First date cock ups

Manzoor14

I have two good stories that involved two different mates.

First one was a few yrs ago. One of my mates (from Wexford) scored a girl out in Dublin. Decided to meet her for a cinema date in Dublin so he hopped into the car and drove to Dub and met her.

After a while chatting he realised she was a bit dim and he had no interest. About 20 mins into the film he said he had to head to the toilet.
Instead he went outside, got into his car and drove back to Wexford. Never heard from her again!

The second one as more recent. Again one of my other mates scored a girl in Dublin (he's living in Dublin as well) She was from Carrick I think.
After a week or so of texting etc she invited him over to Carrick.

He drove over one Saturday, and went to a birthday party with her. She had a hotel room booked for them. But he ended up going flat out on the beer and basically just wanted to pass out in the hotel room bed after the party.

Instead just after falling into bed he leaned over the side and puked up everywhere, all over the carpet, then rolled over and went to sleep. His date ended up cleaning it all up! :eek:
They ended up meeting up a few more times before he ended it cos she lived too far away or something...

guitarzero

cruais wrote: »

Maybe it was just me being from Dublin and not having a country head on me, but when I heard that, it totally turned me off him!

This kinda brings me back to that show 'Take me out'. "Sorry, yea, he's handsome and has a great personality and all but I dunno, something about the name Tom, ugh, he's just not for me".

Palm to face.

HE MILKS COWS! WHAT THE FACK IS WRONG WITH THAT!?! Sorry, *fixes tie*, please, explain yourself. Shed some light on this ridiculous process of elimination.

Would it be also fair to say you've given a*sholes a better chance than this seemingly nice farmer lad?

Ficheall

What one wouldn't give to go out with a lass who milked cattle, eh?

amacca

guitarzero wrote: »

Would it be also fair to say you've given a*sholes a better chance than this seemingly nice farmer lad?

yes...thats the way it works, until you meet someone you really fall for and they either

a) dont want to give you the time of day

or

b) use you as their own personal wet wipe



life is cruel, random and mostly unjustifiably unfair

amacca

Ficheall wrote: »

What one wouldn't give to go out with a lass who milked cattle, eh?

eeeeewwwwwww! like no way...................unless she was hot!

Ficheall

amacca wrote: »

............unless she was hot!

Well, I thought that was a given...

Plazaman

Ficheall wrote: »

What one wouldn't give to go out with a lass who milked cattle, eh?

Don't know, what if she was one of those EU quota mad girls that wouldn't stop until she got two gallon outta ya.

Fun but sore.

marcsignal

cruais wrote: »

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you on a first date?

A couple of years ago, I met a lovely guy on a night out in town. He was a country boy. Anyway, we arranged to go for a drink the following week.

We met up and everything was going great until later in the night, he held my hand.

Me: oh your hands are so soft!
Him: thanks! It's from milking all the cows on the farm!:eek:

I never saw him again.

cruais wrote: »

Maybe it was just me being from Dublin and not having a country head on me, but when I heard that, it totally turned me off him!

so..... he never actually got his cock up in the end then, right ??

:pac:

guitarzero

amacca wrote: »

yes...thats the way it works, until you meet someone you really fall for and they either

a) dont want to give you the time of day

or

b) use you as their own personal wet wipe



life is cruel, random and mostly unjustifiably unfair

Its not even that, if lads were this silly about going out with women you'd get a slap around the head.

AnonoBoy

Ended up going on a first date with my mate Jimmy. We were trying to keep it a secret so we went out on the town with another friend of ours (let's call him Outpost)

Anyway we all ended up back at Jimmy's house and Jimmy had way too much to drink and fell asleep.

Me and Outpost crashed out but when Outpost fell asleep I texted Jimmy and he came up and joined us.

I think we did wake up Outpost though which was a bit embarrassing. At least he's the sort of lad that'd blab though.

Sincerely,

Paddy.

Brokentime

daveyboy_1ie wrote: »

Her 'Well do I look like you expected?'

Me 'Well from the neck up defo'

All I meant was the photo I saw was a head shot, I swear.

Sounds like you were duped with ye olde Fat Girl Angle Shot

But you fecked that up; you'd have probably had your hole if you played your cards right.

Insect Overlord

I went out on a date with a girl, a bit late. She had so many friends!
I brought my pogo-stick just to show her a trick. She had so many friends...

retalivity

Insect Overlord wrote: »

I went out on a date with a girl, a bit late. She had so many friends!
I brought my pogo-stick just to show her a trick. She had so many friends...

LALALALALALAAAAAA.....

