First date cock ups

matt-dublin

ash23 wrote: »

Oh and OP, my dairy farmer boyfriend has lovely hands. Bit rough at times but it's kinda sexy

Nothin better to feed the pony with then a cheesegrater hand!

ViveLaVie

Sky King wrote: »

Here's the worst first date imaginable:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191&page=1

IMAGINABLE.

Thank you so much for posting that, put me in a great mood for the rest of the day!

matt-dublin

ViveLaVie wrote: »

Thank you so much for posting that, put me in a great mood for the rest of the day!

I bet she said to him, why you tickling my knee???

Diapason

Sky King wrote: »

Here's the worst first date imaginable:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191&page=1

IMAGINABLE.

THANK YOU! I'd read this ages ago and I was thinking about it only this morning and wondering if I could find it again. Top-drawer!

joe316

This is a story about a mate who has a track record worse than Fred West for dates, one girl who really liked him refused to call around to his house anymore because she was getting too sick from the fact that he couldnt afford heating and she was taking too many days off work sick.

Anyhow, this first date, met this girl online, texted for a day or so and arranged to meet up. Him being him he wanted to do something different and romantic, he decided on a romantic picnic in Dun Laoghaire. Only problem was that it was set for 6pm on a Thursday night in late November and sun had set about an hour earlier. Anyhows the sentiment was valid and hopefully she would see it that way. Now this fella would not have the greatest sense of direction, and he wanted everything to be perfect so he decided to do a couple of trial runs ahead of the date. So he went off Sat Nav in tow and planned his route, making 2 runs in order to be sure.

So the "night" of the date came and he picked up his date from town and off they went to the picnic spot he had so carefully selected unfortunately they never reached the spot due to the fact that he had somehow gotten lost from city centre to Dun Laoighaire even with the sat nav. 2 hours later he still didnt arrive and both were getting hungry but instead of throwing it all in, he pulled over and they had their picnic of Pepsi Max and Choc Master bars in the car.

He didnt hear from her again.

robindch

Maybe 12 years ago, met a nice girl in a bar in Kinsale, chatted all evening, gave her a lift back to Dublin next day; stayed in touch as we lived near each other; a few weekends later, we went to Killarney, we walked about the mountains, got thirsty, I drank some water from a stream coming from Mangerton (where the town's water comes from, so thought it would be ok), we went to the cinema that night, and just before film finished, I felt a bit peculiar, went out to the jacks, but collapsed in the foyer just as people were coming out of the other films; my friend arrived a minute or two later, just as the ambulance had been called, so I ended up being carted off to intensive care in Tralee General where we ended up playing this game with the heart-rate-monitor where she'd guess a number between 60 and 80 and I'd make my heart beat at that rate, though we'd have preferred a beer in the pub near the cinema.

Weirdly, we're still in touch, just not physically.

Hardonraging

robindch wrote: »

Maybe 12 years ago, met a nice girl in a bar in Kinsale, chatted all evening, gave her a lift back to Dublin next day; stayed in touch as we lived near each other; a few weekends later, we went to Killarney, we walked about the mountains, got thirsty, I drank some water from a stream coming from Mangerton (where the town's water comes from, so thought it would be ok), we went to the cinema that night, and just before film finished, I felt a bit peculiar, went out to the jacks, but collapsed in the foyer just as people were coming out of the other films; my friend arrived a minute or two later, just as the ambulance had been called, so I ended up being carted off to intensive care in Tralee General where we ended up playing this game with the heart-rate-monitor where she'd guess a number between 60 and 80 and I'd make my heart beat at that rate, though we'd have preferred a beer in the pub near the cinema.

Weirdly, we're still in touch, just not physically.

This is why bear grylls never goes to the cinema ...

Ash.J.Williams

going by this thread, the cinema not a great place for a date, due to risk of injury!

mauzo

Not the worst but I was mortified....

Went out last week, in a bar with a guy. He made me laugh just as I was taking a sip of red wine, and I tried to swallow it but was laughing at the same time, it ended up spraying out of my mouth all over the window beside us.

He just said ' at least you turned your head!! '

Oh and then I did it twice more, got it all over my own face!! This was like 2/3 glasses in! Ugh cant even say i was drunk :rolleyes:

Diapason

It's okay. You should never swallow on a first date.

Genghiz Cohen

syndeyfife wrote: »

Not the worst but I was mortified....

Went out last week, in a bar with a guy. He made me laugh just as I was taking a sip of red wine, and I tried to swallow it but was laughing at the same time, it ended up spraying out of my mouth all over the window beside us.

He just said ' at least you turned your head!! '

Oh and then I did it twice more, got it all over my own face!! This was like 2/3 glasses in! Ugh cant even say i was drunk :rolleyes:

Went well then?
I'm sure he was pleased he got such a reaction, more than once.

mauzo

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

Went well then?
I'm sure he was pleased he got such a reaction, more than once.

I dont think so. Fair enough once, but 3 times? Jesus Im mortified just thinking about it.

MrStuffins

samapple789 wrote: »

Ok this would have been the worst date ever

Ok was on a dating site for the LoL begin to chat to a girl on it and after 2 weeks we met up. We went for coffee and so on and she asked me will we go on a drive i was like ok. We ended up drive for about a hour in circles and we pulled over for a bit and she went in to shift me and i went along with it. After a while we moved into the back of the car and decided to have a full on ride. After a bit of messing around i decided to put my manhood in side her. But wait my man hood was to big for her it just did not fit what so ever after 10 mins of trying i give up saying **** this **** i am bringing you home. Never met our spoke to the girl again after that

Worst story so far, in multiple ways!

Hardonraging

Diapason wrote: »

It's okay. You should never swallow on a first date.

I politely disagree sir/madam ...

MrStuffins

Hardonraging wrote: »

I politely disagree sir/madam ...

You swallow on a first date?

mauzo

MrStuffins wrote: »

You swallow on a first date?

Second!!

Hardonraging

MrStuffins wrote: »

You swallow on a first date?

Squirter's .... ohh yea i went there ..

suicide_circus

samapple789 wrote: »

Ok this would have been the worst date ever

Ok was on a dating site for the LoL begin to chat to a girl on it and after 2 weeks we met up. We went for coffee and so on and she asked me will we go on a drive i was like ok. We ended up drive for about a hour in circles and we pulled over for a bit and she went in to shift me and i went along with it. After a while we moved into the back of the car and decided to have a full on ride. After a bit of messing around i decided to put my manhood in side her. But wait my man hood was to big for her it just did not fit what so ever after 10 mins of trying i give up saying **** this **** i am bringing you home. Never met our spoke to the girl again after that

Count yourself lucky, my manhood is so enormous i can't even fit it inside the car

rgmmg

MrStuffins wrote: »

Worst story so far, in multiple ways!

With a name like Stuffins I thought you might have had some sympathy :pac:

Topper Harley

samapple789 wrote: »

Ok this would have been the worst date ever

Ok was on a dating site for the LoL begin to chat to a girl on it and after 2 weeks we met up. We went for coffee and so on and she asked me will we go on a drive i was like ok. We ended up drive for about a hour in circles and we pulled over for a bit and she went in to shift me and i went along with it. After a while we moved into the back of the car and decided to have a full on ride. After a bit of messing around i decided to put my manhood in side her. But wait my man hood was to big for her it just did not fit what so ever after 10 mins of trying i give up saying **** this **** i am bringing you home. Never met our spoke to the girl again after that

What, you couldn't think of anything else to do?

I can't help but think that after you shtuck it in her, she didn't notice, so you just claimed that you couldn't fit it in.

Snowie

syndeyfife wrote: »

Second!!

classy :eek:

RoundBox11

samapple789 wrote: »

Ok this would have been the worst date ever

Ok was on a dating site for the LoL begin to chat to a girl on it and after 2 weeks we met up. We went for coffee and so on and she asked me will we go on a drive i was like ok. We ended up drive for about a hour in circles and we pulled over for a bit and she went in to shift me and i went along with it. After a while we moved into the back of the car and decided to have a full on ride. After a bit of messing around i decided to put my manhood in side her. But wait my man hood was to big for her it just did not fit what so ever after 10 mins of trying i give up saying **** this **** i am bringing you home. Never met our spoke to the girl again after that

I can hardly imagine how you described yourself on this online dating profile. Hopefully it was slightly more believable than your story

Snowie

Topper Harley wrote: »

What, you couldn't think of anything else to do?

I can't help but think that after you shtuck it in her, she didn't notice, so you just claimed that you couldn't fit it in.

i would of made room :cool:

frag420

Snowie wrote: »

i would of made room :cool:

Someone drives an estate eh!!

cartell_best

I had not one, but two speakers from someone's stereo hit me slap, bang into my head. The thing is, the stereo was placed (for some crazy reason) approx 3 feet over the top of the bed. To this day I can't remember what position I was in for something like that to happen. And more importantly, I can't remember how I managed to put myself into a position like that for it to happpen in the first place!

mauzo

cartell_best wrote: »

I had not one, but two speakers from someone's stereo hit me slap, bang into my head. The thing is, the stereo was placed (for some crazy reason) approx 3 feet over the top of the bed. To this day I can't remember what position I was in for something like that to happen. And more importantly, I can't remember how I managed to put myself into a position like that for it to happpen in the first place!

Are you my brother??? That happened to him too!

cartell_best

syndeyfife wrote: »

Are you my brother??? That happened to him too!

Oh christ, I hope not...otherwise I am f**ked.... don't worry, if you don't have six brothers, I'm not him....ha!

mauzo

cartell_best wrote: »

syndeyfife wrote: »

Are you my brother??? That happened to him too!

Oh christ, I hope not...otherwise I am f**ked.... don't worry, if you don't have six brothers, I'm not him....ha!

I actually do have 6 brothers but 2 sisters as well so I'll let you off :P

Real Life

syndeyfife wrote: »

I actually do have 6 brothers but 2 sisters as well so I'll let you off :P

he never said he didnt have 2 sisters

cartell_best

syndeyfife wrote: »

I actually do have 6 brothers but 2 sisters as well so I'll let you off :P

I have 5 sisters so alls good haha...class!

mauzo

cartell_best wrote: »

syndeyfife wrote: »

I actually do have 6 brothers but 2 sisters as well so I'll let you off :P

I have 5 sisters so alls good haha...class!

No relation so :P

Thargor

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Ended up going on a first date with my mate Jimmy. We were trying to keep it a secret so we went out on the town with another friend of ours (let's call him Outpost)

Im sorry but why the fcuk would we call him 'Outpost'?

full_irish

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

In the throws of passion we threw causing to the wind, her body turned into a human bubble making machine but there as no stopping us!!!

Of all the craicing "quote-worthy" sentences, this has to be the pick of the bunch

Katgurl

The other thread reminded me of this.


It was about a 3rd date with this bloke, going ok so far. We went to cinema and arrived when movie had started. The usher told us he had a number of seats on their own but only two together in the front row. I was dying to see this movie and no way in hell I was having it ruined by a creak in my neck. "No problem with the single seat" I told him, rushing off to the nearest one & telling my date over my shoulder I'd catch up with him afterwards.

I thought (and tbh kinda still do) this was perfectly reasonable but afterwards when we got to know each other better, he told me he was completely stunned and thought this was appalling behaviour.

MrStuffins

Katgurl wrote: »

The other thread reminded me of this.


It was about a 3rd date with this bloke, going ok so far. We went to cinema and arrived when movie had started. The usher told us he had a number of seats on their own but only two together in the front row. I was dying to see this movie and no way in hell I was having it ruined by a creak in my neck. "No problem with the single seat" I told him, rushing off to the nearest one & telling my date over my shoulder I'd catch up with him afterwards.

I thought (and tbh kinda still do) this was perfectly reasonable but afterwards when we got to know each other better, he told me he was completely stunned and thought this was appalling behaviour.

What was the movie?

nucker

cruais wrote: »

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you on a first date?

A couple of years ago, I met a lovely guy on a night out in town. He was a country boy. Anyway, we arranged to go for a drink the following week.

We met up and everything was going great until later in the night, he held my hand.

Me: oh your hands are so soft!
Him: thanks! It's from milking all the cows on the farm!:eek:

I never saw him again.

I don't think because you never saw him again was anything to do with you at all. Nothing to do with him.

who_me

Not much of a 'dater', but I do have one kind-of embarrassing one (fairly tame by the standards of this thread).

Back in my student days a friend and I used to down a bottle of Tequila in a few minutes before heading out to a club ("cheap night out, no need to buy any more drink"). I ended up (barely) standing in the middle of a dance-floor of a club, utterly blotto and smiling to myself when I suddenly noticed a very attractive girl's face on my lips. A very pretty American girl, it turns out, with a stunning figure in a light summer dress. Precisely the kind of girl I normally would not be dancing with and snogging.

Shall we sit down, says she. Of course, said I. Then keels over sideways on the bench and starts vomiting profusely on the floor, does she. Aha.. mystery solved. At this precise point, her friend appears, and sees her friend - who she'd left maybe 2 minutes ago - laid out across a bench, vomiting on the floor, with a strange guy grabbing her hand and grinning happily to himself. She couldn't get out of there fast enough, drunken-vomiting-friend in tow. I was going to help them as far as the taxi rank, but thought better of it.

My favourite 'first date' story though is a friend who - to break the tension on a first date - did the old 'Say Ah' trick. i.e. you say "Say Ahhh" as a dentist might, then - say - touch the person's hand with a hot spoon and they exclaim "Aaah!" and much hilarity ensues. In this specific case, however, the spoon had been in a cup of freshly boiled coffee, and the "Ah" was more of a "AAAAAAHHH" as the metal burnt her skin badly enough it stuck to the spoon requiring a trip to the hospital. They're married now, so I guess intense pain and discomfort works. Start as you mean to continue?

Defiler Of The Coffin

Katgurl wrote: »

I was dying to see this movie and no way in hell I was having it ruined by a creak in my neck.

Jeez, talk about high maintenance :rolleyes:

I'd say you'd nearly refuse an offer of popcorn on the basis of it being too 'common'

Canard

In fairness, no one likes the front row - hence why it was the only bloody option for them. :pac:

Topper Harley

Defiler Of The Coffin wrote: »

Jeez, talk about high maintenance :rolleyes:

How is that high maintenance? Everyone knows the front row in a cinema is shit.

Defiler Of The Coffin

Topper Harley wrote: »

How is that high maintenance? Everyone knows the front row in a cinema is shit.

I was joking. Front row isn't that bad at all though, but then I have a neck like a giraffe.

Topper Harley

Defiler Of The Coffin wrote: »

I was joking. Front row isn't that bad at all though, but then I have a neck like a giraffe.

Then you should be in the back row and stop getting your head in my feckin' way.

Defiler Of The Coffin

Topper Harley wrote: »

Then you should be in the back row and stop getting your head in my feckin' way.

You think that's bad? You should have heard the abuse I got when I leaned back to kiss the Blarney Stone.

Even my Dad was laughing

Paddy Cow

cartell_best wrote: »

Oh christ, I hope not...otherwise I am f**ked.... don't worry, if you don't have six brothers, I'm not him....ha!

cartell_best wrote: »

I have 5 sisters so alls good haha...class!

You have 5 brothers and 5 sisters? That is a lot!

smeghead01

stimpson wrote: »

Is that how you got your username?

haha, no!! has "smeg" ever been used to describe a guys crotch?!

le la rat

Friend of mine bought a box of choclates for his date. unfortunatly his car broke down and he ended up having to hitch hike. By the time he got to her house there was only one choclate left.I suppose one was better than nothing.

cruais

nucker wrote: »

I don't think because you never saw him again was anything to do with you at all. Nothing to do with him.

It was by choice I didn't see him again

smeghead01

i remember on another first date of mine, id say i was about 15, the guy picked me up in his car and we went for a drive.. at one point i asked could i change the CD in his car and he told me what one to put on, one with "good dance tunes". so i put it on and we start t chat which kind of stops and trails off as the song playing was "girls just wanna have fun"..! mortified yer man scrambles t turn it off sayin, "thats the wrong CD, that ones my sisters!" Hmmm.

anyway it was a tad awkward as we didnt really know eachother so we didnt know what to say to eachother, and in a desperate attempt to kill the awkward silence he grabs my hand and holds it and then says...

"you dont paint your nails?"

"Er,. no"

"Really? Never?"

"Em,. nah i never paint my nails..."

"My sister always paints her nails a red-ish kina colour..."

Cue even more awkward silence! It was just very weird!! Needless to say i didnt go out with him again, just ignored the txts till he got the message

cruiser178

Posted this on another tread somewhere but anyway.

Was crazy about this girl years ago, eventually i plucked up the courage to ask her to go to the cinema, couldn't believe my luck when she said yes. So off we go i bought all the usual, taytos, smarties, maltesers (melts in your mouth and not in your hand haha) and two big cokes with straws. I was a nervous wreck, my stomach was doing somersaults. Anyway the lights go down and the movie starts, it takes me about 30 mins to put my hand around her, BUT I DID IT WOO HOO (i was an innocent kid) so time is moving on and i really want to go for the kiss, i take a deep breath and go for it, i leaned in eyes half closed and AHHHHHH, the straw from her coke stuck into my eye, i was half blinded and she nearly pissed herself laughing. Needless to say that was the end of that relationship i couldn't get out of there fast enough.

retroactive

First date - went to see 'Blue Valentine' in IFI. Advice - watching the disintegration of a marraige through a series of flashbacks is not a romantic date.

Second date - Went to see 'Black Swan'. We fight each other for the arm rest and playfully mess about. She bites my neck and I mentally say "Fucckit" and go for the kiss. She says no and I spend the rest of the movie facing thee screen, rooted to the spot, dying inside.

After the movie, I ask why and she looks confused so I went in for it again. An amazing kiss ad an amazing ad confusing relationship. Still can't watch Black Swan though.