Photos=overreacting?

LegacyUser

Not the most urgent problem but one that is annoying me.

My father in law is constantly taking pictures of our baby. He has a very large and in your face camera and camcorder as photography and videography are a bit of a passion of his. Even in hospital, though my husband asked him not to before he came, he arrived with the cameras and kept snapping and video our new baby. Whenever we visit their home the cameras are taken out and he spends ages trying to get 'good shots' as he calls it, asking us to move the baby, asking us to hold the baby, getting his wife to hold the baby. This really annoys me as I've yet to see any of these photos or video footage, he's said he's making 'family photo books' but I've never seen one. He is like this with his other grandchildren and while my siblings in law don't seem to have an issue with it, I do and have asked my husband to have a word with him. In fairness, he has told his dad to lay off and not to bring his cameras to our house (which he doesn't, but makes a fuss and complains that he's missing out on pictures and video when he visits). I'm not an overprotective mother by any stretch and don't mind family members taking a turn holding the baby or maybe taking the odd picture, but his behaviour is doing my head in. My parents don't take pictures without asking us and will then maybe take a couple and put the camera away, whereas he'll just take out his cameras without a thought and start shooting.

What can I do? My husband has already had a word and was told that as he (his dad) wants footage of the family when we visit he'll be taking photos and video. I'm getting more and more reluctant to visit (and feel bad about not seeing my mother in law who I really like a lot) but this intrusive behaviour is very difficult to put up with. I'm happy for us to take pictures and give him prints but he seems to want a vast family archive at his disposal, but this is not his child, its ours and surely we should be the ones in control of the baby's photos?

liliq

That would do my head in!
It's one of those awkward niggly ones,I agree.
What's the point in taking loads of pictures but not actually enjoying and interacting with hisgrandchildren?
My dad takes a few pics as well, but he would ask first, spend about 15/20 mins MAX (usually 5!) and that's it.
It would really put me off visiting if there was a camera out the whole time. I wouldn't be able to relax at all!

No adivce really,just sympathy!

Hannibal Smith

My father in law is kind of the same. He never leaves home without the camera and is ALWAYS taking photos and videos. However he kind of takes the videos and photos as they're playing so he's not so intrusive. But he can be annoying with it in a sense that he's on at us for not being taking as many photos...we do...we're just not aspiring to be Ansel Adams II!

To be fair to him aswell they have all these cine film things from when my husband and his family were younger and it is amazing to watch now! I saw one the other week of my husband walking round his back garden with a nappy on :pac::pac::pac::pac::pac: And for his first birthday my father in law gave us a video of his first year, it was so cute looking back and remembering all that we'd already forgotten. So they are worth all their weight in gold.

Maybe have a word with him to say that he's welcome to video/photograph them, but not interrupt their play?

LegacyUser

I wouldn't have a problem with this if
A) we actually got to see what he takes pictures and videos of. I've been at many dinners, birthdays, outings with my inlaws but I've never seen any of the footage, ever. He seems to want to build his personal family archive, but I'm quite uncomfortable not knowing what he's doing with footage of our child. I don't think he has the right to take pics and videos just for whatever collection he's building up.
he wasn't so insistent on HAVING to do this. He's a headstrong man so he just ploughs ahead regardless-the last video footage he shot was when our child was crying because she was hungry. As I'm breastfeeding and didn't want to be filmed doing this, I nearly had a row with him trying to get him to stop filming so I could feed her. Its his way, always.

Sorry, this is a bit of a rant, but I had enough of this over the weekend.

Hannibal Smith

Yeah...I can understand your annoyance. In your face when you're tryin to feed isn't really good. Who would want a photo of that anyhow? It's a bit odd you haven't seen one photo too.

I don't know how you'd deal with it, other than the way you already have!

Oh wait...what about telling him he can take a few snaps of the baby when you arrive and after that he puts it away?

edellc

OMG OP you are talking about my mother in law who we now call the Japanese tourist she is so flaming annoying and she has one of those Nikon cameras with a big flash and its always in my little mans face flashing away...I did call her a Japanese tourist to her face and she wasn't impressed but neither was I with what she was doing.