Ash.J.Williams

Insect Overlord wrote: »

I went out on a date with a girl, a bit late. She had so many friends!
I brought my pogo-stick just to show her a trick. She had so many friends...

But just one pogostick??

shrewdness

[Quote=[Jackass];79768467]
Amanda wasn't as hot as I remembered (in fact the beer goggles must have been in full swing that first night)[/Quote]


That's where facebook comes in handy these days. Try and get her full name if you're fairly drunk and the beer goggles are on. The next day check her out online(if you can find her) to see if she's as good looking as you remember. If she is, arrange a date then!

You can never be too careful in these matters! Was caught out myself a few years ago in a similar situation.

Cheeky_gal

Biggins wrote: »

Walked into a cinema wall and knocked myself out.

After reading through pages of long winded stories this one liner is the only one that made me LOL!

retroactive

A mutual friend organised a blind date. Did the usual facebook stalking and thought she was really cute.

I was working in a nightclub the night before and myself and the owners decided we'd have a little bit of a lock in.. long story short, I organised to meet the girl in a bar in the early afternoon the next day and I turned up completely smashed.

..Went on a few dates after that but it didn't work out.

smeghead01

id met a guy down the pub on a bank holiday weekend, a friend of a friend, everyone was out drinking all day you know the drill.

anyway after the disco i managed to get us into one of the local bars after hours. when we landed in the guy i was with was being noisey and was kicked out of the pub, and when i went to go outside to him (he wasnt local, at this stage hed nowhere else to stay and i felt responsible for him) he threatened the pub owner that hed rat him out to the guards for after hours..needless to say the pub owner wasnt too pleased, ended up decking the fella twice in the face before throwing him against a car outside causing the wing mirror to break!

we decided to go home (i still lived with my parents) and as i didnt know the guy well we just slept on the couches in the living room. i woke up a couple of hours later with this guy grinding his crotch into the side of my head! literally had a hold of my head and was grinding his junk up against my ear quite aggressively!! when i woke up he stopped, and pretended to go back to sleep??? ive never been more freaked out in my entire life! could not wait to get him out of the house and challenge said friend who told me he was "sound"

Ash.J.Williams

Cheeky_gal wrote: »

After reading through pages of long winded stories this one liner is the only one that made me LOL!

have to say i got a good laugh from the guy who answered the "do i look like my photo?" with "yeah from the neck up"...made me laugh!

Brokentime

smeghead01 wrote: »

...woke up a couple of hours later with this guy grinding his crotch into the side of my head!

What a headfu*k

Reminds me of a time I went on a night out with a former co-worker, who's married. We had a great after-work night out, but it was too late for her to go home so she spent the night at my place. Normally my GF would be there, but she was working night shift at her hospital. Anyway, with the booze and the sleeping beside someone, I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.

wonderfullife

Brokentime wrote: »

What a headfu*k

Reminds me of a time I went on a night out with a former co-worker, who's married. We had a great after-work night out, but it was too late for her to go home so she spent the night at my place. Normally my GF would be there, but she was working night shift at her hospital. Anyway, with the booze and the sleeping beside someone, I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.

ummm did you just quote the dictionary definition of rape :rolleyes:

Ficheall

Brokentime wrote: »

Reminds me of a time I went on a night out with a former co-worker, who's married. We had a great after-work night out, but it was too late for her to go home so she spent the night at my place. Normally my GF would be there, but she was working night shift at her hospital. Anyway, with the booze and the sleeping beside someone, I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.

And your OHs bought that ****e?

Brokentime

wonderfullife wrote: »

ummm did you just quote the dictionary definition of rape :rolleyes:

I don't think so. There's more to the story than that, but I fear even more detail would entice an even more pedantic and sanctimonious response from you. Hush now :cool:

Brokentime

Ficheall wrote: »

And your OHs bought that ****e?

Sorry, I don't know what an OH is. Just Googled it; I'm assuming you meant "Other half", so why say OHs? There is only one. And yes, she understood and laughed about it, as did my ex-colleague. Friends, mate. Wait 'til you have one sometime, and then you'll see that they're understanding.

Manco

Lucky you weren't charged with rape.

Brokentime

Manco wrote: »

Lucky you weren't charged with rape.

As I said previously, there's a little more to that story. That said, that would be a big cock-up for a first date.

Clareman

Brokentime wrote: »

What a headfu*k

Reminds me of a time I went on a night out with a former co-worker, who's married. We had a great after-work night out, but it was too late for her to go home so she spent the night at my place. Normally my GF would be there, but she was working night shift at her hospital. Anyway, with the booze and the sleeping beside someone, I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.

And that your honour is the fine line between surprise sex and rape, the defence rests.

