Best riposte to someone who says 'Do you know who I am?'

Biggins

Blondini wrote: »

... but .... but .... your boards persona is based on a kinda quasi-celebrity mysterious scenario... and we don't know who you are ... and em... er ... sometimes it feels like you are ... er kinda sayin' "Do you know who I am" in a kinda boards internet forum kinda way .. and stuff .. so er .. who are you?

I'm no one, I'm your neighbour, I'm your friend, I like you - so I will kill you last! :cool:





Only joking - you hope!

PK2008

Q: "Do you know who I am?"

A: "Oh yeeeeh, aren't you that guy who wet his pants at the Christmas party?...... 'Pissy Pants Paul', isn't it?"

Pottler

Biggins wrote: »

I'm no one, I'm your neighbour, I'm your friend, I like you - so I will kill you last! :cool:





Only joking - you hope!

In that case, can I have my lawnmower back. Please.

Pushtrak

"If I cared, I'd have asked."

Qualitymark

Well, nobody else has told it.

A Dublin actor, fond of the drink, was working in the telephone exchange in the 1970s. A woman rang looking for a trunk call and was ordering him around, and he was telling her what he thought of her. "Do you know who I am?" she said.
"No."
"I'm the wife of the Minister for Posts and Telegraphs."

Short pause.

"Do you know who I am?" he said.
"No."
"Thanks be to Jaysus." And he slammed the phone down.

Varied

Well...the jerk store called, they're running out of you!

Pushtrak

Varied wrote: »

Well...the jerk store called, they're running out of you!

That's ok. You're their best seller.

Qualitymark

Varied wrote: »

Well...the jerk store called, they're running out of you!

Plenty of me left.

BBDBB

it appears we have a case of mistaken identity


you are confusing me with someone who gives a sh*t

PizzamanIRL

Degringola wrote: »

I've been living in hope for decades that some jumped so-and-so would ask me this question.

Do you know who I am?





Now, your life is complete. Happy now?

Delancey

I've never had soneone say to me '' do you know who I am '' but on several occassions I have had to deal with people who feel obliged to tell me they are teachers or retired teachers , they obviously still believe we should get down on bended knees for them ( you can probably guess I can't stand teachers )
Once they mention their occupation I just cut them off at the knees by saying '' your career history is of no bearing on the situation '' .... love it !

martyeds

Do you know who i am?

Quick. Pass me the phone book.

LH Pathe

"yes?

you're one a those.. côoonts"

Wacker The Attacker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3XD3XOmBOU

SdoowSirhc

The generally socially acceptable reply to that question is "Yooooore Maaa knows who I am anyway bucko" Always works..

WumBuster

Friend of mine works in a filling station and Pat Shortt came in to pay for his petrol, my friend didnt want to bother him with the ''well pat hows the craic'' apparently Shortt took exception to this and asked him ''do you know who I am?''

im invisible

I'd probably get annoyed and ask them who did they think they were, talking to me like that...

ianobrien

There was one time when I was marshalling at a sporting event in south Kilkenny (a local car rally). The problem was that there was a pub nearby and people were coming up from the pub after one or two (dozen) "social ones".

Anyway, I wasn't in the best of moods dealing with drunks who insisted in standing where they shouldn't and I encountered the "do you know who I am?" line.

My immediate reply was "No, as I don't read the tabloids and anyway, how does a name protect you from a ton of steel travelling at 100mph?"

With that, the crowd at the junction burst into laughter and the fella who forgot his name slinked away. it turns out that he was a local radio DJ who had a massive opinion of himself....

I'm waiting for the next time that's said to me as my reply will be "Ah that's a shame, you seem to have forgotten your name"

Delightfully Pessimistic

Q: Do you know who I am?

A: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you take your head out of your own arse now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

seachto7

WumBuster wrote: »

Friend of mine works in a filling station and Pat Shortt came in to pay for his petrol, my friend didnt want to bother him with the ''well pat hows the craic'' apparently Shortt took exception to this and asked him ''do you know who I am?''

ah now, I'd say there's more to this story than meets the eye...

Ms.M

"I don't know. But I'm guessing you're a d***head now."

Originally posted by Delancey on several occassions I have had to deal with people who feel obliged to tell me they are teachers or retired teachers

You work for the teaching council.... don't you?!!!

mongdesade

Do you know who I am ?

Is it yourself, is it ?

Supermensch

It's been mentioned before, but;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw

yizorselves

0:17

mayotom

Working in a bar once a former taoiseach asked me for a pint, I said no, he looked at me confused and said "do you not know who I'am?" to which I replied, Yes I do that's why you are not getting served, now get lost......

Some of my regulars were shocked but also laughed about it all night and agreed that I was just right. It happened to him in a few other places I know of

Bassboxxx

Azzhole: Do you know who I am?

Me with mock surprise: No way!!! it's not, is it? I can't believe it....Paul McCartney!!!! I love your stuff...My mates are gonna be soo jealous!!!!Etc Etc....

Azzhole: I'm not fooking Paul McCartney, I'm (lets say) Ronan Keating!!!!!

Me: Nah never heard of ya...Jaysus it woulda been great if ya were Paul McCartney tho, he's deadly...seriously tho fook off, I'm still not letting ya in...

paddyandy

No .....are you famous ? i gave my tv to a fool a few years ago and i've lost touch with it ?

brummytom

Qualitymark wrote: »

Well, nobody else has told it.