I know that she is excited about her grandson and as we live at the other end of the country to her (yeah) she doesnt see us much so when she does she goes over board

The major thing other than the flash in his face, that annoys me is when I ask for copies of these hundreds of thousands of photos she never sends me copies....my mam was really ill when I had my son and pictures where taken of her with my boy (only time I was glad of her camera) when he was born in hospital and I asked at least 5 times over a few months for copies of these pictures but never got them and it took 10mths and my mother to die before she gave me the pictures, I was livid and when she started to take even more pics I asked her who needed to die next before I got copies I am so over playing nicely with her

She is also not allowed to upload them onto facebook for all her friends to see nor is she allowed to video tape him and stick it on youtube, she has been warned.

So OP my advice to you is speak up, if you dont like what is happening to your child say so, no one and I mean no one is responsible for the well being of your child but you and who cares if they are grandparents or siblings if they are invading your childs space and doing something with him that you disapprove of then speak up because your child cant. You need to set the boundaries now before they get comfortable and its too late, so speak up but always in a sweet voice with a smile attached

implausible

annoyedbythis? wrote: »

the last video footage he shot was when our child was crying because she was hungry. As I'm breastfeeding and didn't want to be filmed doing this, I nearly had a row with him trying to get him to stop filming so I could feed her.

This.

I would be raging. He's interfering with his grandchild being fed. It's bloody hard enough trying to negotiate breastfeeding in front of people, but having a bloody camera in your face is absolutely not on.

OP, this is your husband's father, he should be handling this and explaining to him in no uncertain terms that he is making you uncomfortable and ruining a very precious time for both of you and your baby.

The_fever

Seems like he just can't sit still or with himself and a camera makes it easier for him , suggest meditation to him.

cynder

Cant ever have enough photos, I have over 20,000 on the computer and over 6000. On paper, at least 4k are my daughter aged 0-4 when I got the digital camera, the digital ones are 9 years worth and still I regret not taking more, on a week's holiday I could take upto 2000 photos.


When my dad died I hated not having more photos of him with the kids, ( he lived in the UK)


I have only a hand full of photos that contain me and the kids as I am the photographer... I really need to teach my hubby to take photos,


If I were you I would be delighted and ask for copies of the photographs, they make great memories, crying pics, dirty face pics, food pics they all become treasured not now but 1 year down the line or 5 years, looking back you don't realise all the things you forget and seeing a pic brings it all back...

Maybe its just me, but I love looking at photos....

staker

I'd straight up tell him as soon as he came near the place- there's only one of ye coming in the door,the camera or you,your choice!

notsobusy

I have a similar issue with my mother, I have a 3 week old and she came over the other night and wanted numerous photos with him but he was asleep in his basket. She actually took him out of his basket for the photos with him, which my brother had to take because neither myself or my partner would do it. Then she would look at it and say no I don't like that one, take it again. Drove me mad as she woke him and I couldn't get him to settle. She thought it was great as that meant she got to hold him and play with him......

I love looking at photos too and have taken loads with my own camera etc but if you are not actually getting copies of the photos I would be annoyed too. Maybe ask him for copies and if he dilly dallys with it, then say no more photos until we get some!!!

LegacyUser

Well despite him usually knowing to leave the camera behind, he had it out in full force in our home yesterday. My husband and MIL were holding baby, he was getting them to move her, hold her this way, tilt her that way. I had to grab her to feed her to get him to stop, them he had the cheek to say when I was finished feeding he'd take one of me and her. I told him in a nice way that I didn't want any pictures taken. I had words with my husband about this when his parents left. He's told his dad to lay off the pictures but equally tried to explain how his dad likes having pictures. Now, as I said, in the years I've been with my husband his father has taken out the camera on numerous occasions and I've NEVER seen a print or photo book or whatever he says he's doing with them. And that while HE might want to keep a family archive, we are the parents now and our daughter shouldn't be expected to be exposed to a photo session for his benefit.

I know this sounds really, really petty but i seriously don't want him and his camera around me any more, in my house or theirs. I feel my husband should tackle this and he's said he hated his dad's constant picture taking as a child, but I think he's used to his dad's very headstrong personality and feels there's no point getting into a row about this.

Rubberlegs

Oh my God, this is my mother too:(. She constantly has her camera or the camera on her phone out. I hate having my photo taken, though I accept on family occasions this is inevitable. She acts all wounded if you refuse, and has been known to slyly take photos without asking. Who does that? I wouldn't dream of taking a photo of someone if they weren't comfortable with it. Much less taking one without asking. We had the Christening recently, and I heard she went right up into our little one's face while she slept, with the flash on the camera, and made her jump out of her skin:mad:. This was back at the house, and I wasn't in the room at the time. I have no advise OP, but you have my sympathy...:)