Atomicjuicer

Brokentime wrote: »

, I must have imagined in my sleep that my co-worker was my GF; when I woke up, I had my hands around her boobs and was literally 'inside' her. We kind of woke up at the same time, too. Thank god she was cool about it.

Haven't laughed so hard in a while. The boobs bit was good but the words right after it seemed so immediate it just killed me. It's like that ad for condoms where the dude accidentally crashes into a toilet with a women inside it and impregnates her (also by accident).

Brokentime

Clareman wrote: »

And that your honour is the fine line between surprise sex and rape, the defence rests.

I like that sentence. Needs some punctuation, though.

"And that, Your Honour, is the fine line between surprise sex and rape".

Wow, this is the 2nd thread in 2 days that's been ruined by a choice few. So people actually think I'd incriminate myself on the internet? Wow :rolleyes: Fun's gone from this thread. NEXT!

Ficheall

Brokentime wrote: »

Sorry, I don't know what an OH is. Just Googled it; I'm assuming you meant "Other half", so why say OHs? There is only one.

Your other half plus the husband of the woman you accidentally had your penis in.

Big Nasty

He's right - it was a good thread, now it's sh1te bickering.

Move on and it could become a good thread again. Story could all be lies for all we know and as he said it was obviously innocent enough. Chap's hardly gonna send himself down for rape just so he can tell a few nobodies on the net a story is he?

Defiler Of The Coffin

kfallon wrote: »

Yeah you can imagine if they had got down to the business later on, "First I want you to do me in the missionary position, then a few minutes of doggy and then I want you to blow off all over my boobs.....just like Mammy and Daddy do it!!" :eek: :pac:

Just when you think we have a nice respectable discussion going along comes kfallon to drag it down into the gutter...

stimpson

smeghead01 wrote: »

i woke up a couple of hours later with this guy grinding his crotch into the side of my head!

Is that how you got your username?

The Snipe

Fight_Night wrote: »

We were at Eddie Rockets, normally they give you glass bottles of ketchup but for some reason that day we were given a plastic bottle, the ones that you're able to squeeze(which imo are much better and easier to use but anyway) so we've just got our meal and I'm about to put ketchup on my chips when all of a sudden Louis Walsh walks in, I scream "HEY LOUIS" and unknowingly squeezed the bottle of ketchup with such strength that it got all over her clothes. She stormed off back to her house and I went after her to apologize. Once I reached her house I asked her to come back to Eddie Rockets, to which she replied "How am I supposed to go out wearing this?" So I winked and said "I guess you just won't be able to wear it."

Then we made love.

There was no date. =(

So.. I was in Eddie Rockets with this pure douchbag. I was only with him for the free food... (But seriously...? Who brings someone on a date to Eddie Rockets, when he said going for dinner I thought he ment somewhere classy.. I got all dressed up and all for it..) But anyway.. Half way through the dinner he starts playing with himself, and shoots it all over my clothes... The sick ****er.. so I decided okay this is too much, got up and went to go home... but the guy actually FOLLOWED ME too my house.. Seriously the guy was a full on stalker!

He then broke into my house and raped me!

thomasj

The Snipe wrote: »

Fight_Night wrote: »

We were at Eddie Rockets, normally they give you glass bottles of ketchup but for some reason that day we were given a plastic bottle, the ones that you're able to squeeze(which imo are much better and easier to use but anyway) so we've just got our meal and I'm about to put ketchup on my chips when all of a sudden Louis Walsh walks in, I scream "HEY LOUIS" and unknowingly squeezed the bottle of ketchup with such strength that it got all over her clothes. She stormed off back to her house and I went after her to apologize. Once I reached her house I asked her to come back to Eddie Rockets, to which she replied "How am I supposed to go out wearing this?" So I winked and said "I guess you just won't be able to wear it."

Then we made love.

There was no date. =(

So.. I was in Eddie Rockets with this pure douchbag. I was only with him for the free food... (But seriously...? Who brings someone on a date to Eddie Rockets, when he said going for dinner I thought he ment somewhere classy.. I got all dressed up and all for it..) But anyway.. Half way through the dinner he starts playing with himself, and shoots it all over my clothes... The sick ****er.. so I decided okay this is too much, got up and went to go home... but the guy actually FOLLOWED ME too my house.. Seriously the guy was a full on stalker!

He then broke into my house and raped me!

I sneezed in the candle with such force that the wax flew out on my date!

fullstop

The Snipe wrote: »

So.. I was in Eddie Rockets with this pure douchbag. I was only with him for the free food... (But seriously...? Who brings someone on a date to Eddie Rockets, when he said going for dinner I thought he ment somewhere classy.. I got all dressed up and all for it..) But anyway.. Half way through the dinner he starts playing with himself, and shoots it all over my clothes... The sick ****er.. so I decided okay this is too much, got up and went to go home... but the guy actually FOLLOWED ME too my house.. Seriously the guy was a full on stalker!