A Dublin actor, fond of the drink, was working in the telephone exchange in the 1970s. A woman rang looking for a trunk call and was ordering him around, and he was telling her what he thought of her. "Do you know who I am?" she said.
"No."
"I'm the wife of the Minister for Posts and Telegraphs."

Short pause.

"Do you know who I am?" he said.
"No."
"Thanks be to Jaysus." And he slammed the phone down.

That was Ronnie Drew, apparently.

Qualitymark

brummytom wrote: »

That was Ronnie Drew, apparently.

I've heard it about a couple of people, some still alive and rowdy so I'm not mentioning any names.

Wacker The Attacker

I find that " I dont give a f*ck ye c*nt" works just fine.

Wacker The Attacker

mayotom wrote: »

Working in a bar once a former taoiseach asked me for a pint, I said no, he looked at me confused and said "do you not know who I'am?" to which I replied, Yes I do that's why you are not getting served, now get lost......

Some of my regulars were shocked but also laughed about it all night and agreed that I was just right. It happened to him in a few other places I know of

was it biffo or bertie?

HalloweenJack

To quote Eddie Izzard: "This is not a game of 'who the **** are you?'"

leonidas83

mayotom wrote: »

Working in a bar once a former taoiseach asked me for a pint, I said no, he looked at me confused and said "do you not know who I'am?" to which I replied, Yes I do that's why you are not getting served, now get lost......

Some of my regulars were shocked but also laughed about it all night and agreed that I was just right. It happened to him in a few other places I know of

I call bull**** on this one, must people cream their pants when the Taoiseach is around, unless you owned the bar aswell you should have been sacked

Cee-Jay-Cee

Your face looks familiar, did I see you on The Worlds Dumbest Criminals? And simply walk away.

AhInFairness

I had a now-famous actor do this to me about 12 years ago. He'd had his first big role and I did know who he was.

He said "Don't you know who I am?"
I said "No. Should I?"

It was rather effective

leonidas83

AhInFairness wrote: »

I had a now-famous actor do this to me about 12 years ago. He'd had his first big role and I did know who he was.

He said "Don't you know who I am?"
I said "No. Should I?"

It was rather effective

Wouldnt be surprised if this was C.Farrell, he's an awful wanker tbh

Helix

Degringola wrote: »

I've been living in hope for decades that some jumped so-and-so would ask me this question. Alas, it was not to be but hope springs eternal etc. etc.

I've spent many a happy daydream wondering what I would answer. My favourite at the moment is "Oh, you poor man/woman, are you suffering from amnesia?" accompanied by a treacly sympathetic smile and a head tilt.

Now it could be left short and sweet like that or you could then proceed to part 2. This is where you put on your most helpful face where you would ask them if they can remember where they left their wallet/purse as this might contain some card or other that would help them in identifying themselves.

In addition, or alternatively, one could also enlist the help of the surrounding public, as in eg. "Does anybody know this person, unfortunately he cannot remember who he/she is?" and maybe even suggest that an ambulance be called. Or would that be going too far? Overegging the pudding as it were.

All riposte suggestions welcomed as I'm sure most will be better than mine!

jesus christ. neither of those are remotely funny. they reek of tryhard

Piste

Father Raboulah Conundrum!

Hercule Poirot

Person: Don't you know who I am?

Me: No, but I know what you are!

UglyBolloxFace

Ellis Dee wrote: »

A brother of mine works in one of those make-believe jobs for the unemployed in a charity shop.

So a person on the dole helps out in a charity shop (and therefore is helping vulnerable people) instead of just sitting at home on their holes and you have to be condescending to them? That's not very ****ing nice.

mayotom

Yes I owned the bar, it was a former taoiseach who can take a lot of responsibility for the destruction of Ireland and forcing many people to emigrate including several of my customers, also his incompetence caused heavy financial losses for many retired regulars who feel that Ireland has let them down and now spend their time here.

paddyandy

You see Schmucks from the Entertainment Industry swanning down grafton st. from time to time .'Look at me everybody you are so lucky to-day seeing me seeing you so you can tell everybody '...
They are good on a guitar or sing a bit but no use at a lot of other things but a naive fan makes an expert out of them on everything .....religion or politics .

old hippy

paddyandy wrote: »

You see Schmucks from the Entertainment Industry swanning down grafton st. from time to time .'Look at me everybody you are so lucky to-day seeing me seeing you so you can tell everybody '...
They are good on a guitar or sing a bit but no use at a lot of other things but a naive fan makes an expert out of them on everything .....religion or politics .

Yeah, how dare those pampered luvvies have an opinion on anything!

BlueSmoker

I would generally say "Really???" and if the person was a gob****e later in the night, I would still say "Really???", so when someone drops a name I actually say "Really???" and then forget about it : )

juan.kerr

If female:

1. Sorry I didn't recognise you, you must have piled the pounds on recently.
2. Sorry, I didn't recognise you, Twink. (Given that she's a complete wagon and no one in their right mind would want to be mistaken for Twink).

Sinfonia

Delightfully Pessimistic wrote: »

Q: Do you know who I am?

A: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you take your head out of your own arse now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

That would be brilliant. Especially if the stuck-up celebrity was Liam Neeson. You'd dine out on that story for the rest of your life.

Under normal circumstances, a simple 'Yes' would be my choice, accompanied by a perfectly straight face.