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First date cock ups
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blacklilly wrote: »Met a guy for a drink once, he was very good looking but literally as soon as I sat down he started asking me about my sexual preferences, st first I laughed but quickly realised he was being serious. When I didn't reply he started telling me about his fantasies, I'm no prude but these where fu*ked up fantasies. St this stage I was pretty much in shock. Had my arms and legs folded and had a look of disgust on my face. He then proceeds to tell me that he knows by my body language that I'm totally into him. I get up and tell him a few home truths and next thing he grabs my arm. Bar man comes over to help me out and gets me a taxi.
This guy then texts me later that night saying he loves when girls play hard to get!
Needless to say I didn't reply and I received a couple more messages from him over a week or so.
Totally put me off dating for a while, what a total fruit cake
You should have gone for the barman instead
But seriously, what a creep!0 -
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Not so useful since everyone changed from hand-milking to milking machines!What one wouldn't give to go out with a lass who milked cattle, eh?
I think you're gone back too far in history for that one lad, few enough will recall the saga!Ended up going on a first date with my mate Jimmy. We were trying to keep it a secret so we went out on the town with another friend of ours (let's call him Outpost)
Anyway we all ended up back at Jimmy's house and Jimmy had way too much to drink and fell asleep.
Me and Outpost crashed out but when Outpost fell asleep I texted Jimmy and he came up and joined us.
I think we did wake up Outpost though which was a bit embarrassing. At least he's not the sort of lad that'd blab though.
Sincerely,
Paddy.
Did she chance a bounce on it though?Insect Overlord wrote: »I brought my pogo-stick just to show her a trick.0 -
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toodleytoo wrote: »blacklilly wrote: »Met a guy for a drink once, he was very good looking but literally as soon as I sat down he started asking me about my sexual preferences, st first I laughed but quickly realised he was being serious. When I didn't reply he started telling me about his fantasies, I'm no prude but these where fu*ked up fantasies. St this stage I was pretty much in shock. Had my arms and legs folded and had a look of disgust on my face. He then proceeds to tell me that he knows by my body language that I'm totally into him. I get up and tell him a few home truths and next thing he grabs my arm. Bar man comes over to help me out and gets me a taxi.
This guy then texts me later that night saying he loves when girls play hard to get!
Needless to say I didn't reply and I received a couple more messages from him over a week or so.
Totally put me off dating for a while, what a total fruit cake
You should have gone for the barman instead
But seriously, what a creep!
The bar man was actually really cute but I was too annoyed / freaked out to think about it. A total fruit the loop but thankfully its the only bad date I've ever really had0 -
Mr.Crinklewood wrote: »Was she called Mary?
I'm not messing, her name was Shirley McSherry who was 3/4 Irish....YEAHHHHHHHH 0 -
sorry to break it to you man....it's Murphy i feel sorry for...I'm not messing, her name was Shirley McSherry who was 3/4 Irish....YEAHHHHHHHHShirley McSherry, age 84, of Uniontown, Ohio, passed away peacefully in her home after a short illness; surrounded by her loving family. Born in Lock Haven, Pennsylvania to the late Harold and Pearl (Spotts) Motter. Shirley graduated from Lock Haven High School and retired from Advest Doolittle in Buffalo, New York. She is preceded in death by her husband Richard, her parents and brothers; Bill and Sonny. Shirley is survived by two sons, Scott (Andrea) McSherry of Uniontown, Ohio and Richard McSherry of Blasdell, New York. Grandchildren Amy, Jenna, Allison and Jason McSherry, siblings; Sandy, Linda, Dave and Larry. Her pet dog, Murphy also survives. Private services will be held for the family.0 -
randylonghorn wrote: »I think you're gone back too far in history for that one lad, few enough will recall the saga!
Young folks these days don't know the classics!
What are they teaching them in school at all at all?0 -
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I'm not messing, her name was Shirley McSherry who was 3/4 Irish....YEAHHHHHHHH
Found her........................I think you have some explaining to do!!
http://www.shriverfuneralhomes.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=1243572&fh_id=103260 -
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This is not really a fist date more of a first encounter..
So on a night out I was having a few at my local, a few of us decide to hit up a club. In the club the usual menagerie of drinks where consumed plus the inevitable shapes that I would cut on the dance floor, something similar to that of the mating dance of the giant flamingos of lake Nakuru!
My luck was in, as I did manage to catch the eye of at least one of the local species at the local watering-hole, which more resembled a hippo than a flamingo, but being an equal opportunist I like to give everyone at least one crack at the title!
So we get to talking, she tells me she is out with two friends, she was a nurse from England, we will not go into names here...
So with my usual Irish charm and vernacular, I asked her how she had been enjoying the emerald Isle, she went on to explain how she loved the place, people here so friendly etc.. etc..
I then asked has she had the pleasure of kissing an Irish lad yet, to which she replied “No!”..
Now maybe it was the feeling of patriotic duty or the 15 jegarbombs coursing through my veins like Viagra on steroids or possibly the simple fact that I have the sexual prowess of a sexual deviant just released for solitary confinement! But I could not let this stand! I lean in I give her a kiss... She grabs my belt buckle pulling me closer! After 40 seconds or so I come up for air and whisper the romantic words “My gaff is just down the road!”
Like a bull being led by the nose we went straight for the door, upon hitting the street she was on me like a rottweiler on a toddler!! Resistance was futile!
We hail a taxi and we where off!
Now, what she did not know was, my gaff was actually my parents house, but being they where off in Spain it was not going to be much of a problem!
We get to the door and I take her to my parents living room, the smell of the new white fabric sofa still fresh in the air, being a gentleman I ask her does she want a drink? Her response “No, just get over here!”
We kiss for a while heavy breathing, moans, limbs flailing around to what could only be describe as something from gorillas in the mist!
I decide to make my move, I begin to undo the buttons to the 3 quarter length type jeans she has been sporting, which resembled that of someone trying to pour snooker balls into a sock!
She then sprang up and said “No we can't!!”
At first I figured she must had said something else, but to be sure to be sure I respond with “Come again?”... “No we can't!” She responds once more!
In my head I am thinking WTF, so I asked, if you do not want to do this why did you come back to my house? She then goes onto explain that she does want to do this, however it was “that” time of the month and she simply cannot....
Although frustrated I guess there was not a whole lot I could do! But to my amazement she did come up with an alternative solution that blew my mind!
She asked if I liked to play golf?
I replied yes... She then said something that will stay with me forever in the best sporting analogy I have ever came across!
“Just because you cannot play the front 9 does not mean you cannot play the back 9”
GAME ON!
Now playing the back 9 was not something I was used to, the logistics became apparent almost straight away!
I needed some kind of lubrication for the task in hand...
In a panic I say “wait, I will be back in a second, bouncing into the kitchen to find me a solution” In my sex crazed stupor I reach for the first thing I think might work.... Washing up liquid! But none of the cheap stuff, it was fairy!
Like a fireman and his hose I dosed the area thoroughly, making it look like she had been getting her salad tossed by Slimer from the Ghostbusters!
In the throws of passion we threw causing to the wind, her body turned into a human bubble making machine but there as no stopping us!!! Within a few minutes we where spent!!!
As reality sank back into focus the absolute horror of what just happened became so apparent...
The mess on my parents white fabric sofa looked like I had bludgeoned the alien from predator to death on it...
She gathered her things, I called her a taxi.... The stain on the sofa a constant reminder of that night... My parents still none the wiser
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ShowMeTheCash wrote: »This is not really a fist date more of a first encounter..
So on a night out I was having a few at my local, a few of us decide to hit up a club. In the club the usual menagerie of drinks where consumed plus the inevitable shapes that I would cut on the dance floor, something similar to that of the mating dance of the giant flamingos of lake Nakuru!
My luck was in, as I did manage to catch the eye of at least one of the local species at the local watering-hole, which more resembled a hippo than a flamingo, but being an equal opportunist I like to give everyone at least one crack at the title!
So we get to talking, she tells me she is out with two friends, she was a nurse from England, we will not go into names here...
So with my usual Irish charm and vernacular, I asked her how she had been enjoying the emerald Isle, she went on to explain how she loved the place, people here so friendly etc.. etc..
I then asked has she had the pleasure of kissing an Irish lad yet, to which she replied “No!”..
Now maybe it was the feeling of patriotic duty or the 15 jegarbombs coursing through my veins like Viagra on steroids or possibly the simple fact that I have the sexual prowess of a sexual deviant just released for solitary confinement! But I could not let this stand! I lean in I give her a kiss... She grabs my belt buckle pulling me closer! After 40 seconds or so I come up for air and whisper the romantic words “My gaff is just down the road!”
Like a bull being led by the nose we went straight for the door, upon hitting the street she was on me like a rottweiler on a toddler!! Resistance was futile!
We hail a taxi and we where off!
Now, what she did not know was, my gaff was actually my parents house, but being they where off in Spain it was not going to be much of a problem!
We get to the door and I take her to my parents living room, the smell of the new white fabric sofa still fresh in the air, being a gentleman I ask her does she want a drink? Her response “No, just get over here!”
We kiss for a while heavy breathing, moans, limbs flailing around to what could only be describe as something from gorillas in the mist!
I decide to make my move, I begin to undo the buttons to the 3 quarter length type jeans she has been sporting, which resembled that of someone trying to pour snooker balls into a sock!
She then sprang up and said “No we can't!!”
At first I figured she must had said something else, but to be sure to be sure I respond with “Come again?”... “No we can't!” She responds once more!
In my head I am thinking WTF, so I asked, if you do not want to do this why did you come back to my house? She then goes onto explain that she does want to do this, however it was “that” time of the month and she simply cannot....
Although frustrated I guess there was not a whole lot I could do! But to my amazement she did come up with an alternative solution that blew my mind!
She asked if I liked to play golf?
I replied yes... She then said something that will stay with me forever in the best sporting analogy I have ever came across!
“Just because you cannot play the front 9 does not mean you cannot play the back 9”
GAME ON!
Now playing the back 9 was not something I was used to, the logistics became apparent almost straight away!
I needed some kind of lubrication for the task in hand...
In a panic I say “wait, I will be back in a second, bouncing into the kitchen to find me a solution” In my sex crazed stupor I reach for the first thing I think might work.... Washing up liquid! But none of the cheap stuff, it was fairy!
Like a fireman and his hose I dosed the area thoroughly, making it look like she had been getting her salad tossed by Slimer from the Ghostbusters!
In the throws of passion we threw causing to the wind, her body turned into a human bubble making machine but there as no stopping us!!! Within a few minutes we where spent!!!
As reality sank back into focus the absolute horror of what just happened became so apparent...
The mess on my parents white fabric sofa looked like I had bludgeoned the alien from predator to death on it...
She gathered her things, I called her a taxi.... The stain on the sofa a constant reminder of that night... My parents still none the wiser
Least ya didnt need to have a bath afterwards had me in sitchs man ha 0 -
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ShowMeTheCash wrote: »She then sprang up and said “No we can't!!”
At first I figured she must had said something else, but to be sure to be sure I respond with “Come again?”... “No we can't!” She responds once more!
In my head I am thinking WTF, so I asked, if you do not want to do this why did you come back to my house? She then goes onto explain that she does want to do this, however it was “that” time of the month and she simply cannot....
Although frustrated I guess there was not a whole lot I could do! But to my amazement she did come up with an alternative solution that blew my mind!
She asked if I liked to play golf?
I replied yes... She then said something that will stay with me forever in the best sporting analogy I have ever came across!
“Just because you cannot play the front 9 does not mean you cannot play the back 9”
GAME ON!
Now playing the back 9 was not something I was used to, the logistics became apparent almost straight away!
I needed some kind of lubrication for the task in hand...
In a panic I say “wait, I will be back in a second, bouncing into the kitchen to find me a solution” In my sex crazed stupor I reach for the first thing I think might work.... Washing up liquid! But none of the cheap stuff, it was fairy!
Like a fireman and his hose I dosed the area thoroughly, making it look like she had been getting her salad tossed by Slimer from the Ghostbusters!
In the throws of passion we threw causing to the wind, her body turned into a human bubble making machine but there as no stopping us!!! Within a few minutes we where spent!!!
As reality sank back into focus the absolute horror of what just happened became so apparent...
The mess on my parents white fabric sofa looked like I had bludgeoned the alien from predator to death on it...
She gathered her things, I called her a taxi.... The stain on the sofa a constant reminder of that night... My parents still none the wiser
Funny as fcuk, especially this bit 'The mess on my parents white fabric sofa looked like I had bludgeoned the alien from predator to death on it...'
Oh and I hope you checked the 'gear box', because this could easily have been said by a man/tranny 'Just because you cannot play the front 9 does not mean you cannot play the back 9” 0 -
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Worst first date ever was with a guy I had met the previous weekend in a loud club. Swapped saliva and numbers and arranged to meet the following week.
Went to the cinema (doh!). First of all he bought his ticket and popcorn. Now, I'm all for equality and I believe in going halves, but to actually order your own ticket and snacks and not order for your date seems off to me. After the movie we went to a pub nearby (where he ordered his own pint at the bar). He was really antsy and kept looking at the time. I asked if he had somewhere he needed to be and his response? "My mother doesn't like it if I'm too late home".
Oh he was in his early 30s by the way! He then proceeded to have a wee rant about welfare recipients, mainly single mothers, at which point I dropped the bombshell that I was a single mother and walked out of the pub. Worst date ever!
Oh and OP, my dairy farmer boyfriend has lovely hands. Bit rough at times but it's kinda sexy 0 -
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