He then broke into my house and raped me!

That's really cool and original, pretending you're the person he was talking about

old hippy

Clearly one or two people here need to sort out amusing anecdotes from somewhat dubious "date" tales...

The Snipe

fullstop wrote: »

That's really cool and original, pretending you're the person he was talking about

Thanks. Came up with the idea myself

Blondini

cruais wrote: »

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you on a first date?

A couple of years ago, I met a lovely guy on a night out in town. He was a country boy. Anyway, we arranged to go for a drink the following week.

We met up and everything was going great until later in the night, he held my hand.

Me: oh your hands are so soft!
Him: thanks! It's from milking all the cows on the farm!:eek:

I never saw him again.

Don't believe it ... Pull the udder one ..

cruais

guitarzero wrote: »

This kinda brings me back to that show 'Take me out'. "Sorry, yea, he's handsome and has a great personality and all but I dunno, something about the name Tom, ugh, he's just not for me".

Palm to face.

HE MILKS COWS! WHAT THE FACK IS WRONG WITH THAT!?! Sorry, *fixes tie*, please, explain yourself. Shed some light on this ridiculous process of elimination.

Would it be also fair to say you've given a*sholes a better chance than this seemingly nice farmer lad?

Well I'm happily married now to a gentleman..

As I said, I can't explain why it totally turned me off, but I'm obviously not used to farm life!

blacklilly

Met a guy for a drink once, he was very good looking but literally as soon as I sat down he started asking me about my sexual preferences, st first I laughed but quickly realised he was being serious. When I didn't reply he started telling me about his fantasies, I'm no prude but these where fu*ked up fantasies. St this stage I was pretty much in shock. Had my arms and legs folded and had a look of disgust on my face. He then proceeds to tell me that he knows by my body language that I'm totally into him. I get up and tell him a few home truths and next thing he grabs my arm. Bar man comes over to help me out and gets me a taxi.
This guy then texts me later that night saying he loves when girls play hard to get!
Needless to say I didn't reply and I received a couple more messages from him over a week or so.
Totally put me off dating for a while, what a total fruit cake

Samich

Never been on a date

The_Thing

All my dates have been sponsored by the makers of Rohypnol.

Gummy Panda

A thread ruined by rape jokes

Ah nuts

amacca wrote: »

Not too bad actually.......I'm relatively drama free on dates but on meeting a girl for the first time recently I arrived with no plans a wee bit late and flustered

I confessed I wasn't sure what we could do and then I went a step further and made a suggestion

"We could go for a drive"

that was one nervous girl for most of that date

Larry get off the internet you sicko.

ringadingding

I was working with a few Croatian guys in Dublin, and they always had a gaggle of hot Croatian girls at parties etc..
I arranged a date with one of them, met her but had forgotten her name, she was in my phone as 'hot Croat girl'

Anyway things going well enough, she went to the bar, I texted my mate ' I'm gonna hammer the ****e into her, she's gagging for cock' and of course, as ****ing cliched as they come, sent it to her.

She read it, and was nice enough to pretend it didn't happen, but nope. I didn't get the lay.

Larianne

First ever internet date - dude felt up my ear and wrist, then poked at a bruise on my leg, then tried to lift up my skirt! :eek:

And he was surprised when I went for a handshake rather than a kiss at the end of the date! :rolleyes:

Topper Harley

I was once on a date with a girl when she declared that she was in love... with someone else. But she seemed more than happy to go out with me until she could seduce her "true love". That would've suited me I suppose but a combination of awkwardness and her being a bit of a nutter ensured that I bailed fairly quickly.

Larianne wrote: »

First ever internet date - dude felt up my ear and wrist, then poked at a bruise on my leg, then tried to lift up my skirt! :eek:

And he was surprised when I went for a handshake rather than a kiss at the end of the date! :rolleyes:

Internet date? He must have been quite a guy if he could feel you up over the internet. Or have I missed something?

Brokentime

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Story could all be lies for all we know and as he said it was obviously innocent enough.

True story, though. And we're still friends. Strangely enough, she's just recently divorced, but I don't think it was anything to do with 'penisgate'. That was about 2 years ago.

Samich - what do you mean you've never been on a date? As in, never ever? Or never a successful one?

Larianne

Topper Harley wrote: »

Internet date? He must have been quite a guy if he could feel you up over the internet. Or have I missed something?

har har :cool:

:pac: