mattjack

biddybops wrote: »

I am only speaking from personal experience, I didn't make any sweeping statements about ALL social workers.
I don't know what other social workers are like as I have not met them.
If people are not allowed to comment on their experiences with social workers I apologise

biddybops wrote: »

The ops question was "do social workers lie?"
My reply was in My opinion they do. I then offered her advice on how to find out the truth.
Don't think I went too off topic

Ok, no problem.

tyview

flipall wrote: »

To keep it short my social worker told me one thing about my birth father

My birth mother died suddenly before we met.

Iv been in contact with one of her other children since, who told me a different version of events..

My question is should a social worker not be obliged to tell you the truth, no matter how bad it was????

My social worker has since "closed my case due to the death" so how do i know whos told me the truth!!!

I would imagine the vast majority of social workers these days dont lie about what is in a file BUT that doesnt mean the information in the file is correct. As Shane said, whether on purpose or not, the person dealing with the adoption will have kept the file up to date. Times have changed so mush since adoption became legal that I'm sure there are many white lies in the files that adoptees would never see (adoptees where never meant to trace Birth parents so I'd say some Birth mothers didnt always give fully truthful answers) It is also possible, in not so great circumstances that your BM may have slightly varied the story when she told her children about you and your birth father. There really is no way of knowing.

trixy

Yes they lie, I was lied to twice regarding where I was actually born, basic information

biddybops

tyview wrote: »

flipall wrote: »

To keep it short my social worker told me one thing about my birth father

My birth mother died suddenly before we met.

Iv been in contact with one of her other children since, who told me a different version of events..

My question is should a social worker not be obliged to tell you the truth, no matter how bad it was????

My social worker has since "closed my case due to the death" so how do i know whos told me the truth!!!

I would imagine the vast majority of social workers these days dont lie about what is in a file BUT that doesnt mean the information in the file is correct. As Shane said, whether on purpose or not, the person dealing with the adoption will have kept the file up to date. Times have changed so mush since adoption became legal that I'm sure there are many white lies in the files that adoptees would never see (adoptees where never meant to trace Birth parents so I'd say some Birth mothers didnt always give fully truthful answers) It is also possible, in not so great circumstances that your BM may have slightly varied the story when she told her children about you and your birth father. There really is no way of knowing.

I would think that it was more of a case that social workers never thought that the freedom of information act would exist and that the 'not fully truthful' information that they put in files would be exposed!

2qk4u

Social workers will tell you what they think you want to hear, yes they lie.

The_Conductor

2qk4u wrote: »

Social workers will tell you what they think you want to hear, yes they lie.

Social workers are governed by a code of ethics- which may result in summary dismissal if breached. From an adoption perspective- they have been known to refuse to divulge information (at all), anonomise the data they are supplying in such a way as to remove any indentifying information from it, or very occasionally send bizarre totally inaccurate information packs to people. The inverse of this is- the files from which they are extracting this information were compiled 20-30-40 years ago, many birth mothers lied in the information they submitted, and many adoption agencies also lied. Today's Social Workers- have this file sitting on their desk- they haven't a clue how much, if any of it, is true- and you and I are demanding information from them. So yes, very often we get complete fabrications from them- but very often its the doing of their predecessors, rather than them themselves- though to ship fairytales on the scale they seem to be doing, does tend to stretch credulity.

Its a legacy of the adopted person being the element of adoption that didn't matter. Adoptive parents wanted their children, and birth mothers, society and the State wanted a means of magic'ing new homes for children that birthmums for a variety of reasons were unable to keep (I say a variety of reasons- I'd have to put societal pressure at top of the list- I remember the 1970s and 1980s in Ireland- single mums were ostracised by society, and it was only in 1974 that single mums were even recognised for social welfare purposes by the State and afforded Children's Benefit for the first time.

So- yes- you will get the most bizarre stories from some social workers- you'll also get some very blunt stories. Some are true, some aren't. Short of tracking down each and every nugget of each and every story- its not possible to say what is true and what is not- though as a rule its good to corroborate any information elsewhere.

Was your social worker lying OP? Lying no- but giving you inaccurate information- possibly, though even this you can't say yes or no to. Is your birthfather telling the truth- I'd hazard a guess that its not a million miles from the truth- though possibly spun to show circumstances in a different light- or because he thinks he is protecting you or your birthmum's memory. Will you ever know- and more importantly- do you need to ever know- for yourself?

biddybops

smccarrick wrote: »

2qk4u wrote: »

Social workers will tell you what they think you want to hear, yes they lie.

Social workers are governed by a code of ethics- which may result in summary dismissal if breached. From an adoption perspective- they have been known to refuse to divulge information (at all), anonomise the data they are supplying in such a way as to remove any indentifying information from it, or very occasionally send bizarre totally inaccurate information packs to people. The inverse of this is- the files from which they are extracting this information were compiled 20-30-40 years ago, many birth mothers lied in the information they submitted, and many adoption agencies also lied. Today's Social Workers- have this file sitting on their desk- they haven't a clue how much, if any of it, is true- and you and I are demanding information from them. So yes, very often we get complete fabrications from them- but very often its the doing of their predecessors, rather than them themselves- though to ship fairytales on the scale they seem to be doing, does tend to stretch credulity.

Its a legacy of the adopted person being the element of adoption that didn't matter. Adoptive parents wanted their children, and birth mothers, society and the State wanted a means of magic'ing new homes for children that birthmums for a variety of reasons were unable to keep (I say a variety of reasons- I'd have to put societal pressure at top of the list- I remember the 1970s and 1980s in Ireland- single mums were ostracised by society, and it was only in 1974 that single mums were even recognised for social welfare purposes by the State and afforded Children's Benefit for the first time.

So- yes- you will get the most bizarre stories from some social workers- you'll also get some very blunt stories. Some are true, some aren't. Short of tracking down each and every nugget of each and every story- its not possible to say what is true and what is not- though as a rule its good to corroborate any information elsewhere.

Was your social worker lying OP? Lying no- but giving you inaccurate information- possibly, though even this you can't say yes or no to. Is your birthfather telling the truth- I'd hazard a guess that its not a million miles from the truth- though possibly spun to show circumstances in a different light- or because he thinks he is protecting you or your birthmum's memory. Will you ever know- and more importantly- do you need to ever know- for yourself?

I am not trying to hijack the thread or anything, but I had to thank your post as the words "social workers and ethics"in the same sentence is just too much.
Although, I do find a good belly chuckle in the morning sets me up nicely for the day!

OP from what I understand about adoption your birth mums local health board would have been given first dibs, so maybe you should contact them and see what they have on you, a large pinch of salt is required when reading the info ( the brandy for the shock is optional)
And I wish you the best of luck

rinsjwind

Hi Flipall

Every adoption story is different, as are different parties memories of the same event (ask any cop about how reliable eye witnesses actually are!) and every trace/reunion is also different.

Social workers are recruited from a sometimes flawed and imperfect source... the human race!! some are good, some are bad and most, like the rest of us, are somewhere in the middle and are genuinely doing their best without adequate resources or any legal basis mostly thanks to the callous indifference of successive governments over the last 60 f£$%in years.

In your own case there are all sorts of reasons, as pointed out above, why the story about what really happened thats on the file and what versions people ended up with in their own heads is inconsistent. The truth (whatever the hell that is!) is probably somewhere in between. You have to decide yourself how important it really is to know all the details and bear in mind that it may be impossible to ever know for sure.

One other thing, are you interested in tracing your birth father or his family? if so, the agency or HSE should be able to at least try, if they won't, get on to AAI and report them!

Good luck
Rins

aprilbaby

Just to offer an alternative point of view - my social worker was always upfront with me and I never felt like she lied. When she couldn't tell me something for example identifying information etc she always made it clear why she couldn't.